“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all. She didn’t feel love in the same way he meant it.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)
Have you ever thought about this before? Do you want to just “love” your wife, or do you want to love her in a way that is most meaningful to her? Isn’t the point of love, to share it in the most meaningful way?
Here’s a suggestion for you:
A List of Suggestions to Show Your Wife Love
Discuss the following list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her. Then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline. But keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS! Not all, or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.
(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives wives 100 ideas, as well. It is titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)
Here Are Some Suggestions:
1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —such as taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
Additional Suggestions:
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
More Suggestions that Speak Love:
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. Treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
Plus:
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her feel insecure (without judging).
64. Pray and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go further).
67. Keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Write a mission statement together for your marriage, and family.
69. Physically touch her every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
Lastly, Here are a Few More “Love” Suggestions:
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called dumb.
85. Hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her at different times.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Marriagetrac.com the following is a link you can follow and learn. (And then another link for your use.):
• 50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE
• 56 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER
PLUS:
• 102 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION EVERY WIFE WANTS TO HEAR
• 25 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
(NIGERIA) Great advice! Love it. http://www.presslodge.com
(USA) It is so annoying that everything about marriage help always talks about how guys want “it” all the time. What about the women who have husbands who don’t want sex? What am I doing wrong as a woman and wife that my husband doesn’t want sex or initiate it? We can go for days even weeks and finally I am climbing on top of him for a pleasure-less workout or I am on my knees still pleasure-less.
When is it my turn to lay back and enjoy a little oral or something. I mean I feel like we shouldn’t have this problem because I’m 20 and he is 27 and we just got married in April of 2012; so why is this happening? It’s like he doesn’t want me to feel sexual at all and he gets annoyed when I am horny and ask him to kiss me or give me oral.
(USA) I wish my husband would do some of this… can’t find one.
(USA) I love my husband but he works out of town and it makes it so difficult for me. But even if I tell him how much this affects me he can’t understand me. Today was our 1st anniversary and it was a BAD day. I don’t even want to remember this day in my life.
I spoke about it with a friend and she told me that her husband and she had the same problem but she was introduced to this Weblog and it seems to be helping them work through their issues.
My friend’s husband and my husband come from divorced families and we came to realize that they didn’t see dad and mom in a loveing relationship so it is something difficult for them to change that wrong way of acting. Most of the time my husband tells me he doesn’t want to be like his dad and step mom but he just doesn’t realize that he is not doing different ways but simply the
same that his dad did. :(
(PHILIPPINES) I have almost done all of the above, there are only a few I missed, but I am not fully honored as husband. I feel cheated. I’m less appreciated by my efforts to give financial support and luxury in my family. Now I am angry with myself; I feel I’m stupid without a cause.
I’m going to love my wife better than everything on this list put together. She is worthy of so much more. I wish there were more than a 100 ways but I suppose that’s life. =(
Why is it that on the 100 ways to show a husband love his way, a ton of women were angry at it — but on this list I only see one or two men angry at? Maybe we need to stop looking at what our spouses are doing and not doing, but what we are doing or not doing? After all neither men NOR women are in a competition, but in a team.
I love this list. While not everything on here is for every woman, I would encourage other men to give this list to your wife and tell her you love her, but that you realize you don’t always know what to do to show it. Ask her to help you to be a better husband and check some of the things off the list. Just be prepared to do them if she tells you whats important.
I’ll also say that if you are doing this to get her to do what you want then it won’t work. It has helped me to focus on what I can do for her, not on what she is willing to do for me. Besides, our love should be unconditional, even when our wives make us not want to love them.
These ways oil the day to day life of a couple, hence wonderful.
I am not married but I am in a serious relationship that I hope will end up in marriage. Point is, she has been forced to marry someone she literally hated and she was also forced to live with this person for three years. Now she is in a very bad state and she is in the divorce process. She is totally reluctant to any man and because she is not very young (she’s 40). She always says she would never want to risk again to enter a relationship that could be a threat to her somehow. I know it may sound idealistic but I think this is because of all the hurt she has experienced within thee years (that are beyond the scope of this comment) Anyway, I hope that this post will help me adjust myself to her emotional needs, as this is the most important thing she needs. I also see a psychologist to help me more professionally. Thank you for this post.
I must be a terrible wife. I do not like physical contact unless it is involving copulation. Handholding and cuddling makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Body heat is so discomforting. I really don’t want all of that list. I just want a few things from the list and I would be ok. Most of it I can not expect nor do I want. I am the provider of the household and I go to school. He spends time helping me study and honestly I just enjoy that kind of support. But like the top states. It is important for men to find out the specifics of what we personally see as enjoying. I often make sure to buy him steak when we have the money despite the fact that I am a vegetarian. I also know that he loves it when I try to play his video games with him. I personally would never expect all of this daily. Too much affection makes me uncomfortable. Well best wishes to all of you this list is definitely interesting.
Always try to take care of your wife, show your love by rubbing her feet at night before bed, or in the afternoon at a rest time!
Kariuki from Kenya, Women are like lions if rattled the wrong way, but they behave like cats if handled the right way.
Please pray for my husband. I’ve been trying the 100 ways you can love your wife his way but it’s not reciprocated. I’m told that I’m stupid and I have a mental illness. He even told me to get a psychiatric evalutation before he comes back into the marriage after leaving for almost two weeks. Months after the psychiatric report that came back to say that I’m in good mental health he descredited it and said he needed to have been there to trigger me.
I do cry when he belittles me and lock myself away to journal and pray. Sometimes I get so angry when he hurls insults at me and I stand up for myself. He pushes me down when I do this or try to restrain me. Once he flung me down and I became unconscious. I had bruises on me and had to go to the doctor. He walked by me and said I should tell it to my lawyer. He later lied that he had hurt me. He uses my education to insult me telling me that I don’t reason well.
I’m hurting. We’re still married, have gotten counseling but there hasn’t been any growth. I feel like giving up. In fact, sometimes I feel disconnected from him emotionally. Please pray for us. I believe God can help my husband to be a true Priest in his house and a good husband and father.
This is a good list, with many things that I have done, in loving my wife. In several cases, though, it assumes that you have kids, and taking them off of her hands is involved. I can’t do that, since we do not have children (yet). Also, how does this apply to pregnancy?
My wife is currently 6 months pregnant, and responds very little, if at all (and then usually negatively) to my overtures of love. She’s too tired to take walks, doesn’t like to be touched (even if it’s not in a sexual way), tolerates hand holding, but clearly doesn’t like it, and doesn’t want me to spend money on her (for flowers, a romantic getaway, or even food she likes). She was not like this before pregnancy.
So, not a criticism, but how can I affirm, encourage, and show love to her during this difficult time, in ways that will be received positively?
Hi Scot: It seems like you are genuinely trying to show your wife some affection and love and I can see why you may feel discouraged when you are trying to please her. Perhaps buying a card (or just writing a letter) to her about what a good Mother you think that she will be to your new baby. Or expressing to her how excited you are to be welcoming your child into the world. I bought a Groupon ($12) for a family photo shoot before my daughter was born and that gave me something to look forward to, or you could use it to get a photo of her and her growing baby bump. Perhaps you could include that in your card or letter to her (a family portrait, this is really happening!)
When I was pregnant my feet and back hurt very much and I was always in need of a little rub. Are you rubbing her in a non-sexual way? Make sure that she is feeling like she is getting relief from her pain not getting tense thinking you want something else in return. Maybe say (so she knows what your intentions are) Honey, how are you feeling? Can I help you as a Mommy to be, with a back/feet/neck rub for 10 minutes?
Is she nervous about the pregnancy/delivery etc? That could be making her sensitive and shutting down affection from you. Assure her that you are are going to be there for her no matter what and that you are proud of how strong she is during this amazing time. You know your wife better than me so just try to communicate with her to see what she is feeling, maybe she doesn’t know what she wants and needs right now. Maybe you can let her know you are trying to be the best husband you can be with her and you are open to suggestions. Try not to get angry if she is being fickle or take it too personally (I know, easier said than done).
Best of luck with everything and I am proud of you for reaching out and trying to help you and your wife during this amazing journey. Sheri, San Diego
Hey Scot. I was that way when I was pregnant. I didn’t want to be touched. I was miserable. Pregancy was not my friend at all. Sick everyday 3-5 times a day for 6 months. It was rough. It was endless and exhausting. I can tell you what made me feel loved… when he brought rolaids home without asking. I craved Chinese food, McDonald’s fries, and subway sandwiches, if he brought these to me without me asking, I felt loved. We needed things done for the nursery, he did them and it was always such a stress relief.
Later in my pregnancy I had trouble getting out of the bath, so he would ask me if I wanted him to get a bath ready and he’d help me in/out. I was miserably hot at night so he’d turn the air down and blast the fan even though he was close to frost bite. I was always surprised and grateful when he’d clean the toilet, tub, and do the vacuuming. Basically I had a hard time. So anything he could do that was productive and helpful and didn’t make me more miserable was a big plus.
Just talk to her and make sure that’s what’s going on. She could have pregnancy depression. Hormones are a pain in the butt and they create emotions we and our loved ones don’t really get. Don’t take it personal. Just ask her to be sure it isn’t something dangerous, like severe depression. Women like myself, hate feeling helpless so maybe you could ask her to write some things down that she wants, needs, or would like for you to do. Be patient and kind. Remind her she’s beautiful, especially beautiful while carrying/ caring for your child. And if possible plan a pre-baby honeymoon. She doesn’t want you wasting money on flowers so buy her some that will last, house plants maybe. And schedule a maternity photo shoot. She will love that.
I see I haven’t been very alert to my wife’s needs, and I’m really ashamed of that. I wish to make amends to her. I want to pay more attention and I will. We are Christians
My wife recently went through our 7th pregnancy and it involved placenta acreta, a very scarey medical condition that has a high mortality rate. Loving her with the thought of these would be her last days on this life with me and our children truly changed how I viewed the way I thought she wanted me to love her. First, PRAY for her morning and night as if she were dying. Second, do Anything and everything she asks of you with a cheerful heart. Last, love never has to be shown, it can be felt, shared and experienced together just by realizing how much she really means to you. My wife Emily almost died giving birth to my son Michael. She lost 24 units of blood and went through what I deem as close to hell on earth as I could possibly imagine. I watched her come back to life by fighting through pain I cannot understand. It has made me a different man. My happiness is all about what makes her happy. Life on earth without her would leave me the poorest man alive, as her love as I know it is everything I am, and ever will be. Good luck. Pregnancy is not just your wife’s condition, it’s YOURS as well. Sincerely Neale Rowley.