Life consists of our making one series of choices after the next. We all have the free will to make choices that are helpful and helpful and we have the free will to make choices that can hurt. If we determine that we want our marriage to be the best it can be, we have to make the choices that help to make that happen. And when it comes to how we handle our friends, the same “rule” applies.
“Each of us has a choice to make in terms of what we expect out of our friendships with others. You see, some may be content with just hanging out with the boys after a game. It’s fine just throwing the ball around, getting dirty, having some laughs, and then going home. For many that’s enough; that’s what friendship is. But if you want something more for your life, you have to go after it. You need to find people who are looking for the same.” (Dave Currie with Glen Hoos)
It’s true what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:33.
God’s word says:
“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning: for there are some who are ignorant of God —I say this to your shame.”
You can’t play with “fire” in going places and doing things with friends that can hurt your marriage and not expect for it to “burn” your marriage. If you have friendships that hurt your marriage, then you need to pull back from them. It will be difficult but it’s important. It’s the same principle as “cutting off the hand that causes you to sin.” This will definitely hurt you to do this, but it will eventually lead to a better end.
Years ago I had a friend that enjoyed smoking. And that was fine for that friend. But when she kept trying to get me to smoke. I determined in my mind that I didn’t want to end up a smoker, do I had a choice to make. I could either keep up my friendship with this person and eventually become a smoker (because she wouldn’t stop pushing the cigarettes at me) or I would cut off our friendship and find another friend.
As difficult as it was to cut off the friendship, I’m now glad I made that choice. (This is especially true as I see other friends who are struggling to try to quit smoking.)
I realize this circumstance is different than the ones you are facing. But the issue is the same. If a friend is tempting us to go in a direction we shouldn’t, and we aren’t strong enough to do the right thing, isn’t it better to end the friendship rather than doing what we shouldn’t?
If you have a friendship that is hurting your marriage, you have a choice to make. Is this friendship more important to you than your spouse? Is the vow you made when you married less important than your friendship, or what?
Sometimes we have friendships that are good for us “for a season” but then it’s time to move on from there because they just aren’t working anymore. A friendship is different than a marriage. With a marriage, you entered into covenant with your spouse and also with God. To leave that marriage for the sake of an outside friendship (no matter how strong the friendship bond was at one time), you are breaking a solemn vow. You need to realize that.
To help you further with this dilemma, we would like for you to read an article written by Dr Dave Currie and Glen Hoos. To do so, click onto the link below:
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: For Married Men