When we think of domestic violence, we don’t often hear about husbands being abused. It’s usually the wife who is the reported sufferer. Yet, there are many husbands who are the victims of spousal abuse. Yes, husband abuse is real; it does happen.
So why don’t we hear about husbands being abused by their wives? David L. Fontes, Psy.D, in the article titled, “Men Don’t Tell” gives insight into several reasons. He writes:
“When a man is a victim of his wife’s physical abuse he is both shamed by the assaults of his wife and shamed by society for not ‘controlling’ her better. Men are considered ‘wimps’ for letting their wives beat them or for complaining about their wives’ attacks. For many men ‘taking it like a man’ means don’t complain and don’t show you are vulnerable or in pain!
“With the prospect of being viewed as ‘wimps’ and/or having the assaults by their wives not believed or minimized by the general public and law enforcement, it’s no wonder few men report their abuse or discuss it openly.”
Yes, Husband Abuse DOES Happen
We, at Marriage Missions, can testify that many, many husbands are the victims of abuse, more than people realize. Part of this is because it’s difficult for men to report their abuse and find help. This is especially true in the Christian community. We’ve received a number of emails from husbands who are dealing with their wives abusive behavior. They write that they want to be honorable men and won’t abuse back. But they don’t know what to do to stop their wives from hurting them in these ways.
We’ve tried to find articles —especially Christian articles, written on this subject to help. But there seems to be very, very little help available for abused husbands.
Does that mean that it’s less important to minister to the hurting husband as it is to the hurting wife, even though the numbers “appear” to be less? Should a husband just accept and silently suffer from abusive behavior, if it is directed at him from his wife? No. Abuse is wrong no matter who is victimizing the other, male or female.
This article is written to give abused husbands a voice that is MUCH needed and overdue.
Husband Abuse: Different Types of Attacks
Maxine Marz wrote a Metronews.ca article titled, “Husband Abuse Erodes Dignity” where she had the following to say on this issue:
“While it is true that most physical assaults caused by women tend to be less severe when compared to a man’s physical assault on a woman with his fist or a weapon. But still, the abusive woman’s slaps, bites, kicks and/or pulling of her partner’s hair are nevertheless very hurtful. In addition to subjecting physical pain, they attack the man’s dignity and erode his sense of self-worth. Many men also encounter emotional abuse when their spouse uses their children to assert her control over the relationship.
“To add insult to injury, some abusive women not only victimize their spouses by abusing them verbally, emotionally, financially and/or physically, but they also attempt to manipulate the criminal justice system in their favour and against their partner. This unconscionable attempt of some abusive women not only re-victimizes their already abused husbands by denying them equal rights and fair protection under the law, but it simultaneously devalues and undermines the admirable progress women’s groups have achieved over the years in trying to protect the rights of legitimately abused wives and their children in the criminal courts.
“It is evident that our society has made positive strides over the years to bring needed attention to domestic abuse and to better protect women. Unfortunately, based on what many abused husbands currently experience, we still have a long way to go to afford them with similar protection of their safety and security. We need to eliminate the current gender bias in our system that re-victimizes them all over again when they step into the legal arena.”
Husband Abuse: Out in the Open
To help bring this type of victimization out into the open, we will provide several web site links to articles that you can read on this subject. We hope it will help husbands to better protect themselves.
The following is a Youtube video that shows a little taste of what some men go through as far as abuse. This is not a marriage situation. It is a boyfriend/girlfriend one where she is assaulting him in different ways, with part of it being caught on camera. It’s part 1 of a Tyra Banks television show that featured abusive women. The quality of this video isn’t the best. But the content is enlightening. Please watch and you will see a small part of what some men go through:
Different Standards for Husband Abuse
What struck me about the featured story is that if that man would have been the abuser, I believe with all my heart that the audience would have been outraged. But the woman was absolutely clueless as to the gravity of it all. Plus, the audience didn’t seem as moved, like they would have been if a woman was getting berated by the man. If he was acting as she did to him, the outrage would have been ramped up. But because it’s a woman hitting and berating a man, it’s more palatable. It shouldn’t be, because abuse is wrong no matter who commits it. And yet, that’s the way society views wife abuse as opposed to husband abuse. This is so, so wrong.
Stories of Battered Men
On a further note, the articles linked below, consist of stories of battered men. (Some of them are followers of Christ and others who are not.) In these blogs, they share their life experiences of being battered by women. Please read what they have written. Abused men and husbands need to be heard too:
• BATTERED MEN’S PERSONAL STORIES
Plus:
• SURVIVOR’S STORIES: Case Studies, Experiences & Stories of Male Victims
The following articles and blogs are posted on various web sites that deal with the subject of husband abuse and battered men. These articles are not posted on Christian web sites. Please be aware of that. However, we believe they give good insights. They also provide a lot of helpful information. We encourage you to glean what is good —that which lines up with Biblical standards. And then throw away that, which doesn’t apply to your situation. As you pray, the Lord will show you what NOT to use. Let the Lord be your guide.
Please click onto the link provided below to read:
• MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
— Additionally —
Many people ask why battered men don’t leave the abuse. They also question why do they remain silent? Murray A. Straus, a family violence researcher, gives this insight:
“There is a fear of having a 911 call turned around. If a man is being battered, is trying to protect the kids, and he calls 911, all too frequently he is the one who ends up being arrested. At a minimum, he may experience problems getting the police to believe that he’s been assaulted or that he needs the help of the police.
“Men are also less likely to call the police, even when there is injury. This is because, like women, they feel shame about disclosing family violence. But for many men, the shame is compounded by the shame of not being able to keep their wives under control. Among this group, a ‘real man’ would be able to keep her under control.”
And there are even more reasons. There is also help for men that are being abused. Read the following to learn more:
• WHY MEN DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
And:
Read, Even if the Article Needs to Be Adapted
In addition, please read other articles that are provided on this web site in the Abuse in Marriage topic. They mostly address wives who are victimized by husbands. (Sadly, it’s difficult to find info that addresses husbands who are victimized.) Even so, we encourage you to ask God to show you how to apply the advice that is given to your own situation. God can show you what advice you can use, and what you shouldn’t, or won’t be able to use.
We hope you find the help you need. May He help you as you reach out to Him —that is our prayer for you.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
(USA) I read this article and it’s left me wondering if I am an abuser. My husband & I have been married for 1 & 1/2 years (together for 2 & 1/2 total) and it’s been very rocky. I have been a Christian for about 15 years; my husband hasn’t shared many details about his religious beliefs, even though I’ve asked him many, many times- he says that he’s been saved twice (I know you can only be saved once, but that’s what he said).
My husband has been emotionally & verbally abusive to me throughout our entire relationship, except when we were first dating (honeymoon phase). It doesn’t happen everyday, but a few days per week is plenty. In response to my hurt, depression, & frustration about the way he treats me, I sometimes will blow up & lose control. I’ve gotten in his face, poked and/or hit his chest, yelled and/or cursed at him, thrown things, & taken a baseball bat and hit our bed frame, which broke. After every episode I apologize and admit that I was wrong. I don’t have these episodes very often because I have made some positive changes with the help of God, but I still fear that I’ll do it again.
My husband has also been physically abusive with me- he’s hit me in the face 1 time & pushed me down on the ground numerous times. He is still being verbally abusive as well- tonight after asking him to reset the computer router a few times he proceded to curse at me and call me disgusting names. And when I left the apt to cool down he told that I needed to go before he kicked my a–.
My husband has experienced a lot of hurt in his life, so I understand why he acts the way he does. He was physically abused by his father as a child, and saw his mother being beat as well. During his first marriage his wife cheated on him and got pregnant by that man. He is also an Iraq war veteran & has PTSD. I have left him before because of the way he treats me, but I came back because I don’t want a divorce and I truly believe that God put us together for a reason.
I continue to pray to God that he will help the both of us. I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior because I know that physical violence is wrong. However, I also feel a little bit justified because of all the pain my husband has put me through. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
(USA) Well, I definitely have not solved my relationship problems, but… The one thing that comes to mind is that you guys have to seek counseling. The Bible says, “in the multitude of counsellors, there is safety.” It was soo hard for me to get counselling but it has definitely helped. Seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be given to you, knock and the door will be opened.
(AUSTRALIA) OMG – I’m reading and don’t believe there are so many ABUSED husbands out there. Well, I’m married 25 years and my darling wife has always shown a tendency to fly off the handle, even in our early dating days.
But over the last five years or so she has become “HORRENDOUS.” I have been punched in the face multiple times while driving my car, spat in my face on many times, have been abused both mentally and physically on so many occasions. I start to shake and my stomach is churning when I see her about to explode. And believe me, you can tell all is about to unleash after the first word comes out of her mouth. And the reasons for all of this is “because she can”!!!
I am a hardworking businessman who has been an excellent provider to her and the kids who are now grown. I have tried to reason with her hundreds of times, but as soon as I try to say things that she doesn’t want to hear she just explodes. In other words I never, ever get to say and try reasoning with her. I have now resorted to texting her to tell her how much I am hurting and all I get back is a barrage of filth and putdowns.
She has degenerated me so often I’m starting to believe that I am nothing and worthless. And I am not. I am a good looking guy for my age with usually a happy nature and well liked by many of our friends. But my happy go lucky nature has been slowly ripped out of me over recent years.
And surprise!!! She is never wrong. If I suggest something be done a certain way then I’m an idiot, a tool, a wanker and a fool besides all the expletives that come with it.
I’m thinking she may be BPD or Narcissistic. I don’t know. I would not dare (too Scared to tell her to seek some help seriously) -she tells me I’m the one that need help and not that nicely either.
I really don’t want to divorce her but maybe I have no options. Please help me with some helpful replies as I really am getting to the end of my tolerance and patience and I don’t want to go down hill with this never ending stress.
PS… I don’t have time to tell you of all the abuse both mentally and physically but believe me it has been HUGE and HORRENDOUS -take care all
Also I have never physically abused my wife, never cheated on my wife -verbal abuse occasionally, in retaliation when she has persistently pushed my buttons. But never have I called her the filth and degrading remarks she bestows upon me. Please HELP.
(USA) Yes Gary, It is shocking to read on here how many abused husbands there are. Men who are staying faithful to God, despite the unChristlike behavior of the women.
Some things that I have done so far, to try to improve the situation, are: -Expose darkness to light. -I have told our close friends of the family. – This led to us going to a marriage counsellor (a local pastor).
What the marriage counsellor said is that when we are arguing, we are actually “intoxicated” with anger. I have learned that she won’t walk away, so I have to be smart and just walk away. I have learned that only when we are around people from church or in social environmnents, then the abuse happens little to never.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I’m grateful for this website where thoughts and feelings can be shared.
What happens when we walk away and she follows and attacks me in front of my kids? She just punches me in my face for a mistake I did.
Dear Gary, I feel very sorry for what you have been putting up with. I read a counselor’s advice yesterday, and I’ll just offer it to you. This is based on info you gave about being a provider. Here goes: You will now have to firmly put a stop to the abuse. Your life is very valuable, and should NOT be spent in misery at someone’s whim. The next time she starts, let her know that you will no longer tolerate it, she should get help, or else… Make your threat known. Decide ahead what that will be, and be prepared to keep it. I think she does this because she knows you will not fight back. DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. Good luck. Debbie
(USA) YES it is definitely true that husbands are abused.
Is it possible that the verbal abuse and hateful words are more damaging than the punches and blows? I watched my father be verbally abused by my mother for over 10 years. On her “mental list” she had about 500 things that my father had done wrong over the years. And what she would do is bring those up constantly over and over, heaping shame upon him and then she would argue non-stop and disrespect him and be constantly verbally abusive to him.
I watched this for 15 years, go by. My dad never hit her, but she did at times hit him physically. It really wounded my dad emotionally.
I said, to myself, that I would never marry someone like this. And guess what happened? I was dating somebody and I just didn’t see the red flags. I was lonely and I didn’t think I could find anybody else and I went ahead and married her.
And now the cycle is continuing. The person I married is verbally abusive. Does anyone know what websites an abused man can go, what can I do to get help? She is also abusive to the children, hitting them excessively and constant verbal abuse and derogatory.
She denies everything when I bring it up to our friends at church. I just want the insults and anger and abuse to stop. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
So, so sorry Mario. Abuse is wrong no matter who does it, and no matter what reason he or she gives. You ask for web sites that could possibly give you advice. Actually, if you go into the “Links and Recommended Resources” part of this topic (Abuse in Marriage) you will find several links listed that will take you to web sites that could possibly help in some way.
Also, in this topic, you will find other articles written, which gives advice as to how to better protect yourself. Sadly, many of them only address women who are being abused, without mentioning men. I wish they would address both. But, I can’t change what the authors have written. I can however, encourage you to change the pronouns and glean what you can use. I hope you will. And I hope your wife will recognize that unbridled anger –anger, which strikes out at another person, verbally, emotionally, or physically needs to be stopped and dealt with. It is NEVER permissible to victimize anyone this way. I pray that somehow she is able to get the help she needs to stop (and that she takes advantage of that help) and I pray that you are able to experience the peace you should in your home and in your life.
(AUSTRALIA) I understand your pain so much, Mario. Just today my wife verbally abused me again in front of my kids. We have four kids and the youngest is 19 moths old. It is just before her time of the month and she turns into another person, which is not like her, as she would say. We woke up Saturday morning happy and then after going to the toilet I come back to assist her with loading the dishwasher. She suddenly starts getting angry saying that I don’t help her with anything around the house, I am useless as a father, I make her feel depressed and she wishes she never met me with few profanities in between.
I stayed quiet like a child and tried hard to not say anything to make the situation worse. She kept going like this for a while and when she stopped I walked away to work on some chores. After a period of time to let her cool down I went to her and held her, trying to forget the mornings incident. She responds as like nothing has happened as I guessed she believes she is right. It saddens me when my six year old daughter comes up to me and tells me I heard mum yelling at you and did she hit you too. How do I explain this to her?
It is now Sunday in the late morning and my daughter comes to tell her that my son has called her names. She goes off the end again and starts saying she can’t take it anymore, she can’t handle the kids, me and the life we live. She says again that I am useless and what do I contribute to the family as a husband and father. Unfortunately this is in front of all my kids again where she doesn’t think twice about swearing in front of them. I feel so bad and ashamed that my kids can see this. I don’t want this to be an example to my kids that is alright to do this to anyone or partner.
Today I actually tried to make a comment back as my heart could not take it anymore but this made it worse. So I just keep quite until she stopped again and took some time out out. I am currently working and it would take me 2 hours to get to work and 2 hours to get home at around 7-7:30pm. I am also studying a course online to change my career to help us improve our lifestyle, which I started a month and half ago. She thinks that working is not an excuse to live to her exceptions. She also keeps complaining that I have not finished my course. She claims would have it completed it by now if she did it. She believes that I am not smart enough and should be working harder. This has been going on for a while now and I am finding hard to cope anymore.
As I sat in a corner with tears of frustration and sadness I thought it would be better if I was dead to stop this pain in my heart but my kids bring me back. I am thinking about leaving her to make her and myself happy but the kids draw me back. I don’t know if I am going to last with this constant psychological abuse and at times physical. Is there any help I can get to get the answer??
I understand your anguish. You must realize that your wife’s behavior is not your fault. She is a troubled person who needs professional counseling. You also need to seek counseling for yourself and learn techniques of setting up healthy boundaries with your wife if you are going to stay married. Her behavior is hurting your children and will if not changed will have long lasting detrimental affects on your children. Seek professional counseling for yourself. My prayers are with you and your family.
Sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder. She needs professional help.
(AMERICA) I started dating my husband back in June 18th 2010. I met him at the park. I asked him about his past dating experiences. He said he had had this 5 year fling with this girl but it was nothing serious (RED FLAG ALERT). Usually when most men say longtime booty pal that means she is still someone around. But I gave him a chance and fell for him eventually.
As the time progressed and I had a inclination to ask him had he cheated on me, he looked me in my eyes and said “no baby I love you; you’re the only one.” So I fell even harder. Knowing I wasn’t yet married we began to try and conceive a baby anyway. The baby was conceived around Feb. of 2011. Things began to get really stressful, and we began to argue a lot. He revealed to me in anger for the very first time that he had cheated on me.
I was so hurt, and was also pregnant for the very first time, becauuse he had cheated on me way before I had ever gotten pregnant, and even before I asked him he had cheated. So basically that meant he was a liar and a cheat . My heart was so hurt I told him I wanted a abortion. Now I don’t have family, and I was off of work cuz I fell so ill, so I asked him for money -he said “no.”
He tore up my expensive pc, and that’s where the abuse started for me. I was hit over the head, then the second encounter was when he busted out my window. I said can we please get counseling and his response was “if that’s how YOU feel” almost as if he were indicating that he needed no counseling. He kept blaming me for his infidelity. He busted out my window. Then I just lounged myself at him and started scratching his face. He pulled out a fist full of hair.
Now I feel like he had ruined my life because I have a baby by him and even though we are now married, I still resent him, because he talked to her even this summer of 2012. Every time I think about him and her I hit him or when he acts like he is ignoring me I will hit or slap or pour water on him. So sometimes men play too many games … NO THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO HIT ANYONE but at the same time the heart is very delicate …and a lot of women are getting freaking sick and tired of men’s games.
(GERMANY) Of course wives abuse husbands. They do it MUCH more often than husbands abuse wives and they do it in much more vicious ways too. Often it is criminal abuse. Just google “crimes against fathers” and you will see that we are bringing justice to fathers who are criminally abused by wives… especially in the criminal family courts.
(SOUTH AFRICA) What causes them to snap for no apparent reason? It is nice all the other stories, but I want to know if our relationship can be helped or not.
(USA) Hi Sean. The instant outbursts can be caused my many reasons. I was told by my therapist that I have an intermittent explosive disorder. it basically means that I can get so angry and abusive by the smallest of things. And the anger tends to be grossly out of proportion to the stressors of the environment.
For me, I realize that I have to deal with my past abusive issues with my family to be able to control my present issues with my husband. It takes a day at a time. Any relationship can be helped. But only you can determine how much help you need and how bad you want it.
I have seen two therapist, my pastors, and have spoken to my close friends in helping me find ways tocontrol my anger so that I am not abusive towards my husband. I want to be a better wife for him and want to do what ever it takes to make my marriage work. But that is because I want and desire it to work.
If you are willing Sean, your relationship can be helped.
(USA) I am an abusive wife seeking counseling and treatment. It pains me to know the reason for all this pain, hurt and shame is caused by someone who loves you, or you thought that loved you. I know I have have broken my husbands spirit in ways I do not think I can repair. I read articles like these and comments to help me understand what he is going through. Even though I am seeking treatment for the things that I have done to him, in addition to dealing with my own physical abuse as a child, I do not think I know where he is emotionally and spiritually.
I love him very much, and as much as I can say I didn’t mean to hit him or hurt him, it still happened. I am genuinely sorry for what I did and I am scared of losing him. I feel like I failed at being his partner and Friend. I do not want to be this way and I am doing everything in power to work on me and get help. I want us to be great examples for our daughter. I know it starts with me and my treatment. I do have deeper issues that I never resolved before saying I do. I want my marriage to work. and I want to make my husband, my man feel like he is the man and leader in our home. We are now separated, and in this time I am praying for us, and working on me so that we could be a better us for our daughter.
I read these comments of the men who were/are abused and I am so sorry. I am sorry that you all feel this way. I am sorry that you are hurt, shamed and feel alone. I am not diminishing any abuse of any kind towards any gender. But abusers are usually carrying abuse, hurt and pain that happened to them. The first person that usually gets the backlash of that hurt is the very person they love. It is an awful reality from a broken person in a very broken world where the only mending exist in the hands of God.
I hope I did not upset any men here. But I thank you men for sharing your feelings and insight.
(RO) Over and over again, each time the causes are somewhere between 0-6 years of age. There are all the negative causes, then all our conditioning happened, without us being able to do something about it.
Bruce Lipton is a great guy who showed great things. Osho is great for his power of introspection. They both helped me. I know now that if one doesn’t solve his issues, those issues will reappear always. It’s natural.
I recognize my addiction to abusing women. I was always attracted to this type of women, because my mother was an abusive woman, who always downgraded my father, and all around her, trying to blame everyone for her unhappiness and problems. I cannot blame her, though I wish so, so badly, because now I’m in charge on my life, and the fact the I was born into that family, is not coincidental. It resonates with my past, of course.
So the solution for me and for all of us, is to treat ourselves, at all costs. Gives this healing the top most priority. That’s the only way. Changing partners will not help, as we will always be attracted to those who resonate with our belief system. And until all issues and addictions are gone from our belief system, things will continue to look almost the same. This is the harsh truth I learned. We are the only ones who can change ourselves.
(US) My wife used to get mad because of my jealousy. I overcame that 25 years ago. I had given her all the freedom anyone could ever ask for including the finances. A couple of years ago I intercepted a certified letter from the morgage company stating I was in foreclosure and I never knew it. Then I find out she had borrowed thousands from her mother her father and almost all of our friends.
Then I find out she had met some other guy on the train comming back from Florida with my three kids. I started to check phone records and following her. She had me arrested on stalkiig and harassment charges. She then got a restaining order on me and used one of my kids to force me into breaking the order.
I haven’t seen my house or kids in months. Now her lawer is going to take everything I own, not to mention the 10 credit cards she maxed out that I will be responsible for. I look like a monster in the court’s eyes and even more so, after womans space got involved. Please. Does anyone have an answer?!!!!!!! THANKS, JEFF
Trust in Jesus Christ. He is who I trust.
(CANADA) Recently I went on line to research and was surprised to see how little there is about men in emotionally abusive relationships speaking out. I could not find anything and your site was the only one that came up with anything. Thank you to all who share on this site.
As a Christian, I can relate. Honorable Christian men do not hit back and also don’t leave in many cases. In my case the emotional abuse which is ongoing had me think more to do with some illness or self worth issues than anger. But the pain is just as real as if she beat me every day with a golf club.
Emotional abuse and all that goes with it can be just as hurtful as physical abuse and leave scars which take much longer to heal. BTW I’m not just researching, I am living this situation for 20 years and now find myself counting the days until my children are done at the University and I don’t have to stay anymore.
What is a Christian man/husband to do when they marry a ‘part time Christian’ who grew up with God but never really lived or felt the spirit? He knows that the wife will not change, will not communicate constructively, and will not stop being hurtful and deceitful. Sometimes prayer just isn’t enough. After 20 years the love slowly turns to indifference and the passion is long gone from the marriage and is now fading from life as a result of the ongoing abuse. I am finding a huge correlation between PTSD symptoms and the symptoms of living in an abusive marriage all these years.
20 years of abuse will take its toll physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m sorry to hear that you have allowed your wife to cross over healthy boundaries in your marriage. I hope she is getting counseling as well as you to repair the damage to your psyche.
I am a Christian and married a Christian woman who was very dedicated to her church and God. She also suffers from what I believe to be BPD. She can be the most loving affectionate woman at times and also very emotionally volatile at times. I have suffered physical, verbal and emotional abuse for 6 1/2 years now. I finally said enough and moved out. I don’t want a divorce but realize that she will not change. She says she does not want a divorce but won’t acknowledge any wrong doing. The reality is you can’t help someone who does not want to be helped. I pray for her and love her but at this time cannot allow the emotional and verbal abuse to continue. I definitely do not want to spend the next 20 years of my life on the roller coaster of her emotions.
I hope men will stand up for themselves, just as women should stand up for themselves if they are in an abusive marriage. One would never think twice about telling a woman to distance herself from an abuser but when it comes to men being abused many, including pastors and counselors, will encourage them to stay in the abuse.
(UNITED STATES) I feel that I am financially abused. One of my disabled wife’s favorite past times is shopping. Pretty much that it was not a problem until the house became so cluttered with things and pets that it’s hard to find an electrical outlet so I can vacuum the floor. But now I live in fear every day because my wife orders stuff on TV using QVC and HSN for things like clothes and jewelry several times a week.
I was fired last year because I couldn’t handle the stress any more at work. And while I was at work my wife was at home ordering stuff from the TV shopping channels. Knowing she had a problem she gave me her credit card but later she fould they had her credit info on file and she didn’t need the physical card. I’ve had several arguments this last week about it and all that did was make her mad and now she is ordering stuff on a daily basis.
Being out of work it’s just a matter of time before our savings runs out and I won’t be able to pay the mortgage. It’s just such a helpless feeling. I worry about the fate of our pets if I can’t keep a roof over their heads. I just wish she would physically hit me instead of this kind of beating.
(USA) Pay the mortgage and default on her credit cards. I had to do this in my own relationship to get him to stop charging. The credit card debt was so bad it was taking nearly all our money. The kids were doing without. I was going without things. You have to take a stand.
(UNITED STATES) MY WIFE RIPS ME APART AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY, SHE HATES ME WITH HER WHOLE HEART. SHE WANTS ME DEAD. SHE WANTS ME TO COMMIT SUICIDE.
(UK) It is difficult to read some of your stories. But they convey hope and resilience. I am currently emtionally, financially and physically abused. I have two children and fear that my time with them is limited as this relationship is unsustainable. I have learned that you must sometime prioritise yout iwn wellbeing to be strong for others.
(INDONESIA) Hi. I never knew that there is even any other case in Indonesia where a wife abuses her husband. I am one of the victims, so I am so glad that I finally found this website.
We were high school friends in the past. We met again when we were grown up, and out of the blue decided to get married to each other. There was no love as the basis for our marriage. We’ve have been married for 9 years since and have one daughter. My wife is a very successful career woman, and is viewed by our family and friends to be more successful than I am and that is perhaps why she verbally, financially, socially and emotionally abuses me.
I recently met and fell in love with another woman and had an affair with her. She respects, loves and cares for me a lot. My wife found out about this and she was, obviously, really mad and disappointed. I understand that the affair was a mistake, however, I have apologized, broken up with my girlfriend and promised my wife to re-build our marriage for the sake of our daughter. However, now she physically abuses me. She kicked and hit me, even when I did not say anything wrong. I didn’t fight back. I have been following whatever she wants me to do. But, still we fight everyday, and the physical abuse continues.
We have done counseling the Christian way, but it does not seem to work. I am not sure what else to do, so I would appreciate any advices this network can give me as to what I can do to stop this, because I can’t stand it anymore. Today in the car I told my wife that I will take my mother to Malaysia for a chemotherapy session. She accused me that I was going to go with my girlfriend and started another fight. I then said that if this fight continues, it’s better that we lived separately. Then she hits me in my face. It broke my glasses. I am not sure how long I can stand this.
I knew that she physically abuses me because of the affair I had, but the financial, social, psychological and emotional abuse started from when we got married. I will thank you any advice.
(USA) The verbal abuse and emotional abuse from both partners can build up inside of us and rip apart your relationship. When you get mad for any reason you become overwhelmed with ignorance or become temporarily stupid. How you talk to GOD in your prayers is important! When you chose your partner for life we knew what made us at peace, staying on track is hard if you create a climate that is unbearable. If you are due for a climate change in your life, then get together and make it happen, get outside help, if you wait until there is too much bad weather it will be that much harder. My wife and I are now separated and it may be the end of our relationship, but I will never never give up. It will take time, making peace with yourself and forgiving the other. Important changes in the enviroment is the key, the Kingdom of heaven is within us! Once you have learned how to enter your inner kingdom, you have a special retreat within that is always available to you.
(CANADA) I feel for many of husbands who are going thru many struggles. I, myself, am going thru things with my wife. My wife attends a very extreme pencostal church where she is giving 10% of her income without telling me and without talking about it. We are $32,000 in debt and we are living on credit and when she gives her money to the church we get more in debt. She’s the breadwinner in the family and I have disabilities that make finding a good job very hard.
On top of this my wife attends church every Sunday and doesn’t get home until 3:00 PM in morning most of the time. She believes that she is doing God’s work by staying out late at night until morning and doing “Church Stuff”. I have called the police on her twice and filed a missing persons report.
She doesn’t care if she comes home late or not and doesn’t have any respect or concern for me waiting for her to come home. To her, serving God is more important than her marriage, family of friends. Her family is very concerned and I have talked to the pastor. He doesn’t do anything about it because he wants his 10% and he even asks for it from her when he needs the money.
Also my wife has given me an ultimatum: 1) Accept the way she is being late, giving 10% and serving God OR 2) Leave the marriage. So, I am not sure of what kind of abuse would you guys call this? Anyways, thanks
(USA) Your comment reminded me of something I seen on the Internet about 6 months ago. You should google the truth about tithing. There are a few YouTube videos on this subject as well. God never intended us to tithe; that is the old Jewish laws, that has been manipulated by the churches for years and years.
I began searching for information on tithing after attending a church with a pastor that was preaching more than he should about it. I found articles that explained in great detail that tithing as we know it is wrong and provided the facts based on scriptures. God wants us to be happy givers, and to give from the heart.