“Part of the reason the Lord hates divorce so much is because He understands the hurt, loneliness and frustration it brings.” That’s what Dr. Randy Carlson says in his, “Word on Relationships Commentary” he wrote on this subject a number of years ago.
This week we’re going to share a portion of Randy’s commentary. Dr. Carlson is the president of Family Life Communications and the host of the national radio talk show, Intentional Living Theintentionallife.com. He shares our passion on marriage and has given us permission to share with you the following
A Few Words on Divorce:
“Divorce is a crime against marriage. For some, it is an act of relational suicide. For others, it turns out to be more like relational homicide. Then there are those for whom divorce is nothing more than a move of self-defense. But in every case, divorce is the final choice of a desperate person or couple who believes they can no longer tolerate the pain of a marriage gone sour.
“With nearly 50 per cent of Christian marriages ending in divorce, it’s a fact that can neither be ignored nor wished away. Divorce is a culture that appears to be here for the long haul. Yet God is not caught off-guard by it, and His word is neither salient nor naïve on the subject. It provides perspective, encouragement and direction for those who are either considering or facing this painful reality.
“I know God hates divorce —but why? Does God hate it (Malachi 2:16) because He’s a kill-joy, doesn’t want you to be happy? Or is it simply oblivious to this century’s realities? Actually, it’s none of those reasons. Obviously divorce is neither pleasant nor comforting for anyone, and God knows that.
“Part of the reason the Lord hates divorce so much is because He understands the hurt, loneliness and frustration it brings. God loves, cares for and desires the very best for His children. He wants couples to enjoy spiritual, sexual and emotional intimacy. And research shows that a strong, loving and committed marriage contributes to that trio of intimacy needs.
“Another reason God hates divorce is because marriage is a living and breathing example of God’s love and commitment to you as His church, a member of His body of believers. God commands husbands to love their wives ‘as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.‘ (Ephesians 5:25)
“Do you catch the picture? God hates divorce because He doesn’t want His powerful representation of commitment and love to His bride (His church) to be destroyed. When a Christian couple gets a divorce, they chip away at that illustration.
“Sadly, this picture of your relationship with Christ and how it reflects His ideal for marriage has become distorted, misunderstood, minimized and, at times, even ignored by His children.
“Divorce can be prevented. If you’re now married and considering divorce —don’t do it! Just as it takes two to tango, it takes two to damage a marriage. Your situation may have been a 90/10 per cent balance of shared love and respect —with you giving the 90 per cent but there are still pro-active steps you are responsible to take.
“While there is no guarantee that any action will create positive change, I can assure you of this: taking no action will almost guarantee that nothing good will happen. Laying back and waiting for something to change is probably the most serious mistake many people make when their marriage is in trouble. The time to take positive action is now!
“Here are a few things you can do:
- Completely dedicate your marriage and your actions to God.
- Find a Godly, mature mentor, coach or counselor to walk with you through the process of developing a game plan to save your marriage.
- Determine the goal you have for your marriage. What is your vision for your relationship?
- List the top five obstacles you face in accomplishing that goal.
- Take the top obstacle and develop (with your counselor) a game plan to break the “marriage lock” you are in.
Divorce is seldom the best solution to a marriage problem. Neglect of the marriage relationship is the core reason for the divorce epidemic. But God provides solid direction for those who seek Him.”
If you’re thinking of divorcing your spouse please prayerfully consider the following thoughts:
“God doesn’t want our sacrifice —He wants our obedience. Staying in a marriage where there’s no love and devotion is a sacrifice, but staying and loving with your whole being is obedience!”
Praying About This Matter
As you’re praying about divorce (you are praying, aren’t you?) we pass along the following words for you to prayerfully consider as well:
“Remember this: God hates divorce. But the same God who hates divorce, loves the divorced, just as He does all his children. If you’re contemplating divorce, I pray you’ll reconsider reconciliation, if at all possible. If your heart has been broken by divorce, go to Him for healing. Or it could be that divorce has separated you from God. If so I pray that you will find your way back to Him. He’s left the light on. The door is unlocked. He’s waiting for you.” (Max Lucado, from the article, “Divorce’s Dark Country” which we recommend you read)
“Humble yourselves under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.“ (1 Peter 5:6-7)
“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!“ (Romans 15:5-6)
Cindy and Steve Wright
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