Marriage Without a Blueprint?

Blueprint Dollar Photo loving couple looking at their homeWhy is it that we think that it would be ridiculous to build a house without using a blueprint —an intentional plan, but building a marriage should “just come naturally?” Is the initial love that you feel for each other truly enough to last you from your wedding day, for the rest of your lives?

A house is basically just bricks and mortar or wood and nails. But a marriage is a sacred union that is to last a lifetime. And yet, building a house needs planning put forth and a marriage doesn’t? Why not a marriage?

Blueprint, Please

“Have you ever seen a house that was built without a blueprint? We have. It was so crazy, they were selling tickets to tour it. The floors were uneven, the rooms were haphazard, and one set of stairs led nowhere. It was funny to walk through, but we wouldn’t want to live there.

“Have you ever seen a marriage built without a blueprint? We have …waaaay too many of them. When couples build their marriages without intentionally following God’s blueprint, their relationship gets uneven, haphazard, and often leads nowhere. It is absolutely vital that we build on purpose, using the right blueprint! (Harold and Bette Gillogly, of GTO Ministries,

And what type of blueprint should we use to build a marriage? Well, most of us who are Christians would say that the “plans” we use should be God-inspired. They should be built upon the foundation of Christ, Himself. But do we truly use them? Do we put intentionality into picking up God’s blueprint He gave to us —the Bible? And do we live our lives not only as Bible-BELIEVING followers of Christ, but Bible-LIVING followers?

Bible Blueprints

What I’ve seen is that the principles for living, which we find throughout the Bible, are also the principles we’re to use for loving within our marriages. God TELLS us, and shows us how to love because He IS LOVE.

It’s just that we often want to pick and choose that, which we want to live. If things get too tough, we want to select from His banquet table, that which we want to apply in how we live our lives. I’m guilty of it too sometimes. So I’m not throwing stones. I sin too. But thanks be to God that He will help us turn around in the right directions, according to His plans for us. However, we must ask Him for His help.

It’s not enough to say, “My spouse and I are both Christians.” Saying it isn’t living it. We get emails all the time from those who are breaking apart their marriages. Even so, they write, “We’re both Christians.” Really? If you BOTH are, then why are you divorcing? Obviously someone isn’t living what he or she says they believe. I’m not saying it’s you. And I’m not saying that you can stop the divorce, even if you want to. Many times divorces happen when the other spouse DOESN’T want it and tries to do all he or she can to stop it.

But my point is to say that if you are both Christian, and you both love God, someone is not following God’s blueprints, as laid out in the Bible.

God’s Plans and Blueprints

God isn’t One who does things half-hazard. He doesn’t just go along with the flow of things and whatever comes His way, oh well, that’s the “natural” progression of things. As you study the Bible you see that He is a God who plans. God has a purpose for everything He does.

As His children, do you truly think He intends for us to “fall in love” and then marry, and just go with the flow of things? And then do you think He will be okay with an “oops! Sorry …I fell out of love with you? So it’s time to end this thing because God wouldn’t want me to be unhappy.” Do you truly believe that? Honestly?

Marriage is shown throughout the Bible as a Covenant relationship. It’s a living picture of Christ’s love for His church, His bride. Do you truly think that God has no purpose? Do you believe He has no plan to use you and your spouse for eternal purposes? Or is His plan just to make you “happy?” I sure don’t see that written within my Bible.

Be Pro-active in Planning and Growing Your Marriage

PLEASE sit down together as a husband and a wife and start putting some intentionality into living your lives together as God would have you. Become students of the Bible, and students of applying what is written in the Bible. Become students of marriage, and students of each other. If you don’t already know how to resolve conflict in healthy ways, learn the skills it takes to do so. If your past is dragging you down in your marriage, deal with it so you can live with your spouse in an “understanding way” and not through YOUR slant.

Put intentionality into romancing each other, as Christ does with His bride. Protect your hearts and your bodies for each other. Speak to each other in ways that demonstrate love and respect.

Remember What God’s Word Tells Us

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.(Ephesians 4:29-32)

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, and love one another. Be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.(1 Peter 3:8-9)

These are just a few of the principles for living, which will help you to love each other as husband and wife. There are lots more in the Bible. And we have additional help on this web site, which is grounded in scripture and is here for the taking and using. Please do. BE INTENTIONAL!!!

Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.(Matthew 7:7) 

Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.

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