How do you cope when your spou
se is unemployed? What is a spouse supposed to do—actually, both spouses?
As one author said:
“The loss of a job can put the vow ‘for better or for worse’ to the test. Unemployment rates high on the list, along with death and divorce, as one of life’s top stress-inducing events. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources and guidance for those coping with their own unemployment. But what about the rest of the family? Unemployment impacts spouses and children, too.” (Roberta Rand)
Another author said this about being unemployed:
“Nobody likes to think about being unemployed. But it’s a state that’s more and more common. Whether due to corporate ‘right-sizing,’ termination, or career change, it’s always an uneasy time. What causes the stress? First, the spouse who’s lost his or her job may have suffered a serious blow to the identity. This is especially true for husbands, since most men largely define themselves by their work. They also tend to believe that the husband’s earnings are the family’s primary income, whether that belief is stated or not.
“Second, many couples haven’t saved enough money to get them through a prolonged period of unemployment. Running out of money is a real possibility, depending on how long joblessness lasts. So is going into debt with credit cards or losing a house if you default on a mortgage. All this weighs heavily on both partners, especially the one who feels most responsible to ‘win the bread.” (Sandra Lundberg, from the book, The First Five Years of Marriage
)
Coping when your spouse is unemployed can be difficult for any married partners. It’s especially difficult when the challenges are overwhelming and are coming at you from all sides. This type of situation works over-time on your mind and how you interact as husband and wife.
Christina Woodside, knows what it’s like to be a wife whose husband loses a job.
She writes,
“I heard the garage door opening. It was only 5 o’clock. Don certainly was home early. Lately he had been working long days, much too long. ‘I sure hope they appreciate his hard work,’ I often thought. ‘He deserves to come home early one day. I’m so glad he’s finally doing it.’
“But as I glanced up from the sink full of dishes, one look at his face told me something was wrong. My smile faded and before I could say anything, he painfully murmured, ‘I got a pink slip today, along with 150 other people.’ The company had been hiding its financial problems until now. We were stunned. For a man, especially one in his early fifties with two kids in college, news like this can be devastating.”
She then goes on to write some tips for “Supporting Your Spouse Emotionally and Spiritually.” To learn more, click onto the Crosswalk.com web site link to read:
• WHEN YOUR HUSBAND LOSES HIS JOB
Laurie Jackson voiced her journey with her husband’s unemployment this way.
She wrote:
“When my husband, Dennis, first began job hunting, I’d hold my breath as I waited for him to appear at the door, eager for a glimpse of his face to tell me if his day had been a success. But now, 15 months after he became a statistic —one of 300 laid off by his employer of six years —I can tell how his day’s gone simply by the way his feet hit the steps leading from the garage into the house. Today his footsteps are heavy, as though he’s carrying the weight of the world.
“All these months I’ve watched Dennis stuff hundreds of resumés into the mailbox and pound away at the computer keyboard, courageously sending hundreds more electronically. I’ve waved good-bye to him as he drives off early in the morning to face another day of approaching unapproachable receptionists at companies that ‘are not hiring.’ And I’ve greeted his slumped shoulders and downcast eyes upon his return after another unproductive afternoon.
Lowered Expectations
“I’ve seen Dennis lower his expectations, then lower them further. An electronics technician with a sterling work record and more than 20 years’ experience in his field, he first sought a comparable job. After a few months, Dennis expanded his search to include entry-level positions in his field, expecting that would do the trick. His wink and nod assured me we’d find a way to get by for a while on the lower salary. But after several weeks went by with no interviews, much less job offers, he began to respond to every job posting for which he was qualified —and, more often than not, overqualified.
“He then began to be turned away for jobs on a whole different level: gas station attendant, custodian, grocery clerk, and school crossing guard, to name a few. And while I was proud of his willingness to do whatever job it took to put food on the table, it was at that point I became afraid.
“My fear stemmed from all the unknowns: What if Dennis doesn’t find work soon? How long can we go without his income? What will happen to us when the unemployment insurance expires, or our savings runs dry? In the beginning, I was Dennis’ biggest cheerleader. But the more time goes by, the more discouraged, despondent, and bewildered Dennis becomes. And the more tired I get.”
To learn more, please read of Laurie Jackson’s journey concerning (plus the additional article, “A Woman’s Work” written by Holly Vicente Robaina). And then there’s another couple who survives job loss, which was written about in an article by Sherri Langton.
Concerning being unemployed and laid off, please read:
• LAID OFF
— ALSO —
Maybe you’ve even gotten to the place, as Laurie Jackson did. You’re so tired and each day drags onto the next, with no end in sight. Fear, anger, and a whole range of emotions have overtaken any optimism you could ever have.
Sarah Canney found herself in that place and writes the following:
“When my husband lost his job and his self-esteem, I had to learn a lesson in grace and patience.”
You can read about it in this linked article below:
Lori Fletcher, in the Familylifetoday.com article linked to below, discusses “Seven ways a wife can show her support.” As you, or your wife may know, this isn’t easy. Yet you want to do all you can so you don’t cause more problems. She writes:
“As the wife of a man who no longer has somewhere to go everyday, where do you start in showing your support?
To learn more about being unemployed, read:
• COPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND’S JOB LOSS
Roberta Rand Caponey, gives her advice when:
“The loss of a job can put the vow ‘for better or for worse” to the test.”
You can learn from her experience in the Focus on the Family article linked below:
• COPING WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS UNEMPLOYED
Unfortunately, the testimonies and the advice within the linked articles above, come from the standpoint of the husband losing the job. The wife is the spouse who is trying to cope. Unfortunately, in doing my research on the Internet, these are the only types of articles I’ve been able to find. So I’ve given the information I can, accordingly.
I hope if you are the husband reading this article, trying to cope with your wife losing her job, you’ve been able to flip around the pronouns. Glean through the insights given. In your search for information, if what you find isn’t a custom-fit, ask the Holy Spirit to personalize and show HIS insights. Glean through what you are able to find.
You may even feel a tug to re-read that which is written above from that perspective. If so, allow the Holy Spirit to be your interpreter and your “Wonderful Counselor.”
Whatever you do, please be intentional in working on your marriage relationship, at least on your part. You may not be able to control what your spouse does or does, but do what the Lord would have you do. Love, as Christ loves you.
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” –Barbara Johnson
Some things that Paul Tripp wrote in his book, What Did You Expect? may give you different insights than you had thought of previously.
He wrote:
“God is in control not only of the locations in which you live, but also of the influences that have shaped you as a person. He has not only written the story of you and your spouse and determined that your stories would intersect, but he has controlled all the things that have made you different from one another.
“As you struggle, you must not view your marriage as bad luck, or poor planning, or as a mess that you made for yourself. God is right smack-dab in the middle of your struggle. He is not surprised by what you are facing today. He is up to something. [The question is, will you participate with Him in this, or fight against Him?]
“…God is working to rescue you from you, to deliver you from sin, and to form the character of Jesus in you. Marriage, the world’s most long-term and comprehensive relationship, is taking place in the middle of sanctification, the world’s most important unfinished process. Why would God do this? Hasn’t he gotten the proverbial cart before the proverbial horse? Well, the reason this doesn’t seem to make sense to us is that our purpose for marriage tends to be different from the Lord’s. We’re just not on God’s agenda page.
“Our desire is that our marriages would be the location of our comfort, ease, and enjoyment; we often have desires no bigger than this. But God’s purpose is that each of our marriages would be a tool for something that is way more miraculous and glorious than our tiny, little, self-focused definition of happiness. He has designed marriage to be one of his most effective and efficient tools of personal holiness. God has designed your marriage to change you.”
Paul Tripp also wrote:
“There are moments in our marriages when we’re crying out for grace, not recognizing that we’re getting it. We’re not getting the grace of relief or release, because that isn’t the grace we really need. No, what we’re getting is something we desperately need, the uncomfortable grace of personal growth and change. With the love of a Father, your Lord is prying open your hands so you’ll let go of that which rules your heart but will never satisfy you.
With the insight of a seasoned teacher, He is driving you to question your own wisdom so that you will let go of your understanding and rest in His. And with the skill of the world’s best counselor, God is showing you the delusions of your control so that you will take comfort in His rule. With the gentleness of a faithful friend He is facing you toward the inadequacies of your own righteousness so that you find hope in Him.
“When you are tired and uncomfortable because you have been called to live with someone who is not like you, what you tell yourself about what you are going through is very important. It is in this moment that you must preach to yourself the theology of uncomfortable grace (See Romans 5; James 1; and 1 Peter 1), because when you do, you begin to be less resistant and more appreciative, and you are on your way to forging a marriage of unity, understanding, and love.”
Susan, from the U.S., gave the following advice on the Marriage Missions web site on this subject a while back, that I’d like to close this article with because I believe it’s helpful for us all to keep in mind no matter what the trial has assaulted our marriage.
She shared:
“My husband has been unemployed for almost two years. I confess that I have been more like a shrewish hag than a shrine of encouragement. In seeing this ugliness in me I’ve been able to go to the Lord and become transformed. There is a renewing of my mind, which is really what walking with Christ is all about.
“What it is doing for my husband is between Him and the Lord. I’m learning to keep taking it to Him over and over again until I’m transformed into His image. I sure make a lot of trips to Him through all this, and through it all He provides all we need.
“So, my female friends —lose the mommy act with your man. Take your woes to Christ —He has what you need. And don’t feel bad about bugging the Lord —He doesn’t mind a bit and you can’t hurt His feelings. You’ll walk away a new creature. Kumbaya, friends, Kumbaya.”
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Assorted Marriage Issues
(IRELAND) I’ve been married for 16 years. We have 2 great boys whom we both adore. I work full time and do the lion’s share of the housework and all the cooking. My husband is a very attentive dad, attends all sports activities with the boys. Recently he was made redundant from his reasonably well paid job. My job although a good job, will never cover our expenses. I am ever so worried about meeting our mortgage payments and am overwhelmed by this feeling of responsibility now that I am the only person earning.
My husband cannot see this from my point of view and thinks I’m being selfish. I know it must be dreadful for him to have lost his job in this terrible time but I feel nothing but hopelessness as I look into the future. I am somewhat embarrassed by the whole situation as well, as I have been reared to believe that only a certain type of person finds themselves out of work. This is my problem I know and I know I shouldn’t feel like this.
My husband is picking up on this and relations are very strained to say the least. I know our bickering is unfair on the boys too. My husband changed jobs about 4 times during our marriage and has never been very satisfied in his work. I on the other hand, love my job. When he took this last job (which he has just lost) he did so without reference to me -telling me the day he handed in his notice only -I feel very bitter about this.
This time he told me his job was on the line over the phone as I was on my way to work recently. He doesn’t ‘get it’ when I tell him I feel excluded and unloved by his willingness to exclude me from his decisions. He always tells his parents about his decisions and woes though. And although I love them dearly, his willingness to share with them and exclude me is not helping our marriage. Where to go from here I just don’t know??
(UK) Hi, I have read all these stories and it sounds like a global problem. I googled stuff on spouse without work and landed up here. Well, the reason is that I’m also sailing in the same boat. But my story is bit different. I had met my husband on a matrimonial website which now-a-days is a common practice in India. We are an Indian couple. When I got in touch with my husband, he was working in an IT company and was drawing a decent salary and I was an international student in UK. We used to speak over skype for hours and hours.I liked him as a person and thought he is a intelligent and simple guy. We decided to tie the knot in January 2009 and our families were very supportive. At the time of my wedding I thought I made a right choice.
Just 3 days after our wedding I came to London to join my work and my husband went back to Bangalore (a city in India) to join his work. Immediately I started working on his visa and found him too lazy to go though the paper work. Anyway, the whole process took 8 months and he finally resigned his job in India and joined me in UK in August 2009. Since then he is in London and he is jobless.
For last 2.5 years I have been bearing all the expenses and all the responsibilities. I still haven’t seen his real self. As I said we met on a matrimonial website… I don’t know him well. He has never gifted me anything or pampered me ever as his wife. It hurts me all the time. But I want to share one thing… all this while I have tried to understand him just as an individual… not as my husband. As I still am not able to look at him as my husband.
I never asked for anything from him… I just don’t feel that he is someone I can depend on ever in my life. I have gone through all kinds of emotions …we had terrible fights. I have told him 1000 times that I want divorce and life is hell with him… but everytime he requested for me to give him emotional support and bear with him.
I sometimes wonder if he is deceiving me. But deep down I feel no… he doesn’t look like a fraud guy… he is simple and he is limited in all his expenses. In fact there is no expense at all… just the food that I buy for him and the rent I pay. I have to tell him what I want him to do…and he will do it.
For last 6 months I have stopped asking him about job and I’m carrying on with my work and duties. I try to keep myself happy by buying things for myself, spending time with friends. I used to buy a lot of things for him but not anymore.
I’ve seen it working. Sometimes I have to make him say about his plans for finding a job. He is working hard to prepare himself for the UK software industry. I just want to say… we are the better judge of our situation. We can express just our feelings through writing on these forums but we know what has actually happened. Sometimes we complicate our situation and we fail to assess. It’s important to keep yourself outside of the whole situation in order to assess it correctly.
My husband has still not found job and our 3rd anniversary is going to fall on 26th January 2011. I don’t know if this relationship will survive or I’m going to ever get anything. But I know when the right time comes I will make the right decision for myself and my spouse. It’s hard to be strong, as this is the toughest situation I have ever faced… but I’m willing to wait and watch what’s future holds for both of us… togetherness forever or separation for good!
(USA) My partner and I have very different values and approaches regarding work. I have had 4 jobs in my 45 years and do well. I work hard and plan. I’ve been fortunate that even without a degree I have progressed very well in my career. About 4 years ago I hit a very hard time, my marriage failed and I allowed myself to fall into a bad depression. Work had become more challenging and I didn’t seem to possess the ability to overcome. I disconnected and lost my job. After that I was unemployed for 10 months depleting savings etc. A home I owned and was renting out was foreclosed because around the same time the renter stopped paying and I didn’t have the income to cover 2 mortgages… Up was down and down was up …nothing made sense.
I did not do all I could have to find a job. I could have done more but didn’t possess the confidence. I was lost. The farther I sank the more overwhelming it became.
Eventually I got an opportunity. It required that I move 1300 mile away, for much less money than I had been making (however anything is more than zero, right?) My cousin gave me a place to stay. So for a year I lived in a 200 sq ft cabin with no heat, no kitchen etc… I drove 2 hrs each way to work and I did nothing but work. I paid my debts, saved my $$ and got an apt, got new furniture and rebuilt. Now 4 years later I’ve gotten 4 promotions, I make 25K more than my last job.
I never planned or thought my life could have turned upside down, never thought or would have chosen to move out of state, live in a cabin… but you can be suprised by what you can do if you have to and still be grateful. Nothing is permanent. Don’t worry if you can’t do this forever… start, walk, keep walking, crawl if you have to; at least you’re moving. You’re creating the energy to keep pushing you forward. Stop and do nothing and it’s just a bigger hole that you have to climb out of.
I won’t ever let myself fall that far again. If life changes again and the rug gets pulled out I’ll take any job or 2 or 3 or 4… I can always keep trying for a different one.
My current partner was unemployed when I met her (red flag) and in 3 1/2 years has had more jobs than I’ve had my whole life. She can’t get to work on time, has issus with bosses coworkers etc… loses the job, gets depressed and is always telling me what she can’t do, not what she can.
If you are with a “can’t do-er” and can leave… leave. Only they can change. We can only lead by example. If you like what we have or where we got, then do what we did… it wasn’t handed to any of us.
(USA) Recently my husband decided he hated his self-employment (Construction), and just wanted to sell everything and do something more important for eternity. I was a little sad at first cause I just got the house half way decent, but whatever… I know Jesus is more important.
The problem is my husband is kinda scary to me lately. He is angry at me a lot, and tells me the lies that satan tells him about me… like she’s a bum, she never understands MY circumstances, Why can’t she make a nice dinner every single night, etc.
I need to also mention I was recently diagnosed with Narcolepsy so I’ve always felt like a loser cause I’m tired constantly, and I’m not the person I ever wanted to be. Doctors just kept saying I was depressed, giving me drug after drug. My husband would be furious at me cause the blood work, cat scan, etc would always come back normal. He used to treat me half way decent, but now he’s mad and angry, really scoulding me for everything I do or don’t do.
One night he punched his fist into our stained glass window with our wedding date and names inscribed on it, and the window behind it went shattering too! He told me later he punched it because of what it stood for… (our marriage). We are both in Christian counseling, but it seems like that is making it worse!? I was wondering if he should go to the doctor, cause I know some very weird facts about his family. He would argue, God would never want me on any drugs. But he’s scaring me. Thank you for any advice, prayer, etc. Dreamer
(USA) I suggest you talk to someone who has knowledge in Domestic Violence, a counselor.
(NIGERIA) I Married two years ago in April 17 2010. April 26 2010 my husband had a fatal accident. Since then till this moment he is not doing anything but stays with her sister in Lagos. He is a business man. He goes to China for business but since 2009 he came back, after our wedding, he has gone back to China Embassy for a Visa.
Unfortunately, they refused him a visa two consecutive times. Since then my husband refused to open a business at home. He insisted that he must go back to China for business. Please advise me. I have tried my best to make sure that he starts up something here but he refused. He chose to stay ideal. We have a boy and I am pregnant with second baby now. Please what do I do? I work, but my salary is nothing to write home about. As a young man in his 40s, he should be hard working and up and doing.
(U.S.) I have been married for 7 years. We are both 50 and have grown kids. My husband has had 11 jobs since our marriage. He says it’s never his fault that he has to quit his job. He does not get along with whoever he works with. He hates corporatism, is his excuse. Every job he starts he says he will stay and make it work but never does.
He came home yesterday and told me this last job is not going to last either. He has been there a month. The last job lasted 6 months. I’m at my wits end. I need stability. I am not working right now because I have to quit jobs I love to follow him to other states for jobs he gets.
He is a great interviewer. He gets high paying jobs with companies paying for moving expenses. He always seems to move me to areas far from my family. I am ready to throw in the towel. I miss my family. I’m thinking of moving back to my home state and not following him to another job he won’t last at. He told me when we got married that he would settle down to one job and stay to grow roots. Why do I keep believing him?
(U.S.) I am 49. I was fired during a workers comp case in which I fell asleep at the wheel of my sales worktruck. I had a lack of sleep due to tending to my daughter who was in residential care out of state and she had been raped. I hate sales. I have a computer associates degree from 2003. I finished my Bachelors Degree this last May. As of Sept 2011, I am unemployed 2 years. I have 8 kids including special needs. I have had a total of 5 interviews in 2 years!!
My wife applied to a social services job that I applied to and I was equally qualified for and they hired her and I was not even called! I am in graduate school and we will run out of loans due to our foreclosure this month. (Merry Christmas).
Everything rotates around the job for me; my identity, self-esteem and even the way my wife sees me intimately. Needless to say I am deeply depressed and see no way out of this. God has truly foresaken me regardless of the arguments against this statement. All my worth trickles down into my daily life and respect by others including my kids. I am worthless to all, except my disabled child. It’s over. My witness to others, my leadership… all gone.
(USA) I don’t really know what to say. I started reading this thread hoping to feel better about my situation but now I feel worse. I really don’t understand all these lazy selfish men? I just don’t get it?
Mine has been unemployed for 3 months after working at a job for 5 years. That is why I don’t get it. He was a perfect employee. Never missed work, etc.
It was near Christmas so I didn’t mind him not looking until after the first of the year but he has made zero effort to look none.
I was unemployed last year and I spent time every day working on my skills and looking and found something. I just assumed he would do the same. No, he doesn’t clean up the house or do anything helpful. Just like others here, he watches TV and plays video games all night long.
I notice the ladies here managed to find jobs and stay employed. I wonder why we can do it and they can’t seem to or won’t? I had told him he needs to start looking for a job now. I didn’t hint or mess around. I just flat out said it. We’ll see what happens.
(USA) Well, honestly, some days I am just angry. I have been working since I was 15 years old and now I am 40. He is 51. My husband in the 14 years of being together has held over 12-14 jobs, the longest being 1.5 yrs. My husband has never made more than $18,000 in one year. Last employment was 3.5 years ago. He was often terminated because of lateness, behavior and not concentrating and completing his work. This last job he had almost a year and then the facility closed. Then… diagnosis came. He has ADHD inattentive type. He is on medication and has program assistance to help him find a job. (Trust me, the assistance isn’t much).
I have 2 jobs and a teenager (male). Sometimes I worry regarding his image of a man. My husband is loving, and if I ask him to do any housework (except cooking…he isn’t crazy about it, he would). He has a good heart… but you know as the song goes… “Your love is such a thrill, but it sure don’t pay the bills”. I didn’t sign up for a house husband. I am too tired half the time to come home and organize his life. He wants only certain types of jobs, but in my mind… if you were HUNGRY, then you would go work at Mc’Donalds if you had to.
I have an advanced degree, I make a good living and I work way too hard. I feel like I am missing out in life. I feel like I wake up late every day, even though I wake up early…there is just not enough hours. It is not that I wish to be a housewife, I just want him to work, so he can have money in his pocket and take care of his basic expenses. It stings when I have to hand him over “allowance” every week so he can get his haircut. I gas up his car, I pay for his prescriptions; if we eat out, I always pay.
Perhaps I am old fashioned. Perhaps it’s wrong for me to think if all of this happened to a woman instead of a man, it would be more acceptable. Perhaps there is a little “Cinderella” in me. I just don’t feel his masculinity with this arrangement. It is hard to be attracted to him because of the money issue. It just does not feel right, when I wake up in the morning to go to work, he is still sleeping in bed. It feels crazy, if I come home early, he may still be in his PJ’s. It does feel good to just vent for a few. Thanks for the forum!
(USA) I am at a loss. My husband has been out of work for 4 months and seems less motivated that ever. He is depressed and is reluctant to seek help. I pray but feel no response. I don’t want a divorce but I don’t want to keep living like this.
Prior to July 2011 he was alcoholic. He went into rehab and since then this is how things have been. I don’t want to deal with him or our situation any longer. He wants me to have sympathy and understanding but what about me? The love has dwindled down so low and there seems to be a gigantic hole between us that I feel there is no coming back.
(USA) I am so happy to know that I am not alone in this horrible situation. I have only been married to him for 2 1/2 years, but I have known him since we were in Kindergarten, about 43 years.
He has been married twice before and I was married once. I know that in the past he has been financially stable and held jobs that were bringing in wonderful salaries. He was a hard working person. My sadness is in that he could do this for the others whom he could not make the marriages work, but not for me and expects the marriage to work. The only thing working around here is me.
I have never been without work and yet cannot make ends meet due to his constant spending. It is not large sums, but it is often. He has not worked a regular job in about 10 years. Yes, I married him when he was working for a company whose owner he thought was a friend and he did not get paid. He just keeps jumping from one wide eyed dream to the next. I am emotionally exhausted. I seldom feel the love.
Although he says the “I love you” often, his actions seem to be proving otherwise. I keep the faith and pray often. I have a 12 year old daughter from my previous marriage who suffers as well (not in silence) with the financial woes. What am I to do with this man? No matter how I try to get him to get a job while he works on his dreams, he piddles his days away. I am at my wits end.
(U.S.) With 8 kids… 5 of which are special needs, 28 months unemployed at 49 yrs old, is a very difficult and demeaning way to live. Hope is a word that was long forgotten at the 1 year mark. My education and my resume (which has changed about 20 times) has gotten me no where. My marriage lives on; my Christian faith and witness is no longer a hope for others except for my willingness to hang on to it.
Add all this to a belittling wife who provides unsolicited advice daily and an unsexual interest in me that has low self-esteem results! Her claim on bigger knowledge of family advice is well noted. Depression is the word and I wake up with it as a devoted partner daily!
Seems strange that I feel there is something great I should be doing, but tomorrow is another day of isolation, criticism, unmet needs, worthlessness and despair. I look in the mirror at an educated and articulate man who has tremendous ability and yet for the last 840 days, and 6 total interviews, I am either mentally challenged or something worse!
(USA) Thanks for your thoughts. It is interesting to hear what is going on in your mind. It must be hard for you too. Sometimes I think in my own marriage I get so angry that I forget “his” side of it too. Thanks for perspective.
(CANADA) I forgot to mention we ended up homeless for 2 days 2 years ago. I tried to move back to my home province in eastern Canada (New Brunswick) as my family is there. But no one wants to take me in -times have changed. Women used to be looked after by their families. I guess not anymore.
I also have an abusive boyfriend -he doesn’t treat me good since I lost my job again. He has not helped me with money although he does cook me great meals. His income is minimum wage now due to the internet taking over his job slowly. He owes me 370 and was supposed to pay me 130 last Friday and didn’t give me a dime. Instead he paid money he owed his father (450!). His father has an ongoing income I don’t! I only have money to last me until April 1st then I don’t know what will happen… things are very bad in Canada, too.
(USA) Ladies, my situation is this: I’ve been married for seven years, and throughout my marriage my husband has had inconsistent employment. When he works, he is hard working, diligent, never calls in and frankly loves to work! His last job was a teaching and coaching position in which he was great at however he was let go due to certification issues. He is now in school working towards his certification, but in the meantime has been unable to secure a job. This has created extreme stress because everything falls on me. He is a good man, but I find myself frustrated over not having enough. God’s grace has been sufficient, but I’m like when will our breakthrough manifest and why is it taking so long! Lord help, how much longer must we endure?
(USA) I thought I was alone and going crazy until I found this site. I lost track, but I think it has been 3 years since my husband has worked. He did try a couple of hokey jobs to bring in a little money, but they never lasted more than a week. I make a substantial salary, but in my state, with cost of living, bills, and a 10 yr old son, it does not go far.
He is college educated and has a big likeable personality and has had great paying jobs but something always seems to happen, conflict with Manager yada, yada, yada. I have often told him, just go to work, don’t express your opinions or go against the system as I feel he can intimidate people because he tends to speak his mind.
I loved my husband so much, but this has really put a strain on our relationship, mentally and intimately, because I feel like he needs to do whatever he has to do, no matter how much money, to contribute to the household. I try to be supportive, but I have become so angry and bitter and nag all the time, because everything is on me. I cook, clean, wash, shop and help with the homework. He is only applying for jobs online, while watching CSI and reruns of the Soprano’s.
He has had several interviews, but has come up dry and he is depressed in my opinion. I often work from home, his daily routine is as follows: drop off our son at school, get on the internet, watch television, lay on top of the bed until he is bored, go to library, go to the bar, pick up a couple of bottles of wine from the store, watches more tv, by 7:00 he is sleep. Then he wonders why he can’t sleep at night.
Our son has picked up on my vibe and often yells and is disrespectful to his Dad. I feel really bad. I wish things were the way they used to be, but I am getting really disenchanted and pray that I can hold on because I am really, really tired!