Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) Today was my wedding anniversary and he asked for the day off to be with me. Later on he got mad for an opinion I made then he canceled all the plans because of my attitude. After all, he decide to take me out anyways. We didn’t talk that much all day and it was not that special like I wished. I made him a picture with a letter that took me at least an hour to do. He never responded to it or acted like he even cared. At end of the day he got me so mad that I started saying means to hurt him even though I was stlll mad, I said I’m sorry for everything. He never said anything or just decided to not be with me just because he say it .. I don’t know what to do or think any more any opinions to help me with this.
(USA) I think we can all agree to disagree. Not all men deserve this treatment. I for one know it is hard to respect and wait on a man hand and foot, raise 3 kids plus do all chores and be a full time student… then have the so called man talk to other women and be physically AND verbally abusive. Those of you who have great guys, congrats. Those who lack a great guy, well I am right there with you.
(PHILIPPINES) Well, sorry for that, I have also my wife which so opposite to mine. Just try to work for it.
That’s why it is important for women to spread the word to other women and let them know that wives are not the ones at fault for the problems in the marriage. Wives ARE NOT the problem. The problem can be either spouse, but when a man is cold, distant, cheating, rude, non affectionate, and so on, ignoring his wife’s awesome responsibilities that hang at her feet, then this is NOT her fault. She is not the one to do a list of 100 items. THEY BOTH ARE!!
This is the husband who is allowing Satan to control him. Don’t blame a wife because a man wants to be spoiled and have his ego stroked. When in the name of rat’s fart, does a woman have the time to stroke a man’s ego when she is breast feeding a 9 month old and is 4 months pregnant with a 5year old at her knee, and a teen age child needing to be driven to piano practice and all the while she is trying to cook dinner?? Now tell me again who should be doing a list of 100 items.
And what makes the wife blame so much worse, is that people keep scolding and blaming th wives and guess what? Wives are so easily decieved and gullible, and weak, that they fall for this and accept the blame from some so called marriage counselors on the internet.
I know that God is love. I know that he loves wives too. If one spouse is being selfish, cold, unloving, and not helping and supporting the other, then that spouse is wrong. Don’t you women in the reading audience, see that something is terribly wrong with the techniques that counselors tell you all. Think for a minute or two wives, before you blame yourselves.
(PILIPPINES) I read this 100 ways and praying that my wife will do this to me, because I am frustrated at this time, I feel like I’m not loved much by my wife, I feel cheated.. the 100 ways is great stuff, I hope she can search this site…
Do we men apply those 100 ways to our wives? You will frustrate and cause harm to our wives’ hearts. It makes women rebellious when writers and counselors always tell them to do the marriage work. Why are we
always putting this on them? This is not of God. Everything is not about the husband, but about God. God wants us to do these to each other.
I agree to that comment and I love my husband too much. My husband is 28 years older than me and he is giving me a lot of problem. I am 22 and am really tired of the nagging. I really want to get a divorce. What can I do to change him?
You should remains calm and be strong. Nothing is going to get better by divorce. Do things that you love to do, except for cheating. There is no excuse for cheating.
I agree to you Jean. The bible says do unto others as you will like others to do unto you. Love is treating good to each other.
Well, I’m an atheist and I’m amazed by all the Christian women in these comments who seem to hate their husbands. Aside from the religious stuff I see nothing wrong with this list: why wouldn’t you want to treat your husband with love and kindness? Why did you marry him in the first place if you don’t trust or respect him?
As a Christian, I’ve always seen the wisdom in C.S. Lewis’ view that the biggest impediment to the spread of Christianity is Christians. That’s a paraphrase of course, but I believe it fits here.
Not saying that we Christian men are any better. It’s an equal opportunity flaw that doesn’t favor one gender or the other.
The part about “giving him time” to hang out with friends “if they are trustworthy” is a little crazy. If you trust him it doesn’t matter what you think of his friends. If you don’t trust him, you shouldn’t be with him.
Lauren, Yes, if you don’t trust his friends, this WOULD seem crazy. But again, just as the beginning paragraph tells you, these are SUGGESTIONS, not mandates where you have to follow everything that is written here, or any of it. Use your brain, pray, and see what is possible to use if you want to show your husband love his way. Throw away that which doesn’t apply.
Hi, I have the most loving wife in the world. I know she has never read these list nevertheles I did not expect her to be different from what she is. It wasn’t easy to accept some of her stuff but I cherish every moment I can spend with Her. She gave her life to me and that is my biggest responsibility in my life. I will never be able to pay her back for her decision to be my wife. We have 3 children so she has a lot to do BUT she has always made me feel that I’m first and I hope that she feels the same way.
I have one suggestion to all woman: Find out really who you are and what you are! When you start working towards it things will fall in place. People say men and women are different but I think we would not believe how much we are same.
I went through all the comments and noticed a pattern with the people who respond negatively in comparison to the people who respond positively to such an article. The people who respond negatively automatically have a sense of anger behind their words, and the people who respond positively have a sense of peace to their words. The negative people also never read properly through the article because it mentions the list for men to follow. There are also a couple of statements in the list that imply that we should love unconditionally. YES, there are women who have abusive husbands I’m sure and women forget that men have feelings too and it shows in a variety of ways. There are countless men that can also blame women for their bad behavior, but how is this blaming game going to make any improvements in this world.
It is about time we see more articles that focus on strengthening marriages like this one. SURELY people… every person who says their vows and gets married does NOT have the intention of getting a divorce later in the marriage. We ALL want a happy marriage! One of the greatest tests for one’s character is marriage. It exposes your own weaknesses, which can later turn your head to face in the right direction… and you know what… THAT is a blessing. I appreciate this article because it is the start of a step forward. Lastly in light of this article, Ephesians 5 talks about wives and husbands roles, and says about submitting to the husband for God. It is important to know that when you do this you actually are bringing Jesus into your home and into your husband. So whatever his or your mistake/problem is… Jesus will speak to BOTH of you.
Thanks for this list. After almost 20 years of marriage, it’s easy to fall into bad habits. #22 resonates with me along with several others. I am married to a great guy and although he has a hard time with compliments and would probably add 101. Have sex more often to the list, it’s still a nice visual reminder to be a compassionate, concerned and loving wife. :)
Going through your write up, it gave me joy for I have about 30 women I am teaching and it was great. It will help me more.
It’s so good.
Nice.
I agree with some of these things but a lot of it is not realistic for everyday occurrence. I am the sole provider while attending college. He is a stay at home father. I am not complaining. But I think this list was put together for an ideal marriage that does not apply to us. This seems to apply to a “man works woman stays at home” scenario which does not exist for us. I am not complaining, just stating that a few of these things can be impossible considering how little time I already have. The rest would just not be able to be done daily. I must stay focused to provide for my family.
Agreed. I work outside of the home and my husband works from home, so a few don’t apply to us, either. And then there’s the fact that I’m the one who would rather be intimate more often than he does. :-(
Some of them are screaming at me, though, like 68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
Convicting.
You’re so right.
OK, he is a stay at home father. He still deserves your respect, just as women would if she stayed at home! Everyone in the marriage has to work at it, so it can be an “ideal” marriage! These tips should work for both of you, but both of have to work at it. After finals, show him that you still love him, and I bet that he will do the same!
I agree with you, and value the opinion of the others. A marriage as in all relationships, needs to be worked on daily. A marriage is a gift from GOD. it cannot, and will not survive and flourish without nourishment, neither will you. The woman has to show her husband that she loves him. Through GOD’s grace you have found each other. Did you pray for him?
Remember your longing, and sadness as you were alone. Appreciate what you have, roll up your sleeves and get to work. If you’re the one working, and your husband (the father of YOUR children is at home with them) that is a blessing! Appreciate that YOUR GOD given children have the opportunity to spend time with their Father; many do not. You’re also not having to rush about to a childcare center, or take off from work when an illness occurs. Please remember those LESS fortunate, and stop wandering in the wilderness. Eat the manna; love your man. MAKE it work. You will find the strength to do it through prayer to GOD. Source: Married to my soul-mate Terry, father of our 9 children for over 25 years.
This list pertains to the women who do not have careers. I work and I take courses online. I agree that I should not belittle my man and be respectful; however, women often feel as if they should play the role of career woman, mother, (in my case online masters student) while he works an 8 to 4 job, comes home and sits down on the sofa with a beer.
This list of ways to show your husband love is not just for mothers who don’t have careers in my opinion. I have been a gainfully employed mother of two for 14 years. My spouse works a lot less hours however. To me it isn’t about availability…it’s about compromise, love, compassion, understanding and desire to show thanks to God & your spouse for the love, faithfulness and companionship that I have been blessed with!
In no way am I saying that we don’t need our men to be creative in finding ways to show us love. The word of God say’s that we {women} are to be a helpmate…maybe you should make it possible for him to lead and you won’t feel so under pressure to do it!!
In my lowly opinion, women often assume the role of provider because we have very little faith/trust in our men based on our pasts! Dear God, thank you for not loving me that way, because I’d already be dammed to hell if my past were not in the sea of forgetfulness! Give him the proper, positive motivation to be the man God has called him to be…sit back and watch God work!!!! Much prayer much power…little prayer little power!! A family that prays together stays together. Keep in mind the enemy seeks to defile and destroy the family unit…Don’t help him for family’s sake!!!!
I have read comments from the working women stating this list does not apply. I will tell you that it does apply. I work a full time job and have two part time jobs. My husband works a full time job and has irregular over time hours. I find that when I do things to show my love and appreciation he will reciprocate. Married women need to understand that when you chose to make excuses for not showing love instead of giving that love with a joyful heart, you run the risk of allowing someone else to enter into your relationship that is willing to show that attention.
I have seen many relationships get destroyed because the wife felt the husband would never leave. How long do you want him to sit there longing for attention from his spouse that never comes? You obviously landed here because you want a better connection with your spouse. You have already recognized the need. Do the things you can to build a wonderful marriage that includes intimacy and showing of love.
VERY wise words!
Was it necessary to write that many? Do you have a list like that to tell husbands how to love wives their way?
Yes, and yes. Yes, it was necessary to write that many so the husband can have the wife choose her top 5 or 10 or so and he can be more aware of how to show her love in tangible ways that are meaningful to her. And yes, there is also a list for husbands, which you can find in the “Romantic Ideas” of this web site.
Thank you so much for this list. For the wives that are complaining about how long this list is, the list is definitely for you. Being married is all about serving your spouse, and dying to yourself! I know firsthand that’s easier to say than do! I prayed today that God would show me how I could help my husband and voila I found this site! God bless, and thanks again!