When we’ve been hurt by our spouse (or anyone else) our first tendency is to protect ourselves from ever being hurt like that again. That can be a good instinct. But then temptation enters in to become bitter, and wallow in unforgiveness because of the victimization we feel.
Sometimes bitterness comes upon us quickly and we instinctively grab onto it. And other times it seems to “sneak” up on us over time like a thief. It then steals away our peace and changes who we are from that day forward.
Despite Being Hurt
Bitterness is a natural emotional tendency we can fall into when we’ve been severely hurt. But the Lord often tells us to go against our natural tendencies —especially when we’re holding onto bitterness. He tells us to let go and forgive. This isn’t because God doesn’t understand why we would feel this way. And it isn’t that He doesn’t feel compassion for us. But because He has a bigger plan involved —a plan we may never understand this side of heaven —He’s asking us to trust Him with this.
He also tells us to allow Him to deal with retribution instead of us. We’re told in the Bible:
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21)
Faith Walk
Keep in mind that just because we don’t see God taking revenge in the timing or the manner we think is appropriate, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future. It’s a faith-walk we’re traveling on this side of heaven. There are times when we just have to trust God for that, which we don’t understand. As we’re told in Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Yet it’s so difficult to trust and then to forgive those who have hurt us. It’s all the more difficult when the person isn’t repentant. This requires monumental resolve to refrain from inflicting the pain upon them that we want them to experience. We want to see for ourselves that they suffer. But when God tells us to do something, our reasonings don’t excuse us from doing His will. He is God and we are not. He does things differently than we do. As we’re told in Isaiah 55:9:
“As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
It might be helpful to think of it in this way:
“Biblical forgiveness always insists on personal moral responsibility. But it transfers the right of retribution to the One to whom this rightfully belongs. When I forgive an offender, I do not decide he couldn’t help what he did to me. Rather, I decide that it’s not my place to pay him back. God alone has this right because all sin is first of all an act of rebellion against Him. And for that reason He is the only competent moral Judge.
“In transferring this crime to a higher court, I am not overturning justice. I am cooperating with God’s perfect justice.” (Gary DeLasmutt)
Forgiveness is to be given unconditionally. And revenge is “transferred” to God to take care of, because we’re told to do so by our Heavenly Father. We can trust Him that justice will be served someday. That’s the way it is. It’s all part of our faith-walk here on earth.
That Person ISN’T Set Free
But it’s also important to realize that in giving forgiveness, it doesn’t mean the person is totally free to victimize us again. And it doesn’t mean that we must trust them just because we’ve forgiven them. Trust is something they need to earn. God has not told us to put trust into those who don’t deserve it. Reconciliation isn’t a requirement of forgiving the other person. Reconciliation is something the other person must work through with you. But holding onto unforgiveness or bitterness isn’t something we’re allowed to cling onto.
I believe part of the reason for this, is for our own protection. Unforgiveness and bitterness hurts the victim more than it hurts the person who caused us harm. It changes our whole countenance, the direction of our thoughts, and our actions. It eats up our joy and consumes the peace we can have within, if we don’t release it. And it usually spills over and hurts others as we share those emotions with them. We often take it out on them in some way because we can’t seem to hold our bitter emotions in as time progresses.
Studies have also shown that it also takes its toll on our health. It causes all kinds of physical ailments because of the toxicity, which bitter emotions emit into our bodies.
Releasing US as a Prisoner
God requires us to get rid of any bitter and unforgiving feelings we may be holding onto. We’re told in Hebrews 12:14-15:
Make every effort to live in peace with all men and be holy. Without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
We’re also challenged in Hebrews 12:1-3 where it is written:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
F.A.I.T.H.
So, we’re to trust God, forgive those who hurt us, and not become bitter or take revenge, even when we don’t understand all the reasons behind any of those actions. It’s trusting God’s heart and motives. And it’s applying whatever “faith” we have to the whole matter. An acronym for “faith” is: F.A.I.T.H. = Forsaking All I Trust Him!
The question is, do you? Do you trust Him, even when you don’t understand what He’s doing? Do you do this even when He hasn’t let you in on His plan? And, WILL you? Will you put your trust in Him?
But there’s one more thing required of us that’s really difficult. Will you thank Him, despite the pain? Will you live out what it tells us to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18? In those verses we’re told to:
Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
It’s Difficult!
That’s really difficult isn’t it? It’s difficult enough to trust, forgive, not become bitter, not take revenge, but to be joyful, despite the hurt and give thanks for what has hurt us. It seems almost cruel that God would ask us to go that far. The “praying continually” part isn’t so difficult. And even the joyful part can be possible, because even in the midst of tears we can often find some things to take pleasure in. But to give thanks in ALL circumstances —even the ones that have hurt us so very deeply, seems impossible!
Keep in mind, “God never did anything to you that wasn’t FOR you” (or for others in the grander scale of things).
And most often it isn’t something that God did TO you that you’re suffering from. But rather it’s something He ALLOWED to happen, for whatever reason He has decided. It’s another thing we have to trust Him with. We live in a fallen world. When the world fell into sin, even the innocent began to suffer the consequences of hurtful things. God doesn’t promise to protect us from every “trouble” that comes our way.
We’re warned in John 16:33:
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
In other words, we can count on having troubles in this world. Again, we live in a fallen world. People make stupid and sinful choices that hurt those who are innocent. God hates sin and the consequences. But He has promised us that we can have peace if we trust Him. And we can allow Him to redeem that, which hurts us. We can also be confident that He has overcome the world. In the final scheme of everything that happens, we can have peace.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
Filed under: Bitterness and Forgiveness
(USA) Hi Alan, In reading your comments I get the impression that your situation is certainly one of those very trying times that come up in life. I also know from my own experience as well as that of many of my Christian brothers and sisters, that there are a lot of "wilderness" periods.
If it looks like all your options are tapped out then this is God’s way of saying – "Now it’s time for you to be with me even more than you were." In other words, it’s time of the Holy Spirit to really minister to you.
I don’t know what God’s plan is for you or where He will guide you in this situation you are currently facing but He definitely has a plan for you. Rest in that and trust that. Then, quietly listen for the Shepherd’s voice to lead you and tell you what to do at each step.
Remember when Christ first got baptized of water and then the Holy Spirit came down (ascended from Heaven) upon Him? Then he went to the desert for 40 days, didn’t eat and was tempted by Satan. These wilderness periods come up and they are very hard to go through (I’ve been there) but in the end, once you’ve come out on the other side, you’ll be stronger and also will have learned SO many things through it. Although it’s hard, be glad in that God has decided to mold you even more like Christ through the current situation.
Be quick and unceasing in prayer and remain faithful and close to God. He will guide you through it. Take each day as it comes, not dwelling on the day(s) before or day(s) to come. Looking at the past or trying to figure out the future, I have found, tends to lead to more frustration, not less because we simply don’t know God’s overall plan for us (the big picture). This is how we get through trying times – one day at a time. This is what I’ve learned in my faith walk. Hope it helps. With love, LT
(CANADA) I agree with her – seeking God and getting closer to Him makes a big difference in situations like this – I sought him and he removed my pain and gave me beauty for ashes and joy for mourning. Amen.
(USA) Hi LT. Yes very trying. I’m still trying to get an understanding on why it happened and I might never know why. I was knocked off my walk for a bit by an unfaithful act. I’ve had support getting back and long talks with our GOD and Jesus. As far as the unfaithful act is concerned, the one who made the choice to do so is not trying real hard to help correct it. It is as though it should be done with and swept under the rug and forgotten in just a short time of it happening. This kind of act will never completely be gone from me, although in time I will be ok –still I will not be the same as before it happened.
(CANADA) It takes time but once you forgive and let God, the burden is gone because he carries it completely.
(CANADA) Thanks Cindy for this article. With everything that I’m going through with bitterness over what has happened, I know I have to truly let go and forgive. Everyday I ask God to help me have a forgiving heart coz all I want is to obey Him and do what He expects. I’m in a whole new battle and I pray that I’ll overcome. Thanks a lot for everything.
I’ll continue to pray and trust in Him so that I completely hand it to Him and am able to forgive. I don’t want to destroy myself. It’s true what has been written, that we lack peace when we don’t forgive. Things are improving in my marriage. I am not as happy as I should be, yet I’m not unhappy. I just lack the peace that comes with joy. I don’t want to miss God’s blessings coz of my feelings. Please pray for me thank you.
(USA) I’m praying for you Anne. I have confidence that you will eventually look back some day and will realize the work you have participated in with God… that you will experience peace and will fully forgive, just as God has fully forgiven you because of Jesus Christ. It’s all a part of your spiritual faith journey. You are living out your testimony step-by-step, day-by-day. As difficult as it is, it is worth the battle! Keep pressing forward. You will make it. I know this in my heart and spirit.
(CANADA) Hey Cindy, thanks a lot for your encouragement. I know you’ll read my other post on the power of a praying wife. I did fall for the trap of satan unfortunately, which lead to an evening where my husband and I weren’t talking to one another. It’s very unfortunate but yet again, it ended up being the best thing that happened coz I needed to be honest with God. I spent time with Him and I know He’ll see me through.
I know He’ll show me how to go about forgiving completely. It is a battle but one I intend to win with God’s faithfulness. Pray for our talk tonight and that I may be able to be honest about my feelings. All I want is to be happy and enjoy all the blessings God is pouring in my marriage coz honestly, despite what happened yesterday, things are going great.
Thanks a lot Cindy. I thank God everyday for you and Steve. I’m listening to a song by POINT OF GRACE-YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE. It’s amazing. It’s just about how with faith Jesus is right beside me all the time.
(ZIMBABWE) Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I am trying very hard to battle with having a positive attitude when my husband had an affair with a divorcee. She almost destroyed my marriage by writing very bad letters to me and phoning me. I am trying really hard to pray to the LORD to help me over this.
(USA) My husband has been flirting with other women throughout our marriage. He will look at internet porn and flirt with women on the internet. He will go to topless bars and he even went as far as touching another women in front of me. He does not see anything wrong with this and says that all men like to look at and flirt will other women. I have been trying to hold my marriage together for 14 years because I think it is the right thing to do and I love my husband and I fear for his soul. But I don’t think my heart can take it anymore. Is it wrong for me to want out of my marriage and to hope that I can find happiness and faithful love with someone else?
(USA) What a coincidence!!! My name is Jen, too. and you basically are living the exact same life and marriage I am. I, too, am a wife who feels the same as you. But the only thing keeping me in this is my committment to GOD. Just keep praying. I will pray for you, too.
(ZIMBABWE) Please help! My husband has a drinking problem and goes on weekend-long drinking binges when he doesn’t come home. Last November I found him in bed with a prostitute. Even though he only apologized to me after I told him to, I have forgiven him. But now the problem is should I keep forgiving him when he keeps on drinking and staying out all night (I think he keeps on visiting prostitutes)? Should I have sex with him bearing in mind that he might be having unprotected sex with others? As a Christian I believe that when I made my marriage vows I also made a promise to God to stay in this marriage, so if I leave would I not be wronging God also?
(USA) Thank you so much for this article, especially for the biblical passages. I very much appreciate it, and hope that this will help me on my own personal journey.
(PHILIPPINES) This article is a comfort to me. My husband has strayed from his path and despite my pain continues with his affairs. He feels that his empty promises will pacify me. I am keeping my marriage for the sake of our son. I feel both rage and depression simultaneously that robs me of sleep and appetite. I always pray that I be delivered from this torture since I have grown tired and weary from being consumed with so much bitterness and sadness. I have saved some parts of the article that I can read whenever I am feeling depressed. It’s like a lifesaver that I can cling to in moments of darkness- which is becoming a regular event. Thank you.
(USA) Dear Sue: What are you waiting for Sue? You don’t suppose to be a part of your husband’s sin all the time he made it. Don’t get me wrong like I wanted to say “Your husband’s problem is not yours”. All that I wanted to say is everything has a limit. Like you mentioned it, you advised him and accepted his apology for his prostitution. As a Christian you did a great job because mercy is an important quality for all Christians. Personally I would like to advise you that you share this misfortune with your pastor, your family, or your closest friends. Till the problem is solved and you take a medical test, make sure you have a protected sex with your husband. May God Help You!
(ZIMBABWE) Cindy please help me. My husband had an affair with a married woman for a year. They never slept together but used to meet for about 15 minutes about twice a week sitting in the car and on the other days when they don’t see each other they would message each other on the cell phones. The only reason why they didn’t sleep together was because they had no place to go and because of time. You see, he came home on time everyday and he spent every weekend at home. I only found out a year later when I saw as a text on his phone that he forgot to delete.
I was ready to pack and leave and after speaking to church elders and much remorse on his side we resolved the issue. I have forgiven him and we are very much in love again even more so. The problem Cindy, is even though I have forgiven him I am still very bitter and sometimes throw it back in his face. I know it’s wrong please tell me how to get rid of this bitterness.
(USA) Dear Daphne, I’ve thought and prayed about what to write to minister to you at this time. The thought which came to my mind is that this experience can be likened to experiencing a massive heart attack. The severity of it is indescribable. Your husband will probably never be able to understand how horribly he has damaged your heart and the innocence of the trust you once had for him.
One minute things are going along in a way that you thought was “normal” and fine, and the next minute, you are blindsided by a severe attack straight to your heart and soul! And within that moment in which his adulterous actions came to light, NOTHING functioned or worked the same. The pain, the fear, the confusion, absolutely EVERYTHING in your thoughts and future changed.
And lets face it, you DID suffer an attack on your heart. How could someone you so deeply trusted and gave to, with every part of your being, betray you in this way? How could he dismiss your feelings and erase all of the history you’ve had together? It’s not only that you had a heart attack, but it’s as if your husband — your marital partner, stabbed you in the heart with this betrayal.
Any wife who has any feelings at all would cry with you right now. And I do. My heart goes out to you. If I could give you a new heart and a new outlook on the future, believe me, I would. But painfully, “from this day forward” you will have to learn how to live a new “normal” — one that will take a LOT of work, and hopefully help from your husband. But even WITH his help, the recovery time will be painful and will take longer than you think you can take at times!
I can tell you, though, that you CAN get through this and you CAN come out of this stronger, and healthier than you ever could think possible at this time. I’ve seen this happen many, many times before. God can give you a new heart and a new hope and a healthier future as you lean upon Him and lean upon getting through all of the difficult therapeutic actions you will need to exercise to get to that healing place. You’ve already started to see the beginnings of this. I encourage you to hang on and keep persevering.
Just as a surgeon will many times have to cut away dead tissue so the new can heal and regenerate, God can apply the words written in the Bible into your life where it reads, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you…” (Ezekiel 36:26-27). Through His Holy Spirit — the Wonderful Counselor can guide you to the help you need. The dead and hurting emotions you feel right now, can be cut out, worked through and healed.
But I won’t kid you, this won’t happen without MUCH painful work being done on your part. And here is the unfairness of it all. YOU didn’t commit the actions of betrayal, but YOU are the one who will have to pay the highest price to get to a place of recovery. That’s what happens when we live in a fallen world where sinful choices are made. Those that shouldn’t have to, often suffer the most. And just like with heart attack victims — they are the ones who have to put forth the horrendous effort it takes to be able to heal. The important thing is to lean into the healing… It will be painful, but as they say, without pain, there is no gain. Please know that I’m so sorry for your pain.
As for your husband, and what he must be willing to do if he truly “wants” your marriage to be restored as he told you he does — he has to strip himself of wanting his own agenda lived out (he’s been there and done that). It is my deepest hope that he will step up and do whatever it takes to help you to heal, without his putting his timeline on it.
This will most likely be a long season of recovery that you will go through — one that was forced upon you by his attack to your heart, and you need to do what it takes to bring healing into you life, or you could succumb to a bitter, broken heart. But as you lean into doing what it takes to heal, you can survive and can even get to a place where you can thrive. And hopefully, with your husband’s help and commitment to the process, your marriage will survive and thrive as well. But with or without him, you need to purpose to do what it takes to no longer live as a victim.
Just as a surgeon cuts away dead and harmful tissue in an injured patient, your husband needs “heart” surgery as well. If he could do this to you, he has shown that there are some dead and very destructive parts in his way of thinking and within his heart. God says in the Bible, “I will give them an undivided heart and will put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a new heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.” (Ezekiel 11:19-20).
He needs that kind of heart surgery — to humble himself, and learn what it takes so he becomes a man of honesty and integrity again, a man who shows he loves and values his wife and his marriage above any “challenge” that is thrown at him– a man who will do what it takes to rebuild your confidence in him again.
As you do this together as husband and wife, it will be every bit as challenging as what it takes for a heart attack and stroke victim to learn how to go about living and doing “normal” tasks again. Everything will be shaky and sometimes you will fall. But eventually you will get your footing. Sometimes it will be two steps forward and one step back, but prayerfully you will eventually fall forward instead of backward and your strength will be renewed.
You might look at all I am saying here and think to yourself that you don’t have the strength it will take. This is monumental to think about. But I’m reminded of something that Peter Jenkins said a number of years ago after he walked across America from coast to coast. He was asked by a reporter how he was able to make such a difficult journey. He said, “I didn’t look at the big picture — that was too daunting. I looked at what was right before me each day. I took one step at a time, and eventually I was surprised at how far I was able to go as I looked back.”
You have a difficult journey ahead of you. But don’t look at the big picture, take one day at a time and deal with each obstacle and step as it comes up. Lean into maturity and the outlook that you want to come out of this as healthy as it is possible. As they say, “that which does not kill you will make you stronger”… and I believe that applies here.
Daphne, I encourage you to live out the words in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”
For your husband, if he is willing, I encourage him to live out the words found in Proverbs 3:3-4, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you [as it did before]; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man [and your wife].”
This web site is filled with tools to help both of you. Become students in learning what you need, to get through each day and to build a more secure marriage. Also, it would be a good thing for you and your husband to safeguard your marriage so it won’t be as vulnerable to future attacks. We have many articles posted on this web site concerning putting up hedges and safeguards to protect it.
I encourage you Daphne to take advantage of all that the Holy Spirit shows you to use on this web site, particularly going through the section on “Bitterness and Forgiveness” (as many times as you need to). Fight “the good fight” against allowing this to poison who you are and who you will become. We’re told in 2 Corinthians 10 to throw out every imagination which “sets itself up against the knowledge of God and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” So when harmful thoughts come to invade your mind (that the enemy of our faith will throw at you), throw them out and keep doing so. Be ferociously persistent. Eventually, the attacks will lessen as you throw out the junk and put in the healing word of God.
I encourage you to go to the Bible and open up the book of Psalms and use it as an outline to pour out your heart to the Lord — praying whatever comes to your mind and heart. God knows what it is like to have those you love betray you. He cries with you. I believe that your tears and petitions to the Lord will cleanse your heart. And keep your ears tuned in, to listen for the guidance He will give you at each turn. God is faithful even when human beings betray us.
I truly hope this helps you in some way. Again, I’m so sorry that you are having to experience this horrible betrayal. I pray your husband helps you through this rather than adds further contamination. That is his choice — I pray he makes a wise one. I pray you will experience God’s love and compassion and that you will receive the wisdom and discernment you need. My heart and prayers are with you. I pray the Lord helps you, and guides you, and comforts you, and speaks to you, and works in and through you.
(ZIMBABWE) Thank you Cindy for your words of encouragement. I am praying that things will be right and my husband is praying with me as well. Thank you for your prayers.
(UNITED STATES) Wonderful and positive website and article… it has been hurtful and hard to get a hold of my self esteem, hurt and acceptance on the separation of my spouse and I. Our marriage was one of marrying late in life; I saw so much selfishness from my spouse after almost 4 yrs. marriage, and 6 years of dating. He has decided that he doesn’t want to be married anymore, but still “loves” me…
The situation I feel is a multitude of selfishness… and I have to look within myself because I married someone who went thru years of AA and NA meetings, and although he feels he has healed and has from the physical of using… but the selfishness, the lack of trust; the “its” all about me; and taking people for granted mentality and if they can get something for nothing attitude… seems like they are still doing what they told me they did many years ago, plus a lot of negative acts. Unfortunately, just because someone is clean…physically… it’s sad to see that mentally they are still the same as they were in their past.
It is hurtful to let go… because I still love him; and I know I probably always will; but day by day… I ask God to heal me and as of this reading “despite being hurt… gain a positive attitude” … I am working on me because I have been sulking and not sleeping etc. and the other person surely is not doing this. I haven’t seen them, but knowing the person, they are sleeping and going on with their life. I believe in God’s word …thank you for reminding me.
“Be quick and unceasing in prayer and remain faithful and close to God. He will guide you through it. Take each day as it comes, not dwelling on the day(s) before or day(s) to come. Looking at the past or trying to figure out the future, I have found, tends to lead to more frustration, not less because we simply don’t know God’s overall plan for us (the big picture). This is how we get through trying times – one day at a time. This is what I’ve learned in my faith walk. Hope it helps. With love, LT
Thank you again and again…
(PHILIPPINES) Hi… I’m a battered wife, and I also get revenge on my husband when it is too much. I’ve got scars on my legs now and arms. I really hate him. I wanna give up. We are very incompatible with each other. We are always arguing. I wanna give up but I’m looking for my only son’s future. I don’t want him to grow up with a broken family. But how about me? I should forget myself? I’m so tired and messy. Nothing works and I think he doesn’t love me anymore. We are both doing this for the sake of our son and our marriage. Please help me. Thank you.
(UNITED STATES) Hi: This has been a very difficult period in my husband and my lives to say the least. Let me just recap what all has transpired within this time frame to give you a better idea of why I am so depressed after all this time.
1) In October 2009, my husband lost his job of 30 years at the same business. He was excellent at what he did, but was told to lie about pursuing other areas of interest for work. When in reality, he was forced out after a large Christian corporation bought out a small practice.
2) With much hesitation, I tendered my resignation after working for the same facility for 25 years in order to move out of state to a new location where my husband had found another job. Praise the Lord for that.
3) I packed up most of our household where we had lived and moved to be with my husband. Spent the summer packing up my mother’s household items, which had been saved from her grandmother and mother. My mother saved everything. It took me all summer to accomplish this. Our mother was dying and not going to return home.
4) Our mother did pass away in October 2010. Had a nice memorial service.
5) Paid out 2 already wealthy first cousins for their share in the farm land. No thank you, nothin! Not even words of comfort and to say sorry about the loss of your mother.
6) My brother is spending more than my share of the inheritance from the bank accounts. He gets mad when I ask him to stop spending so much on getting the rental house fixed up. The banker doesn’t allow me to get copies of the statements because he says that my brother is the executor of the will, when there is no documentation of this, not even in our mother’s will.
7) Seeking job since June 2010. No success. Say I do not meet all the qualifications… That’s a load of you know what! I have 25 year’s experience. Employers know how to skirt legally around the age-discrimination issue.
8) Missing friends of 30 years from where we moved. We have no friends here, but I do have a brother and sister-in-law. We have nice get-togethers with them.
9) 18-year-old son always treats me with disrespect, and my husband doesn’t stand up for me when his son speaks towards me in a very demeaning manor for no good reason.
10) Visit from my husband’s parents and sister-in-law Memorial Day weekend put my already fragile emotions over the top. Feel like I am headed for a nervous breakdown.
11) Sister-in-law accused me out of the blue of not being easy to be around because I have made some hurtful comments against my husband’s family. Which is totally not true. She said that other than for family gatherings, she did not wish to be around me. In other words, stay out of her life forever.
I, of course, reacted in a very uncivilized manner and became distraught, angry and defensive in that I see myself as a very caring and loving person. She called me lazy for not seeking professional help and counseling for my grief and depression. How very mean and cruel of her and my mother-in-law to back her up in this. I said that they understand nothing about the grieving process, but they said that they do understand. Hogwash!!! Of course they have lost loved ones, and I know they have been through their own grief, but they haven’t had to face as many issues as we have all at one time.
How dare they trample on my already fragile emotions. I told them the worst thing that they have done is NEVER, NOT ONCE, asking me how I was doing after the death of my mother. They have totally ignored me and have given me no support whatsoever. I told them that I was getting better and had just connected with a life coach and a counselor. They didn’t even ask me if I had done this. Instead they just accused falsely.
12) Have no one to talk to, other than my husband, who is already immensely stressed at work. We’ll both be lucky if we live another year the way things have been going for us the last 2 years.
13) My husband isn’t very supportive either. He doesn’t stand up for me unless I tell him to.
I am devastated and need validation and empathy. They are cruel, mean people!