Talking to Yourself Will Help Your Marriage

Talking to YourselfSince when is talking to yourself a good thing? Isn’t it a sign that you’re going a bit crazy? Sometimes yes, and sometimes no! Talking to yourself for no good reason can be a bit crazy. But talking to yourself in order to get to a better place in your marriage relationship is a good thing. Let us explain. Actually, Bob and Yvonne Turnbull from Turnbull Ministries will explain. They do a great job of doing so. Here’s their take on this issue:

Talking to Yourself Can Help

The two of us find we talk to ourselves often during the day. Hey. Don’t laugh. YOU do it too as well. It’s simply called – Self-Talk.

Most of it is silent. It’s inside our minds. And it’s so automatic that we’re usually unaware we’re even doing it.

It is so very powerful, as it can impact your relationships and how we act toward others. And this is especially true if the self-talk is more negative than positive. This is what it’s speaking about in Proverbs 23:7, when it says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

So, how does this play out? Let’s use an example of the self-talk of a wife after a conversation with her husband.


A husband and wife have planned a night out; but at the last minute he calls and says,

“Sorry, but the boss just gave me a project due tomorrow morning. That means I have to stay and work late tonight. What I’d like to do is switch our plans to tomorrow night. OK?”

The wife hangs up; and if her thought life isn’t under God’s control her self-talk could be this:

“Didn’t he know I had looked forward to this night all week long? I bet he didn’t even think about me when he accepted the project. He could have told his boss no. I bet he likes being at work more than being with me; and he even volunteered to work late so he couldn’t have to take me out tonight. If the truth were known, he probably doesn’t really care about me all that much. I guess I’m not worthwhile enough to care about. In fact, a lot of people probably don’t care about me.”

By the time she finishes with her self-talk she could be depressed and mad at her husband because she believes he doesn’t think being with her is worthwhile. But guess what? In most cases those thoughts are not even close to being true.

If you ever find yourself going down “this rabbit trail” with your self-talk, use the following Three “C’s”.


2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.” (NCV). Often, we do not do this. We just let our thoughts go on and on and on, and our thinking starts to imprison us. Tune in to your own self-talk; and when you hear it going negative—Stop It. The next step?


When your self-talk is negative it is usually emotionally charged; plus it’s exaggerated and over generalized.

The best way we have found to challenge the thought is to talk it out loud or write it down. The longer it stays in your mind, the more it gets distorted. Ask yourself some questions about what you’ve just told yourself— such as—Is it true? How do I know it’s true? Why should I believe this? Am I overreacting? What is the real issue?

Like with the wife in the story—she could challenge her thoughts this way:

“Just because he had to cancel our night out, it didn’t mean he doesn’t care about me and that I’m not worthwhile. He simply needed to postpone it one day. That’s all.”


Now you need to reflect on the truth, especially since the enemy of our faith uses thoughts of condemnation as a tool. We need to read scripture and quote it OUT LOUD.

Self-Talk: “I am not… (worthwhile, good enough, smart enough, pretty enough…)

Instead, change it to: “I am a purposed, marvelous creation of God, fully loved… (See: Genesis 1:27, Jeremiah 1:4-5, Psalm 139, and Matt 10:29-31.)

Check your own self-talk for the next 24 to 48 hours to see if it more negative or positive. If you realize your self-talk is more negative, take one of those thoughts; and then go through the three steps of capture-challenge-change. It will change you and your relationships.

Talking to Yourself Can Help Your Marriage Relationship

The points that the Turnbull’s present makes sense, don’t they? And this type of talking to yourself can help your marriage; don’t you agree? We do. We do it often. And with this friendly reminder we’ll even be more pro-active in doing so. We hope you will too!

You can read more that Bob and Yvonne write by going to their web site at:


Here are two more related articles to help you as you work on talking to yourself:

• Are You Offended by Your Spouse?

• Self-Talk: What You Say Can Help or Hinder Your Marriage

We pray all of this helps! May God work within your hearts and your marriage to unite yourself to Him and to each other!

Cindy and Steve Wright


To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

7 Essentials - Marriage book


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