How Do I Respond to Physical Abuse?

sad abused woman sitting -Dollar PhotoLet me begin by saying that I cannot think of a circumstance in a marriage or family that could justify abuse of any kind. That includes physical abuse, emotional, mental, or sexual abuse. Abusive behavior was never and can never be a part of God’s plan for a marriage or a family.

For the sake of clarity, I’m going to limit this answer to physical abuse. And by this I mean assaulting, threatening, or restraining a person through force. It would include hitting, slapping, punching, beating, grabbing, shoving, biting, kicking, pulling hair, burning, using or threatening the use of weapons, blocking you from leaving a room or the house during an argument, driving recklessly, or intimidating you with threatening gestures…

That’s the first few paragraphs of an article written by Dennis Rainey and Leslie Barner, posted on FamilyLife.com. We recommend you read it by clicking onto the link web site link below to learn:

•  HOW TO RESPOND TO PHYSICAL ABUSE

— ALSO, Concerning Physical Abuse —

Here is another great article that can clear up some of the myths about how you should respond to abuse. It can help to clear up some of the misconceptions spouses and others can have. Please read:

4 MYTHS ABOUT RESPONDING TO SPOUSAL ABUSE

Additionally, you will find below two blogs that are written by Leslie Vernick. They approach physical violence in different ways. We believe you will find the information to be insightful as she poses questions, and then gives her responses. This first blog gives you scriptural references to read and then prayerfully consider as you look at:

A BIBLICAL RESPONSE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

And then this next blog, written by Leslie Vernick, is a bit different. In it, she shares the advice, which was given to her by a former abuser on this matter of how to respond to physical abuse. Again, please pray, read, glean, and use what you believe God would have you pertaining to:

AN ABUSERS RESPONSE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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Filed under: Abuse in Marriage

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242 responses to “How Do I Respond to Physical Abuse?

  1. My husband hits me if I move any plants. How do live? He expects me to live the same everyday. I love nature. If I replant anything he hits me. My face, punches me, pulls my hair. My own children hate me. I am not allowed to even put photos in the house. Help!!!

    1. I am here to leave a few encouraging words. If you are not thinking of leaving your spouse then you at least have to take up for yourself. Put your foot down and fight back with all your might, because if you don’t he will think it is okay to do what he has been doing. And about your kids go to counseling with them so you can get to the root of why they hate you, or why you think they hate you, it’s all up to you ma’am.

    2. Pack your things and your kids and get out! Enough is enough leave; you don’t deserve this anymore. In the dead of night leave be free.

  2. My BF is 8 years older than me, I am 22. He hits me. He lost his job, and I am fresh out of college. Sometimes I bring money home that male friends give to me. He gets angry at me and beats me with belt, stick, whatever. He has threatened me with a knife before. I recently had a miscarriage and he blames me for it. He hits me because I refused to give him my phone password.

    We are currently in his parents house and he stills hits me. He explains to me how it’s my fault that he hits me. I love him, but I don’t know. He reads my phone messages and sometimes I flirt with guys over messages; that’s because we have diffted apart. He calls me names when we fight. He even complains about me to his parents. I have never cheated, I don’t have a job, and he doesn’t, and I ask my friends for money, sometimes I flirt with them in the process, we can’t stay broke. I bring money home when he can’t. That’s the reason he hits me most times. Am I the cause?? He says I am.

    1. Dear Tonia, I am writing from Nigeria. It’s so sad to read your story. First, are you both legally married, because you referred to him as your BF? If you people are not legally married, you need to quit that abusive relationship. However, the main problem I can perceive from your email is not just this abusive relationship but your desire for affection, approval and acceptance from people.

      Your current relationship and flirting with guys on the phone for money is not healthy for you as a young woman. You are a fresh graduate and you have a bright future before you. The relationship you need in your life now is where you will experience unconditional love and care; a relationship that would bring out your real worth, dignity and values; and that would help you overcome the deep sense of fear and rejection. You can only find this kind of relationship in one person and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Surrender your heart to him and he would change your life, heal your broken heart and give your life a true sense of meaning. Think about it!

  3. Know your worth. You aren’t put on the planet to be abused; fight for yourself, don’t give up, don’t be afraid, your life is yours. No one can breathe for you.

    1. Penny, I’m so sad for you that you find yourself in this place with your husband. How I wish I had additional advice for you but the best I can give you is to tell you to go back and read the articles that are linked within this one. Prayerfully, and carefully read this article and the linked ones, plus other ones we have posted and link to within the “Abuse in Marriage” topic. And then use the wisdom that is given and the wisdom that God will give you as you pray. Don’t allow yourself to keep getting beaten up. Abuse accelerates. Be wise. Protect yourself and follow the wisdom you are given –that, which you know you should do. I hope this helps.

  4. I, Shiwani, married 9 years ago with the consent of my parents; it was an arranged marriage. But after 1 month of my marriage my boyfriend intervend in my marriage and provoked me against my husband. Immediately after getting married I came to know about his bad habits; calling his friends and started drinking in house. And when he goes out he comes at 2 or 3 am. And after that he mentally harasses me.

    When I ask him about his presence in late nights he does not having any job or works for earning money. He used to get money from his friends….and after that I should tell every thing to his parents. They also started me harassing me mentally and his mother always pressures me for household works by saying that my husband is not working so they will provide food to me and my son and in return I have to do all the cooking, washing clothes, utensils,etc. And when I refused to do that she started to teach her son (my husband) to beat me and he stared beating, abusing and mentally harassing me.

    Please tell me what to do…..even after 8 yrs of marriage the condition is then same. He is not working. I started working in a school, but he beats me and pressures me to give all my salary to him money and never bring any for me and my son.

  5. So lost lately as to what to do, my husband over the past eight months has hit me a d pushed me down stairs and numerous other things. I made vows to love him for better or worse but this isn’t the gotta time I have been through this in a relationship and promised myself I wouldn’t let it happen again. Part of me wants to work through it but the other only fears him.

  6. My husband hits me, especially when drunk. He blames me for cheating him when he is the one who cheated on me. I forgave him though he did not accept his fault. Now he beats me and accuses me falsely of infidelity and reproach me of not giving him children after 15 years of marriage.

    1. Everyone has their stories to share , I feel a group against this abuse should be created and it will really help to save a lot of lives.