We’re sharing some important marriage reminders from Joel Saltzman that were emailed to us a while back. They come from his Shake It! Books.
Joel sent out these reminders on the subject of parenting after questioning a number of “kids.” But when you look deeper, you can see that each one of them also applies to how we treat each other in our marriage.
“It’s a great day to start something big.” And growing your marriage is a real biggie. But what’s best about all of this is that small changes can make a big impact on the health of your marriage. Don’t discount its importance.
So, below are some simple reminders. We’re also adding in a few additional marriage reminders, with some of them showing up in [brackets], as well. We suggest that you pray, read, and glean through the info to see what you can apply to your marriage relationship. There are some real “goodies” in this batch of marriage tips.
Gentle Marriage Reminders
“In my workshops on parenting (‘Shake That Parenting Brain!’) I ask grown up kids (adults) what they needed from their own parents. More often than not, the responses focus on what they DIDN’T get from their parents, but wish they had. That said, I’d like to share with you some responses from a recent workshop. I’m sharing these in the hope that they may serve as ‘gentle reminders’ for what your own child [and spouse] may be missing.
“The prompt was this: ‘If I could have told my parents how to raise me, I would have said: _____.’
“Here are some of their answers:
• “Be positive. Stop worrying. Laugh more. And be silly sometimes!”
[Can you see how this can pertain to marriage, as well? Let’s face it, life gets serious; but don’t let it take over your marriage relationship. Follow this great advice.]
• “Stop nagging and instead discuss your concerns with me [and each other] in a calm, respectful manner.”
• “Talk to each other instead of one of you giving one set of expectations while the other encourages the opposite.”
[“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3)]
• “Take better care of yourself to set a better example for me.”
[And that especially includes taking better care of your relationship. As you do that you’ll better enjoy your marriage and set a good example to those who are watching.]
• “Be there. Be fair. Show me the way.”
On this important point we hope you will take the following to heart:
“We have a generation of children today who desperately need to look into the eyes of Mom and Dad and see two people deeply in love with each other, committed to one another for life and honoring God in their relationship. If you have children, make sure your children know and see your love regularly. Make the marriage they see in you the same type of relationship they’ll want one day for themselves.” (Dennis Rainey)
To add to that important marriage reminder, we’ve said the following so many times and mean it with all our hearts:
You may be the only example of a good spouse that many different children will witness, as well. They may not have a great example in their own home of what a good marriage looks like—how a husband/wife should treat each other. You have a mission field in your marriage that can be a testimony, as you live as God would have you. We are told in Matthew 5:16, ‘Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.’”
Additional Important Reminders from kids:
• “Tell me when I do things right. And instill in me the belief that I will be a success.”
[This is a good thing to do in your marriage, as well. Sometimes your marriage “partner” gets less encouragement from you than from others. This can cause problems on multiple levels.]
• “Show unconditional love. It doesn’t matter if my socks don’t match! And please choose your words more carefully. They sting and stick.”
[Again, this same principle is good to remember in marriage.]
• “Have a game night. Take a walk together. Watch a movie together and take turns on who gets to pick.”
[Don’t forget to keep dating each other. Have fun together, keep flirting with each other to continue to grow your love relationship.]
Here are two additional reminders to help you concerning this important issue:
“Saying, ‘I do’ doesn’t mean you’re done! Nobody ever put gas in a car and expected it to run for years. But lots of couples are running on emotional fumes. Truth is, if you’re not dating your spouse, your relationship is running out of gas.” (Rosberg)
And it doesn’t have to be complicated dates. (We have all kinds of fun dating ideas in the following topic: ROMANTIC IDEAS. Look around and see what you can find to help you.)
Above all, figure out together what works for you to grow your romance. Just remember:
“Play is essential for good health and good relationships. We wholeheartedly encourage the couples we counsel to find ways to play together. Making play an essential part of your life will encourage you to create joy at every opportunity. Whether you enjoy board games, sports, getting outside with your pets, or other activities, find what works for you and go with it. And if you’re not sure what kinds of play work for you, start exploring!” (Drs Les & Leslie Parrott)
And then here are a few additional marriage reminders to apply to your marriage relationship:
• THREE SIMPLE MARRIAGE REMINDERS
More Gentle Marriage Reminders
We’re ending this Marriage Insight with a few more “gentle reminders.” The first comes from something The Skit Guys did, which can apply to both husbands AND wives. You’ll know what that is after watching the following:
And here’s a question proceeded by answers that are great marriage reminders:
“‘What words could improve your marriage?‘
– ‘LOVE HIM/HER (no matter what)’
– ‘PLAY TOGETHER! (Don’t be so serious all the time. Play games, sports, goof off, laugh)’
– ‘PRAY TOGETHER (Consistently)’
– ‘SO SORRY! (Starts the healing process)’
– ‘LOVE FIRST (Don’t wait to receive love from your spouse to give love; be the proactive one. If both partners do this, there will be plenty of love to go around.’)” (Corey Allan + Matthew, Lindsay, Gloria, Debbie, and Diddler)
And lastly, and most importantly, do as Jesus tells us:
“Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
We pray you will.
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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3 responses to “Important Marriage Reminders”
(KENYA) Am thankful for your great guidance.
I couldn’t agree more with all of your above listed points! The only thing that I would dare to slightly add is that even though you (and your spouse) may feel as though your marriage is dead, doomed, and there’s no reason or hope to keep going, there IS room at the cross for your marriage! Yes! God can and does restore dead marriages! Just remember that if He does restore (even if you have a lengthy stand and reconciliation) you will all be a “stander”. Actually, I think we should all stand for our marriages to begin with as the enemy loves to seek and destroy Christian homes first it seems. God bless y’all for all you do!
Thank you A.C. We TOTALLY agree. We’ve seen many, many marriages completely turn around when they surrendered their dying, and sometimes dead marriages to Christ–looking to and following His leadership. Some spouses have even divorced, but eventually looked to God to redeem their marriages; and as they followed His ways, they found their ways back to each other and have grown marriages that are better than ever. After all, Jesus IS our Redeemer! That’s what He does best.
Thanks for sharing what you did. We all can learn from each other. “The blessing of the LORD be upon you! We bless you in the name of the LORD! (Psalm 129:8)