Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(UAE) These are the perfect things …that a wife should know.
(THAILAND) I feel sorry for your husband. Remember, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Your husband works hard and you should show him you appreciate it and respect him when he does something wrong, since no one is perfect.
(USA) This was helpful! We have struggled with communucation issues and the list alone has helped with that. Now with actions we show affection so, the words don’t seem to get twisted up as much! Amazing!
(US) WHAT THE HECK IS THIS??? My husband is just another human being not some God like figure that I need to bow down to. When I get home I need MY down time and he should respect that. I didn’t get married to service another and never pay mind to my own needs or putting my own needs on the back burner. Marriage is about having a partner in this life someone to love and laugh with and most certain will tell him “like it is”, if he can’t hear it from you than who? One rules basically says don’t bore him and get to the point, so I don’t sugar coat it. I shouldn’t have to treat my husband like I do our infant.
Ladies we are talking about grown men here. Also there will be NO breakfast in my bed, food belongs in the kitchen and he can get himself up to go and get it. He needs to respect the fact that I am a well educated women with very important roles professional and respect the fact that I wanted to be with him and that is a gift, but I don’t NEED to be with him. Guess what ladies…there are men out there who will not put “rules” on you. If he didn’t like how I was then he should not have married me.
(DUBAI) You stick up to your education and job and we see how long your marriage will go! The Bible tells us about submission and how in return, we will get love from our husbands. It doesn’t mean we are trampled on! I just dont know what else to tell you but with ua arrogance and educated head! sista! Don’t bother getting married, it won’t work.
(KENYA) I am so sad for you Jenny. Someone, please help her understand! People are writing to this website who have over 40 years in marriage, just read what they have to say. You are very far from it! Please someone help! Before another marriage goes down!
(USA) Hi Ivaline, I totally agree with you. Pride has destroyed many marriages. I’m sure there a lot of professional women out there who submit and happily cater to their husbands. They have chosen to apply God’s wisdom in their lives and they enjoy the fruits it yields. One language husbands understand and respond to is respect. If you act in a way that says, “I can make it on my own” don’t get surprised when you are left on your own.
Even if her husband does her wrong, a godly wife knows better than to fight fire with fire. Her battles are on her knees. She obeys God and He helps her.
(KENYA) Thanx Lo, for the prompt response because i just didn’t know where to start telling Jenny she is tearing down her marriage with her own hands, but am praying for her that she may know Christ and that she may become a good wife to her husband.
(US) Very cute! Actually my parents have been married 50 years and my grandparents 60 years. Guess what? Both mother and grandmother are strong independent women, who did what they wanted and when they wanted. Not to say my father and grandfather are weak. Quite the opposite. They are highly educated surgeons.
You see good happy marriages are based on mutual respect not a submissive control over another human being. You have to allow your partner to be themselves and not someone to cater to your needs. Marriage needs space and freedom (trust of course). I feel sorry for the woman who is treated like the family dog with no life outside her husbands…give me a break. Weak women fall into this and those are the women I end up treating and the children who get hurt and witness the humiliation. If a man is threatened by a strong woman that is his problem. No need to get caught up in his insecurities. Find a man who will appreciate your uniqueness and praise you for the wonderful lady you are.
(USA) Why be married to someone who does not want to “help” you? I call all the niceties, fixing meals, doing things for one another “grooming”. Why is someone going to be with someone who will not “help” or “groom” them? It goes both ways, the wives should do it and the husbands should as well. How can this be “odd” or “weak” to anybody?
(USA) Jenny – We DO IT FOR EACH OTHER. That’s the entire point of being married. If you don’t you’re better off single.
(USA) I love this website and it helps a ton, but it kinda irks me that #4 on the list of 100 ways for men to show love to their wife her way says: Show interest in her friends and give her time to be with them.
While this list says: Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy. Why that last part, “if they’re trustworthy”. That line promotes a belief that women should correct and fix their husbands. On the flip-side men aren’t told this because there is a belief in our culture that men are the ones that need to be fixed, not the women. (Men and women are both broken, weak, and imperfect sinners!)
(USA) Hi Chris, So you think a wife should encourage her husband to be with friends that may not be trustworthy? Hmmm… I’m not sure I could do that (if my husband had those kinds of friends). It’s not about men being the only ones “that need to be fixed” where women don’t need to have that done– that’s not the subject covered here.
But I can understand your touchiness about the point you’re making about men and women. The American media and culture often portrays men as the ones who need to be fixed while dismissing much of the women’s behavior. So I give you that. It shouldn’t be, but it happens. Truth is, that oftentimes one spouse or the other tries to “fix” their spouse while overlooking the “fixes” they need themselves. Again, this shouldn’t happen.
Keep in mind that these 100 suggestions aren’t composed to be exact matching lists. And these lists aren’t to be over-analyzed as scientific data to be picked apart or those with subliminal messages. Just glean through them and use what will work in your marriage and don’t use what won’t. If one of these points would bring out destructive behavior, don’t do it. Every marriage has different dynamics going for it. … Sorry for the irking.
(USA) I honestly don’t know what to believe or think. My husband doesn’t respect me. And no matter how nice I am anyways or no matter what I do, it is never good enough. And slowly I’m starting to not respect him either. He has this other house he rents that he runs to when we disagree. He’ll stay there 2 and 3 days at a time holding a grudge and throwing past events in my face. What to do then!
(US) Start living your own life for YOU. Don’t worry about him and even if your heart is breaking or you’re extremely worried, put up a strong front. Go on and act like you don’t need him around (he’s gone anyway). When he gets home, you go out. How he leads the relationship you will follow. If he leaves for days then he is saying that the behavior is ok. So, it’s your turn. What’s good for him, is good for you! When you back away and gain some independence he will notice… then see what happens.
(USA) Men need just as much attention as women! I personally feel good to make my husband’s life as easy I can. In return he does things for me, randomly, and he’s happy to do so. He rubs me, and I do so in return. They need to know how much they are appreciated as much as we as wives need to know how much we are appreciated. Why would your husband appreciate you, if you do nothing for him? Men don’t like to feel like they have to be the tough one all the time, the one who has to do things for you. He needs his time to relax, his time for appreciation, your marriage would be bitter without self respect for eachother and loving to do things for each other.
I think you misunderstood what these statements meant. These are lists for how men can make their wives feel loved and appreciated as well. They deserve just as much as we deserve. The only thing that changes us as people is our sex; men have just as much feelings as women. They may not show it, but they feel it. If you don’t show him love, he will find someone who does.
(UNITED STATES) My heart actually skipped a beat to read such words. I can’t believe that a person (be it woman or man) would have such things to say about their “Best friend”. Every marriage has its problems, it is important to keep focus on the things that matter (each other). I love my husband, that’s why I will always do WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep our marriage and our love together. I appreciate the “reminders” that are offered in the 100 ways to love your husband. Sometimes even if we do genuinely feel a certain way, we often don’t show it, or maybe we think that we are. Please try to look at this a different way. I believe that you do want to help your marriage or you wouldn’t have been on this sight.
(USA) You said you would do whatever your husband wants. I have to ask this question because I am dealing with it. If your husband asked you to have sex with someone else while he watched would you do it? I am dealing with this issue. I have been married for 25 years. Please help.
(CANADA) Never!! When we talk about loving and respecting our husbands, we mean it only in a Godly way, and a Godly marriage requires both spouses to be servants of God and one another. We were given the following advice when we got married: Marriage takes 3 … God and you and me. No one should ever be hurt in a marriage, or forced to participate in unGodly behaviour. I will pray for you and your marriage.
(USA) Please don’t do that. Tell him you only want him. Also, follow God’s loving design to protect you relationship. If you feel comfortable that this would not go public, perhaps let him video yourselves making love, then he could watch that. It would still be only between you and him. Trying to make a better situation out of a bad request. Emphasize your desire for him and him only.
I agree with your reply, KM. The one caution I have to “J” and anyone else who makes videos of yourselves making love (or takes nude photos of each other) is to make sure they won’t get in the hands of someone else who shouldn’t see them — particularly children. My father-in-law took nude pictures of my husband’s mother and had them well hidden… or so he thought. They were SUPPOSED to be for his eyes only. He never considered that he’d have a son who would snoop in places that most normal people wouldn’t go, so he came across the photos. It was not a good experience! My mother-in-law would have been devastated if she would have known about this (she and my father-in-law have since died and neither found out about my husband’s discovery, thankfully).
Also, I came across a relative’s photos of his wife when I was helping to clear things away after this relative died. I don’t know if his wife knew he had the photos of her or not… she certainly didn’t know where they were located because she had me helping her in the location they were located. I’m sure she wouldn’t have wanted me to see them. Fortunately, I found them and not a male relative. Again, I caution you… you may THINK you would be the only one who would view them, but you never know in some circumstances if they are as hidden as you intend them to be.
(PHILIPPINES) I’m a newlywed… and this sure helps. Thanx.
(UNITED STATES) Thanks, this was very helpful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(USA) I agree, but maybe wives are coming to this site to get ideas because they do care and want to do something special for their husbands. Like me for example. I love my husband so much, but sometimes I don’t always know how to show it. Because I love him, there are things on this list, I wouldn’t mind trying. It’s not about being someone you are not, it’s about wanting to do some of these things because you love him and want to.
Of course, you shouldn’t do them if you don’t want to! It’s just giving examples of things a husband might like. You are right though- wives deserve very similar treatment! I wouldn’t mind a foot rub now and then without having to ask for it. I think that’s more of what this is suggesting. Sometimes, they might feel bad for asking… so sometimes it’s nice if the wife offers. I know usually when I do these kinds of things, my husband reciprocates and is more willing to do nice things for me. It’s good to talk about what you want too and to be yourself.
(US) This is the biggest load of crap I have read so far tonight. Marriage is a partnership…where the heck is his list of 100 items he is to do for me in lieu of my 100 items. Christ had a partner he considered his equal, Mary Magdalene, he respected her so much that he praised her preaching. Christ was a true man knowing that a partnership is the only way a marriage works. This rambling only promotes men to be a mommy’s boy having their wives do everything for them regardless if we have a career, school, or lives. Shame on you.
(USA) Sarah, please look at the article, “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way” to answer your question of where “is his list of 100 items” in which a husband can show love to his way in a way she may be able to understand it. It’s not a required list of commandments. It’s a list of POSSIBLE ways to show love. My husband and I and many others have found these suggestions helpful, but if you don’t believe you need any suggestions for your relationship, don’t do any of them. It’s as simple as that.
(DUBAI) Sarah, and where in the Bible will I find that Mary Magdalene was Christ’s partner? I am interested in learning about this new fact. Moving on to the theme of this particular message, there’s nothing for anybody to be ashamed about. Marriage, as you say, is a partnership and its does not involve take, take all the time. You have to give and not expect to receive. It depends on how long, or on what grounds you want your marriage to be built upon. From your text it tells me you regard your husband to be so useless and you wouldn’t even do one of these small things to make your marriage last one day. It’s up to you.
I sincerely pray that: 1. You know Christ in your life and he is the basis for your marriage 2. These are just guidelines, on what we can do to improve our marriages, advice freely given by friends,who seek God’s help to help others in this way of ministry, and I think there are a lot of people who have been blessed and helped 3. On my own behalf and for others who have found encouragement here, I would like to tell Cindy and Steve that I am very sorry on Sarah’s behalf, for her to say ‘shame on you.’ You do a great job. Please let me have those writings back and may the Lord continue using you for his glory in marriages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(CANADA) I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I AGREE TO THE ABOVE WRITING. I CAN RUB HIS FEET ALL DAY LONG ON OUR DAY OFF SO HE DOES MINE. WE ARE MARRIED 16 YEARS. SAME LOVE NEVER GETS LESS BECAUSE IT’S TRUE LOVE AND RESPECT.
(USA) Lilian, A lot of us hope our wives can get to this viewpoint. Many of the others are on a more self-centered point of view. I had to explain to someone that you can be so selfish that you hurt YOURSELF.
(FIJI) I have read this list and seen that yes, a lot of women already do these for their husbands, even I do and I did read the article in the email and recognise that a lot of women feel as if they are stroking their husbands egos all the time … I guess with men it takes more effort with them and they sometimes have to be asked or reminded.
A very close friend of mine, with whom I share my disappointments and frustrations, usually helps me to be more open to the good that my husband does!!! I guess, yes, being humble but also recognizing limits and asking in a kind way is important. Marriage is a constant … you have to keep working on it I guess. God Bless… and Thank you Steve and Cindy. I treasure your emails with marriage messages!!! May God continue to Bless you both!!!
(USA) The reason I came to this website was because of the title. I want to learn how to TRULY and HONESTLY love my husband, as also to please my God. God knows the best way to handle each other. God is love and that’s how I want to treat my husband, even if he gets on the VERY LAST NERVE!!! My husband has no problem showing me how much I mean to him. I blush when I hear it, and I’m a tough lil cookie & guess what yall? I want to do that in return. He’s actually better at showing love than me, so why not give God the try to show me how to love him, like HE would like me to. He knows the end results. I read some bitter and harsh comments on here. JUST LOVE & for those who don’t have it all down yet, SEEK LOVE… can’t go wrong!