There are so many questions that come to mind concerning whether you should save sex before marriage. Here are a few of them:
“So why should I save sex for marriage?”
“Are there scriptures from the Bible, that give reasons why we should NOT have sex before marriage?”
We’re so in love, why should we wait?
“What do I do if it’s too late? What if I’ve already forfeited my sexual purity?”
“We’re getting married anyway, so why should we wait to make love to each other?”
Save Sex for Marriage?
Here is one of the answers to these questions:
“The Bible tells us that love is patient. It is entirely normal to want sex before marriage. But it is entirely loving to wait until marriage. True love can postpone gratification and instead will concentrate on loving the complete person. The person who demands sexual favors as an evidence of love expresses a selfish, demanding love. The person who yields against her or his own wishes shows a childish neurotic weakness. Incessant demanding and reluctant yielding are evidence of immature love, a love, which ignores the total person. (Josh McDowell, from the book, “The Secret of Loving”)
Is that really the type of “love” that you believe it is wise to base your relationship upon —”immature love?” Please prayerfully consider this as you think about why you should save sex for marriage.
Also, for additional points to consider that you may find helpful, we’ve posted a web link below so you can read a Christiananswers.net article, which addresses the above questions (and more). Please prayerfully read the thoughts given concerning the following question:
And here’s something important to prayerfully consider:
“Sex cements you together, when perhaps you should stay apart. A woman wrote, ‘I confused sex with love, and thought that since we were having sex, we were bonded and meant to be together. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have married him.’ Sex gives you a false sense of intimacy…” (Sheila Wray Gregoire)
On that same issue, we encourage you to read:
Scriptures on Sex Before Marriage
There’s also the question pertaining to whether or not there are scriptures in the Bible on this issue. Boundless.org writer, John Thomas gives the following additional insights as to why singles should save sex for marriage:
“I often point to [the Bible, particularly the book of the Song of Songs] when people, usually young singles, ask me about relationships and pre-marital sex. They want to know, where, exactly, does the Bible talk about pre- or extra-marital sex, when neither partner is married. They know about the adultery prohibitions. And they agree —you shouldn’t have sex with someone who is someone else’s spouse. But where does it talk about not having sex if there is no spouse involved? You have two consenting adults, and neither has made any vow to any other person. So it’s not technically adultery. Right? So what’s wrong with that? Does the Bible speak to those situations?”
To read John’s answers to these, and additional questions you may have, please read and consider:
Are You to Save Sex for Marriage?
You may be interested in reading the following question (and then the answer given). It was presented to author and relationship expert, Chuck Snyder:
“A friend of mine, age 19, recently told me that he and his fiancé have made the decision to “make love” before they are married. They have been in love for several years and have prayed about their decision a lot. He told me that they feel that if they are engaged and will be married that it is OK for them to have sex before they are married. I don’t think that it is right. But I wanted to have the opinion of someone who probably knows the Bible better than I do. I’m learning more every day. Please let me know what you think about this. Thank you very much and God bless.”
For Chuck’s answer, please read:
• SEX DURING ENGAGEMENT? (Includes helpful scriptures)
I want to share one last way of looking at this issue. Carla Barnhill (in an article titled, “Incredible Gift: Handle with Care”) gives added insight. She tells the story of a “guy named Stuart.” Stuart spent much of his high school years dreaming of a car… yes, a car. He wanted to “coolest of the cool.” His parents decided to give him one for his birthday–one that would appear to be his “dream car.” To him, this was an incredible gift. He could hardly believe that this car was his. But then he had an idea.
He follows through on that idea and the next day invites his parents to see what he did with this his gift. When they saw it they both gasped and could hardly believe it.
“Before them is Stuart’s car. The hood is open, the engine removed and the empty cavity filled with dirt and live plants. Inside the car, Stuart’s parents see tropical fish swimming past the windows and through the steering wheel. And as they make their way to the back end of the car, Stuart’s father can only shake his head at what he sees. In the trunk, Stuart has installed wooden shelves where he has proudly displayed his large collection of CDs.”
Needless to say, they were not pleased and were totally confused. So was Stuart. He thought his idea was great and everyone else should think the same thing. That, which is evident to one person, isn’t always embraced by others.
So, what does this have to do with sex before marriage? Below is what Carla writes (and I totally agree with).
Here’s the Point:
“You see, what Stuart did was take an incredible gift and basically ruin it. Sure, he thought he was doing something cool. It was something he thought other people would admire. But the truth is, he was just plain dumb. A car is meant to be driven, to get people from place to place. It’s not a planter, it’s not an aquarium, and it’s not a storage rack. It’s a car.
“Unfortunately, a lot of people treat sex the way Stuart treated his car. Sex is an amazing gift from God. But it’s a gift with a very specific purpose. The purpose is to bond a husband and wife together forever. That’s why sex before marriage is such a big deal to God. When we use sex in ways that are different from what God planned, we ruin his wonderful gift.”
And that’s the point I hope you get from all of this.
You and I may think that God’s plan for sex is too narrow. We may not see it as a git that should be saved for marriage. But God DOES see it that way. We ruin this gift, to be given in the way and timing God intends, when we engineer things to go our way. It makes sense to us, but God is the one who gives it to us as a gift. And when we do things our way, we step into a place where there are consequences. We take the shine off of what is amazing, and do things God never intends for us to do outside of marriage. And when we do things our way, rather than God’s, we have ruined that, which is good, and made it ordinary and stained.
Please prayerfully consider this.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips and insights you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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