When we think of domestic violence, we don’t often hear about husbands being abused. It’s usually the wife who is the reported sufferer. Yet, there are many husbands who are the victims of spousal abuse. Yes, husband abuse is real; it does happen.
So why don’t we hear about husbands being abused by their wives? David L. Fontes, Psy.D, in the article titled, “Men Don’t Tell” gives insight into several reasons. He writes:
“When a man is a victim of his wife’s physical abuse he is both shamed by the assaults of his wife and shamed by society for not ‘controlling’ her better. Men are considered ‘wimps’ for letting their wives beat them or for complaining about their wives’ attacks. For many men ‘taking it like a man’ means don’t complain and don’t show you are vulnerable or in pain!
“With the prospect of being viewed as ‘wimps’ and/or having the assaults by their wives not believed or minimized by the general public and law enforcement, it’s no wonder few men report their abuse or discuss it openly.”
Yes, Husband Abuse DOES Happen
We, at Marriage Missions, can testify that many, many husbands are the victims of abuse, more than people realize. Part of this is because it’s difficult for men to report their abuse and find help. This is especially true in the Christian community. We’ve received a number of emails from husbands who are dealing with their wives abusive behavior. They write that they want to be honorable men and won’t abuse back. But they don’t know what to do to stop their wives from hurting them in these ways.
We’ve tried to find articles —especially Christian articles, written on this subject to help. But there seems to be very, very little help available for abused husbands.
Does that mean that it’s less important to minister to the hurting husband as it is to the hurting wife, even though the numbers “appear” to be less? Should a husband just accept and silently suffer from abusive behavior, if it is directed at him from his wife? No. Abuse is wrong no matter who is victimizing the other, male or female.
This article is written to give abused husbands a voice that is MUCH needed and overdue.
Husband Abuse: Different Types of Attacks
Maxine Marz wrote a Metronews.ca article titled, “Husband Abuse Erodes Dignity” where she had the following to say on this issue:
“While it is true that most physical assaults caused by women tend to be less severe when compared to a man’s physical assault on a woman with his fist or a weapon. But still, the abusive woman’s slaps, bites, kicks and/or pulling of her partner’s hair are nevertheless very hurtful. In addition to subjecting physical pain, they attack the man’s dignity and erode his sense of self-worth. Many men also encounter emotional abuse when their spouse uses their children to assert her control over the relationship.
“To add insult to injury, some abusive women not only victimize their spouses by abusing them verbally, emotionally, financially and/or physically, but they also attempt to manipulate the criminal justice system in their favour and against their partner. This unconscionable attempt of some abusive women not only re-victimizes their already abused husbands by denying them equal rights and fair protection under the law, but it simultaneously devalues and undermines the admirable progress women’s groups have achieved over the years in trying to protect the rights of legitimately abused wives and their children in the criminal courts.
“It is evident that our society has made positive strides over the years to bring needed attention to domestic abuse and to better protect women. Unfortunately, based on what many abused husbands currently experience, we still have a long way to go to afford them with similar protection of their safety and security. We need to eliminate the current gender bias in our system that re-victimizes them all over again when they step into the legal arena.”
Husband Abuse: Out in the Open
To help bring this type of victimization out into the open, we will provide several web site links to articles that you can read on this subject. We hope it will help husbands to better protect themselves.
The following is a Youtube video that shows a little taste of what some men go through as far as abuse. This is not a marriage situation. It is a boyfriend/girlfriend one where she is assaulting him in different ways, with part of it being caught on camera. It’s part 1 of a Tyra Banks television show that featured abusive women. The quality of this video isn’t the best. But the content is enlightening. Please watch and you will see a small part of what some men go through:
Different Standards for Husband Abuse
What struck me about the featured story is that if that man would have been the abuser, I believe with all my heart that the audience would have been outraged. But the woman was absolutely clueless as to the gravity of it all. Plus, the audience didn’t seem as moved, like they would have been if a woman was getting berated by the man. If he was acting as she did to him, the outrage would have been ramped up. But because it’s a woman hitting and berating a man, it’s more palatable. It shouldn’t be, because abuse is wrong no matter who commits it. And yet, that’s the way society views wife abuse as opposed to husband abuse. This is so, so wrong.
Stories of Battered Men
On a further note, the articles linked below, consist of stories of battered men. (Some of them are followers of Christ and others who are not.) In these blogs, they share their life experiences of being battered by women. Please read what they have written. Abused men and husbands need to be heard too:
• BATTERED MEN’S PERSONAL STORIES
Plus:
• SURVIVOR’S STORIES: Case Studies, Experiences & Stories of Male Victims
The following articles and blogs are posted on various web sites that deal with the subject of husband abuse and battered men. These articles are not posted on Christian web sites. Please be aware of that. However, we believe they give good insights. They also provide a lot of helpful information. We encourage you to glean what is good —that which lines up with Biblical standards. And then throw away that, which doesn’t apply to your situation. As you pray, the Lord will show you what NOT to use. Let the Lord be your guide.
Please click onto the link provided below to read:
• MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
— Additionally —
Many people ask why battered men don’t leave the abuse. They also question why do they remain silent? Murray A. Straus, a family violence researcher, gives this insight:
“There is a fear of having a 911 call turned around. If a man is being battered, is trying to protect the kids, and he calls 911, all too frequently he is the one who ends up being arrested. At a minimum, he may experience problems getting the police to believe that he’s been assaulted or that he needs the help of the police.
“Men are also less likely to call the police, even when there is injury. This is because, like women, they feel shame about disclosing family violence. But for many men, the shame is compounded by the shame of not being able to keep their wives under control. Among this group, a ‘real man’ would be able to keep her under control.”
And there are even more reasons. There is also help for men that are being abused. Read the following to learn more:
• WHY MEN DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
And:
Read, Even if the Article Needs to Be Adapted
In addition, please read other articles that are provided on this web site in the Abuse in Marriage topic. They mostly address wives who are victimized by husbands. (Sadly, it’s difficult to find info that addresses husbands who are victimized.) Even so, we encourage you to ask God to show you how to apply the advice that is given to your own situation. God can show you what advice you can use, and what you shouldn’t, or won’t be able to use.
We hope you find the help you need. May He help you as you reach out to Him —that is our prayer for you.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
My wife has been abusing me now for over thirty years, verbally, physically and financially. She constantly threatens me, hits me and refuses to make any financial contribution to the home and marriage. I have been through breakdowns and now suffer from depression which exacerbates the situation as it makes me constantly exhausted and unable to function as a human being when things get tough.
Yesterday for the first time she did it in front of friends, both verbally and physically and the look of shock on their faces when they were picking my battered body off the floor has finally made me realise that there is no future in this madness. It is time to stop and find a life that is more in keeping with what I deserve.
Sadly the system is heavily weighted in favour of the woman; they seem to be able to get away with this abuse without fear of recourse and to make matters worse even after a split up she will still be abusing from afar as she will be entitled to half of everything including my future earnings despite not making a financial contribution in over thirty years. It is time for men to speak out and get the justice they deserve without fear of being labelled or persecuted by an unfair system.
Seeking help for my father from abusive wife.
My father is in the same situation. He feels hopeless and is convinced the system will destroy him financially even with multiple witnesses of all kinds of abuse. I don’t know what to do to help him. Her abuse will kill him I’m sure of this. Should I report her abuse to the police? How can I help him?
My wife was abusing me mentally, financially, and physically for years. She finally left me last February. I wish I knew of a website I could go to or an organization that will help. I tried so many times to get to police to help me and they just called me a liar.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) has many great resources. There are a number of other sites out there that have similar information. I was a victim of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse for many years, but now I am free and getting stronger every day.
Yes! Report to the police. Violence is violence, no matter who the aggressor is.
I am scared to sleep in the same bed. Recently, she woke me up by beating me in the head with our TV remote. I can no longer sleep in the same room with her; I am now banished to a couch in the basement. Since the dog sleeps near me; anyone coming into the basement will alert the dog. I can at least sleep at that point.
WOW MAN! GOD BLESS YOU!!
My 1st wife Velia attacked me and abused me verbally and physically when we were together from 1982 to 1990 when I finally left her after finding an empty condom package, and coke package in my car in January 1990. We have been divorced since 1997 and she passed away 7-25-2007 due to liver failure! So sad for my eldest son!
Abuse is not only physically, it is also financially, verbally and in a situation where you just lost your job for a few weeks a your wife starts to abuse you. She yells at you and she makes her opinions a verdict for you and tells her family how you have reacted to her. She opposes you even in your soft opinion and so called church pastors support her. Society supports her because they always believe they are the abused. This is what my wife does.
Am afraid of losing my son and my friend is secretly talking to my wife. I am depressed.
As a man that has just recently left an abusive marriage, I can assure you even mentally strong men can be abused by there wives. Mine broke me and I still got her through rehab for my daughter. Now she is fighting me for custody. I know your reading this and saying well you must have been bad too. But the reality of the situation is the only reason a court wouldn’t throw full custody my way is because I’m a man! I’m fighting for 50/50 and scared to death I won’t even be able to get that. #support father’s rights.
Brandon, thanks for sharing your story. It’s important people know this aspect of abuse that happens far more than it’s ever reported. Stay strong!
I am really scared to say this but, OMG! I see what my husband means now. I am an abusive wife. When we lived together I was verbally and physically abusive to my husband. It was so bad that he joined the army and ran away from home. I was so lost and confused. Our fights were bad but I didn’t they they were that bad. Now he is in the military broken because of me.
Now I didn’t hit him often. But when we would fight I would say very mean things. He’s never hit me but the man before him used to hit me all the time. He would beat me black and blue until I would pass out. Wow.. As the abuser All I can say is sorry. I’m sorry that all of you have gone through or going through the events that have taken place. I really mean this from the bottom of my heart. I am not whatsoever looking for sympathy or anything like that.
My husband now wants a divorce and he says hes confused. He’s afraid for us to live together and he doesn’t think he can love me or be in love with me ever again. That really breaks my heart. But it should, because I’ve caused so much hurt and pain to someone I’m supposed to love. Now I dont just randomly hit him like the women did and I have never drawn blood, but I have slapped him, and punched at him, and kneed him in the face (not on purpose). But when we would fight sometimes it was more of me yelling and smacking him in his face.
My husband went through the same type of trauma as a child with his mother. And I didn’t know a lot of what I was doing his mother did the same thing. Now I am here begging and pleading for another chance to redeem myself. I went to counseling and anger management, and believe me or not I really am a different person. I really have changed; I’ve changed my outlook on life and how I treat my husband.
I have a question for the men that are abused. Have you ever asked your wives what makes them so angry?. It’s not whatsoever any excuse; however, maybe they have past trauma and certain things you do may trigger them. Or as humans we use our flight or fight instinct; what are you doing to make her feel fearful? I am not.. I repeat I am NOT placing blame on the victims. It’s just a question. Being someone who was abused for so long, they’re little things my husband would do that would make me have flash backs.
I talked to my husband tonight and he told me that he would often have flash backs to where sometimes he feels as if he cant breathe. As the abuser my point of view was it wasn’t that bad; I never hit him to the point where he would bleed or I never hit him with objects. I was just angry. Now I see how very wrong I was. My 2nd question is husbands have you ever forgiven your wives?. Have they changed and got help and tried to work out your marriage. I would love to know.
Thank you so much for this post. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to admit to yourself that you were abusive, and then to post it like this for other people to see.
To answer your first question, I don’t remember ever asking my wife directly what makes her so angry, but we talked about it on several occasions. Basically, she claimed it was genetic. A lot of people in her family had short tempers, and hers was mild in comparison to theirs (or so she said). I know she experienced some traumatic things as a kid, which I suspect has a lot to do with her anger. Ultimately, however, she denies doing anything wrong and says that fighting is just a normal part of marriage. In fact, she blames all of our problems as a couple (and most of her problems as an individual) on me.
About your 2nd question, yes, sort of. I thought I forgave her, but I was really just internalizing a confusing mess of emotions. I struggled with blaming myself for her outbursts vs. being angry that she wouldn’t take responsibility. I resented her for being so mean, but I respected and envied her ability to say how she felt no matter what. Sometimes I was depressed and lonely; sometimes I was happy and enjoyed spending time with her and the kids. Now I understand that this was all part of the abusive cycle: the back-and-forth, “I love you / I hate you” cycle that made me feel like I was inadequate, like I was broken. Now, I have basically “forgiven” her even though she refuses to admit that she was abusive or did anything wrong. According to her, I deserved what I got. When I say I have “forgiven” her, I mean that I don’t hold any ill will or desire to punish her. I do not respect her or want to be anywhere near her, and I am happy now that I am free from her.
I’m sorry if that was a bit long, but I wanted to be as clear as possible. One more thing, it’s not necessarily the actual aggression or violence that causes the problem. It’s the constant anxiety about what she’s going to think or how she’s going to respond to things. It’s knowing that it only takes a few seconds to go from normal to furious; just a word, or a glance, or a forgotten detail can open the floodgates. That’s where the damage happens, the daily struggle to avoid a conflict and the inevitability of making her angry.
Again, thank you for your courage, and I really hope you find peace and happiness. Even if it isn’t with your husband, you deserve a second chance. Good luck.
In the begining my wife didn’t show her real character, that she would flame up and hit me with either with her hands or with an object. There lately she has orderd a Martinet, which is a french leather flogger with a round wooden handle with 16 thick leather tails 60 cm long to whip me now. And sometimes I receive up to 15 lashes. What can I do?! Plus, now she want’s to see me with my head completly shaved?! She take’s me to her mother who shaves my head and afterwards they have a good laugh about it. Or if I’m a bit too long in the bathroom that gets on her nerves too so she comes along with her Martinet and whips my bare butt too. I’m really surprised that women can be so furious. But lately I talked about it to my doctor who is their doctor too and he explained to me that already her mother hit her father too. So, did she herit this thing from her mother? I really don’t know what to do.
Mark, That is not normal or healthy behavior. NO ONE has the right to whip you or punish you this way. Your wife is clearly sick, and I don’t think she really loves you. Love doesn’t look like that. I know of a few resources in the United States, but I found this one that seems to be pretty helpful for people in France: http://domesticviolencehelpparis.com/.
One more thing, it doesn’t matter why your wife acts this way. Maybe she inherited it from her mother, maybe she is on drugs, maybe she is mentally ill. It doesn’t matter because there is nothing you can do for her. Please keep looking for help, and remember you’re not alone. There are plenty of other guys out there who have survived abusive relationships.
I didn’t realize I was an abused husband until recently. For years my wife would talk down to me, yell at me, break my things, threaten me, throw things at me, even hit me a couple times. One week after being married she slapped me in the face really hard just for accidentally waking her up. We’ve been married for 13 years now. Every time she would get extremely mad at me, she would threaten to leave me and blame me for everything that was wrong. I would seek God and pray with her so that God could change me. But she would not agree to change in the process. She would even talk down to our daughter and force her to sleep on the floor as punishment for minor things. Recently she locked me out of our room and I was forced to sleep on the couch for about 6 weeks. She would not speak to me no matter what. She finally spoke to me and said that she wanted me out of her life and that she is happier without me. I tried to pray with her about this decision but she refused. What can you do?
There are lots of things you can do, but none of them are going to look very good right now. The very first thing I want to suggest is that you begin thinking about this situation as a father, not as a husband. You cannot change your wife. It is not your job to fix her or protect her. I spent years living with an abusive woman because I was afraid of her. Now, even though I am free, the biggest regret I have is not protecting my kids from her. I watched her scream at them and belittle them while I stood by and did nothing. That regret is never going away.
You and your wife chose to be together; you are consenting adults in a relationship. Your daughter didn’t ask to be there. She didn’t choose this. You have to be her voice, and you have to show her what love and respect really look like.
If you need some expert advice, I highly recommend the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org). You can call them 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. Good luck, man.
I am a woman that hits her husband, and I HATE muself for it. He is verbally abusive, psychologicaly abusive, breaks me down, and I get to a point where I cannot take it anymore. My son (his step son) is the CAUSE of most of these fights.
The first time I hit him, is when I caught him cheating on me. The second time was when I caught him on a chat-site with other women a month after catching him cheating on me. Then I discovered a long history of unfaithfulness with his ex wife, and pornography addiction. I forgave him for it, and vowed never to lift my hands to him again. When I found out the EXTENT of his cheating, I broke my hand on the door instead of him.
I actually PROMISED. A promise I broke numerous times since. My friends and family that know me as not being a violent person, have the opinion that he drives me to it with his constant verbal abuse, about not being a good mother, not disciplining right, not listening to him because he needs to be the head of the family, in a DICTATING way. What he says goes, and nothing else, and any misstep results in swearing, belittling and dismissive behavior like whatever I have to say is irrelevant.
Whenever I highlight how he hurts me with what he says, his response is “if the shoe fits.” When I do get violent because I’ve reached my limit, I’M the worst there is, because at least he didn’t hit me. Nothing condones physical violence, but how much must a person take before they snap?
You are not the worst there is, I promise you that. Even if you have hit him, you do not deserve to be treated that way. His infidelity and verbal abuse are HIS transgressions; you are not the cause of them, and they are not your problems to solve. I wish I knew some way to help you, but I don’t really have the answer. All I can offer is this: imagine your sister or mom or daughter came to you and told you she was in a relationship like the one you just described. What would you tell her? What advice would you give her? That strategy may not help you, but it really helped me gain perspective on my situation. I hope you are able to find peace somewhere, somehow.
My wife physically attacked me for a year and a half before I left. For the past 12 months (while separated legally) she completely denies ever attacking me or abusing me in any way; in fact reports that I was the attacker (completely false).
I am so ashamed to say that I fall into the category of an abusive woman. I love my husband so much; he is my whole life, my best friend and we have a baby on the way. But there are times when I cannot control my rage, I just see red and keep going. I attacked him about 2 times while we were dating, and felt extremely sorry after I had calmed down and thought about my actions. He forgave me, and now I wish he didn’t because he does not deserve this. I wish he had left me. I have been verbally abusive towards him on countless occasions, and when I think about it, I realise how small I must have made him feel when all I want to do is build him up. When we are good, we are really good, I try my best to be a good wife to him.
Submission can be really hard for me because I think somehow I got it into my head to never allow a man “ride” me, but still I have learned to be more gentle and kind and submissive towards him, yet sometimes I lose my cool and feel like I am going to show him that he can’t take advantage of me – when all he is probably doing is correcting me or we just have a difference in opinion.
This doesn’t happen often, and I think when I get to the point of feeling that I am in control of my emotions and we are having a good ride and everything is great, I lose control again. At the beginning, he used to try to match me with words, and he hit me back once (I was quite happy that he didn’t let me get away with that crap). Then he just started to walk away from me which used to infuriate me even more because I think part of this disorder I think I have is that being ignored leads to frustration. Honestly, I know sometimes I speak to him in a manner that is out-of-order, and as soon as he calls my attention to it, I apologise. I don’t go around threatening or verbally assaulting him anymore.
However, what led me here is the last incidence where I humiliated him in front of his friends. He has always protected me; none of his friends knew about this. He would only report me to my family who have tried to talk to me about it. I am lost because I don’t know what to do. He has shut me out now as he is tired of my apology since it seems now like a pattern; we can’t even explain why it happened this time as it just stemmed out of him playing around with me when I wasn’t in the mood. I got frustrated and referred to him as ‘stupid face’, something that should never have come out of my mouth -but I was at the point of no-control and not-caring about consequences when I said it. Moments later when I was calm, I felt the urge to apologise to him, but some pride crept in and I felt that he should have apologised for frustrating me in the first place.
Looking back at it now, I know love doesn’t do that. I don’t understand why I can’t just be normal all the time, normally when we go a few minutes after a fight, I would apologise, but that day, somehow I felt it would make him take me for granted. Things escalated from there, and I tracked him to his friend’s house because I thought he took something from the house which it turns out he didn’t. I just went red and didn’t listen to my own mind asking me to turn back.
I hate what I did to him. I hate that I probably made him look weak in the presence of his friends. My husband is a good man and doesn’t deserve this. I have thought about just leaving, but he might be even more hurt by it especially as I am pregnant. I don’t want to keep bringing this toxicity into his life. I don’t know how else to apologise to him; he says he needs to see that I have dealt with the anger. I am trying and looking up all sorts of resources. I need help please. I was not raised like this, everyone who knows me would be surprised. I always knew I had a dangerous tongue, and usually if I get into a fight with someone, the person would leave in tears, but I rarely ever get into fights. I am usually a happy-go-lucky, always smiling, mostly happy. I don’t know how I became this way, unable to control my emotions and rage.
I am so sorry about what all the men here who have gone through this, and so sorry about what my husband has gone through in the last year. I am looking to get help and show my husband that I have changed and also show good examples to our children. Once we can deal with this, we will be fine. We hardly fight and when we do, we apologise almost immediately and are back to teasing each other. I just pray that I can actually get the help I need.
Dee, I’m so glad that you recognize that this is not acceptable behavior for ANY spouse to treat their marriage partner. I’m also glad that you recognize that you have got to do something to end this because your husband does not deserve these types of insults from you. And I’m glad that you recognize that you need to get help. Whether you are a wife who is abusing her husband, or a husband abusing his wife… abuse is wrong, and it must be stopped. And just think of how this will taint your child’s view on life, and on you, and your husband. It will rob your child of any type of good role modeling, and peace of mind. Please, please get help NOW.
Here is a link to an article we have posted on this web site that may give you some pointers: For the Spouse Abuser: https://marriagemissions.com/spouse-abuser-breaking-cycle-violence/. Also, we have some articles on anger management that I recommend you read that are posted in the Abuse in Marriage topic at: https://marriagemissions.com/category/abuse-in-marriage/.
Please read everything you can on abuse that even slightly pertains to your situation. It will be a lot of reading, but if you are serious about stopping your abusive ways, especially for the sake of your husband and child, you will do whatever it takes. Pray, read, glean, turn around pronouns if necessary (most resources address husbands who abuse because you just can’t find much on wives who abuse), and then apply whatever you can to your situation. Seek out a good marriage-friendly counselor, if you can find one. It’s obvious that your good intentions fall flat when you get irritated at him. That’s why you need a good counselor. You escalate your irritations into tirades and allow yourself to do to your husband what you wouldn’t do to any other human being. You need to find out why. It’s not about him; it’s about you and what you are giving yourself permission to do when your heart rate goes up and you feel enraged. You throw your reasoning out the window, and do things that you later regret greatly.
That’s good that you regret what you have done, because it shows that you are not totally hardened. Please don’t let yourself get to that place. It DOES happen. We’ve seen it over and over again. Seek healing, and help now. It may even be good to show your posting to your husband (and my answer). It could be another way to show him that you truly are sorry and that you are actively seeking help. I hope you will continue. I pray that God gives you insight, wisdom, discernment, and true, true help in this situation. It appears that you have a good, good man there. It would be horrible to lose someone of this quality. There are so many bad spouses out there… we need to cherish and love on the good ones. I pray good for you and your precious family.
She is cheating, rampantly. All abusers do.
Physical abuse is always focused on when it is the least destructive! Gaslighting and cognitive dissonance are by far worse! Emotional abuse is devestating
I have been in three abusive relationships. My first ex turned out to have a drinking problem. She would constantly put me down. She never helped with caring for our daughter. I would find liquor bottles hidden so I dumped them out; she filed for divorce right after when I got hurt at my job. She was involved with a married man.
My second ex. I was going to school to get retrained for new work after my injury from my last job. I took care of 4 kids. I did this for ten years while trying to get retrained. I had trouble with pain and had a hard time learning. My second wife went to school again during the last years of our marriage. She had told me once she was finished with school she would help with the kids more so I could dedicate more time to trying to learn. The very week she finished her degree as a nurse practitioner, she filed for divorce. She had also been seeing someone at that time.
Both times I was labled as a bad father and husband. I had no money or way to defend myself. I lost everything again.
I’m on my third marriage. My daughter in this marriage has special needs and my wife now of 9 years treats me worse than they last two marriages. I cant leave her alone with the kids. She has a short temper and always threatens the children she will leave if they don’t behave. She also won’t allow me to have any friends; she has bad mouthed me to my parents, my brother, my brother in law and to her family. If I even try to have friends, she tells me I’m having an affair and tells everyone that. All my friends I had before live in China (I worked there before). They have jobs and children and families of their own. I have no one to talk to.
I called the police on my wife one night for she yelled at me for giving our daughter ice water. She started packing all her things at 3am and threatened to take our son. I locked myself in the back room with the kids. I had to call the police for she was going to take all night to pack. I told the police about how she acted. I told them she was constantly putting me down. In the end they believed her more than they believed me. I was put in the hospital for chest pains in March from all the stress. I told my doctor of what was going on; he also did not take me seriously.
My wife wants to control how the money is spent. She spends a lot on herself and gets mad if I want to spend anything on myself. She only wants to shop for new items for our son but garage sale items for our daughter.
I have no one to talk to and no where to go. I have to sneak around and text my friends when I want to have someone to talk to. I tried to put info on facebook about our daughters condition. She got mad about that as well. She wants to bad mouth me to everyone but then makes threats if I try to defend myself.
I can’t get help for any of my problems. When I was hurt on the job during my first marriage I was sent to school. After two years of school I could not find work, I asked the government agency for help. They refused saying they can’t help me anymore. They would not help me find a job or help me get a better education to get a job. I went to a 4 year college on my own, had to borrow money since no one would help me.
My chronic pain got worse in school. I could not concentrate so I asked for help from the school. They refused. Told me that helping me would be a hardship to the teachers. I tried to finish without help. I was kicked out of school for not passing. I spent almost 10 years trying to get an education. I was threatened and yelled at by loan collectors. For years I asked for help from department of education. I asked my local congressman, and the governor. Everyone was deaf. No one wanted to listen.
At this time all I do is help my daughter to get strong enough to be able to go to school soon and I help my mom take care of my dad, he is a veteran who has Parkinson’s. I have no money. We live off of my daughters social security. I wish someone would listen.