Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) I am getting married in March and we have a 50-50 relationship but use this as a referral list You can change it a little to be towards wifes and other relatives. Life is a learning experience and every little lesson helps.
(USA) Been married 25 years. Marriage is awesome when you give your husband your 100%. The Bible says, do all things as unto the Lord. My marriage was tough the first 10 years but I always tried to keep in mind to love my husband like he was my Jesus. And do you know what? It works. I am happier now than I was when we were dating. No regrets here. No looking back. My service to God is first, then to my wonderful husband.
(KENYA) How wonderful to hear you dedicate 100% to your husband. In my culture, we are trained to be good wives from a young age. I am glad my upbringing is contributing a lot to my marriage. I am married to a wonderful European man for the last three years. We have an amazing life together. I treat my husband like my God, He is my lord on this earth! It does indeed work to give your all. I try to spice up my marriage in different ways:
1) When he comes from work, I am always home (I am a businesswoman, I run my business from my home). I make sure I clean up, fix my hair, wear tidy, clean, clothes (I mostly wear lovely, shapely dresses in wonderful colours), wear wonderful perfume, put light makeup and shinny lip gloss on to give him a nice sticky kiss! And I smile, hug him big and long, take his suite case and coat. I bring him cold homemade fresh juice. I ask him how his day was. I just listen to him. I do not raise any issues I have heard during the day until after dinner- I usually summarize it to 5 minutes only. I then leave him alone for the next hour (he normally goes to have a shower, then relaxes in our cozy living room listening to music).
2) While he’s relaxing, I start preparing dinner, setting the table – I always have different flowers and we have candle lit dinner with soothing African music in the background.
3) After dinner, we normally sit on the veranda admiring the wonderful African sky, having a drink, laughing and just relaxing!
(USA) Your comment made me cry. You see I was engaged to an incredible man that I truly felt God had made him just for me but I didn’t handle him with care. I didn’t respect him at all. In my eyes he was a weak man. When in reality I was the weak soul. He walked out on me when I was pregnant because he couldn’t handle the disrespect or name calling. Since he left I joined a great loving parish that has taught me how to love and respect. He is back just to be a part of our daughter’s life.
Yet, now I treat him with kindness and respect. I listen to him patiently. I write him little positive notes when he comes over to see our baby. He told me he sees the change in me and that I am an amazing woman. He asked if he could attend Sunday Service at my parish and I gladly invited him to. I did a whole 360 when I found the Lord.
As for Gabe and I, only the Lord knows if we will ever get back together. Gabe told me he hasn’t closed the door on that possibility but right now we should only concentrate on filling our inner voids with the Lord’s love.
(US) If you follow this list, then who is taking care of the wife? If she works full-time, half of these suggestions could never apply without the wife dropping dead from exhaustion. I agree that it can be used for each partner but it seems from these comments we are to bend over backwards for him only.
(AUSTRALIA) Carolyn and those who have tried it are a testament that if you give 100%, you will reap a rich, fulfilling relationship. But bear in mind, there are relationships that are a different kettle of fish. These ones cause so much crisis and damage, and it is those caught in these that search the web or other places for desperate answers. To those who are involved with a spouse who mistreats, dominates or controls him/her, giving 100% does not solve anything.
That’s why you get two sets of comments -those who can’t understand why others don’t just respect and sacrifice, thinking that THAT is the cause of the problems. In abusive/violent relationships, whether the abuse is physical, emotional, spiritual or financial, what you do does not change the dynamic because the other person is disordered. If the person is broken due to childhood issues, you can support unconditionally and help them sort through and put the anger back at the original target in order to sort of lies from truth and re-arrange their thinking, if they are willing. However, some are wired differently and from childhood, nature and nurture have combined to raise a sadistic, callous, unempathetic person who doesn’t present that way initially. Supporting these types of people unconditionally will wreck you and your faith. That is not God’s will and false guilt should not be heaped on these victims for failing at their marriages.
It would be such a wonderful thing when the church, and society in general, begins to understand the injustices and travesty that happens behind closed doors. (Mostly they suffer in silence but they will search for answers where they think they are safe – the internet is one of them.) We puzzle and despair at the broken relationships around us, and we know it ought not to be so. So we try to redouble our efforts at fighting the dark forces against marriage, preaching harder and harder against worldly and humanistic ideas about relationships. This is wonderful because it brings awareness and knowledge into how to help relationships flourish. Being unselfish, forgiving, kind, sacrificial – what better gifts could you offer your spouse.
Yet, marriages still break down. Again, this is because in many cases, people have tried very hard, but it is not the devil who is breaking down something whole, it is God rescuing broken down lives penetrated by the evil of a person given to evil ways.
None of the comments involve what Jesus calls the individual to do when in a difficult situation with one of these people you describe as sadistic. I understand your angst in wanting to defend those whose marriages don’t survive. Who would want to pile more pain on them? But I do believe that only Christ can be relied upon when it comes to whether a situation could turn good with His help. The Bible says Nothing is impossible with the Lord. Most who are in flailing marriages, though the situation may be a total nightmare to them, would like to know that if Christ walks alongside them in marriage restoration, anything is indeed possible!
(USA) Ya, just a list of… you make women feel like they are the ones responsible. REALLY!! Where’s the list for men? Men are supposed to love their wives like Jesus loved the church. All I saw was women loving their man. I say when my husband loves me like Jesus, I will be his Mary M.
(USA) Shelly, How hard did you look for the list? https://marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
When the article is titled 100 ways you can love your husband his way, chances are pretty good it’s going to be tips for those wives who desire to show love to their husbands in the ways he’ll best experience that love. The existence of this article does not preclude the list I’ve linked that gives husbands some ideas as well.
Frankly, women ARE responsible for showing love to their husbands, just as men are responsible for showing love to their wives. Since one cannot control what another person does, or doesn’t do, and only has control over their own actions, perhaps you would consider this list in the spirit it was intended, as one of two articles, this one being aimed at wives who desire to honor God by showing love to the husbands.
I suspect most husbands want to experience the love of their wives differently than a child wants his mother’s love, or a wife wants her husbands love, hence this list.
(USA) Sorry you missed the scripture in Ephesians 5:21 & 22 where it says “submit to one another, out of reverence for Christ.” I pray God will change your cold heart.
(USA) AMEN SISTER!!!!
(USA) Oh Honey… I was thinking the same as you… a two way street!!! I totally agree. If I’m going to be making money and supporting the family, he has to accommodate me just like I do to him!!!
(USA/BRASIL) The Bible tells us that to honor God, we should respect our husbands. It also says that husbands should love and respect us. This happens to be an article about the many ways you could go about doing that. I am sure that whoever wrote this doesn’t do every suggestion each day.
One thing I have learned is that if you demand respect from your partner you are a lot less likely to recieve it. Rather show your partner respect and your partner will probably follow suit.
It becomes a childish power struggle if you put a condition on your respect and kindness. For instance, consider the following two arguments – one is a sister and brother the other is a husband and wife: “I won’t say sorry unless they say sorry first.” or “I am not cleaning this room until they start cleaning something around here.”
Many of us have a tendency to carry this attitude around with us because we feel like we aren’t appreciated enough. Usually this feeling makes us appreciate others less, causing them to feel unappreciated which makes them show us even less appreciation and the cycle continues – or that person decides to stop the cycle and shows more appreciation to us and we in turn, feel better and are able to pass those positive feelings back and forth between each other.
I have seen countless marriages fall to pieces because of this cycle and I am determined to keep it from entering my marriage so I love this list. I might even print out the other one too for my husband to read ;)
(SOUTH AFRICA) I’m married for 4 yrs, have known my hubby for 10. For the 1st 9 yrs, I always thought it’s his responsibility to make me happy (which God says it is), but we always argued about everything, abused each other verbally, physically and emotionally. But I had to learn the hard way (for God works exactly like a good father would when teaching you life’s lessons). His way of teaching us can be very challenging, ’cause He makes us see ourselves as we truly are, that when you give all of yourself WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN, you are more powerful in effecting change in your home.
If you don’t want to live a godly life, I’m sorry, nothing will change. No list for your hub will make a difference. Submit to the One who ordained marriage and you’ll be a happier person. If your husband is not doing his part, PRAY FOR HIM, and FORGIVE HIM IMMEDIATELY!
God is blessing me so much this past year because I took this advice from a complete stranger on a website ;-)
(USA) I’m right there with you Shelly. Unbelievable. Treat your husband like baby Jesus and he can be rude and inconsiderate as and when he pleases! Cut the crap, Really!
(ALASKA) Shelly, God never intended for our love to be conditional. “If I get X, then I will give Y.” I know from 15 years of experience, that if you love your husband freely and without conditions, trusting in the Spirit of God to help you overcome your personal limitations, your husband will blossom into a very loving, considerate man. You will become what God created you to be, and you will help your man become what God created him to be. Try it in faith!
(USA) My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married 7 of them. He is the most loving, unselfish, giving, kindhearted, and wonderful man I have ever known. God sent him to me when I needed him the most, but I wasn’t kind to him in the beginning. I was very head strong, controling, and just down right mean and hateful to him.
Now that I look back at things, I am amazed that he stuck it out and married me. If I were him, I wouldn’t have. Now that I have given my life to God, I see that I should have been serving not only God, but my husband, as well. God knew that I was lost and he sent my husband to show me the way. By my husband sticking things out with me, I have changed and given my entire self and life to God.
I think that is where most women now a days goes wrong in their marriage. They think that they need to be the head of the relationship, when it is the opposite. Men are made to be the head and our protectors. We should not only respect that, but encourage it. We should serve our husbands in every way possible to show our appreciation for all that they do. We should never fail to thank God for all that he has done and will do.
Never ask why is there only a list for women and not the men. Never ask why, just do and be thankful for all that you have and all that God will bring you when you serve Him.
(USA) Do you know what Jesus does when his church disobeys him? Have you read the Bible? If you are a feminist, don’t be using that example because obviously you should “love your husband as yourself”…
I have found that as a woman, we are mean without knowing it and then we blame our husbands. For example, we blame the fact that we have to work on him, even though it is our choice to work. Then we give him the cold shoulder to punish him, not realizing that he is too nice to ever do that to us. You have to realize that men have feelings too, their brains just aren’t as good at finding the vocabulary to express them. And women’s brains aren’t as good as stuff like direction and location as men’s. We need to be gentle with men, that’s the only way they will be happy.
(USA) This is why marriages are dying today… A majority of the comments on here are nothing but selfish and self centered. Thank God in Heaven, Jesus wasn’t that way or we would all be paying for our sins in a VERY unpleasant way. It truly upsets me how some of you respond out of such anger that, “How dare someone tell me 100 ways to maybe help my marriage by loving and RESPECTING my husband!”
God expects from us to love and submit to one another. What is sad is that they have to have this list to coach us because of the selfishness of spouses. God is just and you only answer for you, not your spouse. So what is the hurt in trying some of these things? These things could save a marriage, soften a heart and maybe even lead a spouse back to Jesus because of the love you are showing from both lists.
NO where in this list did it say to bow down to or be a walking mat… it says to show your husband love through some of these simple, yet loving ways. No one is taking away from the fact that you are a hard working woman, but can I be honest? All of us are undeserving. We live in a broken world, but think about what it would be like if we all tried to love that unconditional love like Jesus. Just a few of these tips could turn your marriage around and if it is good it could get better!
I don’t remember saying my vows to my husband and including, “For richer or poorer, sickness and in health, better or for worse… and if you do this for me then I will love you, but if you mess up I’m done trying! Oh and I expect you to do things for me in return when I show you love and respect!” You set yourself up for a lot of disappointment when you have an attitude like that.
Instead, love your husband with everything you have and respect and submit to him because that is what God calls you to do, not because your husband deserves it, but because that’s how God designed marriage. God Bless! Just to refresh your memory… Eph. 5:21-33
(USA) Amen Shelley! BTW, just received this email from my husband. Gag. I would gladly treat a man this way if it worked both ways.
(USA) Here is the list for the men to read :) : https://marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
(NZ) I so agree this list is a bit sexist in this day and age we are not all slaves to me! reserve energy fro when he wants you sexually ! the cheek of it we are not objects ,
(USA) When you give of yourself, it is given back a hundred fold. and there is a list for husbands as well. When someone is treated well, they will respond in kind. Someone has to begin. Pay it forward and see what happens.
(USA) The thing is, when we are asked in Heaven about things… we aren’t going to be asked how the other person performed. We ARE RESPONSIBLE for our actions and reactions, including those towards our hubbies… I have found that when we show honor to our husbands, they tend to cherish us. It may take time if we have had a track record of not honoring our men for it to happen, but we are supposed to love our husbands and serve those around us using Christ’s example of servitude. If this is the case, then in application towards our husbands, even if they don’t return or acknowledge the fact that we are honoring them, we must continue to do so.
If Christianity was based on a “You do for me, then I’ll do for you” basis, we would be no different than the world. As it is though, the Bible teaches us to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…” (Matthew 7:12), and this carries over into our marriages as well. Should our spouses do the right thing and be good to us without prompting? Yes… but are we let off the hook for not doing it even if it isn’t returned? I think not… I do suppose though, that we will just have to keep looking to the Word for how WE should behave… Be blessed!
(BRITAIN) I believe that the person who wrote this list has to be a male. I won’t say a man. because a man would never allow a woman to be a door mat for him in this way. Life is give and take, this is not from the Bible, no Bible would allow this. Yes women are the core of a family and any relationship, but this is too much. And yes, where is the list for How to Treat the Wife????
Any decent woman, would love her man more than what this list says, IF and only IF she is loved the same way. It’s about meeting half way. He gives me love and respect, I give him the same back. He respects my family, I respect his. If he chooses not to respect ME and my family and friends, then he will have no place in my life. Not even as a door mat! Simple as that.
I am happily married with 3 beautiful girls. My husband came from a very rural area of Lebanon. He was like a cave man. But our love was bigger than all of those differences between us. I brought him into my city world and educated him and showed him how he can be a civilized person without losing his belonging and culture. He’s a changed man and he has learned to love and respect me, unlike the way his dad treats my mother in law. He has learned to become British and keep his Lebanese traditions.
If any human loves the other, and the other respects and appreciates that love, then it’s a happy ending for sure.
(USA) People often say marriage is 50/50. I believe both people should bring 100/100. It shows your spouse that you are 100% invested in the marriage, in good and bad times.
(USA) Teressa, I really like your idea of each giving 100%!
Personally, I am an atheist but was looking for ways to connect with my future husband in a way that is good for him, not just me. Although some of these suggestions are sexist I like the spirit it
was written in and it reminds me that treatig your husband the way you want to be treated is not always the best way to approach things; I’d love to talk for a hour about our day, but after a long hard day at work he would probably rather I keep it shorter and just spend time being with him like the article suggests.
(CANADA) Congrats on your recent marriage! My husband and I were married last August. After reading your comment I wanted to pass on the most important message I’ve learned about marriage.
Our priest told us this and I believe it to be true. He said: “Nowadays we hear people say that ‘a successful marriage needs equal contribution between the husband and the wife. It’s not the ice age anymore and both people need to contribute equally. 50-50.’ That may sound nice, but a marriage that is striving for 50-50 is likely to FAIL!!! A marriage is NOT 50-50. It is a 100-100!
Live that, and your marriage will be strong and last a lifetime.” I hope his words will direct and strengthen your marriage as much as it has ours. I wish you the very best. God bless.
(GEORGIA, USA) I agree 100% with Danielle’s comment. Thank you Danielle, for having some common sense and logic. I am a Christian and because of that I believe in fairness.
The advice for women: Give him a “HALF AN HOUR” to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable.
The advice for men: Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him “A FEW MINUTES” with the children.
So men get 30 minutes time to relax and women get only a few minutes to relax?
The advice for women: Work to keep yourself in shape “IN EVERY WAY.”
The advice for men: Keep yourself in “AS GOOD A SHAPE AS REASONABLE” so she’s proud to be with you.
HAHAHAHAHA. These lists are so obviously one sided and geared to primarily benefit men. Only an idiot with 3 brain cells wouldn’t realize this is completely sexist and ridiculous.
(USA) First of all you are starting with the wrong percentage. Marriage, or any relationship is not 50/50 it is 100/100 percent. You never want to go into a relationship lacking 50% on either party your relationship will suffer.
(USA) You sound like a very angry person. It’s not that the list is telling you how to act, it is suggesting different tactics to make your marriage stronger. You can use the list on wife–husband or even a family member. My future husband was in a marriage for 20 years for his kids. Sadly time took time and we learned and grew together. It’s not that you treat husbands/family member with gloves, you learn their end as well.
(USA) I was resonding to Erin. She sounds so angry and I think this list will help me to become more bonded with my future husband. As I said earlier, my future husband stayed married for his kids… so I want to learn and grow with him. As a matter a fact, I am going to print this and share it with him as it can be used for anyone, really.
(UNITED STATES) This is by far the best list about how men should be treated that I have ever read. There were so many good things in this list that really spoke straight to me and made me think of the way I have (or haven’t) been treating my husband. Thanks for the great article, I will be putting these ideas to work immediately.
(USA) I think you should try not to call it crap. Men need their feet rubbed as well. If you read what he said about women you would not say what you just said.
(UNITED STATES) Look, it’s not crap. I am 19 years old and I am getting married in May. My boyfriend is 18 and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I am the best thing thats happened to him. We do everything together and we love it. Love is a wonderful thing… just respect your man and youll get the same in return. LOVE YOUR MAN LADIES…. have God by your side too.
(UNITED STATES) If love came naturally to all of us then God would have left out His command for us to love one another….
(USA) Very good point.
(USA) That’s why you’re having problems now.
(LESOTHO) Thank you very much for these ways of keeping my spouse happy and caring for me. Marriage is very important and should be honored.
(USA) I pretty much think Erin is right. Wives pander to their husbands fragile egos, slaving to boost their self-perception while managing 500 other aspects of married life at the same time. The responsibility of a happy marriage Nd family life befalls the woman so much more heavily than the husband while he reaps the reward of appearance and stability. I’m pretty much sick of the inequities. Men are unchallenged in so many ways that a woman must compensate and sacrifice for… and based o. The comments, it sounds like that’s still the acceptable expectation. Welcome back 1950’s. 100 ways to please your man or hold yourself accountable when he walks out.
(USA) Check the stats, most men DON’T walk out. Most divorces are filed by women. Most of those divorces are a woman kicking out a man who is neither unfaithful, nor abusive.
If you don’t want to love a man the way he wants to be loved, then do him a favor and don’t marry him. Love is about doing and giving to others, not about getting one’s own way. (See 1 Corinthians 13.) So if you resent loving your husband his way, then you are not really practicing love.
(CANADA) So Right. Men have hearts too. They have feelings as well and we should always cherish them. Women have extreme hormonal problems and sometimes without even realizing it we hurt them deeply. Well, good luck to all.
(USA) You’re right. I shouldn’t have married the man I did. Five times I tried to break it up but he kept stalking and badgering me. I was 18 and away from my family so I thought it was easier to marry him and maybe things would get better. I thought I just had to accept him and do those things that are in the 100 list.
Now, after 20 years of marriage, I can say that I have done all 100 things on the list, some often and on a consistent basis.
He has been unreasonable with the family with his demands. He is easily rejected and hurt. My children have been deeply affected, with most of them being rejected and even physically beaten in anger. At those times, I cannot do much because he wants my support and even our pastors have advised me not to disagree with him because “men don’t like it”.
Now I am afraid that I will be in trouble with the authorities if they find out that I didn’t do anything about the child abuse. My oldest is prepared to make reports now that he is old enough.
Meanwhile, I still try to please him and do the right thing, while gently trying to get him to see what we are concerned about. He won’t listen, or he listens then blows up if I bring it up again because he doesn’t do anything.
(USA) This article has a lot of wisdom that you can only see once respect and love are deep in your marriage. I am so delighted to read that other women share my point of view, and I have much to work on because I adore my husband who adores me, too!
(CANADA) Thank you for this amazing list. It is really helpful to know which things I should improve and which I have done wrong. I am not married, but will be soon. He loves me a lot and he dies to protect me. He is the best person I could have ever met.
And all guys who respect women should deserve kindness from their wives/their loved ones. A woman has the power to make her house heaven or hell… So my prayers go for all married women and for future wives. May God give you a healthy and joyful life.
(USA) Hello. No women should not, but you are expected to want to do these things for them out of love. If you took some time to look at the list for men, it’s recommended they try and do the same things. A relationship is a mutual thing, both sides should be committed to do something for their marital partners, not out of responsibility, but out of love. Women need to make their partners feel wanted. And the same goes for men. If you don’t want to do anything for your husband, then why do you think he should want to do anything for you?
(USA) This is pretty straightforward.
(USA) I can honestly say, I wished I would have had this list before. I have been married almost 28 years and our marriage is at its all time worst. I have not done so many things on this list for my husband and paying the price for it now. Men do have feelings. Never ever not defend your spouse or disrespect him. It has made a mess for me because of these very things.
(USA) I understand to defend your husband to others but what about him defending his wife? He should do that shouldn’t he? And what if he doesn’t? What is the wife suppose to do? Just take whatever is being said about her? My husband hasn’t defended me and we have been together for 13 years. I have been abused by everyone from his mother to his kids (step) and he has never said a thing to anyone even when I confront him with it. He always turns it around to make it out to be my fault. But he will stand behind them 100% and leaves me out to dry.
So ask Dave Ramsey what he thinks about that.
(UNITED STATES) Chris, I am sorry that you feel this way. I imagine it is hard to be in a relationship with someone who does not support you. May I suggest something to you? If you are a Christian, give it to God. Let Him be your defense. You have nothing to prove to anyone! Respect your spouse and his mother. A man will never take kindly to someone bad mouthing his mom.
It is important that when you speak to him about this that you’re both calm and speak in LOVE. If perhaps you changed the way you approach him regarding his mom and step kids it would make him more likely to listen. Perhaps you can say this: “Baby, I love you so much and I want us to grow closer to each other. I appreciate it when you do… (fill in the blank) and I can’t thank you enough. I love your family because they are a part of you and I want to grow close to them also. But I have to admit that it’s been difficult getting to know them. At times I feel as though they’re pushing me away. And their comments about me really hurt. I really need your support in this. Can you please help me find ways that I can communicate with them that they will receive? I would really appreciate it.” Don’t make out to be that his family is your enemy. Try it, you never know, even if you’re not a Christian.
(USA) I am not sure how to take this list. I am the “bread winner” in the family. I pay the bills, I make sure the house is clean, I buy the groceries and make dinner. I guess I feel like if I am to do all of what is within the list to keep my husband happy that I will become exhausted and resentful.
I want to show my husband respect but don’t you think that we also deserve these same things? If I get home from a long hard day working to keep food on the table and to allow him to buy what he wants, don’t you think he should be letting me know how much he appreciates what I do for him? Don’t you think I deserve a back rub? I am also the one that initiates date nights and I am involved in his activities and show interest but he doesnt do the same for me.
Don’t I deserve this as well, and if I don’t, why not? I would love to have sex with my husband much more than we do and I try and let him know as much as possible. But again, when do I get some of the benefit from all of this? I am just tired of feeling like it is my job to keep him happy but yet I am just supposed to take it as it is. I have needs, I have wants. I guess I should have just been born a man to be able to deserve the same respect that is displayed in this list. Bummer…
(CANADA) In your case it seems as if he does nothing and keeps taking from the relationship. That must be exhausting for you. You two need to sit down and have a serious talk about your marriage. Marriage is about give and take in a balanced way and it should focus on a win-win situation. It seems that something is wrong in the way he perceives marriage.