You’d think that a wayward spouse would be aware of his or her weakness, and aware of the pain inflicted. And because of this awareness, he or she would be thoughtful enough to make every effort to avoid further contact with the lover. Instead, the wayward spouse often argues that the relationship was “only sexual.” Another argument this spouse gives is that it was “only emotional, but not sexual” or some other peculiar description. They say this to prove to the other spouse that continued contact with the lover would be okay.
Most betrayed spouses intuitively understand the danger and demand that all contact with a lover end for life. Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to the betrayed spouse.
Total Separation: The Right Way to End an Affair
In spite of career sacrifices, friendships, and issues relating to children’s schooling, I recommend with all seriousness that there be a sudden and complete end to an affair. And I recommend extreme measures to ensure total separation for life from a former lover.
Several years ago, I owned and operated ten chemical dependency treatment clinics. At first, we used several different treatment strategies. For some, we tried to encourage moderation, and for others we tried to achieve total abstinence. Eventually, all of the counselors agreed that total abstinence was the only way to save drug or alcohol addicts from their self-destructive behavior.
Unless they completely abandoned the object of their addiction, the addiction usually returned. For these people, moderation was impossible. The conviction that their drug of choice was off-limits to them for life, helped end their cycle of addiction-treatment-addiction.
Total Separation Strategy
My strategy for ending an affair with total separation from the lover developed after my experience treating addicts. And, over the years, I’ve found my total-separation strategy to be very effective in ending affairs in a way that makes marital recovery possible. Without total separation, marital recovery is almost impossible.
An affair is a very powerful addiction. The craving to be with the lover can be so intense that objective reality doesn’t have much of a chance. Their spouse and children may be permanently injured by this cruel indulgence, but it doesn’t seem to matter. All that matters is spending more time with the lover. That makes it an addiction.
Affairs Are Addicting
Even the one-night stand may be an addiction. It may not be an addiction to a particular lover, but it may still be an addiction —to one-night stands. In affairs that have low emotional attachment, the addiction is often to the act of having sex itself, rather than to a particular lover.
The addiction to one-night stands can also grow from a need to be continually assured of one’s attractiveness. People who indulge in such practices want to feel that they can have anyone they want, even that person over there sitting at the bar. These people who need constant reassurance of their attractiveness must learn some other way to gain that assurance —a way that does not destroy their marriage.
The analogy between chemical addiction and an affair is striking. In both cases, the first step toward recovery is admitting that the addiction is self-destructive and harmful to those whom the addict cares for most —his or her family.
Suffering from Withdrawal
After recognizing the need to overcome the addiction, the next step is to suffer through the symptoms of withdrawal. Addicts are often admitted to a hospital or treatment program during the first few weeks of withdrawal. This is to ensure total separation from the addicting substance.
Abstain!
The way to overcome an addiction has been tried and proven. Addicts must abstain from the object of their addiction. Alcoholics, for example, must completely avoid contact with any alcoholic beverage to gain control over their addictive behavior. They must even avoid friends who drink occasionally in their presence. In addition, they must surround themselves with an alcohol-free environment. In the same way, when a wayward spouse separates from the lover, extraordinary precautions must be taken. They are to avoid all contact with the lover —for life.
Of course, my advice is not easy to implement. Many people who have had an affair try but fail to make a drastic and decisive break with their lover.
The above article is adapted from the book, Surviving an Affair
— ALSO —
To find further help on this issue, please read the two linked articles below. (Note: they are not Christian articles, but the information is very sound and is scripturally sound.)
• HOW TO PERMANENTLY END THE AFFAIR
• LETTING GO OF THE GRIEF, HEARTACHE, AND DISCOMFORT
— PLUS —
You will find below an additional linked article written by Dr Willard Harley Jr, to read, that you might find helpful:
• THE ADDICTIVE POWER OF AN AFFAIR
Filed under: Surviving Infidelity
(USA) It’s been 8 days of NO CONTACT for me. At first, I was counting hours, now I’m counting days. It gets better everyday by God’s grace. My appetite is better, my sleeping pattern is getting there and the crying time has absolutely changed. Every time I’m tempted to send the OM a message, I look back of the 8 guiltless days that I have started and get onto my knees and pray for strength. This website has been a great help to me as well. At my lowest point, I log in to this site and read all over again all the messages posted and be encouraged to move on and be on the winning team. Thank you all for being my prayer partners and let’s continue to uphold everyone in prayer.
Thanks, PILOT for your message. It’s very powerful, an eye opener, honest and non-judgmental. I read it over and over and convince myself that this is the OM talking to me. And it helps…LOL. This is MAHAL, and I choose to be in the winning team (by God’s grace).
(USA) Hi Grace, Thanks for your note. I’ll certainly keep you in my prayers.
(USA) Wow, I can’t believe all of the postings I have been reading. I have experienced most of these and also do know I need to end it, which is what lead me to this site. I have related it to a roller coaster ride to him with all the ups and downs. We know we need to stop this and can’t seem to, so yes it is like a drug. We both have tried to end it at least 3 times in the last year. And it was dreadful for me… I am on an anti-depressant. I know it is because of this affair. And the worse part is, I know he isn’t "in" to me as I am to him. However we enjoy each other’s company. I see now it is because of the addiction. What a eye opener.
And I also would like to thank "Pilot" for his input. That helps me to understand also. Especially since we work together and I can’t leave this job, and I’m not sure if he can. It will be difficult, but with better understanding through the postings I may be able to do this soon.
(US) Oh…. I need to unload this my friends…. I gave in (again). I made it over 5 weeks without physical contact with my boss and I gave in. I felt so high and I now I feel so low. Why oh why am I sooooooooooo weak? I love my husband, my kids, and most of all God.
I justify it to myself that it brings more passion into my life, my marriage. Yet… I live this in secret where I can tell no one, but God and all of you. I disappoint myself. Is this supposed to be a process? Shouldn’t I be able to do this "cold turkey"?
Blessings to all of you. I am so glad that I have you here.
(USA) Hi all, I am on day 2 of no contact. I work closely with my AP so this is difficult. I do not have an opportunity to quit my job.
One of the things that has been giving me the courage to carry on has been a sermon this Sunday. I would like to share some of what was said. The pastor asked us to think of our biggest mistake, and then he talked about Esau and Jacob and how Esau gave away his birthright for a moment of weakness. This is how all big mistakes happen. A moment of weakness exchanged for a loss of God’s blessings.
I have been thinking a lot about How my A started. I could go into lots of excuses of how my marriage was problematic etc. but the affair started the first time that my heart lusted after my AP and I lingered in those thoughts. This was way before the first touch… way before the deep conversations and sharing. That lingering thought was the sin of adultery.
I have been attracted to many men, and they have been attracted to me, but this time I fantasized about this man. That was the difference. A few seconds forever changed my life.
Like Esau..who was very hungry..I was hungry ..for love..for affection..for someone who could understand me.
Like Esau ..I was willing to quickly give up all of Gods blessing..(my birthright)..for instant gratification of those needs, and for a moment with out pain.
I wanted so desperately to stop the pain..so desperately to have happiness right then..that I forgot about my future. It was selfish and impulsive..and very human. I can not speak for other women in this situation, but for me, I had a basic need for love that had not been met for 25 years of marriage. I justified in my mind that I deserved love, and in my mind I truly believed that everything would be ok..that my husband would not be hurt..since he didn’t seem that interested in me.
I convinced myself that I was being kind to my family by not divorcing and keeping the family together. I believed that the love I was receiving was even a gift from God.
I know that is crazy, so please do not send me ugly posts. But when a person is in a lot of emotional pain, and finally there is relief…well, we don’t always think so clearly. But as time went on, reality started to set in a bit. I started becoming aware of the pain I was causing…and aware that my pain was returning..only 10 fold. I broke off the affair. I gave up the man I loved and who I thought loved me.
Instead I am waiting on the Lord and believing in his promise that he will take care of my needs. His way..not mine.
I have moments that I wrestle with my mind….wanting instant gratification..wanting to ease my pain by falling back into the affair. I pray for the courage and strength to fight this. The battle still seems to be in my mind. I can not linger on dreams memories and fantasies of what could have been. The minute they come into my mind I have to think of something else and wait..for Gods deliverance. Rely on His love..trust in His blessing.
My Hope is in the Lord.
I am very weak… just 2 days in… but I ask all of your prayers… especially Tony and Grace.. I believe that as I pray for you and you pray for me…we will both heal from our pains.
(USA) Hey guys, I was just reading the above and I thought I’d let you know of another good resource – it’s at http://saveyourmarriagecentral.com/ – it’s aimed at people who’ve suffered from infidelity but there is a private ‘reclamation’ forum there for people in an affair who are trying to end it. They are really kind and supportive and helpful, and the only people allowed in the private forum are those who have been through it, so it’s very safe from flaming.
It’s not religious based, but they are completely marriage supportive. Anyway just thought I’d let you know because till finding this page that was the only other place I’d come across where this was discussed so openly and gently and supportively, and it’s been a great help to me.
I’m in my 3rd month of no contact (with 1 slip up a month ago). I’m traveling slowly, but traveling I guess. Good luck to you all in your journeys, I hope you are successful in kicking the addiction.
(US) I will pray for you, Ritz. Thank you for sharing the sermon and your feelings. I feel like you understand my feelings as well. It does all begin with the thought of lust.
Ritz, how do you feel around your AP at work? My AP is my direct supervisor at work. He is single. I either feel so much like an excited school girl or a shrinking wall flower. Nothing in between. Not like the other men at work. I either look forward to work or dread it. Is this a process? Will I get better? Am I strong enough?
(USA) What came to me after reading this was the following hymn for those who are having difficulty with no contact:
"O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!
Refrain
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!
Refrain
His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!
Refrain"
Words & Music: Helen H. Lemmel, 1922
With your eyes upon Jesus, focused on the promises of God, there is no failure. Sin will have no dominion over you when you focus on Jesus.
No condemnation for the sinner, only grace for the one who places his/her trust in Jesus.
(UK) Thanks all for a great discussion board. What’s most striking is how most experience a deep longing they are desperate to fill. I am too, in a marriage when instances of closeness have gone from every few months apart to no contact or advances whatsoever from my husband for almost a year.
I also nearly ended up in an affair but cried for God for deliverance emotionally months after I last saw this other fellow. My God is faithful and gave me the resolve to move on with my life in spite of increasingly being ignored by my husband. I have no desire for another partner in my life and although really aching for my husband to suddenly change back into the man I once knew, I know my God is still taking me along a definite pathway for my life.
I long for a mature Christian sister to pray with me and help me carry on, holding on with God’s hope-inspiring words for a glorious future. Amen.
(US) Thank you Tony… oh thank you. I want to stop. I really do. I recently lost my father (who raised me on his own) to a long battle of cancer and I guess I just want to escape my feelings instead of dealing with them. Lousy excuse… I know. No one is more disappointed in me… than me.
I am glad you are here Tony… I really am. I am thankful for all of you. God bless you for your time and help. Marie
(USA) Hi Marie! I thank you for our post!..It is healing to have someone who can share my feelings and understands.
My AP is a co-worker. He is older and more experienced, and many times I saw him as a mentor. Other times, I seemed to have talents or shine in areas and he relied on me. In the work place we were a very good team. We encouraged each other and helped each other be successful.
At first I would say I felt a bit like a school girl… in awe of this man who was so talented and wanted to help me succeed. But with time I think both of us began to enjoy being partners. We did have some conflict because both of us are competitive, but most of it was encouragement, support, and love.
I can honestly say that it was the first time that I had that kind of support from a man.
My Dad is a sweetheart..but had me so late in life. He just didn’t have the energy to be there for me. I was a good kid, but did everything on my own. He never went to a single performance, game, or event. In High school I was the only one who went to state in track who didn’t have a parent there to watch them.
My husband is a good man, but not very supportive. He is a nice person, very nice… but doesn’t really like to get involved emotionally and doesn’t really know how to encourage. I met him when I was 17. I never knew any other guy really… and married when I was 21.
Marie, I think that sometimes we are attracted to these men because we like who we are in their eyes. Through them we see ourselves as beautiful, smart, and desirable. We love their support and caring. In turn these men see themselves through our eyes. We adore them and recognize their every attribute. It is a powerful connection.
But for me, even though I believe that my AP was a wonderful man… he was not mine, and I was not his. I believe that the reason that God hates adultery, is that it is a powerful sin that destroys. It nearly destroyed me.
The happiness and support slowly gave way to shame and fear. Before the affair I was a nice person who had a need for love. Now I was an adulterer who was hurting everyone she loved. In my mind I was someone who didn”t deserve love. That is sooo much worse!!!!
Luckily, we have a merciful God who didn’t leave me in my state of self hatred. He hated the sin but not the sinner! In his eyes I saw myself as the woman at the well… broken… hurt and in need of a savior.
In answer to your question, will you be strong enough? The answer may be no. But God is strong enough. I absolutely know I am not that strong. I know that without His grace I will fall sooo hard and be responsible for so much hurt. But here is what is kinda cool… He promised all of us that when we are weak He is strong.
I really don’t understand how God works. I just know this… If He is truly in control, He could have never allowed me to be in this situation, but He did. I don’t know what that means, but He does. I know that He promises that all things work for His good.
I am going to finish with a story. There was a little girl who had a fake string of pearls which she loved. She wore them all the time. With time the fake pearl paint had worn off and the dingy white center started to show. The string had become dingy and the clasp tarnished.
Her Dad asked her to give him the pearls. " I can’t "she said" I love them..I need them. They are my favorite thing." Her Dad asked again, this time helping her take them off her neck. She cried.."why are you being so mean.." they are all I have. Her Dad asked again… and reluctantly she released her grasp and gave them to him.
He placed the pearls into the fire. She couldn’t believe he would do that. She would never see the pearls again.
After a few days she asked her Dad. "why did you take my pearls and burn them?"
He answered, eyes filled with love…..My daughter, I had to take away the fake pearls because I knew you would not accept my gift of real ones.
I am sooo ready for real pearls….but this time I am waiting on the Lord.
Hmm, who knows? Maybe they are already in my pocket and I never noticed because I was so busy admiring the fake ones.
In the mean time… please pray for me when I cry about losing my fake pearls. I am sooo human and right now. They were the only ones I had. Honestly, I see the prize and future blessing… but I still hurt through the loss.
(USA) Thanks Tony! You are so right about the hymn. There is major wisdom in that song.
(USA) Hello everyone! After searching for "ways to repair a marriage after an affair" I happened to stumble across this website and thought I would share my story. I have been married to my husband for 10 years and just recently we are coming back together after a one year separation and very close to a finalized divorce.
About four years ago my husband and I started to have problems in our marriage and after about a year of trying to work on those problems with not much success I started to get lonely….depressed. I felt as if I needed something, someone….a friend. One day I was on the computer talking to my family on yahoo messenger… I came across the chat rooms on yahoo and found one room that was a room with people from the state I live in. And that is where I met "him", he was married too.
We talked for a couple of days…all day…about anything and everything….and then he wanted to meet in person. I was hesitant and declined at first. I wish I would have stuck with my instincts because the decision I made to meet him in person turned into a three year long affair and friendship (or so I thought) that nearly ruined my life with my husband and little girl.
We spent every single day together, talking to each other during the day online, on the phone, or meeting in person. We fell in love….we became addicted. Both him and I would take turns trying to break things off several times to only end up back with each other again.
As time went on I noticed that I did not love my husband as much. I stopped all sexual contact with my husband and distanced myself from him. We grew apart. After about a year he found out about my affair. We started to work on things… but I still went back to my lover and continued to see him. I could not let him go. My husband sensed this… and he knew. I separated from my husband a little over a year ago and then shortly after started filing for a divorce. During this time I was still keeping contact with my lover.
Not being in my right mind, I would have done anything for my lover. We were going to try a threesome with another woman. We posted an ad and started to communicate with her through email and even met for lunch one day. A few days later as I was talking to "him" online he started an argument with me out of the blue and for no reason, which was very weird to me. He just stopped talking to me. I got suspicious and for the first time ever decided to check his email. I think he forgot that he had given me his password. There they were emailing each other back and forth planning on a meeting without me, discussing how they would need to act in front of me so that I would never know.
In that moment I decided to never, ever have contact again with this man. So, if you are with a married man, don’t think that he won’t turn around and do the same to you eventually. He will! And you know what…I got what I deserved.
I realized that this man was not my friend. He did not care about me at all… did not have any regard for my feelings… nothing. I have been lost…LOST for three years now. And now…I can only thank God that he helped me to see this for what it really was. I thank God because he taught me this huge life lesson. My husband would never do anything like that to me. He has never cheated and never would. He has continued to love me through all of this and now I have another chance with him and plan on repairing my marriage for good this time.
(USA) (USA) Ritz… OMG!!!!! The pearl thing really opened my eyes. I have been in NO CONTACT physically for 10 months and by phone/IM for 4 months. But even then, it was short and I ended it right then. I still hurt….yes I do…very much. I still think of him…very much. I also know this pain will fade… some day… and I can’t wait for that day to come.
Your "pearl" story….it hit me right where it counts (even though I can’t imagine the 4 years of MY affair was all fake. How could it be?). This man may have started out for one thing… but quickly learned I wasn’t that type. Then I THINK he developed emotional feelings for me. If not…why did it last for so long and why would he continue to be with me (IF I allowed it to)? I just can’t imagine ALL we went through, gifts, trips, sports, etc…. cuz let me tell you… he was very creative with his gifts and dressed me from head to toe with styles I loved.
Tony, maybe you can answer that for me. Was it all Fake Pearls??? Thank you all and I’ll keep you in my prayers. ME
(USA) Hi everyone, I’ve been so inspired by all the postings here for the last few days. I, too, find the pearl story absoultely inspired and profound. I wanted to mention to a few people what the Lord has laid on my heart to mention. Some of it is thoughts I got weeks ago, but the time wasn’t right until now and some of it is for more recent posts.
ME – thanks for writing. I wanted to share with you that, firstly, (Tony can chime in if I’m incorrect) but I don’t think Tony can answer your question about your AP. Tony was not unfaithful. So I do not know that he can answer your question but perhaps he can.
I will say this in my observations during my Christian journey of faith – everyone has their own sins. It seems all people have that one BIG one. For some people, they fall into the trap of infidelity, for others it’s drugs or alcohol or porn. For some, it’s the more subtle ones of selfishness, pride, bitterness, unforgiveness. These tend to be worse, in my opinion, because of their subtlety, the people suffering from them tend to be blind because they are so focused on the "big" ones like murder and affairs, etc. So if they aren’t killing or raping, they tend to stop looking inwardly and only point out the speck in their brother’s eye instead of looking at the mote in their own. (Matt. 7:3-4) So my point in all that is to say, if Tony hasn’t succumbed to the trap of having an affair, he may not be able to really relate to your questions. But I’d be glad to hear whatever his insights may be if he feels led to share.
ME – also, in one of my posts I stated that we have to go to the Lord for the answers to these questions of "why?" In fact, that’s the beauty of the pearl story – God’s showing in that that we’re all "missing the boat." We’re looking to the physical, when we’ve all blindly missed the spiritual blessings. (This is natural since we are all physical humans). I truly believe you need to follow the "still, small voice" to find the answers. I know your answers are coming. Keep on keeping on in building the strength of your spiritual life and your relationship with God.
1 Corinthians 2:10, But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.
I think the deep things are the deep things of God, as it says, but my experience has taught me that the "deep things" can and does include things about every individual. So those "deep" questions you have can be answered. And they will be. But it’s doubtful it will come from a human (although it might). It will most likely come from a VERY deep relationship with God. Have patience and keep the faith and you will find the answers you seek.
To Tony – I loved the post of the hymn. It was very uplifting and inspiring to read. :)
To the 2 or 3 of you that have an AP at work, more specifically your bosses. I wanted to share with you what was laid in my spiritual mind the moment I read of your stories, but did not share back then (that was several weeks ago). Before I do, please know that if anything I say conflicts with what you feel the Holy Spirit telling you, obviously you know who comes first (not me, God) but this is what I felt from the Spirit in reading your stories.
I’ll try to put it this way. As those of us who have fallen into the sin trap of infidelity know (and I’m about a decade on the other side of the fog so I see things almost crystal clearly now), it is like an addiction. Someone posted here can you go cold turkey? Well, I really think that depends on how deep the addiction was. Most people who try to quit heroine have such unbelievably bad withdrawal symptoms – shakes, sweats, vomiting, etc. The cold turkey thing kind of relates to the "my AP is someone I work with" subject so please bare with me here.
Yes – you can go cold turkey. Not only can you, but you should. However it is a matter of steps. First it starts with putting the seed in your mind to initiate a stop to all communication of any form, including indirectly such as checking someone else’s emails or checking their myspace pages, etc. But as I mentioned in my analogy earlier – it involves severe withdrawal so it will not be easy. That is why this board is helpful. I like to think of it like an AA type of meeting or an AA sponsor. You have somewhere to go if you do fall down. Hopefully that won’t happen but if it does, here we are. If all of us could just make a decision that a cetain sin is wrong, decide not to do it and then never make that mistake again, we’d all be perfect and there would be no need for God. Obviously, kicking a sin is not easy otherwise God wouldn’t have needed to send Jesus to the Earth.
Now, for those of you who work with your AP – I have to pose a question: how would an alcoholic or drug addict quit the habit if they had a big old plate of drugs or serving tray of liquor in front of their face 8 hours a day? Most people would say they can’t. The amount of resolve for someone who hasn’t "kicked the habit" to be able to say "no" when the temptation is right in front of their face would be inhuman. God can give you the strenth, supernaturally, if you are praying for that. But it sounds like He hasn’t in reading some of the posts. God doesn’t always give us what we pray for just when we pray for it.
So – I’m not going to tell you ladies, who work with an AP, what to do. I can’t, only God can but I’m putting out there the thoughts that are coming to me, from the Spirit in my heart, when I read your dilemmas. My suggestion is this – I suggest heavy prayer (and perhaps even a fast day on the weekends) to ask God whether or not you should even remain in those jobs. To say that "I need the money" is a rather feeble excuse when it’s a situation where you are sinning and haven’t yet overcome.
Unless you can avoid pretty much all contact with the AP or keep it strictly on a professional level (and it doesn’t sound like that is the case) when you are in contact, this is a very dangerous situation. It’s like walking right into a trap that Satan has set. If you are worried about money or your house or such, please consider the following verses. These are not my words, they are God’s.
Matthew 6:25-35, Therefore I tell you, stop being [v]perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life? And why should you be anxious about clothes? Consider the lilies of the field and learn thoroughly how they grow; they neither toil nor spin. Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his magnificence (excellence, dignity, and grace) was not arrayed like one of these. [I Kings 10:4-7.] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and green and tomorrow is tossed into the furnace, will He not much more surely clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear? For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all. But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.
It seems to me God places doing the right thing (seeking righteousness) in a much higher regard than whether or not you earn enough money or have the right career. Those are all things God provided at one time and can take away at any time. God can provide much more than a worldly job can and if you are in a job that forces you be tempted with a sin you have not even overcome, how can that possibly be worth it? God surely doesn’t see it as being worth it. If God is not telling you to work there, and nothing you do in your current job is to preach the gospel, then it is just a worldly job, nothing more. It’s a concern of your earthly life. Here are another couple of verses that come to mind on that:
John 12:25, He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.
Matt. 6:19-21, Do not gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal. But gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal; For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
If your heart is currently with a job, because of the money you make or your status, (or your AP), then it means your heart is there and not with God. Seek God first, not the money or job. It’s not as important and never will be, as seeking God’s righteousness. Please take whatever from this is for you. If none of it is for you, then you’ll know that, too. Be safe and God bless.