The following are a number of marriage Facebook quotes that Marriage Missions International individually posted on our Facebook site as marriage tips. These quotes can be used in a variety of ways.
• A church, ministry, counseling organization, or an individual can use them to share on their Facebook site, if desired.
• They can be used as points of discussion in marriage classes, mentoring, counseling, or coaching situations.
• Couples or individuals can use these quotes to discuss or consider the issues raised, allowing the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, to speak further to them.
They make great discussion points for those couples who want to use them for conversation starters for a 22 Minute Date (the guidelines are posted in the Romantic Idea topic). Just make sure, if you use these quotes in a dating situation, you don’t get into heated arguments over them.
The point in sharing these marriage tips is to build marital relationship bridges, not construct walls of contention, causing a breakdown of communication. You can constructively disagree with these tips and with each other, and still learn more about each other and grow closer together, in the process.
It is our sincere hope that the tips below will help marriages. As you read them, please consider:
1. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?
2. Do you have further thoughts on the issue, to apply personally or as a general rule? (If you’re reading them with someone else, please share.)
3. Do any scriptures come to mind, which apply to the marriage tip given? (If possible, please share.)
The following are quotes to note for your use (each paragraph stands on its own —for your knowledge, the original sources are noted afterward in parenthesis):
It’s difficult to know why life transpires the way it does, whether we encounter infertility, divorce, job loss, a spouse’s death, or any number of other troubles. But as Christians, we know the Lord—the ultimate Parent—has designed a special path for each of us. Some doors we open along that journey might bring joy while others bring disappointment, yet we know “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28, NASB). (Christy Scannell)
I challenge every couple interested in attaining a deeper relationship with one another to take 2 passages: Galatians 5:22-23, and 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, and mediate upon them. Decide as a couple to “digest these fruits,” to embrace these ideals and ask God to shine his light of wisdom & insight upon you as you delve deeper into the meanings behind these enduring truths. (Deborah J. Thompson)
Truth isn’t a club, it’s a shepherd’s staff. Use it to guide rather than beat your spouse. Discuss difficulties with gentleness. Instead of blaming, identify your contribution to the conflict. Then define areas of agreement and disagreement. You might find you agree on more than you thought. Don’t be discouraged by your disagreements; view them as challenges to work through in a healthy way. (Dr Steve Stephens) For conflict resolving guidelines, go to: http://www.marriagemissions.com/covenant-guidelines-for-reolving-conflict-with-scripture-verses
The apostle James says desires battling within us often are the source of quarrels, and that we often don’t have something because we fail to ask God for it or because our motives are wrong (James 4:1). The next time you want to make a purchase that might have a major impact on the family budget, pray about whether it’s really something you need. If it is, talk about it with your husband and consider what sacrifice you can make to shoulder some of the burden so your husband isn’t overwhelmed by the request. Regardless of your prayers’ outcome, keep your relationship a priority over any purchase you wish to make. Nothing you can possess will ever be as valuable to you as your marriage. (Shannon Ethridge)
“It’s okay to have nothing to say …unless you’re talking.” He who guards his mouth & his tongue keeps himself from calamity -Proverbs 21:23. I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned -Matt 12:37. A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction -Proverbs 16:23.
When you talk, you make a series of choices about what subjects to discuss, what memories to bring up, and what points to make. There are negative things you could say, but there also are positive ones. Choose the positive. Choose to specialize in encouraging words, not in critical comments. As Paul wrote, ‘Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace & to mutual edification‘ (Romans 14:19). -D. Britton
Be aware of how you’re treating each other. Most couples engaged in the combat of verbal cruelty are blind to the extent of their destruction. They see their mates’ vicious attacks, yet they’re defensive about their own venom. This process of discovery is not easy or painless. You may need help. Close friends might help but it’d be better to schedule a few sessions with a marriage-friendly counselor. -Louis McBurney (from Parsonage.org article, “When Couples Are Cruel”)
Spouses can learn a few things about marriage from Newton’s physical laws…The Law of Reciprocal Action: This law states that to every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. Do you know that a certain action will provoke a particular response in your spouse? Choose actions that will build up your spouse (& your marriage) rather than tear him or her down. You’ll reap the benefits. (From Lifeway.com article, “Physics of Love”)
3 Questions to Ask Each Other Every Week: -Is there anything that I need to apologize for? (i.e. Did I do anything that hurt you?) -Is there anything you need from me that you’re not getting? -How can I be a better spouse? …Marriage partnership is about telling and living in truth. These 3 questions can help. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to the questions & answers that work for you. (K. O’Connor)
We shouldn’t seek to grow in character just to match the person we marry. We allow Christ to grow His character in us, because we desire to be like Him. Do you see the difference? We don’t become God’s child when we marry. We are His children because He is our Savior. Marriage is not an ending; it’s another lane in the race God has called us to run. -Deborah Teat “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus… (Read Hebrews 12.) (Quote from Ladiesagainstfeminism.com article, “Thoughts on Singleness”)
Togetherness has biblical blessing. “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). Simple words, but a profound message. Look for ways you and your mate can be salt and light in this world, and watch the team effort bless your marriage. (Rodney and Selma Wilson)
“In all things give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thess. 5:18). He hasn’t forgotten you. He has a plan to work in and through you. Lean into it. Looking for that which you can be thankful for is important for your marriage. “Thankfulness is a kind of Superglue.” As you pull together focusing on your blessings, you will gain confidence to believe God for that which you need. (Anita LaPlaca)
A thankful spirit gives our marriage a sense of glad expectation. We expect to be together for decades & we expect God to be with us too. Thankfulness defeats gloominess or feelings of hopelessness about our marriage. When we’re thankful together, we’re helping each other put our faith in God. Thankfulness is binding. As different as husbands and wives are, we need this foundational point of connection. (Anita LaPlaca)
The greatest thing you can do for your kids is to love each other well. Maintaining a happy, healthy marriage relationship will bring needed peace and stability to their lives and will provide a great example for them to follow later in life. Make loving your spouse your first priority. Your kids will thank you for it — and you will, too! (Glen and Christie Hoos)
The more you look at your spouse and see the imprint of God’s fingers and are amazed, the more you’ll be able to resist the temptation to try to remake him or her in your own image. The more you see divine beauty and glory in the differences between you, the less you’ll be irritated by them. The more you look at your spouse & honor God as creator, the more you’ll tend to appreciate the person you live with. -Paul D. Tripp (from the book What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage page 210)
Unity in marriage is not the result of sameness. You will never be exactly the same as your spouse. God has designed that you will be married to someone different from you. Unity is, rather, the result of what husband & wife do in the face of the inevitable differences that exist in the lives of every married couple. -Paul David Tripp (from the book “What Did You Expect” page 210) “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Mark 10:6-9)
When you begin to think and act as though your hardwiring makes you better, more mature, or more righteous than your spouse, you will act and respond in ways that are dismissive & disrespectful. And when you respond this way, you not only do not build the unity of your marriage, you also create pockets of needless and debilitating conflict. Determine to respond to your differences with respect. -Paul D. Tripp (from the book What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, page 211)
Our desire is that our marriages would be the location of our comfort, ease, & enjoyment. But God’s purpose is that each of our marriages would be a tool for something that is more miraculous & glorious than our tiny, little, self-focused definition of happiness. He has designed marriage to be one of his most effective & efficient tools of personal holiness. He has designed your marriage to change you. -Paul D. Tripp (from the book What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, page 214)
There are moments in our marriages when we’re crying out for grace, not recognizing that we’re getting it. We’re not getting the grace of relief or release, because that isn’t the grace we really need. We’re getting the uncomfortable grace of personal growth and change. With the love of a Father, your Lord is prying open your hands so you’ll let go of that which rules your heart but will never satisfy you. (Paul D Tripp, from the book What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, page 216)
You will never understand the struggles of your marriage until you begin to face the reality that something that lives inside you that is destructive to relationships. The Bible gives this a name: sin. But there is more to say. Because sin is self-focused and therefore antisocial, it dehumanizes the people in our lives. They cease being objects of our affection. They get reduced to either vehicles or obstacles. If they are vehicles helping us get the things we want and think we need, we are excited about them and thankful that they are in our life. But if they become obstacles in the way of what we want, we get spontaneously irritated and impatient with them and want somehow to move them out of our way. Although our anger tells us they are the problem, the problem really has its genesis in the self-orientation and self-obsession of our own sinful hearts. (Paul David Tripp, from the book, What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, page 118-119)
Do you truly love your spouse? “Real love is keeping your word, honoring your commitment, dying to self when you want to live for yourself. Love is laying your life down for another, seeing that person through thick & thin, holding on to each other during illness, loss, hard times & choosing him/her above all others” -Mark Gungor. The question is, do you love your spouse in a way that reflects the heart of Christ? (Mark’s quote came from Laughyourway.com article, “Falling in and Out of Love”)
The problem in our marriages is not that we don’t love one another enough; no, the problem is that we don’t love God enough & because we don’t love God enough, we don’t love one another, as we should. Could it be that we’re so busy loving ourselves & making sure our spouse “loves” us in the way that we want to be loved, that we have little time & energy left to love our spouse as we should? -Paul David Tripp (From the book, “What Did You Expect?” page 121 — The quote continues: “Could it be that we are so busy working to co-opt the other into the service of our wants, needs, and feelings that we are too distracted to notice all the opportunities to love that every day gives us, and too busy making sure that we are loved to do anything about these opportunities even if we noticed them? Why does all this happen? It happens because we have replaced love of God and rest in His care with the love of self and the anxiety of ‘neediness.’ What this means is that you don’t fix a marriage first horizontally; you fix it vertically.”)
If you have nothing good to say at times, then don’t say anything at all. Learn how to zip your lip & if necessary, walk away to help your marriage. You know what things that you can say to hurt your spouse or push the hot buttons. Don’t use them at all if you really want to restore [&/or build your] marriage & happiness in your home. This is one of the most important things you can do for your marriage. T W Jackson (From Restoringrelationships.com article, “Restore Marriage”)
Laughter heals much, including relationships. When you laugh over things especially yourself, the bond is strengthened. It can be a joke, a moment of your past, a movie, or just the antics of an animal. Laugh till you cry or side hurts. Laughter helps you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It goes further than any medicine you may take. -RGraf “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” -Proverbs 17:22 (From Hubpages.com article, “10 Must Do’s For a Successful, Happy Marriage”)
Honoring your spouse glorifies the Lord Jesus. Jesus has a plan for your life & your marriage. However, many marriages fail because people do not reach out for God’s plan & join His personal vision for their marriage. “Where there is no vision, the people perish” -Proverbs 29:18. Without a vision, a marriage is destined for trouble. A vision anchors the marriage relationship to Christ & to one another. (David & Gretchen Willard)
Jesus Christ has set the perfect example for us to follow —in life & in marriage. Becoming more like Christ in your marriage will take persistence, perseverance, & flexibility. And, most of all, it will take a love that serves without an attitude; a love that forgives unconditionally. And in the end, that kind of love will reveal a glimpse of Jesus to your spouse. They will have seen Jesus in you. -Matthew White (From Focusonthefamily.com article, “Humility & Self-Forgetfulness”)
I was talking to a woman who attended our church every Sunday loving & worshipping Jesus. She’d just divorced her husband. I asked why. She said, “Because he called me fat! I hate him! I want him to die & go to hell!” Seriously!? Some people are delusional. You can clap, sing, praise God and think you’re a Christian all you want, but the truth is you’ll have to answer to God for your lack of forgiveness. (Mark Gungor)
“Perhaps the best gift you can give each other this holiday season is the gift of grace. Extending grace begins with intentionally communicating and praying together. Talk about your expectations, anxieties and hopes for this holiday season. As you reflect on the birth of Jesus, put His love into practice with the most significant person in your life” – your marriage partner. (Dr. Juli Slattery)
Our culture delivers two contradictory messages about marriage. We know it’s a good thing—the best way, in fact, to raise children. But when our own marriages struggle or our loved ones fail at marriage, it’s easy to fall silent about the goodness that marriage brings. We pretend it really doesn’t matter whether or not parents are married. The research is clear, and we should say so. Married couples are healthier, happier, wealthier, and live longer than divorced or single people. Even most unhappily married couples who stick it out (often because of the children) rediscover happiness within 5 years of their marital low point. (635) -Rebecca Hagelin (found in Crosswalk.com article, “Mixed Messages on Marriage”)
Build a “successnet” of relationships. Although it’s tempting to see marriage as a promise just between a husband & wife, it’s actually a covenant that includes God and represents a public promise to the Church and community. Building the right kinds of relationships will serve as a support for your marriage. The Bible says, “In a multitude of counselors there is safety” -Proverbs 24:6. Forge HEALTHY relationships. (Bill & Pam Farrell)
We might joke about how Mom or Dad was yelling the second before they opened their car door to greet someone in the church parking lot with a syrupy “good morning!” But the reality is those kind of interactions damage your witness to your family. Kids see through the incongruities of life and it turns them off to God. …Our relationship as married couples reveals God’s work in our lives. (Eric and April Motl)
Secular western culture defines individual happiness and satisfaction as the endpoint of marriage. While these are good things, we may have lost the equally critical concept of commitment. Despite culture’s prioritization of pleasure and convenience, God expects us to be committed to Him and to our marriage regardless of how satisfied we feel at the moment. This requires an abundance of forgiveness, grace and humility between husbands and wives, even in the face of difficult circumstances. Dr. Harold L. Arnold (From Focusonthefamily.com article: “Defending Your Marriage Against Mediocrity”)
If you want to restore [&/or guard] your marriage you must watch what you say. You must be careful of how you talk to your spouse but more importantly what you say. Your words have the ability to either build up your relationship or tear it apart. Remember, once you speak negative things to your spouse they can’t be taken back. Sure your spouse can forgive you but they will never forget what you said. -T W Jackson (From Restoringrelationships.info article, “Restore Marriage”)
In your marriage: “Become each other’s warrior and defender. Stick up for each other in front of the kids, in front of extended family, & in front of your friends. That doesn’t mean that you don’t see the other’s faults & face them, but do that privately after much prayer & thought. On a daily basis, make a commitment to build that person up whenever possible” -JoHannah Reardon. “Love is kind.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4
A God-centered marriage assures God’s blessings upon the marriage covenant, fosters authentic partnership & models genuine love for others. Many couples fall short on this point because God is pushed to the margin of the relationship. These couples have a sense of God, but they may compromise on obedience to His Word. They may pray for God’s presence in their decisions, but lack the patience to wait for God’s timing. They may seek more godly influences in their lives, yet their jam-packed schedules leave little room for meaningful relationships. The Apostle Paul describes this phenomenon as a form of godliness, but one lacking its power (2 Timothy 3:5). These power-deficient marriages are mediocre. Are you settling for the mediocre in your marriage? (Dr Harold L. Arnold)
“In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It’s ‘our’ problem.” -John Gottman, PhD, on observations at his U. of Washington Love Lab. “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt.” -John Gottman, PhD.
Marriage Restore Tip: Bring back the old days. You were madly in-love at one point in your relationship. You probably went out of your way to do things to make each other happy. Why not reach back & do some of the things you used to do? Try holding hands even if you don’t feel like it. Try sprinkling some “thank you” & “I appreciate what you did” comments in your daily conversations. -T W Jackson
It’s important to protect your fun times together from conflict. Conflict can be destructive to your recreation because it intensifies emotions & it becomes difficult to relax & enjoy each other. Before your enjoyment is destroyed, interrupt sensitive discussions by agreeing to talk about the issue at a different time. Reschedule the conversation when you can provide the necessary attention [and privacy] it deserves. (Erin Smalley)
Critical times stir up anguish, fear or anger so fierce it can destroy a marriage. If we turn inward, withdrawing from our spouse, we risk damaging the beautiful oneness of marriage. So how do couples respond to crisis? I believe God wants us to cocoon together, as husband and wife. Doing so strengthens a relationship, eases heartache & deepens love for each other through the shared pain -Hayden. To learn more, go to: Parsonage.org
“If there’s something that’s not right between you and God, or you and your spouse, then that should be your first priority. ‘If we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us‘ -John 1:8. However, ‘if we confess our sins, [God] is faithful & righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness‘ -1 John 1:9. Confess your areas of sin first, then you’ll be on better ground to work things out with your spouse.” (The Love Dare, page 128)
It is amazing how the intensity of the environment decreases with a soft answer or an apology. My pastor taught us not to let your first response come out immediately, because usually it’s a ‘flesh’ response, which is typically NOT an unselfish one. We have to give the Spirit of God the opportunity to override our natural responses. That is walking in the Spirit, and that is where I get the strength—the grace—to deal with whatever comes. (Myra Montgomery Bell)
“During the holidays we’re often thrust together with our extended family. Conflicts can occur & issues intensify. Couples often complain about spouses who didn’t stand up for them —’as soon as he’s in the room with his mother, he becomes a little boy again & takes her side on everything.’ One of the best gifts you can give your spouse is to protect him/her from toxic family members & defend him/her during clashes.” (From Foxnews.com article, “How to Holiday-Proof Your Relationship” by Ian Kerner)
“Don’t Blame the Mistletoe. If you’re in a less than perfect relationship, it’s easy to get down on yourself and feel like everyone’s happy but you. With lots of holiday parties & alcohol flowing, many affairs occur around the holidays. Watch out for flirty friendships that become intensified by all the holiday exuberance. A kiss under the mistletoe can lead to more.” -I.K. “Flee from sexual immorality” -1 Cor. 6:18 (Quote comes from Foxnews.com article, “How to Holiday-Proof Your Relationship” by Ian Kerner)
“This season, many Christian families will face a dilemma -how to handle a holiday visit from a difficult relative. Strive to live out Ephesians 4:2. ‘Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.’ For those of us with difficult family members, our Christmas celebration may not be idyllic, but it could provide an opportunity to truly be the hands and feet of Christ.” (Dr Bill Maier)
“Can you imagine how Mary felt as Joseph explained to her about staying in a stable with animals & straw? Their hearts were probably heavy as Mary and Joseph made their way to the stable, thankful at least for shelter from the wind. If your hearts are heavy this Christmas, take a marriage lesson from Mary and Joseph and adjust to things beyond your control. It just may be the best gift you can give each other this year.” (Drs Les and Leslie Parrott)
“The beauty of Christmas can be found in remembering the amazing love and grace that came to the world wrapped in the gift of Jesus. Isn’t it unfortunate that the holidays have become the time of year when we are least prone to extend love and grace to each other? As you reflect on the birth of Jesus, put His love into practice with the most significant person in your life” —your spouse. (Dr. Juli Slattery)
It is in the keeping of traditions that marriage & family values are passed down from generation to generation —at least our values should be a main priority during the holidays. Let it be a holiday tradition to be affectionate to your mate. Model love, tenderness and affection to you children. Give the gift of kind words and actions to everyone in your family. One year, I told my children, “You are all in college, so I know funds are tight, just give me a card that makes me cry.” They did, and I cherish those thoughtfully crafted words. Model Compassion: A part of our family tradition is each person selects a person, family, or ministry in need and we each give a “gift to Jesus.” At our family Christmas meal, we share how the blessings of giving encouraged or impacted us that year. (Bill and Pam Farrel)
Model Marriage: Bill and I have been happily married for nearly 30 years, and since our engagement, we have held to a romantic ritual of exchanging a kiss after praying together at each meal. It is really difficult to be angry at someone you kiss that much! When our oldest son returned from his honeymoon, he prayed over a breakfast we shared with him and his new bride, and then he turned and kissed her. I smiled. Our new daughter-in-law replied, “It’s a Farrel tradition!” (Bill and Pam Farrel)
“Eve was not made out of Adam’s head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be his equal, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved. If you’re married, then your spouse is your partner. You’re not better than your wife nor better than your husband. You’re in partnership. Are you treating each other as fellow teammates …as marriage mates?” (Dr Ray Pritchard, from Keepbelieving.com sermon, “Living in Light of the Future”)
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