It is said that getting married is “the most idealistic thing we will ever do.” How true that is! We didn’t think so before we got married, but we sure saw it afterward.
When we enter marriage we’re filled with so many hopes and dreams. We believe they all will come true. That’s because we have found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. We believe we are two people destined to build a life of love together.
But as we look around we see so many couples who don’t seem excited about their love anymore. As we look at the divorce statistics, we need to take note. These couples were probably filled with the same hopes and dreams as us. They probably thought they had found the person they could build a great life with —a life filled with love. But something changed along life’s path for them. It’s something, or some things that took them by surprise.
Perhaps, just perhaps, a big part of the reason might be that they didn’t work through as many hidden, unrealistic expectations as they should have before marrying. It’s very possible that if they had, they would have been more prepared for the real world they would enter into if and when they married.
That’s why books, such as the one that Bill and Pam Farrel wrote titled, The Before-You-Marry Book of Questions published by Harvest House, is a great one to go through together with the one you are dating or engaged to.
It seems to be a good one to give you insight into some very important issues you will eventually encounter. And it sure seems wise to process through those important matters now, rather than waiting. This way you’re all the more sure of your choice in each other. And you’re all the more prepared for the great marriage you believe you will build together.
How I wish that my husband Steve and I would have had a book, such as this one. We came into marriage SO unprepared. We were just sure that our love would “naturally” grow and grow. It didn’t. Yes, at first things were great. But eventually as life pushed us against each other, as it most often does, we encountered major problems in our marriage. That is something we never, ever thought would happen to us. Perhaps you can relate.
I believe with all my heart that this type of book is essential to help you learn not only more about each other, but also to learn how to better learn how to handle differences. It helps you to persevere in working together. It shows you that sometimes you have to “agree to disagree.” Other times, you need to build relationship bridges, despite your differing ways. This book will help you with that mission.
What I like about this book is that the authors, Bill and Pam mix it up. The methods they use help you better get to know each other. You may think you know what you should, but as you go through the questions and the exercises, I think you’ll be surprised. I found several things about this book and many questions different than other pre-marriage question books. They all have their own unique slant on what they are trying to help you learn about each other.
So, please consider getting this one, The Before-You-Marry Book of Questions, plus a few more for a good balance. We recommend many in the “Recommended Links and Resources” in the Marriage Prep Tools topic.
“It’s as simple as this: You can pay now or pay later. You can do the long and rewarding work of talking about your histories —where you come from and what you expect —or you can wait until those issues just show up. And they will show up. (Toben and Joanne Heim)
Here’s some advice from Dr Debbie L. Cherry, which I hope you will take seriously:
“Taking time to develop the healthiest communication skills you can at this stage can save you much heartache in future stages that are even more stressful. Couples are often very good at both talking and listening during dating. This open and honest sharing is how you became so close. It’s what made you feel you knew each other so well. You took time to really listen to each other and gave each other your undivided attention on a regular basis.
“Once married, these skills seem to get lost in the shuffle of daily events. The time you have available is less and less as the children arrive. So take advantage of the fact that during this stage there is more time for the two of you to communicate and grow closer. Use the time available in this stage to develop the best communication habits possible. This will help you make it through to that last stage. That’s when once again you’ll find that you have more time for each other.”
I hope you will because I believe it can truly help you.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
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Filed under: Preparing for Marriage
2 responses to “Questions to Ask Before You Marry”
I find this information to be very helpful. Reading this has confirmed what we have gone through in our marriage. All glory goes to God because after we had been married 20 plus years we were both ready to give up! I heard the Lord say, Good! Now maybe I can do something, then His instructions came and we were ready to obey His present instructions, and His word concerning marriages. We have now been married 42 years; we are healing ministers and marriage counselors! What a joy to know that God really does want to give us the desires of our hearts ♥️ He needs us to submit to Him! and His will and His ways! Some of you are like me! I did surrendered my life to Him in salvation, but I kinda forgot that alone the Jounrey. But praise God I am redeemed. I greatly appreciate Marriage Missions 🙌
Thank you Tina, for your encouraging words! Thank God that you and your husband came to the end of yourselves so you could focus on Him and start to build your marriage upon the foundation of Jesus! That’s what happened to us, and has happened to so many others. It’s sad that so much pain and dysfunction has to be experienced before we get to that place. But it’s better late than never. Prayerfully, God will use us to point others to Him so they will shortcut their pain, and enjoy more years together as they build “a life of love” together, as we’re told to do in the Bible. And may the Lord draw more and more spouses to Himself so they will live out His testimonies within their marriages so they reveal and reflect the love of Christ in the ways they interact with each other. That is our prayer.
Again, thank you for sharing. “May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all …so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all His saints.” (1 Thessalonians 3:12-13)