Few of us would think we’re “blinking” (or looking with “indifference”) at failed marriages. But when we read something written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss we could see how she would say that many people do. And we now attest that they do. We’ve seen it happen, repeatedly.
However, what it did for us after we read what she wrote, is it stirred our hearts and deepened our vow to never hear about failed marriages and look the other way. We are not blinking. We are resolved to do what we can, when we can, to help troubled marriages.
Nancy’s devotional thoughts are based on the scripture in Jeremiah 9:18, where it is written:
“Let them come quickly and wail over us till our eyes overflow with tears and water streams from our eyelids.“
Blinking at Failed Marriages
Nancy wrote the following concerning sad events we hear about, and how we handle them:
“Sin’s toll is evident everywhere around us. Crazed gunmen enter schools and shopping malls and commit random murders. Multiplied millions of children are shuttled back and forth between two parents who have broken their marriage vows; in many cases they are also violated at the hands of stepfamily members.
“Complete strangers meet by way of the Internet and proceed to abandon their marriages and families.
“Young people —even in Christian homes —embrace a partying lifestyle. They become entangled with sinful strongholds from which they spend the rest of their lives trying to break free.
“And how do we respond to these calamities? We blink. We change the channel. And we check last night’s ball scores. And we check out emotionally, ultimately becoming numb and indifferent to the barrage of such realities.” (From: The Quiet Place: Daily Devotional Readings
)
Now she didn’t apply this to failed marriages, but we definitely could! When we hear of breaking and failed marriages, most people blink.
True Picture!
After all, there are so many “calamities” going on around us that if we took it all in, we couldn’t handle it. Plus, we believe that we can’t do much about every horrible thing that goes on in the world. So instead, we look the other way because it seems impossible to make much of a positive difference.
Others, frankly, just don’t care. They don’t even give it a second thought. But for those of us who should care —those of us who are followers of Christ, we CAN do some things to help in some way.
Blinking at Failed Marriages
Further down in the devotional thoughts Nancy wrote:
“When we get in the presence of God —when we wait there long enough to hear His heart and His Spirit —He will shatter our complacency. He will turn our laughter into mourning and our joy into heaviness over the havoc sin has wreaked in our world.” (See: James 4:9.)
We can attest to the truth in what she wrote. Whenever Steve and I hear of a broken marriage, it breaks our hearts.
It mostly number of years ago, after hearing of a marriage of some dear friends that had broken apart. We felt disturbed deep in our hearts and began earnestly praying about it. Shortly thereafter, the Lord gave me (Cindy) a specific vision.
I had just finished reading the scripture in Matthew 23:37. This is where Jesus was lamenting over Jerusalem. He was crying out:
“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones to death those who have been sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were unwilling!“
All of a sudden, I sensed that the Lord was saying, “That’s the attitude of so many married couples.” I then envisioned Jesus standing over crowds of married couples where he was crying out, “You who are married, what are you doing? What are you doing to marriage!!! O how I wanted to gather you to Myself to teach you how to REALLY love each other, and you would not have it!”
I can still hear that cry in my heart over and over again at different times (and now, Steve does too). God has tugged at both of our hearts.
Doing What We Can
Yes, we know that sometimes it’s one marriage “partner” that abandons their vows, despite the pleas of the other to try to work on it to reconcile. We’re truly not trying to point fingers here. We don’t want to further hurt the wounded. And yes, we know that there are abuse issues, and unrepentant cheating issues that underlie many marriages that lead to divorce. But for the majority of “Christian” marriages that break up, those aren’t the reasons. Just look up the statistics. It’s mostly issues that don’t involve abuse or infidelity issues.
Steve and I realize that we can’t do much to change the majority of marriages that are hurting and breaking apart. We’re just two ordinary people. BUT we have an extraordinary God who points the way to allow us to participate with Him in some of them. And THAT causes miracles to happen, and that causes us to rejoice that He has allowed us to be a part of it. What a privilege!
Don’t Blink; Join Us
What does that have to do with you? We’re hoping that you will join God and join us in praying for and perhaps working with those who are married to make a positive difference. It may be behind the scenes in praying. And/or it may be that God will lead you to work with one spouse or both. It may involve mentoring or speaking Truth in Love. It may involve giving a good book or pointing them to a good resource. We don’t know. But please don’t blink.
And please don’t think that you can’t make a difference. If WE can make a difference as we join with God, certainly nothing is impossible. God can help you to do so as well, when you put your heart and hand into His.
Below is just one of a multitude of comments we receive every year. We’re hoping it will build your confidence that God uses ordinary people. It was written by a man named “Mike.” And it was posted under the article, TO WIVES: Why Is Sex So Important.
A Light Bulb Moment
“This article just turned on the light. I have for years felt there was something wrong with me. My first marriage split up because I was, in my opinion, not getting the attention or affection that I needed, which was only really achieved through sex. I left this marriage feeling extremely guilty. But couldn’t stay there any longer with numerous arguments in front of the kids and a nervous breakdown. This is all because of the lack of a physical relationship.
“I then met a fantastic woman who I have now been with for 18 years. She is everything to me. But over the last five years our sex life has gone seriously downhill resulting in all the old feelings of hurt, rejection, and mistrust returning. Over the last month this has been a serious situation with me. Again, I’m getting closer to the edge. And although I know she still has strong feelings and love for me, the continual battle over having sex has caused serious problems between us.
He goes on to say:
“I read this article and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. All of a sudden, I was allowed to feel the way I did if she said, NO. I wasn’t weird. It was just human nature and the way us men are made. I emailed the article to my wife and waited for the reaction, not knowing what to expect. What I got was ‘oh my God I didn’t realize.’ We talked, yes talked, not argued for the first time about sex in a long time. And all the pressure that existed on both of us was lifted.
“I don’t expect that there will be a dramatic improvement. However, there doesn’t need to be. I totally accept that she isn’t going to be in the mood all the time. But she now understands what sex means to me and how important it is. She knows that because of this we will both work together to make it right. Thank you. I believe your article saved a marriage.”
Saved Marriages Rather Than Failed Marriages
We believe that God saved a marriage, using an ordinary married couple who said, “Yes” when He inspired us to go the extra mile in helping those who are married. And if that’s not enough to convince you that God uses ordinary people, just read through the article, “How God Uses This Ministry to Help Marriages.” You can read a whole lot more testimonies of what God is doing, as we put our hands into His.
TRULY, we’re not encouraging you to do this for any other reason than for you to gain confidence that God can use ANYBODY who is willing to effect a change. The change may seem small, but it all adds up. This is just like every drop of water that contributes to the bigger scheme of things in the mighty rushing river of what God wants to do in and through every one of us.
Would you like a few tips on how you can help others in their marriages? Glean through the following and see what you can apply as God leads you:
• HELPING TROUBLED FRIENDS’ MARRIAGES
Please keep in mind what we’re told in 1 Corinthians 12:7-11:
“To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom. And to another the utterance of knowledge is given according to the same Spirit. To another faith by the same Spirit, and to another gifts of healing are given by the one Spirit. To another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, and to another the ability to distinguish between spirits is given. Another is given various kinds of tongues, and to another the interpretation of tongues is given. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.“
May He empower you; and may you NOT blink when He calls as you spend time with Him, asking for the “manifestation of the Spirit” that He wants to give to you “for the common good.” And whatever that looks like, may we together, never forget to reveal and reflect the love of Christ within our marriages!
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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