Do you sometimes hear or read something that makes you think, “I couldn’t have said that any better myself?” That happens to us more times than we can count. Well, this is one of those times. In this Marriage Insight, we’re sharing a few of our favorite marriage notes from quotes we have gathered. They’re ones we live by in our own marriage. But we honestly couldn’t have said it any better than these marriage “experts” have stated. We hope these marriage insights will help you in your marriage, as much as they have in ours.
Marriage Notes from Quotes
To start off, here’s a good one to note when your spouse talks to you:
“Listen with your eyes. Many times our spouse is speaking to us about something important to them, but because it isn’t important to us we respond with a half-interested, ‘Uh-huh.’ We may be on our smart phone, looking at the computer, playing a video game or reading a book, when our spouse walks into the room and begins talking. Stop what you’re doing and look in their eyes. Don’t allow distractions to intercept this bid of attention your spouse is throwing your way.
“Of course, there are times when what you’re doing is important. In those moments I encourage you to stop, look your spouse in the eyes and ask them if they could wait until you’re finished. Then, pursue them afterward. Our eyes are easily distracted, so fixing them on our spouse when they’re communicating to us will keep distractions to a minimum.” (Debi Walter, from TheRomanticvineyard.com)
The above marriage quote concerns your eyes; here’s one that concerns your ears:
“If your spouse starts talking, take it as a ‘holy moment.’ The one you love is about to reveal something. When your spouse begins to reveal his or her inner self, don’t do anything to stop the flow. Drop everything else and focus on listening. Nod sympathetically. Smile if your spouse says something funny. Let your eyes show concern if your spouse expresses pain. Ask questions to make sure you’re getting the message. Good, active listening stimulates communication.” (Gary Chapman)
More Marriage Notes
And then we shouldn’t neglect how we use our mouth:
“You know what happens when you open a soda can that’s been shaken, right? Because it makes such a huge mess, most folks wait until the pressure inside the can subsides before popping the top. Try that with your mouth the next time you’re ticked off and ready to explode verbally. Wait until your emotions subside, THEN open your mouth. It’s one way to keep from making a huge mess in your marriage.” (Kevin B. Bullard)
This goes with the scriptures (the wisest of all everyday living notes ever):
“Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 29:20) “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” (James 1:26)
On the flip side of the way in which we use our mouth, here’s some good advice:
“Oh, what life-giving power can be found in an encouraging word! So think of specific ways you excel in building up your husband or wife today, especially if he or she is struggling with health or job issues or coping with pain. Proverbs 12:25 says, “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” (Jim Daly)
In a similar way:
Here’s another one of our marriage notes that we hope you will pay attention to:
“Dr. John Gottman tells us that when contempt is prevalent in a relationship, the positive qualities are forgotten. People only remember the angry outbursts, the hostile words, and the mean-spirited, sarcastic comments. He says that couples must ban contemptuous comments from their relationship. A partnership has no room for words or body language that says, “You’re stupid. I don’t want to hear what you have to say.” (Dr. David Hawkins)
So be careful of what you say and your attitude. When either of them starts to turn sour ask God to show you how to sweeten it.
Application to these marriage notes:
For me, and for us, it’s a matter of applying Philippians 4:8-9. In God’s Word we are told:
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.“
Sometimes it takes time and effort to get to that place, but it sure is worth it!
Here’s one of our marriage notes that also focuses on your mind and your attitude: Please note:
“The vast majority of marriages could be greatly improved if couples would follow this simple advice: BE NICE. Oddly enough, many people believe that because they are married, they do not have to be nice. It is as if they think that their marriage license is a license to be mean and nasty. Oh, they would never say that, but that is certainly how they act.” (Mark Gungor)
Is that how you are interacting with your spouse? Are you acting towards your spouse in a way that is KIND, as the Bible tells us to do? Are you kind in the way you look at, listen to, speak to, and view your spouse? We’re told in the Bible that our attitudes “are to be the same as that, which is in Christ Jesus.” The question we pose to you is, “What would Jesus do… how would He have you interact with your spouse?”
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
We talk a lot about communication issues and so much more in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself (It’s available both electronically and in print form). Just click on the linked title or the “Now Available” picture below to do so:
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