Have you ever sat in a restaurant and noticed a young couple sitting together talking, and talking, and talking? And then have you noticed that you and your spouse have little to talk about other than what is going on with the children?
Do you need a “jump-start” as to some things you can discuss together that doesn’t involve the children or problems? Would you like some things to discuss so you feel more connected? Maybe you’re looking for something to discuss on a “Date Night” you may have together. Or perhaps during a “22 Minute” time you spend together you just can’t come up with fun questions on your own.
Fun Communication Questions
There are different communication starter resources out there that can help you. Below you will find a few of them. Actually my husband Steve and I have used some of these tools. We agree that some of our nicest conversations have been when we’ve used these types of tools. Not all of us are as creative in thinking about things to talk about (other than talking about the children and work and problems).
So, with that said, we want to provide a link to articles that will help you with conversation starters. You won’t (and shouldn’t) try to ask all of the questions at one sitting. That is, unless you want to have a marathon talking time together (which most couples wouldn’t enjoy). You can make a time to be together and agree to ask a set number of questions to each other and save the rest for other times.
And NO arguing! Don’t let this be a contentious time. If you need to have a more serious conversation at some point, don’t let it happen now. This time is supposed to connect you—not spiral into an argument. So keep it light!
This is NOT a Test
And don’t think about them as “questions” as if you were taking a test or something. Think of them as a discovery and connection time together. Even if you’ve been married more than 40 years, you’ll find out some new things about each other.
So, below you will find several web site links to a number list of questions. You may even want to make a copy of them so you can have them for the next several times you spend this kind of time together:
— ALSO, for Fun Communication Questions —
Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard web site came up with some fun questions to ask each other. How about asking “What’s your favorite…?” She gives a list of 25 “favorite things” that you can both share with each other. Just go back and forth telling your favorites. Here’s the link:
Paul Byerly, from the web site The-generous-husband.com discovered a list of questions, which could also bring you closer together in your relationship. To read the articles and then the questions, the following is a link, which will lead you to them:
• GETTING CLOSER — A SHORT CUT
And then here are 50 additional questions, written by Pastor Zach Terry and his wife Julie, which you may find fun to ask each other at a time you want to find out even a little bit more about each other. Some of your answers may come as a surprise, which can be a good thing :)
• 50 Questions to Ask Your Spouse on a Date Night
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions wrote this blog.
If you have additional tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Communication Tools
(MALAYSIA) I find your article is so interesting…will definitely give it a try ;-) Well.. been married for more than a decade and this proves to be fun.
(CANADA) My marriage is about to end. I am not sure how to communicate with my husband and he gets very upset when all I do is ask questions when trying to start a conversation. HELP ME
(USA) Hello Terri, Your marriage does not have to end; don’t despair. Communication is one of the biggest differences between men and women. This shows especially in marriage where you are partners and have to talk inorder to make decisions, plan events and most importantly companionship. Sometimes the problems we have are merely differences and we should be able to distinguish these from actual problems.
I don’t know how far you have gone in the marriage and you are probably still learning about his personality. I had troubles at first because I didn’t know my husband was generally the quiet type. I would think he didn’t like talking to me or was angry at something. Now i know more and welcome him the few times he feels like talking. With him, I can distinguish between “quiet & angry” and “quiet & good”. I avoid conversing when it looks bad and only stick to necessary talk. When he is in a good mood, i do the talking and appreciate whatever responses he has, be it nods , “mmmmm” or smiles. But sometimes we actually have good laughs when there is news to share.
Does he have special tv programs he likes? Watching them together will bring up good conversation starters in an atmosphere he is comfortable with. This is different from “lets talk” which seems forced.
Hope you understand that eating dinner together, doing his favourite activities, looking at photo albums, praying together and all other efforts to work towards unity count as credits to the build up of good communication. We should genuinely seek to understand our spouses by taking advantage of whatever opportunities we get as few or little as they may be. The problems come when we are impatient and our efforts seem hurried/forced and we look panicky.
I would advise you to hang in there and put your worries in prayer. God is always there to listen. He will work wonders in ways we can’t imagine. In the mean time, your actions speak louder than words. Let your husband enjoy your acts of love and understanding as unto the Lord. Even the peace in your heart will be a reward fom God.
(US) I have been married for year and a half and it is about to end. My husband takes everything personal. Before we got married and just dating I agreed to give up my own place to move into his parents house so they wouldn’t lose it. Now if we end our marriage I have no place to go cause we haven’t saved money. I don’t make much like I used to and he spends all his our money that isn’t together. I pay all of our and my son Health’s teeth, eye ins so I pay altogether 450.00 the first of the month. When I ask for money he will stay on me to pay it back and when I can’t he gets mad.
He is drinking and was better and the past few weeks he has been drinking a lot. I have health problems and he doesn’t understand. I don’t know what to do? Help
(USA) My marriage is a mess. I have tried counseling, tried to talk to my husband. His numberous affairs have caused to much pain and hurt. Now that he has health problems, he won’t talk to me at all, nor will he show me any affection unless someone is watching. Who wants that? It’s phony.
I am ignored except when it is dinner, then the only time he talks to me is to tell me not to eat too much and to live off the land, or to tell me how to do this or that. When I do try to talk to him, I have to make an appointment. Then when we do talk he tells me I am pushing him away and get off his back. This has gone on for years.
I am 54 and have had enough of being neglected. He has no problem talking to other woman and flirting and dating. I have even told him to leave and have a great life. He has refused to sign divorce papers. I am tired of people saying I am stupid for staying. I didn’t do anything wrong other than try to save my marriage.
It is had to talk to a man who thinks you ruined his life. I don’t have a job. I lost my home to a fire just when I was getting back to the process of finding a job and getting a life. I ended up with a 13 year old grandson. He is a great kid with a lot of issues, due to a death in the family. Now I feel stuck and lonely. I have prayed till I am blue in the face. I know God hears me. What am I doing wrong? I am out in the middle of no where. No church body to stand with. No one is close enough to to share this mess with. HELP ME.
Karla, Please hang in there. God does hear prayer, and He will answer you. You have to look for a counsellor to help you resolve your issues. Counselling does help.