This article was prompted by an email we received here at Marriage Missions. It concerns age gap. Should it matter? We have edited it and changed the name to protect the identity of this writer.
Email Concerning Age Gap:
I have an issue on my mind that bothers me about marriages. I have found lately that couples tend to use the differences in ages as a barrier to keep them apart. This is looking into the flesh, rather than what God has planned for them together. Our marriages are supposed to fulfill the purposes God has for us together. I believe that God chooses us as human beings put together to fulfill His purposes.
It’s sad that couples that have the same desire to serve the Lord, are God-fearing, compatible, and have many other healthy ingredients to have a successful marriage, stay apart because of what society thinks of them differing in ages. It’s more so if the man is younger that the woman.
Many Thanks,
A Concerned Reader
Dear Concerned:
You make several excellent points in your letter about this issue. Age differences and the role it plays in marriage can definitely be used in a “fleshly” manner. It can emotionally separate married couples more than it should from a spiritual standpoint.
But unfortunately, we live in a world where divorce is becoming a common way for couples to resolve differences. For that reason we have to be more cautious when entering into marriage.
The age differences aren’t as much of a problem when the couple is younger. It’s amazing how young love can seem to conquer all! But it can become more of a problem later on in life when the couple gets progressively older. That is because the older spouse eventually gets into health and energy issues. Many times the younger spouse this finds too troublesome to deal with in their own stage in life.
The Problem
But in all fairness though, it really can be a problem. I look at the all energy that our younger sons have to do certain things. I can’t even imagine having to do those things at this stage in my life. If I had a younger spouse this would have to be be an issue. And it would definitely cause its share of problems.
Years ago when Biblical commitment in marriage was more steadfast, this was something that couples would deal with and not allow to separate them. But that’s not as common in today’s world. It’s tragically sad but true. As a result, there may be some couples (with large age gaps) that God would want to work in and through, that He’s not able to, because of the choices we decide to make. I’m sure this grieves His heart!
So, because of the influence of today’s world on harming marriages, I greatly caution couples contemplating marriage where there is a large age gap. They need to look very prayerfully at the reality of what the upcoming years could bring to challenge their love and commitment. It’s important to be sure beyond a shadow of doubt that they both have the commitment it would take to overcome the huge obstacles they may encounter because of the differences in their ages.
Sometimes It Does Work Out
I have seen a few good marriages where the large age gap worked out fine. They have very good marriages. But I’ve seen more where they end up disastrous. That’s why I would counsel couples to be VERY sure they’re considering marriage for more reasons than the emotional rush. It’s important to consider the possible “costs” involved up front so they work extra hard in their commitment to each other when difficulties come up. (That goes for ALL marriage, but especially for marriages in this type of situation.)
Love can be very romantic to be involved in before marrying. But true love is “patient, and kind” (as 1 Corinthians 13 talks of) even when your partner doesn’t have the desire or energy to participate in doing activities that you crave to do (as a person who is much younger). They may have done those things earlier in their life together, but their progressing age may change that.
According to 1 Corinthians 13, love “does not envy“ others (who do more youthful activities together or have more things in common than you may have). The interests of a 40 or a 50 year old most often is different than those of a 60 or 70+ year old. Progressing age brings different “problems” with it. When you grow old together, being close to the same age at each stage, it can be somewhat easier to take. But when a 25 year old marries a 45 year old, the gap physically and emotionally grows wider with each passing year. That’s just a reality of life that you need to face!
Not Rude, or Self-Seeking
Love also, is “not rude” (when you see the sags and bags that your spouse may be developing sooner than you are). It also is “not self-seeking”, especially when you realize that your spouse may not be able to “keep up” so many things when you feel a need that they do so.
Love also “is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs” (and is supportive when your spouse is no longer as exciting as they used to be). To see them nodding off to sleep in the next chair when you want to go off socializing together can happen to even younger couples. But it can be even more of a reality as our ages progress. (Of course, there are always exceptions to this. Some 70 year olds lead more vigorous lives than some 30 year olds. But that isn’t usually the norm.)
As the Bible says, love “always perseveres.” Those who marry need to deal with the reality of what they may be getting themselves into later in their marital relationship. If they aren’t sure they could persevere through these (and other trials) then they need to reconsider BEFORE marrying. That would be the honorable thing to do.
Consider the Cost
The Bible talks about “considering the cost” before you do something. In Luke 14, it talks of the person who wants to “build a tower.” It’s important for them to make sure they have enough money to complete it. Otherwise they set themselves up for failure when they aren’t able to finish to completion. It also talks of a king who is about to go out to war. He needs to “consider” if he is able to fight against all obstacles that are against him.
Marriage can be put into the same context. Make sure you and the person you are marrying have considered “the cost” of what you are about to do. If not, the honorable thing to do would be to back away before the marriage —not afterward.
A Commitment for Life
Marriage is meant by God to be a commitment for life even when difficulties develop that deeply strains their “happiness” together. If you don’t both go into marriage with the same steadfast commitment to God to make every marital situation work to the glory of God, I’d advise the couple not to marry. It’s too important to God and should be important to us as well. After all, marriage is supposed to be about God’s kingdom work together!
As Dr Emerson Eggerichs states (which we agree with),
“Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen your love and reverence, trust, and obedience for Jesus Christ. This is not about you. It’s about Christ—becoming as Christ in your character as to how you relate to each other.”
I hope my answer to you will give you some kind of insight into this type of situation. I wish I could paint a different picture of this situation. But this is the way that I see it from a marriage education standpoint —even as a Bible-living Christian.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
PLEASE NOTE:
Since writing this original article it has been pointed out to us that some marriages with large age gaps DO work out well. And that is a great point that I should have stated stronger originally. We don’t want to discourage those who SHOULD marry to hold back. It would not give God the elbow-room to work miracles in situations He has ordained to work this way. And we definitely serve a miracle-working God!
But rather, we want those who are considering entering into this type of marriage to be prepared for the possible problems that could await them. If you’re taking a long journey and you can be better prepared ahead of time, it could work to your benefit. That’s how we hope to help you. If you plan to climb Mount Everest and you didn’t know to take along certain gear that you’d need, you’d be glad to know that ahead of time.
And Yet…
If you’re planning on climbing Mount Everest and you aren’t the type person who could withstand the rigors this type of “journey”, you would be foolish to proceed. A wrong decision could bring devastating results.
Thoughts of marrying someone can be very romantic. It’s easy to think that we can climb over any type of mountain, as long as we’re together. But we need to make sure that we’ve considered ahead of time so we prepare as best we can. Or we need to stop from proceeding any further if that would be best. We hope the above article has done that for you.
For additional information, below are links to articles that may help you in the prayerful decision-making process. Please click onto the links below to read:
• [DON’T] MIND THE AGE GAP (part 1)
• [DON’T] MIND THE AGE GAP (Part 2)
Filed under: Preparing for Marriage
(IRAN) Well to be honest, I want to mention my opinion:
1- Girls become mature sooner than boys.
2- psychologically girls reach their relationship desires sooner than boys.
3- there is a large difference between a man and a woman which some how arises from their age.
So we can conclude that for marriage or any relationship positive age gap in a standard value will satisfy both man and woman.
As I have consulted some psychologists, the best age gap is between 4-7 years when the man is older than the woman.
Many people observe less or more, although it cannot be a rule. But it is the best recommended age gap which can bring satisfaction. For further notice you can investigate this issue psychologically.
(MUMBAI) I am loving a person whose age is 25 and my age is 19… that is a 6 year difference!! So… is this age ok to marry???
(IRAN) Well, definitely when a man is six years older than his wife, it is the best age gap. They can share their opinions easily with each other, and their relationship is a long-lasting relation. Girls are 6 years prior to boys in terms of wisdom and maturity, so when a man is 6 years senior his wife (6 years older than his wife) they are more consistent.
(MIAMI, FL) Good afternoon. I am a 20 year old in love with a 37 year old woman. We’ve been together for a year and a half and she loves me and respects me as I do to her. Her family likes me very much and does not have a problem with me nor my age. We all get along perfectly fine. And till this day, our faces light up when we see each other no matter.
My greatest fear is for her to leave me for someone her age and her fear is for me to be unfaithful to her and leave her for someone my age. I truly love her with all my heart and she has demonstrated to me more than enough times that she loves me. What do you think I should do? Do you think her and I can work out? I would be very grateful to have an advice from you.
(KENYA) In fact, that age gap is totally good, my friend. Move on. Can you please move on? The age gap should be 4-7 years. You should thank God for that.
(IRAN) Age is NOT a basic element for having a successful marriage. I know a lot of couples with a difference in age of 5-15 with having an unsuccessful relationship. One of the most important reason is a reduction in sexual capability in both genders(especially men) as their ages are increasing.
I have read an article recently about a study showing that most of the women who are not satisfied in their sexual relationship had mentioned about their partners sexual problems that comes with their ages. So menopause cannot be a good reason for women for not being interested in sexual activities but other issues such as psychological issues in women can be more effective. As far as I know most of the women who are not interested in sex activity say their partners do not have enough capability in their physical relationship.
Unfortunately there is a dominant culture in my country (Iran) that says men should be older than women to control the life and the relationship. I do not believe this could be a true love when somebody thinks like this. Marriage is not a battle over proving power! In my opinion marriage is a mutual understanding. It is a mutual love. Age is just a number.
Most of the physical and psychological conditions depend on the genetic and life style of the people.We can see lots of old people who are healthier than young people. Because of this reason, for giving advise in the term of age difference we have to study each case separately.
When two people are close to each other even in age they can understand each other better. They have more things to talk about. They have mutual hobbies. They have the same health issues regarding their age. They can help to grow up their children together. They can see their grandchildren together. And at the end, when one of them leaves this world, the other one does not have to live a long time alone…
(EGYPT) REALLY VERY GOOD.
(USA) Re: the sexual issue. If a woman is in peri-menopause, marrying an older man may be more satisying, because both will be able to relate better to each other’s reduced needs and/or performance.
(AUSTRALIA) I am a 40 year old man, who is planning on marrying a lovely lady 19 years younger than me. I have decided deliberately to marry someone a lot younger than me, because I know that such a person brings out the better part of me.
I have read and heard so much negatives, that I wish to add to this dicussion. Age gap does not seem to have mattered, to anywhere near as much in my grandparent’s generation, as seems to be the case now. I have known of many large age gap marrieges, that span the spectrum of success. To some extent from my personal observations (including working with elderly people), some thing is not being addressed in physhological studies etc. I have no doubt that something has changed (other than divorce laws). This must be contributing to the divorce rate between such couples. The issues over energy levels etc., seem not to hold true for a number of couples that I personally knew.
(IRAN) I agree with you, when there is age gap besides respect, both persons will enjoy their life.
(U.S.) Very selfish -when you are 60 she’ll be 41 -does that seem remotely fair to her? And ok, younger women bring out the best in you (arm candy makes you feel manly?) but what are you offering her other than the chance to be your caretaker when you’re elderly and she’s in what ought to be the prime of her life?
(USA) It never ceases to amaze me when people leap to judge someone when they don’t even know their name.
Circumstances and lifestyle dictate the ethical implications of a situation. In dance circles (my circles) age gaps are routinely wide, in both directions. Dancers turn 23 and stay that age until they turn 100 and drop dead of a heart attack while wake-boarding. On the other hand, in D&D circles (also my circles) people tend to get diabetes around the age of 12 and spend the last half of their life rolling rather than walking.
So you tell me. If a 20 year old, obese, diabetic D&D player marries a 40 year old dancer, who’s getting the worse deal out of that bargain, health-and-wellness-wise?
My own lady is eight years younger than me and entering med-school. I’ll be spending the next ten years supporting her as she finishes her advanced degrees, and then retire to take care of the kids as her inevitably much-higher salary takes over. We’re both dancers, both gamers, we love our respective careers and every minute of both our lives is awesome.
If I die first (as I probably will) she’ll be 92 years old, in good health, and with the same train of love-struck puppies following her around as always, and she’ll be just fine until she catches up.
19’s a bit of a stretch maybe, but his lady’s 21 years old, she can make up her own mind about that. If a 21-year-old woman is after a 40-year-old man, chances are he’s not exactly a shmuck.
This thread is a few years old but the subject deserves so much attention that should go on forever. I (52) am in a relationship with a 26 years old male for the past 2 years and is getting better everyday. You said correctly, people judge before they know anything, just numbers. I am the one with the energy to go out and dance, sleep late, socialize and he is the one in bed by 10 pm who hates crowed places.
We get along just fine and rarely even talk about our age gap, but are reminded very often by non believers of our love. Insults are so common…
(USA) I think your comment is cruel and you should go back and read what he is saying. So what she is 41 and he is 60! Have you ever heard that love conquers all? I can tell by your words you have never loved. On the contrary I observe the people who look the happiest in my church and they are 15 and even 24 years apart. One couple he is 67 and she 43 and just had their third child. This ministers to me because I have been married twice… Oh and by the way to a man 4-5 years older than me. Although I have decided not to contemplate marriage unless he is a man of God. I love hearing about successful marriages.
(USA) There is one disadvantage to marrying someone “young.” While it should bring out your younger side and get your hormones flowing stronger it is possible they can make a drastic life change while with you, this life change can send you to divorce or disturb your own stability. Also in many of these situations, the younger one will rebel in order to re-capture what they thought they missed out on being with the older person. I’m not trying to pour salt on you, but when they say “they are young” understand everything that this can mean.
(IRAN) The reason for these divorces is not the age gap, because I have seen the other senario more frequently happening, when the age gap is small. If the age gap is less than 5 years then a woman wants to control the life. It is not a long lasting relationship because with menopause in women, women at age of 45 become less interested in the sexual relationship, whereas men do seek sexual relations even after they are in their 60’s.
On the other hand we are not talking about more than 15 years age gap, we say that age gap should be at least 5 years and at most 15 years. Also it’s not only the age gap, but two people should have the same attitudes and deep understanding, which is somehow related to logic age gap. A small age gap is so dangerous specially after several years of marriage, but when there is 5-15 years age gap two people are more confident.
There is a simple formula: the age of the woman to the age of man should be 3 to 4. It means if you have the age of a girl multiply by 4/3 and if you have the age of a boy multiply by 3/4 to get the partners’ age: for example a 21 year old girl is better to marry a 28 year old man… a 26 year old girl should marry a 34 year old man… Of course that’s not the exact age gap! But in common it manifests to be the best age gap.
(USA) I like what you said. I want to add my observation on my grandparents’ relationship. They were the same age and had a wonderful marriage. He led, not her. So, age was a non-issue for them in terms of getting along. In caretaking, I wondered what effect an age gap would have. So, here are my observations and thoughts:
When they were older, they took great care of each other. But, they were frail. When my grandfather died, my grandmother was too old to care for herself, so she had to move across the country to her child’s home. She lost her social networks and was not the same after her move.
I wondered if it may have been better for her if she had been younger than him by a few years. She would have had more strength to care for him when he was older and to be able to take care of herself longer, thereby enabling her to stay in her own home to mourn his loss among her friends and go through the memories of their lives together at her own pace (i.e., sorting through the contents of their home, going places they enjoyed together, etc.). Then, when she was ready, she could move in with her child and even be able to consider her needs in light of the options of living with each of her children. And, when she was frail, she wouldn’t have to expend all her energies to take care of someone, but instead to relax and let her family take care of her.
Potential spouses need to talk about what their expectations are for their lives overall.
(CHINA) If you can predict life expectancy each of us and have a secret that we will never get sick, I will show you a way to be a billionaire and above. Wishful thinking! There is no guarantee in life. Live each day and make most of it as if it is your last day!
I believe there is something to be said for the half the older partner’s age plus seven years “rule,” if the older party is under 50. Using this rule it is always dubious to have a partner who was not yet born when the older party was legally an adult (18+) since the largest gap “allowed” would be a 50 year old and a 32 year old. I think that makes sense, as does the guidance that a 30 year old seeking a partner should look for someone who is at least 22 (30/2 = 15 + 7 = 22). A 22 year old and 32 year old are not the same in terms of who they are, such that the compatibility of a 22 year old and a 40 year old is less than a 32 year old and a 50 year old, in my opinion. A lot of life shaping events happen between 22 and 32.
The attitude of the younger party towards the age gap is also important. Does she (usually she) try to hide the gap from other people or, if it is obvious physically, feel uncomfortable and anxious about whether her partner appears too old to others? Or does she freely disclose the gap and is proud to show off her partner to her friends and family? In my own case I was unsure about the gap but since it is inside the “half your age plus 7” rule and my prospective partner announced on Twitter on no prompting from me just how big the gap was, I am less concerned.
(IRAN) One thing you should consider is the difference between a man and a woman. Here we are not talking about more than a 15 year age gap, which in your case might be true, but of course less than 5 years age gap has disastrous consequenses as well.
When there is a logical age gap both people rely on each other, both morally and personally. Girls become mature sooner than boys, and they suffer menopause at age of 50, so what should a 50 year old man do with rest of his life if he married a woman with no age gap? But if at that time his wife is already 40 years old then it makes sense, they won’t have problems, and of course you should not only consider the age gap but also the personality of two people should be in balance.
(IRAN) Age is a basic element for having a successful marriage. I know a lot of couples with a difference in age of 5-15 with having an unsuccessful relationship. Because there is a reduction in sexual capability in both genders as their ages are increasing.
I read an article recently about an study shown that most of the women who are not satisfied in their sexual relationship had mentioned about their partners sexual problems that comes with their age. So menopause can not be a good reason for women for not being interested in sexual activities but other issues such as psychological issues can be more effective.
Unfortunately there is a dominant culture in my country (Iran) that says Men should be older than Women to control the the life and the relationship. I do not believe this could be a true love when somebody thinks like this. Marriage is not a battle! In my opinion marriage is a mutual understanding. When two people are close to each other even in their ages they can understand each other better. They have more things to talk about. They have mutual hobbies. They have the same health issues regarding their age. They can grow up their children together. They can see their grandchildren together. And at the end, when one of them leaves this world the other one does not have to live a long time alone…
(UK) I second what Daddy L has said. It certainly is very relevant to my situation as the much younger partner in a 15 year marriage. I see potential problems when a person says they choose someone because they are young -because they won’t be young forever, then what?
(USA) I have had family members who have been married and divorced mainly because of the age gap. One was married to a man 30 years older, another to a man 20 years older. Both ended in divorce. Of course they stayed in the marriage until the age gap was over whelming. I have a sister who married a man 17 years younger so far they are still together. I also have another relative that is planning on marrying a man that is 16 years older. I myself am 9 years younger than my husband and we’ve been married over 20 years. I think that the above article points out a lot of truths that a couple will face with such a broad age gap. Of course the two that ended in divorce said the reasons they wanted out was: He wanted to act like a father, he wasn’t active he just wanted to sleep, his body was physically unattractive, sagging etc. He was very insecure, jealous because of the age gap.
(IRAN) The reason for these divorces is not the age gap, because I have seen the other senario more frequently happening, when the age gap is small. If the age gap is less than 5 years then a woman wants to control life. It is not a long lasting relationship because of menopause in women. Women at age of 45 become less interested in the sexual relationship, whereas men do seek in sexual relations even after 60’s.
On the other hand we are not talking about more than 15 years age gap, we say that age gap should be at least 5 years, and at the most 15 years. Also it’s not only the age gap, but two people should have the same attitudes and deep understanding, which is somehow related to logic age gap. The small age gap is so dangerous specially after several years of marriage, but when there is a 5-15 year age gap two people are more confident.
There is a simple formula: The age of the woman to the age of man should be 3 to 4. That means if you have the age of a girl multiply by 4/3 and if you have the age of a boy multiply by 3/4 to get the partners’ age: for example a 21 year old girl is better to marry a 28 year old man… a 26 year old girl should marry a 34 year old man… Of course that’s not the exact age gap! But in common it manifests itself to be the best age gap.
(ZIMBABWE) What if the gap is two years and the husband is younger? How often is this problem encountered. Please help. I am in such a difficult situation.
Needmore, Two years is not much of a gap. The main concern is the maturity of the people involved. Some people are in their 40’s and have the maturity level of being 15 or so. Marriage is for grown-ups –those who are willing to keep growing in maturity and make grown-up decisions to make the marriage work. It isn’t so much age, as it is maturity and willingness to participate in being marriage partners –carrying the load together and working to resolve conflict in a mature, respectful manner. If one person is mature but the other isn’t, then there is reason for concern. If they BOTH are mutually committed to make this marriage work, for better or worse, willing to stay true to each other and committed for the rest of their lives, then they should do fine.
(USA) I think that was a very valid point you made-(about the older man being jealouse and insecure of their younger spouse). This factor playes a great roll. However, love is unconditional; so if an (older) spouse is showing these kinds of signs it is best to start questioning whether he is with you because of physical reasons.
Even if the couple tries to encourage the older spouse to work out and feel better about himself, I believe the younger spouse will always have on their conscience an awareness that their IS in fact a rapid growth spurt going on between them…
(INDIA) If the boy and girl are in same age, what will be the problem in marriage? Is there any sexual problem in older age??
(IRAN) Same age makes lots of problems in long term relationships, so a man should choose his wife to be several years younger than him.
(INDIA) I want to marry one girl but she is a 31 aged girl, more than 5 years, any problems coming into our family life?
(IRAN) You shouldn’t decide based on your emotions, choose a girl who is 21 but not 31. She should be several years younger than yourself.
(SOUTH AFRICA) The Bible never specifies the age gap but it talks about the principles in marriage. As long as you are ready to make the journey together there is no problem. Love has no boundary. Love overlooks all. As long as you have spoken about it before dating and discussed the pros and cons then it’s all good. Even if you happen to marry a lady six years younger, you can can still face problems.
Many are led in life by the opinions of others. This should not be the case. Beware of good intentioned people around you giving you advice from a human point of view. The human point of view is limited and cannot understand God. Many have been stampeded and unequally yoked into marriages.
(NEPAL) Yes, of course the Bible did mention about the age gap of Abraham and Sarah. It’s about a 10 year gap. Sarah was 10 years younger than Abraham.
(KENYA) Hi, I am a 28 years old Kenyan lady. I am pretty and have no child. I met a 42 year old man who is a divorcee and he is head over heels in love with me. We have been going out for 9 months now. He is so kind to me and has sacrificed a lot for me. He treats me with a lot of respect and I love his maturity in handling issues, unlike guys my age who are immature and drink a lot.
I am highly educated which I feel, puts off guys my age. He wants to marry me and I love him too. I have been going to his place many times and I have access to all his stuff, including his house and everthing in it. Sometimes I wonder if it is ok and I also wonder if my parents will agree to it. PLEASE HELP.
(IRAN) It’s very good to understand age gap relationships, as it helps both sides develop a good life based on mutual love and respect. It is every woman’s privilege to marry a man older than her who not only loves her but knows how to treat her. So it’s okay for a 28 year old lady to marry a 42 year old man as the age gap should be between 5 to 15 years. Besides the attitudes of both persons should match.
(KENYA) I have known this guy for 3 years now. Just the other day we realized that we were born the same year but I am older than him by six months. Most of things we do like and interests are the same but the month gap has shocked us two. We are confused. Do we go on or do we separate as early as now? I love him so much and I believe he loves me too.
(INDIA) My dear, age doesn’t matter. My wife is 6 months older than me and we are still together since 1994 and we have two sons, my elder son is 17 years old and younger son, 14 years old and we are a very happy family. We never discuss regarding age, but we respect each other because we love each other. My son has also fallen in love with a girl 3 months older than my son, so I have given permission because “age doesn’t matter.” Go head and start your life … wish you all the best and good luck.
(INDIA) I am a 22 yr old lady. I have been in love with a 22 yr old man for the past three years.. is this a problem for me to marry him and for my future?
(USA) Ammu, In your situation, the issue obviously isn’t about marrying when an age gap is involved, because there is no age gap if you’re both 22. The issue is whether you are compatible and share the same commitment to the sanctity of marriage and your commitment to each other, and also whether you can work through your differences in healthy ways. Are you both people of integrity and hold the same values, spiritually, as well as dealing with life issues? You may believe so, because you love him. But there are some tough questions you need to ask each other to know this better.
The phrase, “Love is blind, but marriage is the real eye-opener” is true. Many, many people just assume all will be well after they marry because of the love they have for one another. But love changes after marriage and reality bumps up against it, causing a different revelation later. NOW is the time to ask and answer tough questions — hoping that BOTH of you will answer and react to them honestly. This will help a lot after the wedding is over. Don’t neglect asking tough questions.
There are other articles contained within certain topics on this web site that it would be good for you to go through. One of them is the topic, “Is He or She the One” and also going through the questions together in the “Marriage Preparation Materials” topic, to see if you can work through your differences. You WILL find many differences that will come up between you as you explore more about each other’s beliefs and backgrounds. But can you work on ways to bridge those differences so both of you are satisfied? That’s an important challenge to work through. The questions asked in that topic cover some of the most important issues to deal with and make sure of before marrying. May God give you discernment and insight as you explore this important decision together!
Perfect explanation. That’s great wisdom. Keep up & all the best!
(IRAN) Well, in my point of view, marriage is somewhat different from friendship. Although partners should be good friends, it’s not the only point. Marriage is a long term, promising relationship based on fidelity and honesty. It is proved that when men are several years older then there is more compatibility and respect between two partners, because in the same age, men and women are not psychologically and biologically balanced.
You can refer to scientific articles rather than ordinary peoples’ points of view, as people may always judge based on their own understanding.
(USA) Cindy Wright, this is really a wonderful message. I think in any age when it comes to marriage, it won’t work without God. I was 27 and my husband was 69 when we met from a Christian website. Until now we’re very happy and so much in love with each other. My fear is waking up that he’s not beside me anymore… we talked about it, but there’s still the fear. I just can’t imagine my life, my morning, without him. I love him so.
Cindy, that is good to know you are with him for love. A lot of people think when a lady is half her hubby’s age that they’re only there for the money and not love. I’m 42 and my wife is 25 and we are happy. I don’t have money and she doesn’t care. She loves me for me, not for what I have and don’t have. We have 4 kids so age is not nothing, just a number.
(UGANDA) I’m so glad I came upon this topic today. I was actually lying in bed and thinking about it yesterday night when my husband was sleeping besides me.
We have an age gap of 16 yrs between us and yes, reality is taking a toll on our relationship. I’m not saying that it can’t be done. Yes it can; I’m doing it. We are happilly married, just that there are great sacrifices to be made. For example, my husband grew up in a time where men didn’t help at home like with cleaning and stuff, so because I am a modern day baby, I grew up in a different time where men help with house chores women work etc. I like to walk around holding his hand. He does it but he doesn’t do it near family and friends because it will show a weakness in him. He is not really romantic like lying under the stars; he doesn’t like it etc.
There is some things I would like to explore in the bedroom, which he isn’t interested in because it will make him less of an old man. But I believe a younger partner could do this because in modern day times it’s norml for a lady to intiate and take a lead in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with the man I have chosen.
For those who are planning or are already married to older men, please know that you will have to sacrifice some modern day things for older ones. And he in turn, will adjust to modern day life to the extent he can.
Example, when I met my partner he never ate at restaurants because he isn’t used to the culture. But today he is able to tell me to dress up we are going out for supper. In return, I have learnt to have to ask him to help me pick up heavy stuff, let him pay when we are having supper out. It’s not easy for me because in my day and age women pay for meals. We pick up heavy stuff. But I have learnt to adapt and let him be the man he is, so that he in return, can let me be the lady I am.
(USA) Zimkitha, my husband and I have a 40 years age gap between us. You might say that “wow, she’s really in the modern year than her husband.” But one thing I can assure you, read the Bible and you can serve your husband accordingly. We wives needs to build up our husband and so that husband can build us up too. And most no matter what age gap we have, we must “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). Each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Don’t be afraid to tell him and discuss the way you feel. You are two souls become one.
(INDIA) Hello Sir, I am Shivam and my age is 20 years. I fall in love since last two years. My girlfriend’s age is 25 years. We want marry each other but her parents are not in agreement with this. The reason is CAST; we both are from different casts. We don’t feel it matters. So tell me, what we can do? If I marry her…..so, it’s Legal??????? Answer me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee…….
(INDIA) Hi, I am a 28 year old man… deeply in love with a 22 year old girl.. we have a great chemistry … we understand each other and compliment each other very well. We are planning to get married in another 2-3 years, however, sometimes I wonder … is it o.k to have an age gap of 6-7 years???
(INDIA) FRIENDS, I am Rajata, 25 years old. For past 3 years I have been in love. The one I love is 9 years younger than me. I already proposed to her. She is telling I am older than her. So how will she love me? Please help…
(IRAN) You should consider that best age gap is 5 to 15 years, so go ahead and tell her that you are more compatible with this age gap along with other criteria such as mutual love, respect and understanding.