Do you feel torn at times because you love God, but you also love your unbelieving spouse? You are feeling conflicted within your heart and within your marriage. Your God and your spouse are the two great loves of your life. That’s a dilemma that many, many spouses face who live with an unbelieving husband or wife.
The spiritual dynamics involved seems to cause a tearing within your marriage relationship. You just don’t know what to do about it, and where to go to find hope and comfort.
You also find that:
“God’s Word is usually comforting, but to a person whose spouse doesn’t share the faith, the words in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 are heartbreaking: ‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? … What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?‘”
Have you found this to be true in your experience? Author Kathy Cordell did and has learned a lot from it as she lives with her unbelieving husband.
To find out what she learned and more, please read the following Authenticintimacy.com article. Whether it’s your husband that is not living for the Lord, or your wife, please glean through the information. Interpolate, if you need to, and see how God can personalize the advice given and specifics of what you can learn:
Here’s another marriage tip for those who are in a spiritually mismatched marriage. Kathy wrote the following in a Todays Christian Woman Magazine article titled, “Torn Between Two Lovers —Part 1.” Perhaps you can relate:
“When I became a Christian, my vocabulary changed. I learned a lot of ‘Christianese,’ which only frustrated Brian when he heard it. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:14-15, ‘The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.‘ In essence, this Scripture says we now speak different languages and that doesn’t make for good communication. I’ve learned not to speak ‘Christianese’ or dazzle him with biblical knowledge. Instead, I ask God to provide creative ways to share my faith in every day conversations.
“For instance, when I say, ‘God is number one in my life,’ that’s a very threatening statement to an unsaved spouse. Brian’s reaction was, ‘Great! What about me and the kids?’ Since Brian loves biking, I told him God is like the hub of a wheel and all the other aspects of my life are the spokes. If it weren’t for the strength of the hub holding the spokes in place, the wheel would fly apart much like my life if God weren’t my hub. He understood this illustration without feeling replaced and I clearly emphasized God’s centrality in my life.
“Brian still doesn’t go to church or attend Bible study. He still changes the radio station every time we get in the car. But he better understands the importance of God’s centrality in my life, and I understand his need for my attention and respect. Whatever God is doing in Brian’s life is between him and a very personal Savior. I cling tightly to the biblical promise that says, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household‘ (Acts 16:31). In the meantime, I’m thankful for the miracle of a lighter yoke.”
Furthermore, on Living with an Unbelieving Spouse:
In another Today’s Christian Woman Magazine article, “Torn Between Two Lovers —Part 2,” Kathy Cordell gives another point to prayerfully consider:
“It’s okay to fly under the radar. Prayer, personal study, worship, and fellowship are vital to cultivating an intimate relationship with God. But these are also activities that a non-Christian spouse may resent most. Tension builds as a spouse feels torn between spiritual growth and marital stability.
“There’s nothing I love more than filling our home with praise music or Scripture. However, when Brian comes home, I turn off the music and close my Bible. I call it ‘flying under the radar.’ This doesn’t imply a life of duplicity or deception, but rather sensitivity to a man who may feel threatened otherwise. I never want to hide my spirituality, but I’ve found it’s better to witness through my actions than to force Christianity on him. Flying under the radar has also been an opportunity for my children to observe me worship openly, yet witness silently at home. Both our children have accepted Christ as their Savior and they understand my strong conviction for the Lord. By showing them this submitted lifestyle, I convey respect for their father while honoring God.
“Thanks to a fairly flexible work schedule, I can often meet with friends or attend Bible study while Brian is at work. I realize every woman doesn’t have the advantage of flexibility, but I believe by asking God for ‘radar space,’ he’ll provide times for personal growth. Without a doubt there will be conflicts, but it’s God’s desire for us to meet with him. By prayerfully asking for pockets of time, he will provide the opportunities (Mark 11:24).”
Sheila Wray Gregoire, on her To Love, Honor, and Vacuum web site, also addresses the difficult situations you face when you deeply love God and yet your spouse doesn’t. She gives different insights that you may not have thought about before. Please prayerfully read the following about living with an unbelieving spouse:
The following Focus on the Family article, focuses on what to do when the wife walks away from her faith. Once again, whether you’re the husband, or you’re the wife longing for your spouse to know the Lord in a personal way, please glean through the advice given. Ask God to show YOU what YOU should be doing in your unequally yoked marriage:
We hope you have found this information on dealing with an unbelieving spouse to be helpful. We pray the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, will guide you as you find ways to show love to your unbelieving husband or wife.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.