Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) This list is what I want to live up to more than any personal goal in my life. I have been blessed with the most wonderful man alive and I am thankful for him.
(FIJI) Thanks for the list. I have been married for the past 8 years to a wonderful man who is also a pastor and I had so many issues when I entered into this marriage. God has used my marriage amonst other things to heal me of all the hurts that I had faced in past relationships. Lately, I have been dealing with some of these issues and was informed of your website through a friend. I am working hard on becoming the kind of wife that God wants me to be to my husband and I want to thank you for all the resources that you have made available to us to enrich our marriage. Thanks.
(USA) Give me a break. I agree with Erin– this is a bunch of crap. Probably religious crap.
(USA) Hmmmmm…. " Probably religious crap." Cheena, did you notice the header at the top of the page says "Revealing the Heart of Christ Within Marriage"? I don’t know, maybe that would be your first clue.
Oh well, when the world thinks communicating, showing respect, caring about the feelings of your spouse, and doing things that makes them feel loved is a "bunch of crap", it’s no wonder that so many marriages end in divorce.
I for one think when we stop thinking so much about ourselves and start thinking about our spouse, we may figure out that God knew what He was saying when he commanded us to love and respect each other.
(S. AFRICA) Why is it always a one way street? I have tried so hard to do all the right things and say all the right words but nothing helps. My husband, after three affairs and ongoing emotional abuse, does not deserve my respect. I would love some kindness and attention from him as well. Does God really want me to live this way? Respect is earned not demanded.
(KENYA) I believe women making your man feel special is a BIG part of holding up your home. If you notice, when you treat him very well and mind his feelings, he treats you well too. Don’t forget to pray for him, that he may find fulfillment in your marriage and that you may always appreciate each other. This is a Great article. God richly bless you.
(INDIA) Hi, this is really very helpful because sometimes we tend to miss out on doing this kind of thing, as it is our human tendency. But this type of writing makes us realise what is missing and that’s it!!! We definitely will try to make up most of the negative points whenever it is possible.
God bless all the couples on earth with happiness and satisfaction of being dedicated to each other for their whole life.
(UNITED KINGDOM) Fantastic! I have had so many fights with my hubby of late and I have been asking God to teach me how to love my husband despite all the issues, we disagree on. He is a fantastic man and a loving and caring husband. But growing up with two different backgrounds and ideals has of late started causing big cracks in our relationship. I have searched myself by reading this tips and found out that I am the one with the bigger problems. I need to sort out so much –especially RESPECT.
Well, I thank God for letting me stumble on this cause I need it so much. I must start to work on my attitude and relationship with my husband. I am highly opinionated and can belittle my husband to drive and make a point. But I am so happy to read this. It is an eye opener for me.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have been married for 1 year and I feel like I was better off single. This is because, I pay our rent & all other utility bills, shop for food and household items, cook and serve and work from an 8.00am to 5.00Pm (sometimes later than that) Mon – Fri & Sat half day. I also support my siblings.
The responsibilities have been overwhelming me so much! I have communicated to my hubby about him helping but all he does is promise to help then go back to his usual routine of not helping. I feel like my hubby is an addition to the list of siblings I was already supporting. Please help. I am beginning to resent him.
(USA) This list is helpful. I am in a rocky marriage but I love him with all my heart when he married me he made a covenant with God to love and respect me “till death do us part”, as did I to him. It is not my Job to make him do that (he will have to answer for that later). It is not his JOB to make me happy but If I can bring some peace to my house and bring Glory to God while making my husband feel loved what is there to lose?
If I lay my happiness in my husbands hands I’m doomed. If I lay my happiness,hopes,cares,dreams wants,needs,and worries in the Lord and simply (as above lists) to obey Gods command to love and respect my husband, I can thrive even though my marriage as a whole is not. And if I continued these practices they can lead to a happier marriage.
(USA) For those who are frustrated by this list or who think that it is unfair to do nice stuff for someone first, you are right. It is unfair. Chances are, if you are angry that someone would even suggest that you do kind things for him, you are probably very hurt. Probably you’ve had needs go unmet, you’ve felt belittled, overtaxed, and betrayed by the very person you want tenderness from. Honestly, I’m very sorry you are in that place. It can seem very dark. If you are broken and hurting, deep down you know that nothing that man can do that will ever be able to fix your feelings. You husband cannot take away that pain.
Beloved, know that there is hope. Jesus has promised that if we come to him and believe that he is able, he will heal our brokenness. Please know, there is a Savior who loves you desperately. He will never leave you or cheat on you or turn against you. He longs to spend time with you and to nurture you until the moment you can be together. I think, at times, the dissatisfaction we experience in our marriages stems from a longing for a Greater Love. Deep down, we as women know there exists and we crave a love that is unconditional, extravagant, and all consuming. Unfortunately our husbands are not equipped for the task. They are not capable of completely meeting our love needs. Good news: Christ is able.
I heard Beth Moore today on Focus on the Family. She mentioned that we are more attractive to our husbands after first having our emotional needs met by Christ. I couldn’t agree more. If my identity is secure in who Jesus says I am, I’m free to lavishly love others in my life.
I’m not writing these things because I live on a puffy pink cloud of unreality, or that I’m a newlywed and I have the luxury of dwelling in that newness of a relationship. I’ve been married for 10 years. We are going through a VERY challenging time in our relationship. He doesn’t even live here right now. I can share these things about the Lord because he has given me a joy and a peace that is irrational. Christ is meeting my needs for tender love in a very dry season of my life. I can testify to the truth of Christ’s unfailing love despite my circumstances.
When my husband returns, and I believe in all faith that he will, someone is going to have to act lovingly. I say, let it be me, for I am already completely loved.
(USA) This list is great! Thanks a bunch. My husband says I don’t respect or show him honor, and that is so not my intentions. I hear all the time "Honor your Husband", but very few actually give examples of how, so this list is a great guide!
(OMAN) You never know men. I do a lot of things to my husband, always sending him love messages, but he could care less about showing his feelings. He loves me but he does not show this at all. Any how, the list will help!
(NIGERIA) Your article is a blessing. I think all women should read it and practice it. it will save a lot of marriages.
(USA) This is great advice if we were Ward and June Cleaver. What happens when he gets off work at 2:30 in the afternoon and I don’t get home until after 7:00 every night …where’s my attention and respect?