Are you finding it difficult to achieve an orgasm? If you are, you’re not the only spouse that can’t have one. It’s amazing how many women can’t have an orgasm! But what can you do about it?
We don’t know specifically what will work for you, because we aren’t “experts” in this matter. But one of the things we try to do in this ministry is to find those who know more than we do. So, we’ve found a quote and then several articles addressing this issue, which you may find helpful, as you read them. We encourage you to pray, read, and then glean the information, which could work for you.
Can’t Have An Orgasm?
Here’s something that Sex Therapists Cliff and Joyce Penner have said about orgasm, that might clear up some confusion:
“The myth that simultaneous orgasm is the epitome of sexual fulfillment is based on a number of false assumptions. First, it assumes that two people get aroused and then respond at the same pace. That is highly unlikely. Second, it assumes that goal-oriented sex is more fulfilling than pleasure-oriented sex. On the contrary, goal-oriented sex can interfere with fulfillment by introducing demand, anxiety, and often a feeling of failure, all of which hinder the body’s natural response mechanism.”
Concerning this issue, psychologist and sex therapist, Shay Roop, writes (in a Today’s Christian Woman article titled, “Anti-Climax”) about F.O.D. (Female Orgasmic Disorder). It’s reported that “79 percent” of women could suffer, at some point, with this disorder. Shay also writes that it is possible to overcome these “blockages.” In this article, Shay makes the point:
“Many women don’t realize that orgasm is an inborn capacity. It is God-designed. Just as orgasm is natural for men, it’s also natural for women. It’s an instinctive, God-given response he wants married women to experience. Yet ‘blockages’ can occur that hinder a woman’s sexual experience with her husband. Orgasm involves the mind and the body, so ‘blockages’ can be physical or psychological.”
Different Kinds of “Blockages”
I never knew that experiencing an orgasm is not an “inborn capability.” I thought it had to do with the method of what was being done sexually. I thought it was more difficult for some women to orgasm, but not impossible.
In this article, Shay Roop explains that some of these blockages can be because of “perimenopause or low testosterone.” There are specific treatments, which can help with this. Another one is:
“Pain. This is one of the most common complaints about sex reported to gynecologists. Pain can be caused by a vaginal or urethral infection, estrogen depletion, muscle spasms at the opening of the vagina, the formation of a supersensitive bundle of nerves after an episiotomy, or by the penis ‘bumping’ the cervix or uterus.”
Again, the ways of overcoming, getting through those blockages, are varied (which hopefully, your doctor should be able to help you with).
There are “other physical problems” that are caused by taking certain medications that are not “orgasm-friendly”. There are many different physical problems that a doctor can address. There’s even a condition termed as Vaginismus. What is vaginismus? Below is the definition, according to the web site found at vaginismus.com:
“Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse.”
If you’re experiencing pain when you have intercourse, I encourage you to check out the web site mentioned above and also read the article linked to below. It has A LOT of info on this issue:
There are also, many different types of “psychological blockages” that can cause problems, with of course, depression and sometimes even guilt, for some reason, being two of them.
You can read more about this issue, by Googling Shay Roop’s article, “Anti-Climax.” (It’s posted in its entirety on the Internet. It isn’t if I try to link to the article. They put a hidden block into links to this article). I recommend you make the effort to read it.
The Bible says, “By wise guidance you will wage war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory” (Proverbs 24:6). It also says, “A wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel” (Proverbs 1:5). This advice applies to women, as well.
Additional Links to Articles
Below you will find linked article to read, which can help you to gain “wise guidance” and to “increase in learning” about this matter. We believe you will benefit greatly from reading them.
— IN ADDITION —
— ALSO —
There is a link below to an article, written by Paul Byerly, which addresses husbands concerning this issue. Yes, wives can read it as well, to see if you agree or not.
Did you know that sometimes wives may be more open to having sex if they feel “free not to climax some of the time?”
Huh? Now this doesn’t give husbands an excuse to be lazy, or selfish, where he doesn’t give his wife an orgasm when she wants one. But sometimes she just might not want to have one and yet she’s open to playing around and being intimate with her husband, all the same.
That may not make sense to most men. For an explanation, please read The-generous-husband.com linked provided below:
And finally, you will find links to additional articles written by Sheila Wray Gregoire, based on her book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. We encourage you to glean through them and see if they can help you in any way:
Beyond all of the advice given, please realize:
“The big O is not orgasm. The big O is oneness. It’s not how great the bodies or how great the orgasm, it’s …was that a loving experience where we shared with each other? Was it contributing to our oneness?” —Christopher McCluskey
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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Filed under: Sexual Issues