It’s important to connect together on the issues you both deal with each week. That’s why it is good to schedule weekly connection times with your spouse. But make sure you keep this as a time to help you grow closer to each other. You want to make sure it doesn’t drive a wedge between you. Make this a time where you both participate —to talk AND to truly listen to each other.
Now we call these marital “Connection Times.” However, some marriage experts call them marriage check-in times. Marriage counselor, Marcia Naomi Berger calls them marriage meetings. She gives the following list of some of the benefits of spouse’s meeting together in this way:
• Marriage Meetings prevent crises by addressing concerns regularly and proactively.
• The meetings promote closure, so issues are not left hanging.
• The direct approach prevents holding grudges.
• Ground rules for the meetings foster respect and courtesy.
• Marriage Meetings level the playing field for the less verbal partner.
• They encourage collaboration, a sense of ‘we’re in this together.’
• They foster love, teamwork, and romance.
• Marriage Meetings bring about smoother resolution of conflicts. (Marcia Naomi Berger, from her book, Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted)
Whatever you call them, these connecting times or meetings are important. Below is a simple outline you can use to help in your marriage connection times together. You may even want to adapt it so it works better for the two of you in your marriage.
FOR CONNECTION TIMES TOGETHER:
Start your time together in prayer asking for God’s guidance and leading.
• Go over the SCRIPTURAL BASED MARRIAGE CHECKUP LIST together so you live out the principles that are important to your marriage. (These are scriptures, and principles you work on together that exemplify your values.)
• ASK:
Is there anything currently unresolved that we need to talk about? (If you start arguing, you may want to review and use the Resolving Conflict Guidelines to help you get through this impasse.)
• ASK:
Are there any family or parenting issues that we need to discuss?
• ASK:
Is there anything coming up on our calendar we need to discuss or prepare for?
• ASK:
Are there any household or yard tasks that we need to accomplish?
• SHARE:
What has the Lord been showing you in His Word, and in your life?
• SHARE:
– Did anything sad or disappointing happen to you this week?
– Did anything positive or exciting happen to you this week?
• SHARE:
What is weighing heavily on your heart?
• ASK:
What can I be praying for you this next week?
END YOUR TIME IN PRAYER WITH AND FOR EACH OTHER.
This Connection Times document was put together by Steve and Cindy Wright. You may find that you want to adapt it differently for your needs. Schedule this time together either weekly or bi-weekly so you don’t lose touch in communicating with each other on areas that affect your lives together.
The amount of connection timess you schedule this isn’t as important as MAKING THE TIME A PRIORITY. If you’re BOTH in agreement as to how often it needs to be done, then THAT’S how often you should put this time on your schedule. But just DO IT!
— ALSO —
Below is another twist on this same concept that you might find to be more your style for those important Connection Times. It’s not the method that’s important but that you actually do something you both are satisfied with so you connect together mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s important to work together to be on the same page, building upon the relationship you had together before you married. After all, isn’t that a big reason why you married in the first place? Here’s something to consider doing, as posted on Feld.com:
And then here is another way to multiply your connection times:
• CONNECTION QUESTIONS AND A KISS
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Communication Tools