Questions …questions …and more questions! What’s the point in taking a premarital quiz, and asking each other a bunch of questions before marriage when you already know each other pretty well? That’s a good question. Here’s your answer: there are many different reasons:
1. “You’ll never know everything about the person you’ve chosen to marry. But the more information you have before entering into this commitment, the less chance you will be confronted with unfulfillable expectations.” (From the book, Getting Ready for Marriage – by Jerry Hardin and Dianne Sloan)
Do Your Emotional Work
It is good to do as much of your emotional work now before you marry. It’s better than dumping a lot of unvoiced expectations upon your partner after the marriage. You don’t want to set your marriage up for future problems or possible failure because your expectations were never given a voice.
As couples, we enter into marriage from two different vantage points. We come from two different background experiences, which contribute to differing expectations. That in itself, can lend itself to future clashes. It’s good to try to learn what you can now (without living together first). There will be many, many issue that you won’t be able to work through beforehand. So eliminate what you can while you’re preparing for marriage.
Keep in Mind:
2. It’s better to find out your differences now before you marry. That way you can decide if it truly is best for you to marry. It would be better to part ways now than it would be to have a failed marriage —especially with children involved. Asking each other the right questions and then working through the truthful answers, could help you to better know your compatibility.
3. Now is also a good time to learn the skill of building communication bridges together in mature ways. You will be thankful you did. As you go through the questions, work through any disagreements in ways that help your relationship grow stronger. This will take effort and intentionality to do this. But it is also a healthy approach.
Assisting You in This Mission
To help you with this, we have many articles and recommended resources in the Communication and Conflict topic. There are additional ones the Communication Tools topic. And if you need a counselor to help teach you what you need to learn —now is a good time to do that. This way you are better prepared for your marriage.
So, to point you to some good questions to ask each other, we are providing links below to a few web sites. They have lists of questions you may find helpful.
The important thing is to be honest when you answer and talk about each question. There are no “right” answers, nor wrong ones. They are just yours, hopefully based upon truth. Use these questions as a launching board to know each other on a level that will be important before you marry.
So please go into the links below so you can work through together:
Below is a set of questions that are not necessarily “Christian.” However, they are good questions to ask each other. Some of them will be relevant, and others may not be. So just skip those that aren’t. But try to answer every one that you can. Just take turns being the first to answer each question. That way no one has to go first every time. The important thing is to be honest. Remember, the point is to get to know each other even better than you do now. This includes the good, the bad, the ugly, as well as the attractive parts of your lives, your personalities and your individual opinions. It’s important to get to know the real person you are marrying, rather than a fuzzy version.
Below is the first set of questions we encourage you to answer. If you need to take a couple of date times to complete them, please do so:
This second set of questions is provided by Growthtrac.com. They are also ones we recommend you talk through together:
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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Filed under: Marriage Prep Tools