“Anyone who has been married for more than 5 minutes realizes that it takes so much more to have a good marriage than we were ever told. It takes more than love, more than sincerity, more than compatibility, good communication skills, or hard effort. It takes more than a good upbringing, more than a romantic nature, a willingness to listen, or mega-doses of ‘quality time.’ These alone will eventually prove inadequate to bind one imperfect person to another, forever.” (Dr. Ronn Elmore) For this reason, a good marriage appears to be an outrageous commitment.
So, why is the marriage commitment outrageous? And how do we build a “good marriage” if it is so difficult to do so?
We’ve thought about this a LOT because we do believe that the sanctity of marriage and keeping it as such takes an outrageous commitment. Sometimes it stretches us beyond anything we ever thought could happen! But it is so satisfying as we successfully persevere through various trials that come our way. And it is all the sweeter when we come up on the other side of these trials with our relationship intact and our life richer than before. As the Bible says, “But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”
Below are some interesting and inspirational thoughts on this matter, which Dr. Elmore gives in his book, An Outrageous Commitment – The 48 vows of an Indestructible Marriage.
Marriage: An Outrageous Commitment
First:
We label something outrageous when its benefits aren’t plainly in view, but we are called upon to do it anyway. Unconditional love seems outrageous to us when the object of that commitment has by no means earned it. Or it’s when it demands more of our resources than we’re willing to dispense.
Something as slight as a kiss can seem like an outrageous offer after our mate has broken a promise or ignored a request we’ve made. Somehow, we’ve come to believe that love is a finite. It’s an irreplaceable commodity that we could use up.
Still, our souls desire something this high and pure. We desire something that makes ordinary marriages extraordinary, struggling marriages as solid as granite, and dead marriages resurrected to new life. Despite all our best arguments against it, self-sacrifice is the facet of love that most reflects the height, the depth, the width, and the breadth of God’s love for you.
In other words, marriage is a living picture for the world to see of Christ’s love for His church. It’s an outrageous type of love and commitment, but it’s very real. And our hearts long for that type of love to be lived out in our lives.
The Challenge
Ronn tells how his wife has challenged all that he thought would be demanded of him as a husband. But it has been the best thing. Still, it seemed to be outrageous at times. He goes on to write:
Sacrificing our own interests for the sake of another person disarms our tendency toward self-centeredness. Making lofty vows to each other takes little effort. Keeping them, however, will take all your strength and much more besides. It is not to be accomplished by well-kept rules, but by your willing embrace of selfless sacrifice.
You may have demonstrated outrageous commitment and not known it. Wherever it exists it will show itself in abundantly practical, observable ways like:
Some “Outrageous” Acts:
• You wake up each morning and decide, yet again, to offer your best today. You do this in spite of what happened yesterday.
• Deciding to keep talking about and planning for your future together can appear to be outrageous. But you do this even when the present is troubling.
• You delay (or sacrifice altogether) the night out, the exciting vacation, the new car, or any long-awaited pleasure. You do this so that your mate can gain something infinitely more valuable.
• It’s giving the one you love the space to show he/she is profoundly human, but not in danger of losing your devotion because of it.
• (Or like in my case) You make your feelings known to your spouse but invest the extra time and effort to make your desires sound like requests, not demands.
An outrageous commitment is making and keeping vows like these that transcend mere marriage and establish holy matrimony.
Joining This Outrageous Commitment
We believe that God asks us to live this type of sacrificial life together. However, if we’re going to be “outrageously committed” to one another, we will also need to understand something else that Elmore noted:
“In marriage, your self-sacrifice will not always be noticed, appreciated, or reciprocated. But it has the power to disarm our natural tendency toward passionate self-centeredness.”
In other words, we’re not going to employ these principles for any other reason than to love our spouse the way we’re commanded and expected by God to love. As Ron writes,
“The defining objective of your marriage is, and must ever remain, to know God’s extraordinary love and commitment to you and to imitate its commitment in loving each other.”
We know this is our marriage mission because we are told in the Bible:
“Be imitators of God, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1-2)
Jesus Christ loves us so much that He gave Himself up for us. Now THAT is outrageous love! It’s also the type of love we are to lavish upon our spouse. We do this as God’s colleague in loving them and being committed to revealing the heart of Christ in our marriage.
May it be so … so help us God!
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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