Before you married, did you both feel like your communication skills together were pretty good? Did you spend long, enjoyable times of conversation with each other? How about now that you are married? How is your conversational communication going in your marriage?
Are you finding that you are having a hard time making the time to just sit down and have a great conversation together? We’re talking about one that doesn’t involve just reporting to each other on what the kids are doing and what each of you needs to do? And/or are you stumped in trying to figure out what to talk about once you do make the time to talk?
My husband Steve and I have sure had a hard time in the past (and sometimes even now) with these two important points. It’s difficult finding the time, and also figuring out what to talk about.
But we have learned how important it is to communicate beyond “just the facts.” It’s important to have times where we just enjoy the time talking together, just him and me. So, we put a lot more intentionality into squeezing some other things out. We do this so that we can make the space for “us time,” which is important.
So, let me address the two points I brought up just now. The first is finding the time to talk together. This includes times when we’re just reporting to each other various things that have happened or need to happen. Plus, it includes finding or scheduling times where we’re having a good conversation with each other.
I’m going to point you to a few articles that we have posted on this web site. They concern these aspects of communication. Why re-invent the wheel, so to speak, if it’s already waiting there for us to take advantage of it?
Here are some ideas —take them or leave them. But see if they might give you ideas on how to spend time together when you have children:
• OCCUPYING KIDS WHEN YOU WANT TIME FOR ROMANCE
Here are a couple of ideas where you can make the most of a little time here and there:
• 22 MINUTES TO A BETTER MARRIAGE
It comes down to MAKING the time, even little snatches of time. This includes 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there, a cup of coffee shared together here, a walk around the block there, INSTEAD of doing something less important. Keep in mind:
“As we juggle our busy lives, it’s too easy to let our marriages fall into the background. We would never say our marriages were not important to us. Yet we often act as though they’re not. Make your marriage your number one priority after God.” (E. Sanna)
With intentionality, take time, MAKE time to connect with your spouse.
“All the ‘little things’ of life can get in the way —you know what they are, I don’t need to list them.” Don’t allow that which is less important shove you away from spending quality time with your marriage partner. You will never ‘find’ time for anything. If you want time, you will make it.” (Charles Buxton)
Once you do find the time —stealing a bit here or there to spend the time connecting together with your spouse, what do you do?
It’s “funny” (although not really) how we used to have all kinds of ideas on what to do when we were able to be together before marriage. But now that we are married, we’ve run out.
Yet in all fairness, after years of being together, we can run out of ideas. That’s how we can help you. We have different blogs and articles, along with links to related web sites, and recommended resources —all posted on this web site. They can all give you inspirational ideas to help you better communicate with each other and connect in the ways that you need it.
Here’s a short blog you can read that gives a few ideas that may help you, as it has helped us as a married couple:
• CONNECTION QUESTIONS AND A KISS
Here is something from the ministry of Focus on the Family. It is written to “keep you talking with your spouse for a whole month:
• 30 WAYS TO START A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE
One of the Marriage Messages talks about Prayer Walking together. We’ve done this together. Try it; you might like it. We feel especially close to each other and to the Lord when we take these walks. You can read more at:
• PRAYER WALKING WITH YOUR SPOUSE
We have two topics, in particular that can help you to connect, whether in conversation, and/or in just going out and having some fun together.
There is the topic of COMMUNICATION TOOLS, which will give you different ideas to help you better connect together in healthier ways. We have several articles posted in there (with links to additional ones) that give you lists of all kinds of conversation questions and topics you can use in your conversational times.
And lastly, there is the ROMANTIC IDEAS topic, where you can find all kinds of ideas and tips to help you spend time together in a variety of ways —some at home and others outside your home.
I hope all of these ideas help you to better communicate and have great conversations with each other. But all-in-all, we can only give you the ideas; you are the one(s) that have to actually implement that, which will work for you. Please know that:
“Love does not die easily. It is a living thing. It thrives in the face of all life’s hazards, save one —neglect.” (James Bryden)
Love is an act of will, both an intention and an action. “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
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Filed under: Communication and Conflict Communication Tools