When we think of domestic violence, we don’t often hear about husbands being abused. It’s usually the wife who is the reported sufferer. Yet, there are many husbands who are the victims of spousal abuse. Yes, husband abuse is real; it does happen.
So why don’t we hear about husbands being abused by their wives? David L. Fontes, Psy.D, in the article titled, “Men Don’t Tell” gives insight into several reasons. He writes:
“When a man is a victim of his wife’s physical abuse he is both shamed by the assaults of his wife and shamed by society for not ‘controlling’ her better. Men are considered ‘wimps’ for letting their wives beat them or for complaining about their wives’ attacks. For many men ‘taking it like a man’ means don’t complain and don’t show you are vulnerable or in pain!
“With the prospect of being viewed as ‘wimps’ and/or having the assaults by their wives not believed or minimized by the general public and law enforcement, it’s no wonder few men report their abuse or discuss it openly.”
Yes, Husband Abuse DOES Happen
We, at Marriage Missions, can testify that many, many husbands are the victims of abuse, more than people realize. Part of this is because it’s difficult for men to report their abuse and find help. This is especially true in the Christian community. We’ve received a number of emails from husbands who are dealing with their wives abusive behavior. They write that they want to be honorable men and won’t abuse back. But they don’t know what to do to stop their wives from hurting them in these ways.
We’ve tried to find articles —especially Christian articles, written on this subject to help. But there seems to be very, very little help available for abused husbands.
Does that mean that it’s less important to minister to the hurting husband as it is to the hurting wife, even though the numbers “appear” to be less? Should a husband just accept and silently suffer from abusive behavior, if it is directed at him from his wife? No. Abuse is wrong no matter who is victimizing the other, male or female.
This article is written to give abused husbands a voice that is MUCH needed and overdue.
Husband Abuse: Different Types of Attacks
Maxine Marz wrote a Metronews.ca article titled, “Husband Abuse Erodes Dignity” where she had the following to say on this issue:
“While it is true that most physical assaults caused by women tend to be less severe when compared to a man’s physical assault on a woman with his fist or a weapon. But still, the abusive woman’s slaps, bites, kicks and/or pulling of her partner’s hair are nevertheless very hurtful. In addition to subjecting physical pain, they attack the man’s dignity and erode his sense of self-worth. Many men also encounter emotional abuse when their spouse uses their children to assert her control over the relationship.
“To add insult to injury, some abusive women not only victimize their spouses by abusing them verbally, emotionally, financially and/or physically, but they also attempt to manipulate the criminal justice system in their favour and against their partner. This unconscionable attempt of some abusive women not only re-victimizes their already abused husbands by denying them equal rights and fair protection under the law, but it simultaneously devalues and undermines the admirable progress women’s groups have achieved over the years in trying to protect the rights of legitimately abused wives and their children in the criminal courts.
“It is evident that our society has made positive strides over the years to bring needed attention to domestic abuse and to better protect women. Unfortunately, based on what many abused husbands currently experience, we still have a long way to go to afford them with similar protection of their safety and security. We need to eliminate the current gender bias in our system that re-victimizes them all over again when they step into the legal arena.”
Husband Abuse: Out in the Open
To help bring this type of victimization out into the open, we will provide several web site links to articles that you can read on this subject. We hope it will help husbands to better protect themselves.
The following is a Youtube video that shows a little taste of what some men go through as far as abuse. This is not a marriage situation. It is a boyfriend/girlfriend one where she is assaulting him in different ways, with part of it being caught on camera. It’s part 1 of a Tyra Banks television show that featured abusive women. The quality of this video isn’t the best. But the content is enlightening. Please watch and you will see a small part of what some men go through:
Different Standards for Husband Abuse
What struck me about the featured story is that if that man would have been the abuser, I believe with all my heart that the audience would have been outraged. But the woman was absolutely clueless as to the gravity of it all. Plus, the audience didn’t seem as moved, like they would have been if a woman was getting berated by the man. If he was acting as she did to him, the outrage would have been ramped up. But because it’s a woman hitting and berating a man, it’s more palatable. It shouldn’t be, because abuse is wrong no matter who commits it. And yet, that’s the way society views wife abuse as opposed to husband abuse. This is so, so wrong.
Stories of Battered Men
On a further note, the articles linked below, consist of stories of battered men. (Some of them are followers of Christ and others who are not.) In these blogs, they share their life experiences of being battered by women. Please read what they have written. Abused men and husbands need to be heard too:
• BATTERED MEN’S PERSONAL STORIES
Plus:
• SURVIVOR’S STORIES: Case Studies, Experiences & Stories of Male Victims
The following articles and blogs are posted on various web sites that deal with the subject of husband abuse and battered men. These articles are not posted on Christian web sites. Please be aware of that. However, we believe they give good insights. They also provide a lot of helpful information. We encourage you to glean what is good —that which lines up with Biblical standards. And then throw away that, which doesn’t apply to your situation. As you pray, the Lord will show you what NOT to use. Let the Lord be your guide.
Please click onto the link provided below to read:
• MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
— Additionally —
Many people ask why battered men don’t leave the abuse. They also question why do they remain silent? Murray A. Straus, a family violence researcher, gives this insight:
“There is a fear of having a 911 call turned around. If a man is being battered, is trying to protect the kids, and he calls 911, all too frequently he is the one who ends up being arrested. At a minimum, he may experience problems getting the police to believe that he’s been assaulted or that he needs the help of the police.
“Men are also less likely to call the police, even when there is injury. This is because, like women, they feel shame about disclosing family violence. But for many men, the shame is compounded by the shame of not being able to keep their wives under control. Among this group, a ‘real man’ would be able to keep her under control.”
And there are even more reasons. There is also help for men that are being abused. Read the following to learn more:
• WHY MEN DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
And:
Read, Even if the Article Needs to Be Adapted
In addition, please read other articles that are provided on this web site in the Abuse in Marriage topic. They mostly address wives who are victimized by husbands. (Sadly, it’s difficult to find info that addresses husbands who are victimized.) Even so, we encourage you to ask God to show you how to apply the advice that is given to your own situation. God can show you what advice you can use, and what you shouldn’t, or won’t be able to use.
We hope you find the help you need. May He help you as you reach out to Him —that is our prayer for you.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
Men in this situation need to be aware that being punched is bad enough. My ex used to punch me when I slept. I called it quits after her mother got wind of our separation and she started making death threats. Mom had murdered her husband and infant son and attemptdd to kill my now ex and her 5 brothers and sisters about 10 years before. I called the police and they laughed at me. I blew town.I am now married to a wonderful woman 35 years. This is better. If you get death threats take them seriously.Be careful.
I don’t find any solution in your article. All it tells me is what is happening, no practical action that men can take. So are we to slowly die in the marriage since we all vowed “..til death do us part”? I pray daily that God takes my life, which is THE only answer I can come up with.
Dear Break free, The article is meant to point out the problem, but we link to other sites that may give you insights on what you can do about the problem. As extraordinarily difficult as this may be, you might want to consider concentrating on asking God for wisdom on what you can do to break this cycle of abuse. You may need to separate for a while, or more. I’m not sure.
I hope the situation can get to a better place without it, but you need to protect yourself, just as a wife needs to protect herself if a husband abuses her. If you aren’t safe, and if things are so volatile that you lose your will to live, pray that God will show you what you can do so you are still in His will, but you aren’t enabling her bad behavior. You aren’t your wife’s “chosen” victim for life, just because of your vow. She has no right to act this way towards you. That is not the vow you made. I pray this helps in some way and pray God gives you the wisdom, help, and hope you need.
Ten years ago I met my now wife. We were in love but she was emotionally abusive yet I was attracted by that. For years it got worse, I also suffered from undiagnosed bi-polar disorder which once diagnosed on two separate occasions she took away my pills and said they only made things worse, I wasn’t bi-polar because she said so.
After a few years I tried to leave her and my thugs were destroyed and I was hit. I’ve been whipped with my own belt, I’ve been bitten and mangled. My pinky is disfigured because she used the heel of her shoe like a hammer on it. I grabbed the shoe and swung back, it made a scar above the knee that eventually went away, but to this day I’m reminded how she cannot believe I could have done that. She couldn’t wear a mini skirt on public. I questioned what kind of person I was, why was I abusing her. The belts, the bites and my mangled pinky are things I’d like to seek answers big never had she shown remorse, in fact she laughs, she thinks it’s funny, but I’m a man she says.
I work construction and often am unemployed. I’m not allowed to get a minimum wage job more am I allowed to pursue the delusions of my dream job as a novelist and artist. I have great talent but the only skills I have I have taught myself, to be fair my depression makes it hard to speak to strangers or interact in public so finding a job can be difficult. She has offered to pay for my schooling as ong as it is practice and not artistic. I couldn’t get past the public speaking and dropped out, not because I was lazy as she tells me but because I was terrified.
Years ago I decided I couldn’t marry her and told her so. She kicked me in the balls on the street and struck me more. I’ve tried to leave her but I can’t afford to live on my own. I don’t have friends. The one time I did get an apartment I had to pack and leave behind her back. Because of this she drove her car through my garage and stole all my things. Because I had done this behind her back she felt justified. I had tried in the past to leave and not in secret and my things were set on fire, tossed out the window and she blocked the door. Three years into our relationship she and her mother ganged up on me for being abusive because I yell, which is unexceptable. I lose my temper when I’m insulted and my feelings are ignored. I don’t see her botching as justification for my yelling but I do point out I am emotionally abused and when she mistreats me like this I on my own wrong doing and of no fault to hers yell and can’t control that. Now our neighbor says I yell and she can hear my wife crying.
My wife manages the building we live in. She cries because she cannot believe I can disrespect her and her job so much that I can’t control my anger. She is going to PSE her job because of me she cries. Why because I’m yelling does no one understand the words I’m shouting are please stop! Leave me alone, I can’t take it, stop! She is refusing me for not respecting her or her job. I don’t want to yell and I don’t want to fight, but I also don’t want to be disrespected by her insults that have perpetuated my yelling, which is a huge chicken and the egg story and an argument I can’t win. I am an abuser and for years now cannot control my anger, our fights begin now because I beg for her to stop being rude to me which she feels justified feeling because I have abused her, I ask her to stop not because I don’t deserve it but it is what she asks of me but she doesn’t see the coronation, I can’t critisize things she has bought me at my request because they are the wrong thing time and time again. This is unbelievable she says. I try hard to sound thankful and this is what I would like next time. I believe so many of the things she says to me are belittling and her tone is rude but I can’t prove it, if I can she finds justification.
I left her two years ago and lived homeless for part of a year until I crawled back. I can’t escape her so I married her. I do love her but she needs to change and if she can’t then I will continue to leave, she will continue to stalk and abuse me when I do and continue to abuse me and convince everyone around me I am the abuser. We both are abusers, but because she’s a woman and I have a short fuse no one sees or understand the pain she inflicts on me, they only see how terrible I am because I have yelled.
I moved out of state on a opportunity with my employer and she phrased a phone with the regions area code and impersonated a bail bondsman who was trying to find me on a warrant, which was all made up. She then with the address they gave her flew there. When I opened the hotel door one day after work she was sitting on my bed. The manager had been convinced enough that she was my wife even though I’ve never spoken or seen him. She had already taken all my clothes and if I wanted them back I had to go with her. I escaped. I soon learned I had no money because she had taken from my belongings a folder for a new bank account, which I needed after I canceled our joint checking account when I left her. She was able to get a the Bank manager at her home town bank of which she has banked with since high school to believe I had accidentally cancelled the account, which is not supposed to be recoverable and now I was in another state and had no money. They took sympathy and despite policy deactivate the account. She then with that folder used the information to set up online banking. She then drained my account, which she was able to do because of the hint checking account. My bank then shocked, confirmed my account could not again have an option for online banking however two weeks later when I deposited my next check she was able to link it with online banking and drained my account again. My bank then gave me proof of her crime. I reported this to the police, the officers looked
annoyed and told me this was a domestic problem and not hers, if I wanted to wait more I could. I left and eventually I ended up back with her.
We’ve been seeing a counselor recently. I’ve been asked to come every other week alone. My wife saw this as proof I had a problem and needed extra work. I only went alone once, we came together and she was told by the therapist she doesn’t let me speak. This has infuriated her. She now thinks the therapist is on my side. The following session I was going to go alone and after a big fight I left to do so. I waited in my car because I was early. Then my wife pulled in behind me and her and her mother stepped out, nothing looking so angry at me, I am an abuser just like her father. Her mother never let any of us forget that, and she never lets me forget my issues with Chelsea are in the past and I should move on from that for the sake of my relationship. First off I’m not holding onto the past, I’m still punished for the past and I bring up what she has done as partmof my defense. There is such an absence of logic in their argument and mine has never changed and I’ve never lied yet I need to explain what I mean like they have never heard me say it before. But to continue, they were there to see the therapist with me, which I
My only issue that needs to be satisfied for me to be content in this relationship is I ask to be treated with respect and equally. I’m reminded I don’t have a job, I don’t contribute; I’m a sponge. I do have a job. I watch our two children and am a stay at home father. Before that I was a licensed electrician and close to starting to make some actual money but she wanted kids and her income is nice so she said I needed to quit so we can have them now instead of five years from now when you would be making what she makes now and she could quit her job. Not an option, she doesn’t think she can rely on my like that, I am a used of hypothetically leaving her when I finally make enough money to support myself, and she would be too old to have kids. That’s true, I probably would once I could afford it leave her, not because I wanted to but because whenever I have had a job and it’s sucsessful she felt so threatened I have been forced to quit those jobs. When I’ve been unemployed she has been at her mildest, yet all the years I didn’t work are her bases for so much of her anger, and yes much of that was part of my depression and inaction to deal with it or identify it.
I have been arrested for domestic violence, once for hitting, the other when unknowingly I sat on and broke her phone which was in my back pocket and full proof she had been cheating on me. She bailed me out and was waiting for me outside the station. I refused to get in Her car but she followed me and reality settled in. I had no money for the bus, and no where to go. I gave up and got in the car. She used the restraining order of protection against me as a weapon to keep me from saying or doing anything she disapproved of. I was a hostage basically. I want to leave her now but I dont know how to.
Hi, I am an abused husband, physically and verbally. I’ve been married to my wife for three years now with a newborn. She has been abusing me for a while now. I’m not proud to say it, more ashamed. She doesn’t let my mother see my daughter, her first granddaughter; she doesn’t like my mother at all and calls her a witch and calls my sister weird. She gets mad at me and starts telling me that I’m doing nothing with my life even after I just got her a car. We live on our own and I’m always working.
She beats me, doesn’t let me see my family. She always threatens me that she will leave to go back to her mother’s house with my daughter. She has thrown lotion bottles on my head, and slaps me. I really don’t know what to do or what to say to her. I love her but I’m sick of it. I’m miserable. Anything I say to try to make it better with her, she always agrees but never goes through with her word and always puts me down.
Please give me any words of wisdom. I am currently in my car. I had to leave home because she smacked me with a thick notepad on my head and I just had to leave.
Jheovany, My “words of wisdom” to you are to stop letting your wife get away with this. You have allowed her to do this for so long she feels she has the right to do whatever she wants – including the physical abuse – and there are no repercussions. How can she “prevent you from seeing your family?” Does she tie you up in a chair? If you have evidence of her abuse (bruises, cuts or witnesses) you can file charges against her. Without any evidence you will have a hard time getting the authorities to believe you. Abuse is WRONG! It doesn’t matter if it’s the husband against the wife or the wife against the husband. It’s wrong and it’s against the law. But if you want it to stop you will have to be willing to press charges against her.
But before you do that you need to talk to your wife when she’s not angry/volatile and tell her that her verbal/physical abuse must stop. Tell her that the state you live in takes abuse very seriously – even against the husband and that she can be prosecuted and court ordered into counseling/anger management and also restricted in time spent with her child. You also need to be aware that if authorities believe it’s in the best interest of the baby they can remove her form the home. So, you better have your life together.
Now, you must do this in a calm voice and never even “touch” her during an argument.
You can get some legal guidance through Legal Aid – a free service. Just Google Legal Aid and the city where you live and you will find where they are located.
Jheovany, things will never change if you are not willing to change your behavior by not being willing to allow this to continue. There is no “easy” way. It will be extremely hard to follow through, but if you don’t this is what you will have to get used to the rest of your life. And you don’t want your daughter growing up in a home where there is this kind of abuse happening because this is what she will learn is “acceptable behavior” towards men and the abuse cycle will continue. You have a chance of getting it to stop now. ~ Steve Wright, Marriage Missions International
As an abused husband I struggled to admit to it as I felt embarrassed but it got too much to handle. I am hurting but am filing for divorce. I have faith in the Lord that he will deliver me and I will eventually find peace. Learning to forgive her is what im trying at the moment and hopefully move on to a better place soon. Put your faith in God and he will deliver you. God bless!
I’m kind of stuck right now. I’m in a wheelchair and I’m unable to walk. I’ve been pushed while I’m in my chair, kicked, bitten, and called a n_gger in front of my daughter. My wife call the police after I yelled at her and she was “scared”. Even tho she was acting bold calling me that. She got defensive when I called her out for never spending family time together. Always friends going to the bar/club, coming over, on the phone, snap chatting. Etc I would always put our daughter to sleep and read with her, and she’d always ask me, when’s mommy coming home?? Good question, (you’ll see her tomorrow morning…) the designated child care taker.
We just had our 7 year anniversary. We haven’t celebrated by going out yet cuz she works but she has time to go out to the bar yesterday with a friend, and this very second even with other friends while I sit at home alone hoping I can find someone who wants to spend their time with me, not say be right back and show up home at 1:30 – 2:00am like everything’s cool. I mean am I insane? I tell her I don’t want this type of life and she just continues acting like a college student who doesn’t have a 7 yr marriage to maintain. All of her friends are bisexual or lesbian females who are either single and hooking up or are all about women’s power and put men down because of their inadequate boyfriends.
Does anyone understand that if I could stand up and stretch my legs real good, I would kick her? Does anyone go through similar isolation, mental, emotional, physical, and financial abuse? I’m literally exploited because of my health and forced to be in isolation with pretty much no human interaction all day.
Sorry to hear that brother. I’ve been dealing with a mentally unstable substance abuser, and we had a child last year. I’ve suffered psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse from her, as a result of her substance abuse getting worse. I tried standing by and pleading daily, for months, for her to get help, but she refused, unless I allowed her to take our baby daughter with her to a facility. She claimed we’d be gone when she got out, if she went, which makes no sense. Why would we put up with nearly a year of abuse, just to leave when she’s doing the right thing for her family?
I found her stealing my medication and trading them for other prescription medication, even bringing our daughter with her to get them. Enough was enough. I told her the weekend of Father’s Day, that if she would not get help, or leave until she did, we were going to go rent a motel room until she did. She was quiet and distant on Father’s Day, and when I woke up Monday, she had left with my baby already. She text me all day… She was at a doctor appointment, went shopping, went to a church thing that night… Last contact was 9pm. I got worried and called police, thinking they got into an accident on the way home. Instead of, “your family is safe”, I was served a Protection from Abuse Order, for BOTH my wife and daughter! She claimed I was hitting her, and she “feared for their lives”, a guarantee to get a PFA approved.
I haven’t seen my daughter in over a week, since I went to bed on Father’s Day. I missed her first birthday this passed Sunday. All because I said enough was enough. Getting this temp PFA grants temporary FULL custody, so I have zero say. I called Child Protective Services, and because she’s in treatment, supervised in an abuse shelter, they say my daughter isn’t in immediate danger, though it is a high risk situation, they can’t act. My wife recorded us arguing, but only my yelling, not hers. She stole rent, and hid a nearly $3,000 debt from me, got arrested for stealing, and I paid her fine so she wouldn’t go to jail; she never took care of the home, or worked to help financially, I was abused daily by this woman, and dealt with it in hopes she’d finally get help. When I finally spoke up, and stood my ground, she stole my child and screwed me. Shes using a DV organization to help her kidnap my kid. They are helping the abuser go after her victim.
I found out why she actually lost her other two daughters in her last relationship. I always wondered how her ex had them, if he abused her, like she told me. It was because he caught her using drugs and selling his stuff, stealing rent money. When he confronted her, just as I did, she did the SAME thing to him!!! Those involved in that case are stepping forward to help me now, but it still hurts. She knew I went through 9 years of an abusive relationship when we meet years ago, and she claimed the same. She manipulated me. She used me. She said she couldn’t abuse me, because I’m a 6′ tall, 250lb man, and she’s a tiny girl.
I feel where you’re coming from. I’m sorry you have to put up with that. Really though, you don’t. I wanted to stay, to have faith she’d get better, to give my baby two stable parents in life, but that isn’t in either my, or my daughter’s best interest anymore, because it just won’t happen, because she won’t own what she did and is doing. As my counselor said, she needs someone to be the bad guy, and she chose me for that role, but I’m going to fight like hell for my baby girl Thiea. I’m not giving up, and I’m not sitting quiet, enabling three abuse anymore.
I hope you stand up too. (Sorry if that’s bad wording… Just remembered you’re a wheelchair. You know what I mean though.)
My wife mentally abuses me and tells me what I can and can not do, especially when it comes to meeting my friends. Is this right? She also makes me feel down trodden when I speak to other women. I gave a female neighbour a lift home the other night and she made me sit on the “naughty step” and didn’t talk to me all night. Can someone tell me if this is normal?
In Australia, trying to help a man in his late 60’s, who has been abused so long he thinks he has a normal marriage, the 46yr old son is an enabler to the wife who has both these males over 6’2′ jumping through hoops to ‘do her bidding’. I can see the original person underneath the damage of 45yrs. When I can talk to him on his own, which has been limited due to the son always being nearby, and the fact both are intercepting father’s mail for 6yrs, and out witted me at this level until I had proof. Due to the fact they live outside in the bush of a town stuck in the mentality of the 40’s, I have failed this male and now been totally cut off by the lies and manipulation of the predator.
Of course its not right, your instinct tells you this. Put your foot down and open your mind to investigating, is she a control freak or a narcissist? A narcissist you can’t win, just get out, a control freak sometimes, if they will get help under counseling you may have something worthwhile.
It is not your bad behavior is not alright under any circumstance, and you can’t help them, they have to help themselves, most won’t.
Mine is similar to Joseph’s comments. Eighteen months into our marriage, I have suffered verbal and physical assaults from my spouse who shares the same first name and birth month with me. Her abysmal attitudes don’t portray a virtuous woman described in the Bible. She is not submissive at all and wants to dominate in all areas. Despite attending to all domestic needs and pay huge medical bills that cover both of us and our 1yr 4mth old girl, she never contempted. At present, she has stopped dishing my meals on the dinning table, rather she cooks her food alone and stores some in the flasks. Painfully, she extends her foul languages to my parents and other siblings. Though filing a divorce case may not be an option for now, I will rigorously talk to her senses and pray to God for divine intervention.
I feel terrible & broken hearted. I was physically abusive towards my husband. He finally got tired and left home 10 days ago. I am so sorry & I will never do such thing again. I’ve admitted I need help and I’m starting counseling next week. I really love him and want him to come back home. I’m so sad right now.
Good for you girl. It’s a very adult thing and you may not realize it now, he was the catalyst to get you to where you need to be. There will be someone worthy of the real you when you are better.
My name is Jay, and I am an abused husband. My wife is extremely and impulsively aggressive in her abuse towards me. Verbally, physically, emotionally and often calculating in her attacks. She uses information of my past, uses the children, and often anything that she doesn’t agree with. She also uses silence and rejection to control my emotions throughout many days never apologizing and often stating that was because of her frustrations and that I should take it like a man. I take it because I never wanted her to get in trouble, because of the children. I’ve lost my job, my home and connections to family members, because everyone think it’s my fault. I love my wife dearly. And my only desire is that we could get help. I feel lost in our situation, Due to the fact that I do feel disrespected, emasculated. I just don’t know what to do. Even with evidence of abuse, scratches to my face, neck and arms law officials offered no help for me, and even charged me with domestic abuse. I can’t believe that a man of God or any man should be subject to this abuse and forced to accept these conditions.
I am tough on you as you aren’t getting it. If she loved you she would have gotten help. If she is a narcissist she won’t get help. They are not capable of love. How well did you love yourself by losing everything? They aren’t capable of respect, have no moral compass, just put it down to bad luck and find another. Not before you get however what these damaged creatures are like. Really like, you may need deprogramming. Fix yourself first and then look for damage in the children who have witnessed this as at least one of them will more than likely inherit some of the traits or attract similar. Learn your craft 1st; it will turn around…
I’ve been slugged in the chest…still broken from a car wreck. Used her car to pull out in oncoming traffic with a collision at my door. Repeated poisoning of my food causing several days diarrhea and weakness. Lied to me about where my sport shotgun is. Publicly slandered that I am depressed, crazy, abusive, a drunk, a womanizer, lazy no good, and stupid thoughtless. My birthday dinner party hosted by wife delayed for six months. My wife’s relationship lover arranged to follow us on 600 mile trip…saw her topless in motel doorway twice; arranged for a semi truck to accidently hit me near a stop sign.
He took my wife turkey hunting the day I worked… took her every time I was detained… and had hypnosis phone sex with her laying next to me. She hid and lied about her emails to my brother…and seeing calling him without me knowing… she hit herself in the arm then showed coworkers a bruise she said I did. She arranged her lover to be in our house secretly with me there. She lies about her age so she will retire one year early. The tainted and scratched my back and arm, giving me a sickness. She dances and dines with her lover and girlfriend locally… skypes, sms to him at home every day… mocks my giving, housework, handywork, groundwork, and dates with her. She is tired when home, but when a surprise corp meeting comes up she runs to the shower then leaves 40 minutes early. I later see she bought food and cherries for drinks at the hotel the meeting was, but gone two hours for a 20 minute meeting. She pokes fun of my hair and clothes, but she is 100 lb overweight…she mocks my occasional colic in my hair which looks like his…she plays music on the radio she never before liked; she flirts with any man interested… and she always had said she didn’t want me to leave, but now leaves whenever she can. She said to me on vacation “stop being you.” We have our 40th anniversary soon, and four adult kids… none will or are mine anymore… my dad lies for her.
So why are you still there. It’s not love, its abuse. Have some self respect and leave get yourself deprogrammed and thank yourself lucky you escaped.
As a Christian man reared up in a God fearing house, my mom and dad are devoted Christians, it’s hard for my family (mainly my mom and sisters) to believe that a man can be abused. My mom has a good relationship with my estranged wife. She doesn’t believe that I am emotional, verbally and physically abused. I’ve been with this woman for 22 years and it was hard for me to realize that she could be so mean towards me. My mom has called me a liar to my face. Even told me to go to the doctor get medicated and suck it up for my kids. She keeps telling me that it is a hard for her to go through this. That I wouldn’t have a biblical divorce if I divorce her. So far they haven’t supported me because they don’t believe that I am abused. “Why didn’t you tell us?” It’s hard to explain to them. I am doing this to save me and my kids. Please help me figure out a way to deal with my family and help them understand about my abuse. About how men can be be abused just like women.
Staying in a marriage is a myth the church invented to not have to pay to support families. How is it good for the children to watch one or another being abused they grow up with this as a model. There can be no love where there is control.
recognize the parents, its their narrow minded problem if they can’t support you in this very crucial hour of need they aren’t worthy of you either. Cut them loose. you are more than likely spiritually above these people. Doesn’t the Bible say something like we can’t beat evil we can only rise above it. Do this by helping other men recognize these narcissistic people can’t be helped. You can’t win they are damaged, very young and usually have no moral compass. You can’t win with them, leave.
I am coming out of an abusive relationship and undergoing much counseling. I pray every day to the Lord to protect me from my soon to be ex wife. Sadly I resorted to many telephone calls with psychic mediums and hope God will forgive me.
I have no doubt that female abuse of men by wives or other women exists and is very common and widespread. In my experience it is often preceded by physical or emotional (or both) abuse of the children. As time goes on the abuse is transferred to the husband and in old age this is very prominent. Most women have no insight into what constitutes psychological abuse and remarks such as “how can you be so stupid” do not seem to click. Another evidence of this is food deprivation and weight losses are common. Just some thoughts.
It’s not just physical abuse, it should be aware verbal abuse from woman too. Which is a shame because they can use that to take actions from the law to restrict a man’s life financially and if a child is involved. A woman can berate men and if he verbally fights back she plays the victim.