It’s only natural for those who are being abused, to look for some type of help and maybe find a way of escape. Fortunately, the Internet contains many helpful web sites and articles that can help in this mission. But we need to put out the warning that it can also cause more problems for the abuse victim if she/he isn’t as careful as she/he needs to be. Finding safety on the Internet is important.
Beware, your abuser may be spying on you
One of the problems a victim can encounter is that the abuser might have access to discovering or maybe even spying on what is being viewed on their computer. Isolating their victim is one of the many tools they use to keep their abuse from being exposed. It is also another way in which they can keep control of the situation. That is why it is important for the victim to find help in ways that doesn’t alert their abuser.
If you are being abused, you could endanger yourself all the more if you don’t take important precautions when you use the Internet to find help.
For this reason, you will find below information and links to articles giving you helpful information to better protect yourself.
A few tips:
First, from the former web site, Stopfamilyviolence.org, here are a few tips they had posted, which you may find insightful:
• Computers record everything you do. It is IMPOSSIBLE to clear your tracks completely. Your computer stores hundreds of bits of information about everything you do with your computer, including information about which websites you’ve visited, your passwords, and what your emails say. Your abuser can readily track the websites you visit or read your email messages.
• If you suspect your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusive people are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don’t need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone’s computer activities. Anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor your activities —even without having direct access to your computer.
• Additionally, please know that email is not a safe or confidential way to communicate. Sending email is like sending a postcard through the mail. Anyone along the path can read what it says. If you need to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life, if possible, please call a hotline instead.
Some additional tips:
• If you must use email to discuss your situation we suggest you use an account that your abuser doesn’t know about. Set up a new account with a free email service like hotmail, yahoo, or gmail. DO NOT use a name or password that contains any identifying information. (Make sure there are no names, nicknames, initials, birth dates, zip codes, etc.) Instead use a name and password that contains a random mix of letters, CAPITAL letters and numbers (for example, HJ3v67Tn).
Make sure you can remember the user name and password! If you must write it down somewhere, put it in a place your abuser is unlikely to find it. And if the computer asks if you would like it to save your password or login information tell it NO.
• If you must use a computer that your abuser knows about, we suggest “safer” Internet surfing. For example, if you are planning to flee to California, don’t look just at California web pages for jobs, apartments, bus tickets, etc. Look for the same information in at least a half dozen other states too.
Safety on the Internet for abuse victims
Furthermore, you will find a web site link that will direct you to an article to help you to erase your Internet tracks:
And then to further protect you, the following information can be used to help you in your situation. We want to warn you though to “guard your heart” as the Bible tells us to do. You are very vulnerable to wanting to find love in any place that is possible. You may not even be intentionally hunting for this love. But because of the abusive behavior you have experienced, your heart is vulnerable to accept that, which you might not otherwise consider if your situation were different.
Please know that what your spouse is doing, is absolutely wrong. But also know that it does not excuse you in seeking or accepting affirmation in any way which is wrong. Guard your life, guard your heart, and guard your soul from the temptations the enemy of our faith flings your way. Please don’t complicate your heart and your life any further. Seek God’s love, not wrong love.
Protect yourself from computer control
Lastly, please use the information we link to below to even more specifically protect yourself from abusive control of your computer:
Please “Join the Discussion” by adding your marriage tips, comments, and prayer requests below.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions wrote this article.
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Filed under: Abuse in Marriage