Should YOU Change to Improve Your Marriage?

In this You Tube Video, author, speaker, wife, and mother, Sheila Wray Gregoire addresses the issue of whether or not you are being true to yourself if you change to make your marriage better? After all, aren’t we just supposed to go with our “natural” feelings?

Sheila Wray Gregoire on the Issue of Changing Yourself

Sheila talks about something she brought up in one of her blogs on her web site, “To Love, Honor, and Vacuum.” She challenged women to stop looking at what their spouse was doing wrong. Instead, Gregoire encouraged them to focus on what they could do to improve the marriage. A lot of women questioned her on that issue. They didn’t think that encouraged them to be “true to themselves.” And they believe that is wrong.

Sheila deconstructs that argument because as she said, “I don’t think that makes a lot of sense.” We encourage you to watch, listen, and learn from that, which Sheila shares here. She makes a lot of sense! These are points we would make if that argument was posed to us.

Also, here are two closing thoughts that are related to the points Sheila Gregoire makes.

Please prayerfully consider the following:

“Sometimes we avoid change, thinking that the pain of correcting behavior is going to be so great that we settle for discomfort that we already know. So often, nothing changes until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of changing. But don’t put off change if you’ve been making mistakes. It might be painful but preserving your marriage and taking it to a better place, is well worth the pain and effort! (Jim Burns)

Lastly, realize:

“Everyone needs to change, because God wants every person to keep growing to become more like Him as long as they live. Since God is in the business of changing people, there’s always hope for change. You and your spouse can change, no matter how tough the struggles you face. Being married creates the perfect opportunity for change because it helps you see how much you need to grow as a person.” (Stormie Omartian)

Whether you agree or disagree, we encourage you to share your thoughts below. It makes for a great discussion platform!

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8 responses to “Should YOU Change to Improve Your Marriage?

  1. (SOUTH AFRICA)  I guess you guys have the most powerful material, in this regard. However, my challenge is that Christians have really become infidels, at least some.

    But I am grateful to have found your solutions towards failing and not failing marriages. I would also like to make mention of my marriage status quo, but I am afraid things may not work in my marriage’s favor, should my spouse notice I have divulged it. I really have great fears around my marriage.

    But in a nutshell, what disturbs my marriage is the governing of my out of wedlock children. May God add blessings to your endeavors in repairing what the devil has thwarted!

    1. Gerald, You can always change your name and a few details in whatever comments/questions you would make so your wife may not know it is you. I took the amount of years out of your comment so that may help in the future, as far as keeping your identity a bit more secretive (and we never include last names or email addresses on the web site –so that helps too). Some people are silent in this forum and don’t comment for various reasons and others make comments. Whatever will work for you, will be just fine.

      1. (TANZANIA)  Dear Cindy and Steve, This is just to thank you for the ministry you are delivering to the body of Christ. I have been reading the materials you post in this forum for the past 4 years now. I have read almost every line ever posted. They have been of great help to me personally and my marriage.

        I cannot forget the hardest time I went through in my marriage, two years ago. I had never imagined that it could have happened. It did, but glory be to God that I am out it. You were my teachers and counselor. God has given you wisdom to teach and communicate of God, to His body. Today my marriage is doing much, much better. God bless you abundantly, Jack

        1. Thank you Jack for your inspiring comments –not only complementing us, but also giving hope to others that things CAN improve in one’s marriage and they persevere to find the help they need. Your comments mean a lot to us –especially the fact that it testifies to the fact that God is allowing us to participate with Him in this wonderful way. Keep reading, and persevering and I believe, like Steve and me, that you will continually stand amazed!

          I love my husband SO much –more than I ever imagined, and yet we went through some horrible times earlier in our marriage. Persevering with an open heart and mind, as God leads –being students of marriage and students of each other, can bring so much growth. Again, thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to be a part of it. May God continue to increase His favor upon your lives together –that no matter what comes your way, you will be over-comers together.

  2. (AUSTRALIA)  Thank you for this Sheila. You tell it straight and you tell it Godly. God bless you and your family and always give you strength and wisdom to do His will. I appreciate you

  3. Sheila is right. Her advice works for men, too. None of us can really cause others to change. We can ask or use pressure, but the change is up to the other person, who often reacts badly to what seems like hurtful criticism — IN AS MUCH AS FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN, INTIMATE AND PERSONAL STUFF IS THE RISKIEST AND MOST POTENTIALLY HURTFUL OF ALL.

    Partly through guidance from Sheila’s work, and partly through my own observation and prayer, I have changed my relationship to my wife. Please note, I am a large, fairly athletic if aging, traditional male, well comfortable in my gender ID. Yet Sheila’s comments (mainly intended for a female audience) have been spot on for me.

    Some years ago when we were passing through yet another rough patch in our long marriage, I was praying in church that my wife would change to please me. I didn’t hear voices or anything, but it clearly came into my mind that I was the problem. Wow. How is that for an unwelcome perspective. Slowly, too slowly, I began to let the ramifications of that work on my mind and personality. These days I am still learning. But I must say, my wife and I are very happy and also have a very warm physical relationship. Whadda ya know, but as I falteringly took charge of myself for change, that loving woman responded by giving me more than I knew we could have. GO SHEILA we boys need your wisdom, too.

  4. I have been reading a lot of marital documents from your site and indeed my life and that of my wife’s has totally transformed for the glorification of our Lord Jesus Christ.