“If both marriage partners agree, is anything taboo?” “What about the use of vibrators?” “Is oral sex okay?” [These are a few questions that Christian women asked about the sexual relationship in marriage from a survey that the authors conducted.] But at the heart of each of these questions were two concerns: What does God prohibit in the sexual relationship between a husband and wife? And concerning the marital bed, what does God permit? In other words, what is not okay in bed?
We read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and compiled a list of every scriptural reference to sex. As we reviewed our list it became apparent that God gives tremendous sexual freedom within the marriage relationship. But God also sets forth some prohibitions that we must honor.
Concerning What’s NOT Okay in Bed
These are the ten things God forbids in and out of bed:
1. Fornication:
Fornication is immoral sex. It comes from the Greek word porneia which means “unclean.” This broad term includes sexual intercourse outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:3), sleeping with your stepmother (1 Corinthians 5:1), sex with a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:13; 1 Corinthians 6:15-16), and adultery (Matthew 5:32).
2. Adultery:
Adultery, or sex with someone who is not your spouse, is a sin and was punishable in the Old Testament by death. (See: Leviticus 21:10.) In the New Testament, Jesus expanded adultery to mean not just physical acts, but emotional acts in the mind and heart (Matthew 5:28).
3. Homosexuality:
The Bible is very clear that for a man to have sex with a man or woman to have sex with a woman is detestable to God. (See: Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:9.)
4. Impurity:
These are several Greek words which are translated as “impurity.” To become “impure” (in Greek, molvno) can mean to lose one’s virginity (Revelation 14:4). It can also mean to become defiled, due to living out a secular and essentially pagan lifestyle 1 Corinthians 6:9; 2 Corinthians 7:1). The Greek word rupos often refers to moral uncleanness in general (Revelation 22:11).
5. Orgies:
For a married couple to become involved in sex orgies with different couples is an obvious violation of (1), (2), and (4) and needs no discussion.
6. Prostitution:
Prostitution, which is paying for sex, is morally wrong and condemned throughout Scripture. (See: Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17; Proverbs 7:4-27.)
7. Lustful passions:
First, let us tell you what this does not mean. Lustful passion does not refer to the powerful, God-given sexual desire a husband and wife have for one another. Instead, it refers to an unrestrained, indiscriminate sexual desire for men or women other than the person’s marriage partner. (See: Mark 7:21-22; Ephesians 4:19.)
8. Sodomy:
In the Old Testament, sodomy refers to men lying with men. The English word means “Unnatural sexual intercourse, especially of one man with another or of a human being with an animal.” Unfortunately, some Christian teachers have erroneously equated sodomy with oral sex. In the Bible, sodomites refer to male homosexuals or temple prostitutes (both male and female). In contemporary usage, the term sodomy is sometimes used to describe anal intercourse between a man and woman. This is not the meaning of the biblical word.
9. Obscenity and coarse jokes:
In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.” The Greek word for unwholesome is very descriptive and literally mans “rotten” or “decaying.” In Ephesians 5:4, the Bible warns us to avoid “silly talk” or, as it is called in some versions, “coarse jesting.” We have all been around people who can see a sexual connotation in some innocent phrase and then begin to snicker or laugh. This is wrong. However, this does not rule out appropriate sexual humor in the privacy of marriage, but rather inappropriate sexual comments in a public setting.
10. Incest:
Incest, or sex with family members or relatives, is specifically forbidden in Scripture (Leviticus 18:7-18; Leviticus 20:11-21).
God leaves much in our sexual relationship with our husbands up to our discretion. In all likelihood, the questions tugging at the back of your mind were not even touched upon. When she read this list, Shelby commented: “It’s helpful to know what God says is wrong, but I still sometimes wonder if what my husband and I are doing is right. We have a great time together in bed, but every now and then, this nagging doubt comes—does God approve?”
To help you and all the Shelby’s, we will get more specific and address the questions we are constantly asked.
IS ORAL SEX PERMISSIBLE?
Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their excellent book The Gift of Sex, give this definition of oral sex: “Oral sex or oral stimulation is the stimulation of your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips, and tongue. The man may stimulate the woman’s clitoris and the opening of the vagina with his tongue or the woman many pleasure the man’s penis with her mouth.” This sexual stimulation may or may not lead to orgasm for the husband and wife.
What does Scripture say about this sexual activity? Most theologians say the Scriptures are silent about oral-genital sex. Some believe two verses in the Song of Solomon may contain veiled references to oral sex.
The first is Song of Solomon 2:3:
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
Throughout the Song of Solomon, the word fruit refers to the male genitals. In biblical literature, fruit is sometimes equated with the male genitals or with semen; so it is possible that we have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress.
The second possible veiled reference is found in Song of Solomon 4:16 (KJV):
Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.
These erotic words spoken by Solomon’s bride are at the culmination of a very sensuous love scene. Shulamith asks her husband to blow on her garden (a poetic reference used throughout the Song for the vagina) and cause its spices to flow out. Of course one cannot be certain, but it is possible Shulamith is inviting her husband to excite her by caressing her with his mouth. She then invites him to enter her and feast on the pleasures waiting in her “garden.”
Dr. Douglas Rosenau believes Scripture is silent on the topic of oral sex. “This does not make it right or wrong,” he says. A key emphasis in the New Testament is Christian liberty. Nothing is unclean in itself, says Paul (Romans 14:14), and this presumably includes sexual variety. Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at Fuller Seminary, amplifies Paul’s statement about nothing being unclean.
He writes:
Christian liberty sets us free from culturally invented “moral” taboos; and since there is no rule from heaven, it is likely that the only restraint is the feeling of the other person. For example, if one partner has guilt feelings about oral sex play, the Christian response of the other will be to honor the partner until they adjust their feelings. On the other hand, if the partner has only aesthetic reservations, and if these are rooted in some fixed idea that sex is little more than a necessary evil anyway, they have an obligation to be taught, tenderly and lovingly, of the joys of sex in the freedom of Christ.
YOUR MARITAL BED: For the Husband and Wife Only
In Intended for Pleasure, Dr. and Mrs. Ed Wheat writes that oral sex is a matter for only the husband and wife involved. If both find it enjoyable and pleasant, then it may properly fit into the couple’s lovemaking practices. One goal of lovemaking is to fill a treasure trove of memories with delightful love experiences that will quicken your responses during your future times together.
One minister’s wife blushes happily as she recalls a memo her husband sent requesting her presence for an urgent “appointment.”
RUN DON’T WALK! YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS EXCITING, DYNAMIC, RIPPING, SLEEP-DEFYING MEETING. Details follow: Would you like to have a meeting in the bathtub? (Loving massage and oral sex are included.) I love you, Your husband
Women Respond Differently in Bed Sexually
One woman might feel horrified by the above playful interchange between a husband and wife. To her, oral sex is repulsive. Another may think the minister and his wife have a gloriously free, creative, and fun sexual relationship. She sees that oral sex adds a beautiful dimension to this couple’s lovemaking.
Before we go any further, let us clarify our intent. Are we suggesting you incorporate oral sex into your love play? No. We are not making recommendations. Instead, our purpose is to set out for you what Scripture prohibits and to encourage you to seek God’s wisdom concerning His personal recommendations for your marriage.
Each couple is different.
Each husband and wife is unique. Because Scripture is either silent —or veiled —concerning this practice, the only way to discover what God allows for you is for you to ask Him. If you’ve never talked to God about your sexual relationship, now is a good time to start. You will not shock God. Remember, sex was His idea. God is a God of wisdom (Daniel 2:20). He promises that when we lack wisdom, if we ask Him, He will give it to us (James 1:5).
As you seek God’s wisdom, you might find it helpful to ask these three questions about any sexual practice you and your husband are considering.
Three Questions Concerning What is Allowed in the Marital Bed:
• Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume it is permitted. “Everything is permissible for me” (1 Corinthians 6:12).
• Is it beneficial? Does the practice in any way harm the husband or wife or hinder the sexual relationship? If so, it should be rejected. “Everything is permissible for me—but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 6:12).
• Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice involves someone else or becomes public, it is wrong based on Hebrews 13:4, which warns us to keep the marriage bed undefiled.
Let’s see how these questions can help when it comes to making decisions about sexual practices that are not specifically spelled out in Scripture.
ARE VIBRATORS PERMISSIBLE?
Some couples enjoy incorporating the use of sexual aids such as vibrators into their lovemaking. To find out if the use of vibrator is right or wrong, let’s apply the three questions. Is the use of a vibrator prohibited by Scripture? Is a vibrator beneficial in lovemaking? Does the use of a vibrator involve anyone else?
As we look at the list of ten prohibitions, we see that there is no scriptural reference that would prohibit the use of a vibrator. So if a vibrator enhances a couple’s lovemaking and is used exclusively for the couple’s private enjoyment, then it is permitted. Does this mean we are suggesting you run out and buy a vibrator? No. Again, we are not recommending any sexual practice. We are only trying to help you discern what is best in your marriage as you seek the wisdom of God.
WHAT ABOUT X-RATED VIDEOS?
Obviously videos did not exist during biblical times, so we will not find “Thou shalt not watch X-rated videos” in Scriptures. (The same is true for vibrators.) But as we read through the list of the ten prohibitions, a red flag is raised. In number two on the list, adultery is defined as “looking on a woman to lust” whether the woman (or man) is on a video, in a picture, or in the living flesh. Secondly, number four on the list describes impurity as “moral uncleanness.” X-rated would qualify as “morally unclean,” thereby making them something God would disdain.
As far as what’s NOT okay in bed, let’s apply the questions:
• Are X-rated videos prohibited by Scripture? Yes, based on (2) and (4).
• Are X-rated videos beneficial? Anything that promotes “moral uncleanness” is not beneficial.
• Do X-rated videos involve someone else? Yes. You bring the man or woman on the video into your lovemaking.
Based on these answers, we could conclude that God wants us to stay away from X-rated videos. PLEASE NOTE: The following are a few linked articles that explain more about watching X-rated videos:
• READER QUESTION: Is Watching Porn Together Okay if We Both Agree?
• SHOULD MARRIED COUPLES USE PORN TO ENHANCE THEIR SEX LIFE?
We have considered three “gray areas,” oral sex, vibrators, and X-rated videos. There are many others. We encourage you and your husband to prayerfully seek God’s wisdom, study the list of ten prohibitions, and use the three questions to help you discern what to do in your specific situation.
Seek the Best
As Christians we are simultaneously free and responsible. We are responsible to seek the best of the one we love, to think more highly of him and his desires than our own (Philippians 2:3-4). But we are also free to explore new territories of sexual delight.
According to Dr. Lewis Smedes, “The Christian word on trying out a sexual practice that is not prohibited in Scripture is ‘Try it. If you like it, it is morally good for you. And it may well be that in providing new delight to each other; you will be adventuring into deeper experiences of love.'”
God has given you great freedom in your sexual relationship with your husband. Remember His words to Solomon and Shulamith: “Eat, friends, drink and be drunk with love!” (Song of Solomon 5:1)
This article comes from the book, Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex
— ALSO, As far as What’s Okay in Bed —
Below you will find several linked articles we encourage you to read. In reading them we believe you will know better what God does and doesn’t allow us to do sexually in bed and out of the bedroom:
• WHAT’S OKAY? AND WHAT’S NOT?
Filed under: Sexual Issues
(USA/THAILAND/PHILIPPINES) Oral sex in itself does not have to do with "prostitution and degrading one’s self." If done in a lustful, promiscuous, adultered, impure or immoral manner, then it is degrading. And prostitution uses any form of sex. But between a husband and wife devoted to God and each other, and nobody else, pleasing your spouse in ways that are not prohibited by God is an intimacy designed by God to be enjoyed by couples maintaining a marriage as He designed. I think the bigger issue is not whether oral sex is allowed or not, for it clearly passes the test of the "10 things God forbids," but WHY is the oral sex being sought? If I desire oral sex from my wife soley for MY pleasure, then I am being selfish. I should want oral sex from her only if she’s doing it because she loves me deeply and wants to please me. And when I want to please her orally, it should be because I want to give her that pleasure because I love her deeply, too.
(AMERICA) The absolute truth about love is that it has nothing to do with intercourse. People don’t fall in love on most part, they are driven by desire for another. This is truly the wrong reason for marriage. The Bible is pretty direct on oral sex. The ones that were highly doing this were homosexuals. Your anus was made to release toxics. A vagina was made to have a baby, urinate, be penetrated by a penis. The real issue is sex is promoted, but communicating isn’t.
The Lord did not design our mouths to be placed in places where our body wastes come out. Homosexuals did not believe in God. Regarding vibrators, well let me see, why couldn’t God allow our hands to vibrate? Inserting and allowing forms of instruments is idolatry. Lust is the right word. It is not love. Only God can really convict a person, but it is no different than a man and a wife doing it than homosexuals doing it. The separation that makes a child of God different is that we choose not to practice such things and are not ashamed to talk about. I will not do such things. Many things feel good but it doesn’t mean they are right, you know what I mean? char
(USA) The vagina was made to URINATE??? Man… you need a anatomy class…
Perhaps she meant “vulva”?
I understand the point you’re trying to make. However, it seems to be more from a personal preference/opinion, than wisdom, and reality. Yes, one would assume that homosexuals were giving and receiving sex orally, as well as anally, and still do today, which is obviously wrong, but if a man and woman both love God as commanded, and are married, they are free to express their passions for one another as they see fit, as long as it’s mutually agreed upon, and not a sin.
For a married couple to lovingly, and passionately kiss, and touch each other isn’t wrong. It’s beautiful! And last I checked, the penis, AND vagina were body parts. So why would you treat them any differently when it comes to kissing, touching, etc.? For a man to kiss, touch, and even orally caress his wife’s breasts and nipples (which are body parts) would be considered ”normal”. What’s the difference? Because homosexuals do it? Who said they had first dibs? Homosexuals also eat, sleep, love, care, travel, work, touch, kiss, etc. There’s no way I would not touch, or kiss my wife (whenever I do get married) just because I think homosexuals are probably doing it.
As far as one putting face/mouth to anus, I could understand that. However, if you’re referring to “waste(s)” from the penis, or vagina (which one would obviously be urine), it’s not quite that simple. The penis (and I won’t get technical with that) not only releases “waste”, it releases seed/semen; as does the vagina not only release ”waste” (and technically the vagina doesn’t per se), it “releases” babies. So your logic there doesn’t totally pan out. In fact, if a spouse were to pleasure her husband orally, she’s waaaaaaaayyyyyy more likely to get ”seed”, than ”waste” (which is another discussion altogether).
And vibrators? I personally don’t see myself jumping on that bandwagon once I’m married. However, it’s about your heart, and a mutual understanding. If a married couple decides that playing a bit with a vibrator would be mutually fun and pleasing to the wife then as long as their heart and intentions are true and pure, and they’re not shoving things in places, or with intent that’s impure because one of them had a flashback of an old porno, then what’s wrong with it? The Holy Spirit is our guide. He’ll let us know when too far is too far as it pertains to these things. The conviction of the Holy Spirit is so real. Anyway, God Bless.
(USA) Hi Charmaine, Where is the Bible direct about oral sex (which verse)? I have not read that. Thanks, LT
(USA) If either partners of the marriage are not accepting of/or don’t like oral sex, then it is NOT something that either partner should have to endure. That being said, oral sex is not prohibited in the Bible, at least not in mine (the NKJV).
The way I view oral sex inside the marriage is more like rendering the affections due my husbands body.*
I would hope that none would prohibit the kissing of the spouse’s body, or not let the husband kiss the mammories –after all they were made to feed babies!
My Husband’s body is also my body.** There is nothing gross about any part of it (except for perhaps his feet, but I hear that other people love feet and include them in their loving practices/tradition/interactions—No foot massages for us-yuck). (Before anyone may says well, what about the anus, I believe that falls under unhygienic. But some may say different, and they can say it, but I am saying it can cause exposure to E-coli and such.)
If it is supposed to be that God forbids the kissing of the genitals in marriage, does he also forbid manual stimulation in marriage?
These are just my thoughts. I am in no way an authority. (HE is!) If you don’t like oral sex, that is your preference, but I believe it is just another gift in marital sex.
*1 Corinthians 7:3 “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”
**1 Corinthians 7:4 “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
As in all things, pray and seek God’s wisdom. If one can’t hear Him, one should consider fasting for the answer.
(USA) Other than the things listed which are clearly against God’s plan for sex, there should be nothing that would hinder someone from enjoying their spouse or pleasing their spouse in whatever way they want. That being said, I believe there are some things that must be discussed. Anything that causes pain is perversion. It took me a long time to learn this and almost caused me to lose the gift that Father gave me in my wife.
Anal sex causes pain and therefore should be avoided. There is nothing pleasurable about pain. If your spouse enjoys oral sex then why would you not want to please him/her? Sex is intended for pleasure as well as procreation. The pleasure should be experienced by both parties.
Sex is NOT about getting. It is about giving pleasure to the one I love. Remember, "It is better to give than to receive." Concerning vibrators, if your spouse enjoys stimulation in that way and you are both comfortable with the act then I find nothing in Scripture which prevents it. The key to any sexual act is that both parties are in agreement. If your spouse doesn’t like something then don’t do it. It’s as simple as that.
I think the big problem lies in the fact that the Church has been silent far too long on the subject of sex. Let’s face it. Most, if not all, of us learned about sex from the same place, the world. As youths, we learn about sex from the locker room, from pornography, or from our peers (which are as clueless as we are). It is past time for the church to step up and teach from God’s word what true sex is all about. God created it and said that it was good for a man and his wife only. Isn’t it time we teach this to our young people before the enemy twists things around further than he has already?
By the time a child reaches their teens they have already been taught by the world that it is OK for a woman to undress in front of a man that is not her husband. That’s just for starters. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at the number of pregnant teenagers in High School.
We have to act, and we have to act now. These things may be difficult to talk about with your children but if you don’t then guess who will. If you really want to pass your morals and God’s standards on to your children then, as uncomfortable as it may be, you simply must talk to them.
(FRANCE) To Eddie, I agree with most of your comments: sex is about giving not getting. But anal sex is not painful when done properly. It should really be left to both spouses to decide whether or not to expand their sexual experience to include anal sex.
(UK) I totally agree with you Cathie. Although my wife and I do not practice anal yet however we both enjoy to the most oral and many more other positions. When we first got married she was rather reserved being raised in a conservative environment. However, gradually, while starting feeling more comfortably with herself she started enjoying sex in every way and whenever. Being diligent with personal hygiene nowadays delivers you from prohibitions of other generations and let you enjoy the gift of sex to the most. Maybe one day we will both feel free and comfortable enough to practice anal too.
(TEXAS) If the Song of Solomon contains references to sexual activity, which passages refer to sexual intercourse? If oral sex is not mentioned in the Bible, what exactly does "inordinate affection" refer to? Also, Romans chapter 1 mentions men leaving the "natural use of the woman." What is the natural use of the woman? What is the natural use of the genitals? What is the natural use of semen? What is the natural use of vaginal fluids? You can’t find the word Bible in the Bible. You can’t find the word Trinity in the Bible. And like wise you can’t find oral sex spelled out to you in the Bible.
So just because you can’t find it spelled out to you in the Bible doesn’t mean it’s not covered and therefore ok. I haven’t made up my mind yet on the matter, although I do lean in the direction that it is a sin. I think using those isolated scriptures in The Song of Solomon to support oral sex is lifting and stretching scriptures out of context. Whatsoever is not of faith is sin, so I’ll leave it alone. To me it would be a sin. I have no desire for it anyway.
(USA) I have to disagree and say oral sex is not OK. The Bible does not specifically talk about sex but just because we do not completely understand Song of Solomon does not mean we should take it out of context and say fruit means genitals or sperm. You can’t take one word from a metaphor and interpret just that one word. You have to interpret the whole verse. If oral sex is mentioned then other types of sex should be mentioned as well.
Number one, in Lev it does say that semen is unclean and female discharge is also unclean. If it is unclean then that should not be near our mouths. Number 2 we like to misinterpret Roman 1:26-29. It is not just talking about homosexual behavior but it also said women and men exchange natural use for what is against nature. It is very easy to have anal and oral sex with the opposite sex and with the same sex. Both sexes have a mouth and anus. God made opposite organs for a reason. If heterosexuals can have oral sex then gays can too and it’s not wrong. There should never be a gray area in Christianity.
One more thing, oral sex is sex of lust and pure pleasure. It’s lust of the eyes, you having your partner satisfy you in a sacrificial way. It is also lust of the flesh. The only reason why we are arguing over this topic is because it feels good, but it’s not mutual pleasure. There are no sexual organs in your mouth. It is purely pleasure for the other person. John 2:16 says For all that is in the world the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes. Another scripture to read is James 1:14-15.
One last point, our bodies are holy and should be held in honor. Read I Thessalonians 4:3-8 and Galatians 5:16 and Galatians 5:24. We cannot fulfill our loved one’s lusts. God made every part of our body for a reason. There is a scripture that says food is for the stomach. Genitals are not made for our mouths. We have opposite genitals for a reason. Do not condemn homosexuals when you are doing the same thing.
(USA) I pray that my words are taken in the context in which I mean for them to be taken, as a gentle correction for my brothers and sisters in Christ.
My only comment is this; did any of you even read the article? Why are putting your thoughts and opinions on this page? No recommendations were made as to what was right, except to give biblical guidelines for discernment. Discuss it with your spouse and seek God (or don’t, if you can’t deal with it). Whatever decision you make is between you, your spouse and the Lord. Your beliefs or opinions on the morality of these acts is in no way beneficial.
My God shall supply ALL my needs according to his riches in glory, by Christ Jesus. (This verse applies to sexual needs also.)
(AUSTRALIA) What a mature observation! Humans only have human thoughts, pray with your spouse and God will reveal to you what is right
(CANADA) I can’t believe how close minded you all are… and how horribly boring your sex lives must be. If you’re married, why not share your whole body with your spouse and enjoy… why must you put limitations on what you both enjoy together? I agree not to force somebody to do something they don’t want to do… there’s nothing wrong with oral sex.
(USA) I agree completely with you.
(AUSTRALIA) I agreed completely with you. Well presented. Our body is the temple of God, let’s make it holy and clean even during the intimacy with our spouse.
(USA) Again, a logical fallacy. Just because gays do something, that doesn’t make it automatically a sin. After all, there are many heterosexuals who have sex, plain ordinary sex that even the most devout Christian would not call a sin if done between a man and his wife. It’s not the ACT that makes it a sin, it’s the context. Sexual intercourse between a man or a woman may or may not be a sin.
Here is the basic logic: Group A is a group of sinners. Group A engages in practice B. Therefore, since group A are sinners and practice behavior B, B must be a sinful behavior. That simply doesn’t hold up to any sort of logical test.
Let’s put it to the test. Group A is a group of sinners. Group A eats vegetables. Therefore, eating vegetables is a sin. Is eating vegetables a sin? Of course not. But when we have folks saying, “Group A is a sinful group, group A practices XYZ sexual practice, therefore XYZ is a sin.” does not stand up. The fact that group A is a group of sinners frankly is unrelated to whether behavior B is a sinful behavior.
So claiming anal sex, or oral sex, or anything else is sinful based on citing a particular groups practice of that act doesn’t make it sinful. Otherwise, we would have to say: Group A is a group of sinners. Group A has ordinary heterosexual missionary sex in the privacy of their bedrooms. Therefore, ordinary heterosexual missionary sex in the privacy of the bedroom is a sin. Such logic doesn’t hold water.
(UNITED STATES) I’m sorry but your comment is the furthest thing from truth and the Bible that I could imagine… I gain immense pleasure from pleasing my husband orally. In fact I can reach orgasm while doing so and he doesn’t have to touch me at all. I can’t believe you are using the Bible to back up your claims, none of which are Biblical. If anal or oral sex “discharge” was “unclean,” you wouldn’t be able to swallow large amounts of it and not get sick.
Maybe you are not aware, but after Jesus died for our sins, certain Old Testament rules became void, so I’d hardly say a verse about unclean discharge in Leviticus applies to today as we have the ability to keep our private areas very clean. It is also completely illogical to say that because gays and straights can both perform oral sex that oral sex is wrong. It says in the Bible that sleeping with someone of the same sex is wrong, it does not say oral sex is wrong! God did not create us with abilities that were only for the purpose of sinning as what God created was “GOOD.” God would not have created us to lust for our husband/wife at all if ALL lust was wrong. Lusting for your wife is GOOD, so is “wanting your wife’s flesh.” God created us to have sex for pleasure or it would NOT be pleasurable.
(FRANCE) You write that Leviticus says that semen and female discharge are unclean but is it not also the case for eating pork or rabbit? Now, do you refrain from eating these foods and many other OT prohibitions? Do you stay (assuming you’re a lady) away from your husband while your periods last?
The article above is well-balanced and based on the NT and the freedom we have in Christ. It does not recommend any “grey” practice, only gives a Biblical perspective on these but it seems that it makes people really uncomfortable.
I think only our enemy can be pleased by that kind of attitudes. I note that more women are against this and against that. I wonder what it does to your marital sex life. And good sex is one element for a marriage to succeed. Sexual repression is not a good thing and will come out in other ways.
(UNITED STATES) I believe God turns a naked eye to the marriage bed. It’s up to the couple. My wife of 14 years has been a passionate woman the first 5 yrs of our marriage but has really been listening to Christian women that have been taught since childhood that sex was nasty and only needed for making babies. Now she won’t even look at me sexually or touch me. I do not agree with this.
Sex with her is incredible. I will always love her but now she acts like I’m a heathen even when its been months. All she is doing is causing resentment, anger, frustration, and feeling unwanted. I have talked to her about this with no luck. Being in a conservative Christian base we never hear about the joys of sex, one man with one woman. It has caused distance between us. That’s not what GOD WANTS.
(USA) That is BEYOND tragic and I am so sorry for you both. The truth is that God created sex ONLY for marriage and we girls do not have to have an orgam to have babies which tells me that is simply for our enjoyment. God’s Word does speak on these matters of He made sex for us in marriage. The adulterers have given it a bad wrap and the devil loves it because that is often the only way sex is used.
I do not believe anything is allowed in the marriage bed as many say such as sodomy or a third partner but between the two married, One -flesh. Oral is great. If God discloses anywhere else in Scripture that it’s not okay such as the other things I’ve mentioned then they are never okay. That is just common sense.
I pray God will change your wife’s thinking on this. You say such wonderful things about her and we know the devil will do anything to destroy marriage and children. Even this. Hang on and pray without ceasing.
(USA) Your wife may be having an affair if you went from regular sex to none. When women start affairs they stop having sex with their husbands so they can be faithful to the other man.
(UNITED STATES) The lips are a part of our sexual organs, although not reproductive they can arouse your partener even without them being used for oral sex so does this make kissing a sin too! For some this is all they need. Also would a husband kissing his wife’s breast be considered oral sex since they are part of the reproductive system and she could have an orgasm?
(USA) 25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshiped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
——————————————————
How does this say not to have oral sex???
(KENYA) Now that sodomy in the Bible is about men having sex with other men only, doe it mean that man having anal sex with the spouse is okay? Another question, is cohabitation acceptable among Christians? What should one do if they aren’t sexually compatible with their partners? How long should the sexual act take?
(USA) Sex should not be Ok in bed. Sleep is more important than sex any time. Sex is something the human race should not have to deal with. Who cares if the species dies off we will be long gone before that happens? Been married 43 yrs and I cut my wife off from sex 30 years ago, and that’s how I feel about sex.
(USA) I am so sorry for you and your wife — but you are correct on one point: sleep is important. You are entitled to feel the way that you do about sex but to have entered into a marriage vow with your wife and after 13 years, change the rules of marriage by forbidding your wife the pleasures of sex is unthinkable.
It is game changers of this sort that destroys marriages. For few spouses would tolerate the absence of sex as God had intended. The sad thing is that most spouses would feel trapped by their marriage vow and feel helpless to do anything about this sad situation.
(USA) You cut your wife off but did you cut YOU off? Are you saying you have not had sex in 30 years or just haven’t had sex with her in 30 years…
Just a note. A family member of mine went through menopause a few years back and lost interest in sex. She has not had sex with her husband in over 2 years. She could care less about his basic human needs, so… Suffice it to say, just because you haven’t had sex in 30 years doesn’t mean she hasn’t.
(USA) “If heterosexuals can have oral sex then gays can too and it’s not wrong. There should never be a gray area in Christianity.” (mary)
This is not a valid argument Mary. This would mean there is a parallell between hetero and homosexuals. God honors marriages between men and woman and sex outside of marriage is wrong. Heterosexuals can only have sex with honor in a marriage, outside of marriage it is wrong, be it oral or missionary. Gays cannot be married in a God honored covenant so your argument is invalid.
(USA) There was an argument against oral/anal sex saying that it is wrong in marriage, because gay people could do it too, even though the Bible doesn’t specifically prohibit it. By that way of thinking, we should also limit one from kissing their spouse on the neck, as it is not specifically condoned in the Bible and as gay people could engage in this too. I think what the previous posters feel is that for them, they are not attracted to oral/anal sex and therefore want it to be unChristian. Please do not limit what other married Christian couples may do based on what you find unattractive, when you have no Biblical leg to stand on. It is permissible and even profitable for many married Christians to kiss and to touch every square inch of their spouse with whatever body part God has given them to touch them with, whether genitalia, hands or mouth. There could be a higher risk of spread of bacteria, but, this is miniscule when kept within the confines of a marriage combined with basic cleanliness.
(UNITED STATES) You said it! I invite you to take a look at my response, as well. It piggy backs off yours in some ways.
(USA) Wouldn’t the same logic apply to plain, ordinary sex? After all, you can get that from a prostitute as well, or even watch it in a porn movie. So if the argument is anything one can watch in an X-Rated movies is off limits, that would mean EVERYTHING is off limits. Therefore, I don’t think such a standard is logical.
Ditto for the measuring stick of fomenting lust. The same could be said for engaging in or observing plain vanilla heterosexual sex. So I don’t think that is a logical reason not to engage in anal sex. The standard is what is mutually agreed upon by both spouses that doesn’t bring a 3rd party into the bedroom.
(UNITED STATES) Anal sex is very, very wrong for a man and a woman. New studies show that Romans may have referred to women having sex with angels in sodom and gommorah and men and women doing the unnatural and having anal sex. Probably married men having sex with men and women doing this with men as well. Anal sex also is not healthy, can destroy a marriage between a man and a woman creating extreme pornographic lust. It also tempts a man to want to have sex with another man… even a man that is very heterosexual.
(USA) Anal sex with my wife has never once tempted me to have sex with a man. Just because I like anal sex, that doesn’t mean I’m even remotely attracted to another man. It’s just another part of my wife’s body which I find great joy in exploring in our marriage bed. Anal or oral sex doesn’t make you gay. Having sex with men is what makes you gay.
(USA) The end all with this is that what types of sex are permissible and or not should ultimately be between the husband and wife that are actually doing it. If you don’t agree with it that’s cool so don’t do it in your marriage bed. If you do agree with it and your spouse agrees with it cool then do it.
My opinion is that when I look at the Word and see God’s instruction for sex I do not see how anal sex and oral sex add to it and to me ultimately. The disease and infection rate that comes from those methods are pretty high. BUT I UNDERSTAND that it is not my place to judge any couple that does do this stuff or try to force my convictions on someone else, that is between them and God. The end, Joe
(UNITED STATES) To me, as long as your married, anything sexual with your partner is okay, including oral sex.
(CANADA) I guess people just want to feel pleasure. Oral and Anal is unnatural and the Bible clearly says man and women give into their unnatural feelings and go to other men and women. “26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature”. If it was natural we would not be arguing this are we arguing intercourse. How is having sex with the mouth natural? Why is it so important to have oral sex? Why would you want to swallow something that if you had intercourse you create a child? Why is this so popular?
Anything is not ok, your body is the temple of God and you should treat it that way. Why kneel to your husband? You should only kneel to God. Your mouth is made to take in food and nourish your body. Sperm is not a nourishment. There are chemicals created for travel in the vagina not the mouth. They have different PH balances. Now because people like oral sex so much there is a rise in oral cancer men and women. Now you can get stds in your mouth by kissing.
Porn and other things are hurting Christians. In the end a woman’s body has three holes and she is just a sex object to her husband whichever hole pleases him. After a while the women won’t want to have sex and he’ll go to a man. Because a man has two holes. This is what Romans is saying. “And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another.” Because men love sex more than women and once the woman gets tired of pleasing her husband he will find someone else.
(UNITED STATES) The scripture you referred to is Romans 1:26, in which you took out of context. Paul is talking about the results of men and women serving idols and not God. When verse 26 says God gave them up to their vile affections and women took what was natural and used it for unnatural, it is talking about women sleeping with other women. How do I know that? Because read the next verse, Paul says LIKEWISE, so did the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another (Romans 1:27).
Keeping this verse in context would mean it just can’t support your opinion. Therefore, it can’t and shouldn’t be used in your argument. I hope you’ll read my post (30. Nov 2011) because I think it will bless you. If it doesn’t then comment on it. I’ll be happy to here your response.
(UNITED STATES) I just read your last paragraph, I did not read it at first. You really took Romans 1:27 completely out of context and twisted it to make your point. But Christians who truly study the word can SEE what you basically did.
First of all, there is no scripture that implies men love sex more than women; that is your opinion. Again, verse 27 is talking about men sleeping with other men, as verse 26 is talking about women sleeping with each other. This is the vile affection that God gave them over to because they rather serve idols than Him. That verse is in no way implying that a husband will go find a man if his wife does not consent to his sexual desires.
LET’S JUST BE REAL. Your argument makes no sense because husbands that do cheat on their wives do it with other women. As a matter of fact, he does it with a woman who will do the things his wife will not do. (That’s why you should read my post 30 November 2011). And for the husband who do cheat with another man, it is not because of the wife choosing not to consent to certain things. A heterosexual husband does not go to a man to cheat, he goes to another woman. A husband that goes to a man could have a wife who is willing to do anything he desires. But because he is confused by the enemy and is a homosexual in the closet, he still ends up cheating with a man.
The bottom line is that you took the scriptures out of context to prove your point. We have to be careful not to do that because the scripture will explain itself if you let it.
(USA) His opinion is his opinion…and your opinion is your opinion. Let’s be real and serve the Lord in whatever capacity that he has given us, nobody wins when the kingdom is divided.
I totally agree with you Laure! I have never been married before but I’m currently in a relationship and we have talked about getting married in the near future. Anyways, he’s a virgin (he’s never kissed before) which I think it’s beautiful and God absolutely saved this man for me. I am a virgin as well but unfortunately before knowing Christ I experienced oral sex with 2 guys. Masturbation was my way to release tension since I obviously wanted to do it but there was always something that was stopping me from sex, which I’m glad but I wish I never had any contact at all.
I feel that given to the fact that he is a virgin, I have the option to not even bring that topic when we do get married since he’s never experienced it, plus I think natural sexual relations are more pure, and sweet and that’s what I desire. I don’t want the lust and perversion that I was introduced to at only 14. So many people can argue and recite scripture but sex should not be boring without oral and anal. You can kiss longer, hug, talk, tickle each other, I don’t know man like be creative and leave lust behind.
Pleasure can be found in many different ways with your spouse while avoiding immorality. Now, I do have to say I struggle from time to time because those memories are still there and my innocence is obviously gone. But I pray I become a virgin in my spirit and my heart, biologically I am a virgin but my mind and my heart ain’t, if that makes sense. Just think about it, everything that happens in porn is contrary to the Word of God. Normal penetration happens like at the very last minute and it’s almost not as important. Oral, Anal, fingering, semen all over a girls face and mouth… like that’s very immoral and depraved you guys! We need to be holy just like the Lord is Holy!