Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(CANADA) I agree with many of these suggestions as long as they are used to build up the marriage relationship. Others, however, might not work to build up the marriage. For example, the one that refers to husband’s biological family. Depending on every situation, in some cases a close relationship with the biological family might hurt a marriage especially when husband’s mother doesn’t have the best interests in mind regarding her son’s marriage.
In our case, his mom doesn’t like me and tried everything she knew to make us divorce or at least separate somehow. She was verbally abusive towards me several times and tried directly and indirectly to hurt our relationship. In our case the best way to deal with his mother is to keep her at a distance and protect our marriage.
(USA) What a mysogonistic load!!!
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
You have GOT to be kidding me!!!
(UK) Fine, this is just a guideline to the supposed happy couple. But sadly, it’s not going to help an inch to me (and many other women perhaps). I wish men would change their ways and begin to treat us like their important ones too. What wrong have we done to them really? Personally I know no more love in my heart. I don’t feel it anymore. Sex is terrible, I only pretend to be good with it. Men are real animals and I can never please them!
I often want to walk out of that marriage coz he hurts me everyday. But I don’t know why I hang on really. Maybe I just hope everyday that things will change but he’s a very stubborn and abusive mate. I dont know how it will all end; it just hurts me so much. I hang on for my daughter but I’m also scared coz I don’t want to end up in a mess coz of AIDS. I just pray that God protects me.
(USA) LINDA, Your spouse should treat you like the center of his desires. You would be treated as important and he would value how he comes across to you. It is not necessary for men in general, to change their ways. You may have just been with the wrong one. Perhaps there is something that draws you to a man like you have chosen, but over time there are personality traits that make you feel like you do today.
Your husband should also be interested in pleasing you. So even if he is an animal in the sack, he is an animal in the sack pleasing you.
(UK) Linda, if you calmly have a conversation with your husband and let him know how you are feeling, without blaming him, and his behaviour escalates, so you end up walking on eggshells, you are in an abusive relationship. Read as much as you can about it – there are many links on this site.
You ask what wrong you have done – it has NOTHING to do with you. The problem is his – he has a different reality. For a real eye-opener, get a hold of “Survivors of Verbal Abuse Speak Out” by Patricia Evans.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi, I have been married for 13 years and the marriage always had issues. I left home 4 times and still came back to my husband. We don’t have any children. In the span of 13 years, I’ve had 4 miscarriages. I love my husband with all that I am, I know we have lots of issues and right now he is so cold to me, cause I left him again, but he was just unreasonable. He wanted his space and I gave it to him. I am 34, and last year he insisted on sleeping in his own bedroom, so he did and now that I have come back home again, he says this marriage is over and still insists on sleeping in another room.
You are asking me how do i survive, I pray… I HAVE READ AND READ AND READ a book by Stormie O Martin,The Power of A Praying Wife. And I believe God has intevened in my life to even allow me back home. I also treated him well, made his breakfast, lunch, supper, looked after our beatiful home… I just don’t know what else to do… he says that he does not love me anymore!!!
(USA) If you are treating him well consistently and over a long period of time, and you still get this treatment – it’s very likely he is in the midst of an affair. Don’t be ignorant about it. Go to http://www.divorcebusting.com for advice on saving your marriage in this case. The solutions include taking good care of yourself, and usually breaking up the affair.
(USA) You have a good point. I thought like that up until I got married and noticed that if I didn’t give him my all he didn’t either. It should always be even. Right now I’m extremely happy with my husband he gives me EVERYTHING I want and I ALWAYS get my way!!! That’s because I give him the same thing. Honestly if the love is there, there is nothing wrong with pampering your husband once in a while especially if you want it from him.
(USA) First of all women, as a man I have checked out the women’s list and educated myself. I have always understood that a large portion of marriage is what I can “give” to my wife. It’s not always material items, but kindness, time and love.
I didn’t want to get myself into trouble with you, but I was wondering what Anacely is meaning “especially if you want it from him”? Are you saying many women understand that they will get “it” from somebody else? I don’t know what you mean and it’s why I’m asking.
(INDIA) Hello, My marriage was held 5 months before. After a week my husband start to ignore me. I always tried my best to find out the reason. I asked him so many times about the problem. I even discussed this with his mom when I felt that the situation was out of my hands.
With time this problem has become a big one. Now we never talk with each other from last 3 months. I’d send him e-mails but he’d never give a reply. What can I do? I respect him, love him so much. His family is in my support and they know he is wrong. Even my parents call him but he never attends the phone. I’m with my parents and he is in abroad with his family (parents).
(USA) Ok, here I am searching on the computer because my husband’s birthday is coming up and I want to do something special and new for him. Yes, I always do special things for him regardless, but I know he loves his birthday. I came across 100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way. I will first contend in bold ‘HIS WAY.’ It is the most selfish title to begin with. If you love your husband ladies YOU COMPROMISE and NOT SACRIFICE!
OMG I am 23 years old, married for 2 years and together for 6 years. The prehistoric age is obsolete, men no longer hunt and women stay at home. Both women and men have to work hard. Some of the 100 ways are super excellent while some are extremely horrible. If you women like to be housewives, well stay there and do your job but remain happy and NOT IN SILENT MISERY. #62 is —!!! excuse me? I must be tired and not in the mood but give it up? Thank GOD for my husband, even though everything broke loose to get him to be understanding and think 50/50.
Yes he cooks, clean, do laundry and help me or we take turns. Feels good when I come home to a hot meal and a smile too. Just the same when I cook for him. Men are no babies! Treat them like one they will be one. Treat them with respect and raw honesty; a real man, they will be one. I cannot believe that women actually want to adopt a life time grown man – baby. My man treat me well because I didn’t stand up to foolishness, I decided if I am going to spend a life time with him then I must be comfortable. Oh yeah he felt the same way too and that’s why we compromise and agree together!
If you think being a good wife is all about giving your 100% to make your man stay with you and love you more. Ladies, you are wrong, men do like challenges, tease, and strength. Not give as I ask, cry if am sad, submissive and puny. Like wise we like them to be big and strong, a cuddle teddy bear at the end of the day.
(USA) Hahahaaaa at treating your man as a “God”. Seriously? This website is hilarious. I love my husband and we say it constantly, to each other. But we are equals. If I worked all day I would not bend over backwards to do more work when he gets home by having dinner perfectly ready, etc. This is very bad for your self confidence when you sacrifice time to yourself to relax after working as a “businesswoman” all day then working to be his wife at night. In time it will breed resentment because you aren’t putting any of your needs out there. Relationships are give and take not give give give, with no reciprocity. I feel bad for some of you.
(USA) I have read the entire article and every single comment, and I must say I’m shocked.
At first, the list offended me but I had to remind myself that I googled and I’m here to fix my marriage. Why am I so offended? Because it’s telling me that I was wrong. It’s a slap in the face that I needed. I was searching to find confirmation that our marital problems are his fault. They’re not ALL his fault. I haven’t given him the right kind of respect so he’s not going to love and respect me back.
There are several books that explain the intricate design of marriage. It’s simple: Men need respect, Women need love. If you’re too proud to respect him and stroke his ego, then you shouldn’t expect lavish date nights, pampering, romance, and his “need” for you in return. I’m not too proud to do some of these things to stroke my husband’s ego. It’s part of his design and his needs. Some things are unrealistic in our case (I don’t cook. I hate to, but he loves it.) So I tweak them. I use other ideas. But the fact still remains, he needs to feel adequate and what better way to do that than to use this list for a few ideas.
Just an observation: all of the negative comments came from the US. Are you aware that the United States LEADS in divorce rates? That’s something to be said. It’s ok to be strong-willed and somewhat independent. It’s not asking you to enslave yourself. It’s telling you to love your husband and show him respect so he can be the best servant to God he can be. Someone created an interesting analogy about our relationships. A marriage is like a triangle with God at the top. The closer you move towards God, the closer you move towards each other. Like it or not “submission” is God’s plan for females. But it brings great rewards when understood and applied correctly. It’s the same formula used in Biblical teachings. Submission is what Christians practice when they give their lives to Christ. Maybe those of you who have a problem with submission to your husband should re-evalute why you two married in the first place, or more importantly, your relationship with Christ…
(USA) Hello All, I truly believe that treating your husband like a King and honoring him is what should be done. However, when your husband does not display honor it can distort your approach. I am a mother of 6, business owner with my husband, flight attendant, President of a national women’s organization, Chairperson of a comittee that tends to 1,000’s of women and I am completing my PhD.
I still find time to love and date my husband REGULARLY, and he in return tells me I think I’m a miss “know it all,” and the latest was, that he is so sick of me hiding things behind his back, what things Im not sure….but how much should a woman take?
Oh, I failed to mentioned the late night calls to many women he claims he just “talking” to at 2 and 3 am!!!! Be submissive and loving, not a fool like I have been. Yes, I love him dearly, but my God I don’t know what more a woman can do. I must also add that I’m very classy and in shape so that is not his excuse, I don’t know what is, other than “he’s just not into me!” God bless each of you and good luck.
(USA) I sure hope your marriage gets better if you are married. If you aren’t I sure hope your attitude changes before you do or else you will be miserable… It’s obvious that you have been hurt in your relationship. Please, for the sake of yourself, start to love yourself again and then you will be able to love your man.
(UNITED KINGDOM) I have been married for 2.5 years and have 2 children. We have had our troubles. I suffer from depression and i find it difficult to show my husband that I love him. At the moment he says he feels like I don’t want to be with him when in fact I do so so much. I came across this website and I am so glad I did. It has made me realise that it doesn’t have to be big things but tiny ones like the notes sitting with him and watching what he wants. also me Initiating sex because I am so tired I don’t it and so I refuse a lot. I know what I am doing wrong. I just needed a little help to sort it out.
(US) AMEN! I feel like I am stuck in the 50’s.
(SOUTH AFRICA) To love someone means that you adore that person and want only the best for him. When you love you understand the need to keep your husband happy and complaining and comparing isn’t part of it.
(INDIA) I fully agree that we should respect our partner. But the respect and affection shown should be both sided, because respect should be earned and given and the same for love.