“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
More from Marriage Missions
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(PHILIPPINES) If I had a husband like that I wouldn’t really think any negatives about him… hopefully I can find someone like that…
(PHILIPPINES) I love my wife. We’ve been married for 6 years now. I thought I was already good enough for her. After reading this article, it made me think that I wasn’t really doing a great job in loving her. All this time I was doing things to feed my own gain and habits which I thought pleased her and maybe the reason why we argue at times. I hate myself for that…
This will be my mission to try and make a change, and show love to her without expecting anything in return. Thanks to everyone who made this noble effort to help people like me who were blinded but now enlightened.
(USA) There’s no way that a man can do all of this.
John, NONE of these are mandatory. As a matter of fact, some of them may not even speak love to your wife, if you did them. Every person is different. Read the instructions again and try to figure out, after perhaps asking your wife, what is most important to her –what speaks love to her the most, if you did them. It’s not that difficult.
(USA) Thank you for both this list and the other list “How to love your husband HIS way”. I enjoyed both. One advice I would like to give is that the Bible holds all answers of how we should be as a wife (or husband). Knowing God’s plan for you is what will give you a successful and happy marriage. I see many negative comments on both lists, but what it comes down to is marriage is a team effort. I love my marriage because we both strive to better ourselves instead of each other and most importantly we seek God together.
(MALAYSIA) I wish such a man existed but they don’t. I myself have done these things for my husband but he has never done so. All he does is make me feel stupid and ugly. He has never done anything romantic and has even taken away the one gift he did buy me when I got sick and could not cater to him.
Sometimes I have dropped hints about what I crave in terms of romance and chivalry but he simply ignores me or lectures me on how doing things for a girl that include spending money is sexist. I may not have money but I try to cook and plan sweet surprises for him.
I guess these are things I love to read and fantasize about… if only my husband did them… sigh.
(US) This is ok stuff, but not what I was expecting. If my wife was a former nun it might be more relevant.
(USA) Do all of these things and she will surprise you with awesome sex…seriously. Oh, and cuddle with her often not wanting anything in return (You will find cuddling is enough for you too sometimes :)
(GHANA) God bless you all for the great work that you are doing. Please, I will like to learn more about love before going into it. I hope this media will be my great help. Thanks
(SIERRA LEONE) My wife printed this list and handed it to me and I appreciated it so much.
We are blessed by the contents.
Thanks
(NIGERIA) I am not married, but I know that any man who would do all of that, would get my 100% love. This is a wonderful article. Please our wonderful men, take it seriously. God bless you!
(INDIA) I’ll try to put it in action…
(NAMIBIA) God bless you for compiling this list “100 ways to show love to my wife her way.” It is really helpful and an eye-openner as to how to treat my lovely and beautiful wife Vinia, and show her that she is really my blessing from God. She is a blessing.
(NIGERIA) My fiance is very frustrating and annoying. I have tried everything possible to make her understand that what she’s doing is totally wrong but instead of relief, the situation is ONLY getting worse. In a day she complains two OR three times even while at work. Can you imagine she actually told me she’s not interested in me anymore so we broke up just yesterday. The thing is she does not understand what I am going through and she believes she’s doing the right thing; meanwhile she’s hurting me. How can I see my so-called future wife and am not happy? I develop headache anytime I wake from sleep. I’m still a young guy, am above 20 but under 30 and going through all this stress, what if I get married, how will it be then? Thanks, God bless you all.
Good morning.
JOSHUA, I tell you, I am equally passing through the same thing as you are now. What I did was to quiet things and now she is the one getting confused. But my mind is somewhere else. Now I just pretend I loved her. But I have withdrawn my love for her.
(SOMALIA) Thanks, for the ideas.
(UGANDA) Very useful article.