When divorce comes into the picture and children are involved, it’s only natural that the children will have a lot of questions. They will also be wrestling with a lot of mixed feelings. And that’s especially true because … they’re children! They don’t have the same reasoning skills as adults.
Let’s face it:
“The children of divorce are handed a really big job. When parents are married, it’s their job to do the hard work of making sense of your different values, your different beliefs, your different backgrounds. When they get divorced that job doesn’t go away. It just gets handed to their child instead, who is 4 or 8 or 12 years old. Their child is and always will be, throughout their childhood, looking to their mom and dad as the first and most important role models for their own moral and spiritual formation.
“The child is wrestling with the differences that the child sees in each of their worlds. And the conflict that used to be between the parents has now gotten transferred to the child’s inner life. And it’s within the child’s own life in a very lonely, overwhelming way that the child is trying to confront these big questions. It’s the distinctive experience of the child of divorce.” (Elizabeth Marquardt, from the Family Life Today broadcast, “The Emotional Hurdles of Living Through a Divorce”)
What Children of Divorce are Really Thinking
Perhaps you are considering divorce. You may want to know what some of the questions are that your children will be wrestling with. Or maybe you’re trying to help a child of divorce. If so, there is an article written by Angela Elwell Hunt we’d like for you to read. We believe it will give you some great insight.
Please prayerfully read this article:
• WHAT CHILDREN OF DIVORCE REALLY THINK
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Separation and Divorce
(MALAYSIA) Hi! I am not a Christian but I know family and marriage values are the same in every religion, race and colour… even the trauma of divorce. I think the most important thing in a divorce (if it’s inevitable and has to happen), is to make it is as civil as possible, especially for the children. I am 31 this year. Oldest of 3. My parents had a horrible divorce and their hatred for each other never dissolved. My dad has a big ego and spite and bitterness while my mother is oblivious to her children’s lives. They were more financial advisers and fashion designers, respectively.
I never thought I would marry, due to commitment fear. I’ve seen too much and was drilled too much of what a wife is expected to do regardless of how abusive/how much infidelity is carried out by a man. However, I am due to be married next year to a man who was patient enough (thus far) to deal with my fears and paranoias. The worst part, neither one of my parents are supportive of my wedding, in the sense like “it’s either me there at your wedding or your mum; you can’t have us both there.” So even after 20 years of separation/divorce, they still hurt us.
My sister left for Australia with a Good man she married without my mother’s presence as my father didn’t allow it and my brother seeks his best friend’s family for family comfort. So yeah, everyone of us are still hurting today and it affects our everyday lifes and relationships.
The most important thing is, the hatred/spite/bitterness/anger needs to be dissolved with time, at least if you want your kids to be at peace and recover after the breakup. That’s what parents of potential divorce need to consider. PLEASE be CIVIL!!! That’s all. Sorry if I said anything to offend anyone. This is my personal opinion and experience. It’s not the worst, cause I know there are those who had it worse, but these are my thoughts that I felt need to be known.
(USA) My kids are so very unhappy, as well as me. My story is painful to relive but I will today. My fiance and I spilt almost 2 years ago. I have children from a previous relationship and a daughter from my ex. We all lived together until we spilt. My kids love my ex so much they called her mom she wad great to them.
Us breaking up has hurt them so much it has made them very unhappy and changed all our lives –not in a good way. They miss her and their sister a lot, as well as I. I haven’t been able to move forward. They have told me they don’t want anyone else but her as a mom. Their mom does not do right by them and only cares about herself… the main reason they came to live with me.
I lost my home after my ex left and the kids had to go back and stay with their mom. Their grades have dropped and they cry all the time. They just want the family back how it use to be. That hurts me so much deep inside that I have tried everything to get my family back and it hasn’t happened. Now I live alone and miss the sound of kids laughing and playing; I keep praying that God reunites us as one again. The truth is I don’t want another woman in my life and my heart still belongs to her.