Three Powerful Communication Tools – Dr David Hawkins

This You Tube video features Dr David Hawkins where he gives us three powerful communication tools, which we can use in our marriages. Dr Hawkins states, “These three tools pieced together create a powerful combination.” And they do. We know this from personal experience. That’s because we have used all three of these tools in our communication with each other. And when we use them, they are powerful!

Three Powerful Communication Tools

So, here are the three tools that Dr Hawkins gives. First:

State what you feel. Just tell your spouse how you feel about the situation. (If you need a list to look over so you are more specific in your statement, just click into this link: FEELING WORDS.)

After you state what you feel:

• State what you need from your spouse. This is not to shame or blame him or her. This is just to tell why you have reacted to this situation.

And the third part of these powerful communication tools leads to:

• Make a positive request of your spouse. Don’t go into negative requests. Keep your request positive and realistic.

These seem like simplistic communication tips. And they are! But they do work. Most any counselor/mentor will tell you this. All we can recommend is—try them. You may see that they work for you too. It may seem a bit awkward at first, but eventually you will get comfortable using them. That is because practice brings comfort.

And then here are a few more powerful communication tips for you to use:

“If you want to see an increase in your contentment for your marriage, don’t call your spouse names. This means you don’t call him (or her) an idiot, stupid, or a jerk among other things—not to his (or her) face, and not to your friends. Name-calling doesn’t address the actual problem, and it makes the actual problem a lot worse than it often is.” (J Jackson)

Additionally, the following communication tip can be powerful, as well, if you apply it:

“An effective way to non-verbally communicate your desire for relationship change can involve softening. Softening has to do with your tone of voice, language, behavior and even your body posture. Being intentional to soften will send a message to your partner that you’re trying. The impact can sometimes be dramatic. Soft is easier to embrace and easier to listen to. And soft is safer and more enjoyable to be near.” (National Institute of Marriage Facebook quote, posted 4/27/2011)

And then, last, but not least, here are:

“5 Awesome Communication Tips from Veteran Couples:

1. Under-communicate criticism. Over-communicate praise.

2. Make your body language and your words match.

3. Always fight fair and remember you can’t take back hurtful words.

4. Use ‘I’ statements, not ‘you’ statements.

5. Don’t share your spouse’s faults with your family and friends. You will soon forgive, but they may not.” (Dustin Riechmann, as posted on

Lastly, if you want more tips, go to the COMMUNICATION TOOLS topic of this web site. Just glean through what is offered. And then apply or adapt what you can use.

Plus, we offer the COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT topic for your use, as well.

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