We can think we know what it would be like for our children to live through divorce. But it’s entirely different to actually listen to and/or read what children of divorce have experienced.
If you are considering getting a divorce we encourage you to read what some of these adults have to say concerning their growing up years in a divorced home.
Experiences of Children of Divorce
Their testimonies can be quite enlightening to better understand what your child could experience. May the eyes of your heart truly hear what God is saying to you.
If you are the child of divorce, you may be able to relate to what is written below. It could be helpful for you to share some of your thoughts afterward in the Comment Section. We pray God will empower you to work through whatever issues you have. And may you help others to do the same.
If you are already divorced and there is no possibility of reconciliation, please know that in posting this article we do not want to add to your hurt. We truly are sorry for the pain you are experiencing. We never want to add to someone’s pain. Instead, we want to participate with God in shedding more of His redeeming light upon those who need it.
Please read the following testimonies. Use them to pray through to help your children overcome obstacles they are experiencing. Many of them could be similar to the ones that are written below. May God help you in this mission.
Letter Concerning Children of Divorce
The following letter was written to Diane Sollee, the founder and Director of Smart Marriages from someone who has lived through such an experience. It’s something that we all should pay attention to:
I have to comment on the subject of children of divorce. No matter how many “rough spots” my husband and I have encountered (the normal marriage stuff) I made a decision long ago that once we brought kids into the world divorce was a taboo word. Above all, I would never let these little creatures that I adore so much go through what I went through. This included parent’s multiple ex’s, remarriages, too many step-siblings to count and basically the loss of a family.
Although my parents divorced 40 years ago when I was 10 it still affects me today. I have no memories of a happy family growing up. There was no getting to know extended family and so on. However, my husband who is from a HUGE intact family full of love and closeness serves as a contrast to what I missed.
Fortunately my kids are very close to them. I wish more people would come out and acknowledge the harm to children when parents have a bitter divorce. I am sure this is why I am so pro-marriage.
Yesterday I had a couple with five children meet with me the first time. They told me that two other therapists told them they should divorce (which I find appalling). Instead, we focused on strengths and reasons to stay married after 21 years.
We also of course discussed the hard issues they need to fix. But they left my office very pleased and hopeful.
If parents could put children first, divorce rates would go waaaaaaaaay down!
—Katherine Robredo
— ALSO —
From the ministry of Familylife.com the following article gives another perspective on this issue:
• IT HURTS TO BE A CHILD OF DIVORCE
And then here is an additional article from Today’s Christian Woman that could give you additional insight:
If you have additional tips you can share, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Separation and Divorce
(UNITED STATES) Through out my childhood years my parents went threw a horrific divorce. It tore our family apart. Of course being young I wasn’t always completely aware of everything that occurred. Now that I am older, and I see more of what the situation was all those tears and heartbreak should not have happened.
Everything turned bad when love, kindness and God; were no longer options. There were times were I felt as if I had to pick one parent over the other. Or be the parent for my younger siblings. There was very little love and happiness. Although now that I am older I see things differently. This divorce gave me the chance to see the world differently.
It was a terrible experience, but I positively made my way through all struggles.
There are still problems I face today with my parents. They do not even speak to each other even to this day. I hate being in the middle of the situation.
If you are ever considering divorce in your household. Make sure you are able to face the responsibilities as a parent. That you will be on your own without another parent for your children to face. Keep your children’s happiness and loving them, in your mind always. The most important thing is keep going when everything is bad.. never forget your job as a parent. Do not ever give up on your family. Always have faith, God will show you; your light.
(ZAMBIA) Thanks Gabby, your exhortation really touched me, am blest. God bless you too.
(AUSTRALIA) My husband recently left us. It’s not the first time, but this time appears to be final unless we recieve a miracle and God changes his heart. I have 4 children aged; 9, 7 ,5, & 2 (3 boys and a girl). They are praying their dad will change his heart and come back. I have great support and prayer from my family and his. What is the best thing I can do for my children both long term and short term so the effects of separation and divorce can be minimized?
(USA) I grew up in a divorced family. Change is possable if we follow Christ because we can do all things through Christ. My mother’s second husband beat me and molested my sisters. These events happened partially due to my fathers sins before divorce, and my mother not trusting God by believing that divorce was the answer. After 45 years she is still in the prison of bitterness.
My father became a Christian just before the divorce and after my mother married that man that did those awful things, my dad married a godly woman. Praise God for her. I am 45 and she still influences me to follow Christ even after my dad has been in heaven for almost four years. I pray that God will grant my mother the gift and ability to forgive and be free of this bitterness.