Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(USA) I believe that this list is a beautiful thing. I just got married, I am 36 and he is 31 and sometimes we take each other for granted. I sometimes feel like when we argue, I say all the wrong things and perhaps I feel like I have the right because I am older… Last night, I said some really terrible things, and all my husband wanted to do was just buy me flowers, and I was either PMSing or just being mean!!! How selfish I was. I woke up this morning, and feel like I really need to make some changes-NOW. Even though he has made some mistakes, he has never made me feel low or insulted. I should feel so lucky to have a man who takes care of me and my needs, and even rubs my feet after being in heels all day working hard in NYC.
So here I am. I read the list over 3 times, and am very thankful to have found a place where there are suggestions on how to make a man happy. I need to practice them every day, and try to remember the most important thing is to love, respect and honor your husband. I will strive to be a better person and pray to God for forgiveness and guidance.
(UNITED STATES) These are good tips, but generally just put love first. It’s not that complicated. Focus on love and your commitment to this man. Show him he is appreciated and respected and you will receive that in return. Never make divorce an option. Make sure he knows your loyalty to him is constant no matter what else fails him. Be his best friend, and he will be yours.
(SHREVEPORT) Please help me to love my husband and respect him every way I can. I think every women fears something about their husband, like him cheating. But if you have faith in God you won’t have to worry about that. Just do what you are supposed to do for him.
(UK) I love this message. It has given me tips on how to improve my marriage and above love to increase the love and bond between my husband and I. I just realised the mistakes I made in the past and hope not to repeat them again. These tips are the best I have seen. God Bless you all.
(U.S.A.) Your husband is cheating on you (why wouldn’t he) and will leave if he hasn’t already since you posted this. I can guarantee it.
(UNITED STATES) I read this article and the article about Loving your Wife. I originally was searching for my wife as I have realized lately how strongly I love her and have been wanting to show it to her. I think overall these articles are great, but there are bits of sexism in both. For example, the ‘wife’ article eludes to women not being into sex all that much, while the ‘husband’ one eludes to it being on his mind often. I know of plenty marriages where the wife is more interested in sex it seems. Also, if you look at the ‘wife’ article, it tells husbands they should share with their wifes money/bills issues or situations with them, kind of saying that wives aren’t into the finances of the household much.
But overall, I really like these. I think the titles are a bit misleading as they aren’t trying to show you how to love your spouse, but give ideas on showing your love. It doesn’t mean you never disagree or never get mad.
(UNITED STATES) I think that these suggestions are wonderful. However most of them don’t work for me because my husband’s ideal life consists of me leaving him alone- all the time. I’m a good cook, decent housekeeper and love the Lord. I’m receptive and loving at intimacy with him. But, he hates it when I even touch him in a non-sexual way, even.
No matter what I do, it all boils down to just leave him alone. He only is affectionate if he wants a certain thing in the bedroom. I have to beg him for affection and intimacy. I’ve been told that I’m beautiful by others and that I’m kind. I definitely don’t feel that way. I feel like I’m a loser and know that when I get to heaven, I won’t have to worry about not being good enough to love. I guess I should be used to it by now. I still pray and try to talk to my husband but it doesn’t work. Oh well. Life here on earth isn’t forever and I will busy myself with other things. Wonderful list though & I’m glad that it’s working for others.
(USA) You can’t get any closer and affectionate than sex. Make him rock your world in the bedroom and I guarantee – he will be open to more affection. I know that intimacy isn’t just about sex, but a man whose sexual needs are met are butter in their wife’s hands. Don’t reject his advances and he won’t reject yours.
(INDIA) I’m tired of this sick life… Until how many days should a girl keeps running behind him, showing her love each and everyday??? Even she feels like her hubby should love her…. My life is the sickest life, which nobody should possess…
(USA) I love doting on my husband and love it when he dotes on me. We went through a great first year, then a couple of rough years, and then worked things out and learned to love each other in very many of the ways that are on these lists. The rewards are endless, and we earned them by humbling ourselves before the other and stretching our understanding and finding the best in each other. It is beautiful when you reach a point of understanding as we have.
I hope everyone notices that this site has a list for husbands and a list for wives. We are all worthy of being loved the way we like to be loved. What is really frightening is reading the comment from the Kenyan women, or other women or men who think that a husband is like God or Jesus, and the wife is the worshipper. This is not what Jesus said. In Kenya, men are allowed to beat random women on the street with tree branches for no reason. There is no protection of law and this is the way women are “trained” to be good wives – by giving up their own feeling of safety and autonomy. This is not what God intended when he gave us free will.
First, we shouldn’t be worshipping any human being, although we can love them dearly. We are all God’s children, and none of us is God.
Secondly, it is downright evil to hold up one gender or the other as deserving of worship just because of their gender. There are deeply moral, wise, intelligent husbands and deeply moral, wise, intelligent wives out there. There are also pretty evil, immoral, or unintelligent husbands and pretty evil, immoral, or unintelligent wives in the world.
If you are a woman who has fallen into the clutches of a man who is full of pride and needs you to give him more respect or more autonomy than he gives you, ask yourself why he isn’t able to give and receive equally? Doesn’t God ask us to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, in humility, love, generosity, and moral uprightness?
(KENYA) Liz I must say I’m very disappointed with how your comment has ended – making untrue comments on Kenyan men being allowed to beat just anyone on the streets with tree branches! It is primitive of you to say such things when I feel sure you’ve never even been to Kenya (let alone locating it on the world map). For your information, I am a Kenyan woman born, bred and still live here and I’m yet to see a woman being beaten by branches randomly on the street!
Another thing, for you to assume all Kenyan women treat their husbands like Jesus when only one woman posted on this blog versus the other 19 million Kenyan women that have not had opportunity to post their opinions on this blog is laughable and pathetic. I’ll have you know that African women are generally taught from puberty how to behave in their households one day. These teachings generally emphasize that men need respect most from their wives. This is sound teaching in line with the Bible where Paul recognized that wives should respect their husbands and husbands should love their wives. You only need to compare the divorce rate in America where you live (50%) with the divorce rate in Kenya (8%) to appreciate that there must be something we are doing right when it comes to preparing our girls for marriage!
For your information I am married to a very wonderful man whom I respect greatly and who cherishes and protects me wonderfully. I treat him like a king and he in turn appreciates my respect and treats me like his queen. My parents were also wonderfully and happily married and I don’t ever recall tree branches being part of theirs or other relatives equations. So please, before misleading and poisoning everyone on this blog, go for a Kenyan culture and history class!
(SRILANKA) Wow! First, I should be thankful for these 100 things. It helps most of us to improve and take our relationship far more higher.
Well, I am not married yet, but hope to be, at some time next year. I am in a relationship with a European guy. There is a huge difference between our cultures but we have never had an issue on this. To be honest, my man has a hard personality; it is the same with me, really quick tempered. But I since I started this relationship I made a change, only for him. Still, I am short tempered around others, but not with him. He is the same way in front of my respect. My love has changed him and there can’t be any man as loving on this earth.
So maybe some women might think we are cheap by treating a man like this or think it’s not genuine. But remember, your man is the only one for you (where you are committed only to one man ;)). Maybe you will not receive the treatment back so soon, but trust me it works. A man is so tender in front of his woman. Only you can make him tender too.
So, I really appreciate this list of things… Thanx sister xxx
(UK) Number 42 is not good advice really. I don’t think one should brag about their spouse as it is a form of pride and if you are a Christian pride is classed as a sin. A number of the other tips were useful though.
(USA) I agree with you on this that you should not brag about your spouse. Whether you should say good things about that person maybe it should be worded differently. But if you say good things about a person it still sounds like you are bragging. The Bible does say “Give praise where praise is due!” So there is nothing wrong with reverance or praising your spouse as long as you don’t treat him like he is a god, because that would be a sin called idolatry. But there is nothing wrong with saying good things about your spouse. You are supposed to encourage one another in the Lord.
(AUSTRALIA) I am just overwhelmed by the list. I do not know whether it is a coincidence or what, almost all the items in the list have been put in the very same way I have put across to my wife. I always try to do exactly the same to her. I strongly support the fact that women/wives set the pace or determine the direction of a family.
(UNITED STATES) I truly believe that as the Bible says the man is the head of the house as God is the head of the church. So you do this in a way that’s supposed to respect your husband. I see nothing wrong with the advice that was given because that is simple advice. If you don’t want it, don’t take it! Such is life; we all have a right to an opinion.
I do know that in my marriage which, as of right now has been five years, my husband and I have been blessed to be best friends. Some of these things I don’t do and my marriage has been fine but some of these things he has complained about me not doing, I should change because for one, yes, I am a woman that loves to be pampered, but I also understand that a marriage is composed of two people that are equal and they both should love one another unconditionally. The same love that we show to him it should be given back to us.
The only women that would have a problem with this list would be the ones who feel that their husbands wouldn’t return the favor back. But we don’t love to receive it back in the first place and we don’t get married for things in return. That is not the way it should be and that’s why majority of marriages today don’t work because they love for the wrong reasons, they marry for the wrong reasons, and they expect their husbands to react a certain way when men think totally different than women do.
In general, what man would want to be around a nagging wife all the time? The Bible says that a man would rather be on the roof top than with a nagging wife. So yes, we have things to show for being a woman, but men also need to change too. That is why a marriage built in God lasts! Also knowing what each other wants because if you know this, nobody else can come and break the bond that you have with one another. If you love your husband you wouldn’t mind changing a few things just to see how it works. What do you have to lose? Nothing. You aren’t going to die if you love him better, and if you do, you need to really question your marriage in the first place
(USA) Was this written in the 50’s? I can’t believe there are actually women out there who actually think behaving in this manner will impress a husband for long. A man wants an intelligent, multi-faceted woman, not an automaton. God created woman to be man’s partner, not his slave. Marriage is a union, a partnership, a eternal bond for sharing life, and for having another to forsake the rest of the world. The advice here makes marriage sound like a domestic contract rather than a Holy union.
These suggestions as a whole are so narrow minded that they will do nothing but create boredom and predictability. Too many women use all their wiles pleasing men that have no clue how to love anyways. Sometimes it takes a woman to show a man how to love her, but it shouldn’t take a lifetime to do. A lot of women are willing to accept love as a compromise, dismissing their own desires for higher intimacy while focusing on his superficial needs. Pleasing a man is satisfying for a wife, but that alone should not be a woman’s happiness.
The list mostly sounds like a guide on how to fake a loveless marriage. A man that is so frigid to expect his wife and children to not speak to him after work or does not care to hear details of her day, or wants his wife to always look her best while cooking him the best food, doesn’t seem like a man who is interested in romance or love or like any man I would want to be married to. It sounds like a man who needs a wife to only solidify his role in society. A good husband wouldn’t allow his partner in life to lower herself to an archaic standard of womanhood. I am not a feminist, but I believe most emotionally mature men would not desire their wives to behave so servant like. While it’s nice for a wife to go out of her way to do something nice, it should not be her only role in the relationship.
The best way to show a man love is to be honest and just be human. He should already know his wife loves him without her having to behave like a Stepford Wife. She should not have to censor her personality to please him because her quirks would be the exact reasons he loves her in the first place. A real man loves his wife no matter what negative or positive traits she displays, he loves her all the time, and doesn’t have a problem showing it back at any time, not just when he’s rested.
Men who are used to having their egos stroked are usually the ones who cheat, so being Mrs. Jolly Good Wife can be counterproductive. It can actually drive your husband into the arms of a woman (or man) who seems a little bit more dangerous, someone who isn’t afraid to push the envelope and switch things up a little bit. And planning a trip to Maui without the kids, trying that new restaurant downtown, surprising him with a round of golf, or buying new silk pajamas is not the excitement most men desire. After years of dealing with a predictable and stable home life it’s no wonder men allow themselves to be tempted by the pretty woman from work. She is probably herself around him and he probably misses the variety that comes from people who aren’t just around to please. Real men need a spontaneous wife who can go with the flow, not a stiff mother type figure.
My husband and I share everything together. We are one soul in two people. We are each others best friend and make each other happy through our genuine care for one another. He does not expect me to adhere to any typical role and I don’t expect that from him either. We accept each other completely faults and all. We argue, we express our feelings openly, we hurt each other, and make each other happy. We do not need to schedule time apart from each other because we genuinely enjoy each others company. We understand the need for space, but too much space tears relationships apart and if a man prefers to be alone most of the time then maybe he shouldn’t be married and then hopefully the wife can go out and find a man who treats her like a human being. Our theory is, if you love someone and seeing how our days are numbered, then why not spend all the time you can with them? I’m not implying my marriage is perfect, because it it so not. But I don’t spend my days trying to impress a man who should be pretty content with the love I already give him. It should not be conditional based on my abilities to live within his conditions.
I know this is just a list of possibly nice things one can do for their spouse, but the emphasis in between the lines suggesting unwavering submission to husbands really irked me. It brought to mind a vision of a marriage where the woman stretches herself thin trying to please an immature and cold man who only leaves her feeling empty because they both have no idea how to open up and love without structure. It’s so exciting when loving actions are spontaneous and obviously not forced. Maybe it’s just different strokes for different folks, but I could never see a marriage being anything more than an arrangement of convenience if approached in this manner. I think for the most part this is terrible, ancient, demeaning, and demoralizing advice.
(USA) The alternative of a “Jolly Good Wife”, is pretty terrible. Pretty much the way I’m looking at things today, is men and women in long term marriages tend to want similar things. So you take care of each other. Couples who don’t do this or believe in this viewpoint should at least mutually agree to be in a different and dysfunctional relationship format.
By the way there is a list of the “100 Ways you can love your Wife HER way”, that is very similar. This is based off of love, acts of service and mutual respect. It’s your life, and your partner’s life too.
(MALAYSIA) I would like a marriage like yours. But what if you have to change to please your husband, because nothing is good enough? He doesn’t want to listen, so I cannot talk to him, and he doesn’t think he needs counselling. If I don’t do what he wants, he gets angry. If I do what he wants, he is happy but it does not mean it is right, like if he wants me to shout at my children. What can I do?
(USA) It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. It also sounds like you are very attached to your husband, and may need to evaluate your reasons for putting up with wrong treatment. One thing you may want to ask yourself is if you stay in the marriage out of fear. Meaning, would you be willing to move out, live on your own, free of him for as long as it took to get yourself on track? You cannot fix your husband, only he can do that. If your love is real, and you want him to commit to a better marriage, you may need to separate from it to work at it.
You are probably freaking out reading this right now… and that’s a bad sign, because you already know in your heart that his heart is far away. Is it really worth it? Or are you afraid your marriage wouldn’t survive a separation? (That’s not good.) I would separate, tell him you love him, and want to get counceling. If he refuses, maybe he is trying to give you reasons to divorce him. Some men do that when they want out but don’t want to accept responsibility for calling it off. I hope you find love again.
(USA) Ahhhh that was like a breath of fresh air! Like you, I believe this list is well intentioned. However, I could not agree more! The one lady who literally “plays soft African Music” while sitting coifed at the dinner table totally brought back memories of early “desperate housewives…” While I know she means well, I doubt it will be long before her husband is rolling in the sack with the neighbor who blasts Nirvana and smokes cigerettes outside in her PJs, her eyeliner smudged and chinese take out on the table. I don’t doubt that he gets his ego stoked and loves his wife very much… but you have to wonder, isn’t she kicking herself in more ways than one? I’ve seen enough older couples who live this way to know that “happiness” is the furthest thing from their minds. More like, this is how I live because its “right” but yet for some reason I have ulcers, kidney stones, and that stupid fake smile plastered on their faces. Oh well… the truth is, a happy marriage is born when you are with someone because you love them.
(NIGERIA) I love my husband to death.But I dont feel he loves me with the same intensity.I feel like am dispensible to him.Sometimes am confused.He says I read a lot of novels that are putting thoughts into my head.What do you think?