The idea for this blog came from an article I came across on this issue and I thought, “Yep! Being a spouse who is romantically challenged is pretty common. And it can happen to both husbands and wives.” But truthfully, it usually is complained about that the husband is the one who is more “challenged” than the wife in the romance department.
And perhaps part of that is because women today, expect more from their husbands, than they did in previous generations.
I also thought it was the husband’s “job” to be the romantic one. But I’m not thinking that anymore. I’ve found that I can usually be more creative in that area than Steve can be. (He has different talents.) So what’s the big deal if I make more of those kinds of plans than he does? He fills my car up with gas more than I do, and brings home a paycheck. He is solid, truthful, good, and is loving in other ways.
To go along with this thought, I encourage you to read the following article. It’s posted on the Hot Holy Humorous web site. It’s not a “trashing on the husband” article, which is good. There are good insights you may want to consider (I sure did):
• DOES YOUR HUSBAND STINK AT ROMANCE? MINE TOO!
The thing I like about what is written in that article is that it shows a wife who looks beyond what one spouse doesn’t seem to bring into the relationship. Instead she works on looking toward being a helpmate, instead of a critic.
There’s something my husband Steve and I have learned to do in our 45 years of marriage. It is to do what we can to bring our strengths into various marital matters when the other spouse is obviously not as good in that area. Sometimes the one spouse needs to try harder. But other times it’s a matter where the other spouse needs to quit complaining (or everyone will be dragged down) and do what he or she is more talented and/or able to do.
It works. What can I say? We don’t always do it right, but we’re leaning in the right direction more often than not at this stage in our life.
If you’re a husband who is romantically challenged, the following humorous video clip might inspire you:
Here’s an article written by James Snyder who is also romantically challenged, who shares some of what he’s learned, which you might find will help you:
• ADVICE FOR THE ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED
I really appreciate what Judy Chaney wrote in the Todayschristianwoman.com article, “Married to Mr Unromantic.” She came to realize, after many years of marriage, that her husband is indeed “romantically challenged —in the traditional sense.” But she has learned to “redefine romance” in terms of what her “unromantic husband” has taught her about love, as God has revealed his qualities to her in a different light.
She wrote, concerning her husband Frank:
“I no longer expect my husband to be just like me. We have opposite strengths. Creativity is my strength. Frank has a real knack for organization. While I might elect to take a ‘creative’ route to our destination, Frank gets us there. While I’m looking for the perfect present for any occasion (or no occasion), Frank’s planning for our future. And he’s providing a wonderful home, as well as the many extras we enjoy. But it’s his character that’s more important to me than his personality. While Frank does remember many special occasions with gifts or flowers, it’s his integrity that’s by far his most precious gift to me.”
The thing I found important from that article and what I’ve learned about romance is NOT to let the world tell me how it should be done. Marriages don’t have to be cookie cutter images of everyone else’s. Whatever works for your marriage, just do it.
Now, with that said, you’ll find ways you can romance your spouse posted in the Romantic Ideas topic. Adapt and use what works for you. But please find the time and make the effort to do so. It’s true what Ann Swindell wrote:
“Prior to marriage, many of us had months—perhaps even years—of lavishing time upon one another. Dates stretched into hours upon hours of conversation and laughter. We prioritized our significant other above other relationships and our time bent toward him accordingly. While we may not have time for hours-long dates any more, we can make intentional time for one another if we really want to. We can say no to another meeting, no to another sports team, and no to another obligation. And in the process, we can say yes to a standing date with our spouse on Tuesday nights or Friday mornings or Sunday afternoons—no excuses. Just as no friendship is sustainable without consistent connection, no marriage will thrive without consistent time together.”
As I said before, just do it… find a way to bring romance into your marriage in big and small ways that is meaningful for both of you. Don’t allow life to smush in between you and push you apart. Step up to the challenge and find ways to grow your love. We’re not talking movie style, but your style —one that works with your own giftedness for your marriage relationship so you both are satisfied.
The following Crosswalk.com web site link will lead you to some questions and thoughts to consider in this issue:
• TRUE ROMANCE LOOKS DIFFERENT FROM THE MOVIES
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
More from Marriage Missions
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
One response to “Are You or Your Spouse Romantically Challenged?”
I am married for 19 years now; we had a happy marriage for the first 10 years with minor challenges. We were not really deep into religion. From year 11, we had serious problems, problems that come through in-laws. Wanting to force own beliefs on us. We since held on the Lord, we go to church and pray together, we do many things together. My hubby not a very romantic person especially with words, however he shows his affection in many different ways, he takes the family to holidays/vacations eg. (Around South Africa, Namibia, Botswana, Zambia, Victoria Falls, etc), he cooks lovely meals, he writes interesting pieces, he is an artist with written words and drawings, he designs our garden, he takes me for long walks, he makes time to teach our children to drive, he massages me, he prepares a hot bath for me to relax, he reads the Bible to me, he loves me in his own way. He says for him Valentines is every day.