Are you building a godly marriage? Are you applying God’s wisdom in the way you interact with each other? We are told in the Bible:
“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” (Proverbs 24:3-4)
When we marry we believe that if we are both believers in God, we will build a Godly marriage. Oh, if it were only this simple!
Yes, the “chances” that we will have a Godly marriage are greater if both spouses are godly themselves. But that’s not the only determining factor. Building a godly marriage takes more than saying wedding vows and then living together. It takes determination and intentionality to live out your wedding vows, and also it takes actually living them out.
The Bible says in James 1:22: “Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
Principles for Building a Godly Marriage
What we’ve found to be true is that the principles for building and living out a Godly marriage are the principles for loving, as God talks about all throughout the Bible. But you have to actually apply what God says in His Word for them to work. God, whose very name means LOVE, can teach you how to love each other and build a Godly marriage. But you need to call upon Him to help you. And then you need to apply what He tells you to do. That’s when your house WILL be filled with “knowledge” and “rare and beautiful treasures” as it tells us in Proverbs 24.
But it won’t be easy —especially in the same way we thought it would be before we married.
For some reason so many of us think that we will glide into marriage with ease. (Sadly Steve and I fell into this same trap.) After-all, if we love each other, and we’re both Christians before we marry —won’t our love just grow stronger as the years progress? That would make sense in theory —sure! But in reality it’s much more difficult.
It’s like what Dr Ed Wheat spoke of in his book, Secret Choices.
He writes:
“It has been said that marriage presents one of the most difficult personal problems in life. That is because the most emotional and romantic of all human dreams has to be consolidated into an ordinary working relationship. Many of us would agree. And yet the statement is not precisely true, for marriage is no ordinary relationship.
“God designed it to be the ideal partnership in which each partner supports and complements the other. It’s a partnership, which is continually renewed and refreshed by the presence and power of love.”
Building a Godly marriage is about being partners and working through the many issues that come up with intentionality and Holy determination and perseverance. To do that, we must be dispensers of grace and mercy. It’s the same kind of grace and mercy we want from God. And in return, we are to apply this grace to each other in marital partnership.
There’s one thing about marriage that’s for sure: “At prime moments, God will use your marriage to show you how to love the unlovely.” (Dennis Rainey) It’s amazing how “unlovely” your spouse can appear to be at times.
Uniting, Despite Differences
It’s like what Bridgette Dunk, from GTO Ministries said,
“Marriage is a union of two individuals who have come together from different families. Each spouse comes with a different set of expectations concerning marriage. For this reason, it has its challenges. Both spouses have been shaped by positive and negative experiences within their own childhood homes.
“Because of this, each has a predetermined idea about how conflict should be handled, the value of money management, religion, children, and what it means to love someone.”
Again, it will take applying the principles laid out in the Bible to learn how to do that to build a Godly marriage. And it will take hard work and determination. It’s like what Dr Steve Stephens said in his book, Marriage: Experiencing the Best.
He wrote:
“Many of us grew up with Hollywood fantasy that once married you automatically live happily ever after. Wonderful relationships should just happen, shouldn’t they? If relating is too much work, it’s not worth it. Tony Campolo writes, ‘Love becomes nonexistent and marriages collapse primarily because most people don’t work hard enough to create love and build marital relationships.’
“We fail to realize that things of value cost us time and energy. Marriages are demanding and draining. Good marriages don’t come easily.”
Making the Necessary Repairs
He also said, (with which we also whole-heartedly agree):
“It’s a sad state of affairs when we take better care of our cars and houses than we do our marriages. We change the oil, fill the tank, check the tires, and periodically tune up our cars. We change light bulbs, wash windows, paint walls, unplug toilets, and re-roof our houses. But what do we do to maintain our marriage?
“The truth is, more damage is done than repairs are made. How important is your marriage? Is it more important to you than your car or your home? Are you willing to put in the time and energy and whatever else it takes to prove to your partner how valuable the relationship truly is to you?”
So, what it comes to, if you want to build a Godly marriage, there are some things you need to do.
They are:
1. Read and apply the principles for loving, as outlined throughout the Bible.
2. Ask God, whose very name means LOVE, to teach you how to truly love your spouse. This is not done with human love, but with a Godly, Christ-honoring love (which won’t come naturally).
3. Live in partnership throughout your marriage with each other and with God.
4. Realize that you have entered into a union, blessed by God, with someone who is very different from you. (You are probably very different from who they thought you were also.) But still, you determine to persevere through whatever circumstances you find yourselves in.
5. Know that it will cost you time, energy and that it won’t come easily.
6. Come to terms with the fact that anything of value will take cost you something. And because marriage is something that God values and you should too (as you live in covenant with God and your spouse), it will be worth it all for your sakes and for the sake of God’s Kingdom work.
7. “Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
In your marriage relationship, “May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance“ (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Cindy and Steve Wright
Filed under: Marriage Messages
(USA) Hello, I have been married for 10 months and my husband has physically abused me. He says he has repented and asked me to forgive him and wants to continue our marriage. My famly wants me to get out now. I am praying each day for guidance from God. Dont know what to do. There are so many things I love about him.
I really want the best out of that which is called Life, which God has given to me. I also understand that nothing good comes easy. I also believe that for couples to make the best out of their marriages, then they need to constantly readjust there self-life so as to suit there spouse. Because of individual differences and different cultural and traditional backgrounds and upbringings.
I, personally had issues with my wife to be, she does not pick my calls and even when she sees me on the way, she don’t even talk to me. From the dream that I once had sometime ago, God is still working on her heart and from the dream, she appeared to still be childish. But for some time ago, I wanted to leave her alone, because I don’t see any relationship between childishness and her not picking up my calls and having respect for me. I have tried on several occasions to ask her, what’s my offence? But she did not tell me anything.
God wanted me to actually get married to her. So all she does is to from a distance, introduce and point me to her friends, and that’s quite irritating to me. From wise conselling from Christian friends, I have resolved to ignore her and be patient with God and also to continiously be praying for her. I still need further advice on what to do.
How True! I was just pondering upon this thought that the first thing a couple needs to do is to accept each other when they start living together, especially their cultural, emotional and intellectual differences, and start working on building set of values for their own household.
It’s great to have a ministry that is so concerned with building a godly marriage. May God increase you in wisdom. Thanks once more.
I love this. It is lovely and heavenly prepared and packaged. May God bless you all.
Make sure God is the foundation.
This is absolutely true!
I need some help and answers for a friend and some good advise. My friend Allen was raised in a Christian home, went to church on Sundays, youth meetings. When he got older he married a woman who wasn’t a Christian; they now have two children 8 – 11. Just recently they had a falling out; she got angry, took the two children to the police station and had an order of protection against him. Its been a year and a half he’s been away from her and the two kids. He’s had to go to anger management classes every week for six months. Wednesday she went to two courts. She’s not a Christian. He’s spent $$$$$$$ on court fees; he’s had to borrow from other family members, been to probation officer every week. He said she had been drinking. He said they have been arguing off and on for several months. Can this marriage be saved?? I did’t know you can put an order of protection against someone for two years. PLEASE reply.
Hi Jean, You ask if this marriage can be saved. Yes… there’s no doubt. We’ve seen much, much worse situations and have seen reconciliation. It is amazing to see this. BUT that doesn’t mean it will be saved. If it is the husband and wife need to get to the place where they surrender their toxic ways and work on restoration. They will need to change some of their ways. Of course, we have seen the best reconciliations coming when both spouses surrender to Christ. But you can’t MAKE a person look to Christ. But your friend can be the first one to step to the altar of surrender and look to Christ to show him how to proceed one step at a time in Christ’s wisdom. Anything is possible if God is involved. Without Him… the possibilities narrow quite a bit.
It’s so frustrating to see our friends go through things like this. We know. We have been there time and time again. I thought you might find the following article helpful as you try to be supportive: https://marriagemissions.com/friend-helping-friend-crisis/. I hope this helps you. And for your friend, I recommend he goes to the “Save My Marriage” topic at: https://marriagemissions.com/category/save-my-marriage/. Have him go into the Quotes part and the Testimonies part to read and view what’s there. That may just inspire him to read more. It’s a good start on this journey. I pray your friend puts his hand into Christ’s. It sounds like he really needs his Savior and needs Jesus to be his Lord too. He can go to church, be raised in a good Christian home, and go to youth meetings with all the fervor in the world… but he has to personally commit to Christ to experience any genuine changes in his life. From there, who knows where God will take him? But I can promise… if it is with God, it is the right path to take. I pray your friend will.