Emotional and Verbal Abuse Within Marriage

Verbal Abuse AdobeStock_71944068How do you deal with the situation, where you feel that verbal abuse is being thrown at you within your marriage? And how do you know if this isn’t just a “normal” matter of one spouse disagreeing with the other? Plus, there is also the matter of emotional abuse. There’s no doubt that both of these are destructive for you and your marriage relationship.

One thing we do here at Marriage Missions is to hunt for information that will best help spouses to understand the different aspects of marriage. This way each marital situation can be approached prayerfully, carefully, and better educated. The goal is to be led by our Wonderful Counselor, the Holy Spirit, to do what He shows is best.

Clarification Concerning Verbal Abuse And Emotional Abuse

With that in mind, we want to first deal with the topic of emotional abuse. It’s important to clarify what it is and what can be done about it. And then we’ll go on to the topic of verbal abuse. You can have one directed at you without the other, and yet, they often overlap.

First of all, we encourage you to pray before reading —that the eyes of your heart and mind will humbly be open to comprehend what God wants for you to know.

“Good and upright is the LORD.
Therefore He instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them His way.”

(Psalm 25:8-9)

Secondly, it’s important to recognize emotional abuse for what it is. Dr Barbara Shaffer asks the questions:

“Can you identify a symptom of emotional abuse? More importantly can you define emotional abuse or identify any of its forms?”

To obtain some answers, please click onto the link below to read:


More on Emotional Abuse

Next, it’s important to know even more about this type of abuse. Counselor, and author Leslie Vernick explains much more about emotional abuse in her book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope. (You can obtain it in the link provided in the title.) In the meantime, below is a video where Leslie explains some important things for you to know:

Verbal Abuse

And that takes us to the issue of verbal abuse. Most often it overlaps with emotional abuse. But here’s a little peak into the way relationship expert, Leslie Vernick, explains it:

“Cursing someone out is bigger than just using four-letter words. Cursing someone is condemning him or her as if you’re their judge or even their god. When someone does that he (or she) believes they’re the superior one; and as such have the right to cast “judgment” on another’s character, personhood, or even actions in a demeaning or derogatory way. The Bible speaks to this kind of person. Jesus says, ‘If you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell(Matthew 5:22).

First, Concerning Verbal Abuse:

“It’s helpful to make a distinction between an abusive incident and an abusive relationship. Since we are all sinners, we are all capable of some verbal abuse. (James 3:2). James also cautions believers that our tongue can be misused as a weapon to hurt other people. (Yes, the Bible speaks of emotional and verbal abuse). James describes it this way. He says the tongue is ‘restless and evil full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father; and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!‘ (James 3:8-10). He also warns that if we ‘claim to be a believer and don’t control our tongue, we are lying to ourselves and to others‘ (James 1:26).

“Therefore, when someone who claims to be a Christian sins and verbally curses someone out, or just says something hurtful, he or she should immediately recognize that he has crossed a line and used his tongue as a weapon for harm. James clearly says this is not right. As does Paul in Romans 13:10 when he says, ‘Love does no harm.

“Once that line has been crossed, a sincere apology should be given; repentance before the Lord should occur and a strong effort to never repeat that kind of abusive speech should be made. However, when abusive behavior/speech happens again and again and again, then it’s not just simply crossing the line and being a sinner. It is being an unrepentant sinner who refuses to submit himself under the authority of God.” (From Leslie’s article, “Emotional and Verbal Abuse”)

Verbal Abuse: Intimidation and Bullying

So, what do you do when there is verbal abuse, intimidation, and bullying in your marriage? And what exactly IS bullying? Dr Juli Slattery says the following:

“Intentionally or not, a bully uses intimidation and coercion to get his or her way. Yes, women can be bullies too. A wife can skillfully use emotional coercion like humiliation and cynicism. She does this to ‘punish’ a husband who isn’t ‘behaving’ according to her desires. I’ve met powerful, competent men who panic at the thought of crossing their wives. Is this normal conflict or bullying?”

That’s an important question to consider. To help you with this issue, Dr Slattery recommends reading the following books. We also recommend them:

Love Must Be Tough

Boundaries in Marriage

As far as emotional abuse (including bullying), author Mary Yerkes describes it this way:

“Emotional abuse leaves few physical scars. Its victims suffer no broken bones, torn flesh or spilled blood. Still, those wounded might describe it as the most painful and destructive form of domestic violence.”

Additional Information to Help You

To discover what Mary lived through and learned about this form of abuse, we direct you to a posted article for Focus on the Family. After reading the article, also read the additional articles they suggest in the series. We believe they will help you gain a fuller picture of this type of abuse:


Christian counselor, Dr Barbara Shaffer writes the following concerning emotional abuse. (It comes from the article, “Emotional Abuse: The Abuse Beneath Abuse.”)

Dr Shaffer writes:

“Abuse in the context of an intimate relationship involves a persistent pattern of behaviors. It is not simply a mistake. Nor is it an isolated incident or a sudden loss of control. The goal that motivates all forms of abuse is to exercise power and to control…

“Physical abuse can leave bruises, and break bones. It can cause various permanent, structurally based impairments, like hearing and memory loss. These observable signs of impact signal the need for healing, assistance, protection, and safety. In contrast, emotional abuse is characterized by invisibility and great subtlety. It leaves no obvious mark that would call attention to injury, danger or the need for intervention. Although abuse comes in varied shapes, intensities, and every forms, it has an emotional component.


What exactly is emotional abuse?

“Emotional abuse is foundationally an attitude of entitlement and profound disrespect. It discounts at every turn the inherent right of the other person to dignity, separateness and autonomy. The other person is seen as only a contemptible object. Out of entitlement and disrespect spring the various behaviors that use anger, violence and/or contempt to induce fear, guilt and shame. The other person is thereby controlled, punished, or demeaned.”

Additionally, here’s something Kerby Anderson points out that is important to note:

Verbal Abuse Doesn’t Leave Evidence

“Almost everyone knows of, someone who has been verbally abused. Perhaps you are involved in a verbally abusive relationship. It is also possible that no one even knows your circumstances. Verbal abuse is a kind of battering. It doesn’t leave evidence comparable to the bruises of physical battering. You (or your friend) may be suffering in silence and isolation. In this article, tackle this very important issue in an effort to understand this phenomenon and provide answers.”

To learn what Kerby Anderson goes on to explain, read this Probe Ministries article:


“Harsh words can destroy your marriage. Here’s how to defuse verbal abuse.”

Dealing with Verbal Abuse

If you do want to know how to deal with and defuse verbal abuse we recommend that you prayerfully read the following articles. We need to tell you that they are not Christian articles per se. But they are very good ones. So, if you read something within them that you feel God would object to, please disregard that particular piece of advice. But overall, most of the advice can be very valuable. As you will see, one article will lead to links to others to read. Please read all you can. It’s important to glean through what you read to decide what will work for you in your marriage.

The articles we recommend you read are:



Also, the ministry of All About Life Challenges can help you to better recognize verbal abuse. They also show you ways to avoid depression and find hope. This is important when you feel beaten up verbally. To learn more, please read:


Lastly, the following scripture is something you may find helpful to pray:

“Guard my life and rescue me.
Let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

“May integrity and uprightness
protect me,
because my hope is in you.”

(Psalm 25:20-21)

Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International compiled this article.

If you have additional tips to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

Print Post

Filed under: Abuse in Marriage

Join the Discussion

Please observe the following guidelines:

  • Try to be as positive as possible when you make a comment.
  • If there is name-calling, or profane language, it will be deleted.
  • The same goes with hurtful comments targeted at belittling others; we won't post them.
  • Recommendations for people to divorce will be edited out–that's a decision between them and God, not us.
  • If you have a criticism, please make it constructive.
  • Be mindful that this is an international ministry where cultural differences need to be considered.
  • Please honor the fact this is a Christ-centered web site.

We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content.


178 responses to “Emotional and Verbal Abuse Within Marriage

  1. Hello, I am too tired and drained to go into detail about all of the problems in my marriage. I am reaching out for prayer. I am married to a man who thinks marriage is about “keeping score”‘, intimidation and bullying. I am completely worn out from this marriage and really need prayer. Thank you.

  2. Honest question. ..being the Spirit filled stalwart Christian tough guy…able to stand tall and take the 70 times 7 “slaps” in the face appears to me to be enabling her behavior. Perhaps causing a fuss by a separation would allow her to confront her dysfunctional coping strategies? The complete lack of the Christian church to hold abusive women to account is a terrible misstep. I get preached at to continue to keep my hands tied behind my back and take it. This is out of balance in my estimation.

    1. Gary, we agree with you. There are many, many husbands who are being abused by their wives. It is an area of abuse that is being silenced by the press. Abuse is wrong, whether it is the wife being abused or the husband. But sadly, it’s close to impossible to find many articles that give voice to both wives that are being abused, as well as husbands who are being abused. They most always address wife victimization.

      We have a few articles that address husband abuse posted on this web site that you may want to read. One can be found at: http://host.agencysrvr.com/~marriage/husband-abuse-can-a-wife-abuse-her-husband/ and another can be found at: http://host.agencysrvr.com/~marriage/breaking-the-cycle-of-violence/. I also changed our part of this article being posted. I apologize that I hadn’t done that before now (I thought I had). We can’t change another author’s info… and with the ones that we’ve posted, we don’t want the info to be ignored because it’s good stuff, whether it includes abused husbands or not. We hope and pray that abused husbands will still read them and change the pronouns. Thanks for your input. We appreciate it.

  3. My boyfriend of 15 years constantly abuses me verbally. If we argue, and he happens to be driving, he tells me that if we get into a wreck, it will be my fault. He’s hit me in the past and says I was asking for it. He has since stopped the physical abuse because I told him I would call the police and he would lose his job. He constantly blames me for his anger issues. He says if only I didn’t aggravate him, he wouldn’t have punched holes in my walls. I dont know what to do. I go to counseling for me because he says he’s not the crazy one, I am.

    1. Hello, Reading your post I thought I wrote it. My husband of 10 years has been saying things like that to me for years and much worse. I’ve been to counseling several times, and of course he will never go, for the same reasons, he’s not crazy. When I say I understand what you are going through, please know that I am also. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with the insults, anger, sarcasm, and being yelled at. He has never been physical with me, thankfully. I just don’t know what to do anymore! Take care of yourself!!

  4. My husband told me this morning he was a centimeter from bashing me in the face. His mother visited at Christmas. She tormented me and harassed me, calling me fat, shamed me, and talked behind my back to my husband. I jumped on both of them for being so mean.

  5. I have been married over 30 years. I am 10 years older than my husband. We went years and years without ever lifting our voices to each other. Then, in 2008 I got stage 3 colon cancer and had to have surgery/chemo. I got hooked on narcotics at that time. I am still given narcotics by my doctor because I have severe chronic back pain issues. My husband hates that I take narcotics and finds fault with me in every way because I take them. I continue to have cancer crop up and just a little over a month ago had to have part of my lung removed because the colon cancer spread to my right lung.

    Not even a week after I returned from the hospital we got into a terrible fight. I don’t even know what it was over now. But, we fight so much anymore that it is pretty hard to keep up with the reasons. I was supposed to get a shot in my hip yesterday (I thought anyway) for my bursitis. My doctor told me he would have to do it in the minor surgery area, not his office and made me an appointment for that to be taken care of. My husband went ballistic when I told him I didn’t get the shot. He started accusing me of being a liar, saying all I ever do is lie everytime I open my mouth, etc. etc. It was the dumbest argument I have ever been a part of. He is constantly calling me a liar (although he has always been a liar).

    The problem is, I am retired now, sickly (and will find out this month if I have cancer elsewhere going on) and totally incapable of taking care of myself financially. He is all the time blowing up and telling me to get out, to go live with my aunt (that he hates) and her husband. This is my home too. Everything in it was my mothers practically. We have 2 dogs that are my dogs too. I’m not going anywhere. My aunt doesn’t want me. Why would she? Anyway, because I am unable to work and take care of myself financially, I am so trapped. I never dreamed in a million years that my retirement years would be like this.

    He hates me taking prescription medication for my ailments but it is okay for him to come home and drink a couple of beers every night after work and a boat load of beers or whatever on the weekends. What can I do? He would certainly not go to any counseling, I am already positive of that. I wouldn’t even suggest it or he would blow up…again. Thanks for your help. By the way, I am a born again Christian. He went to church with me many years ago, but he doesn’t even mention the Lord in conversations anymore.

  6. Me and my husband have been married 8 yrs now… have 2 beautiful children. While we had troubles from the start from Child Services because of my mother and unknown marks on my son before we married, at first it was good. I made a few mistakes, and now he seems to want to throw them at my face, call me names, such as fat and cuss at me. I try hard not to act back but sometimes I cannot help it. All the time when he’s mad he says he hates me and the kids. He is very verbally abusive at times and says words like “whore” to me. It does get worse but as per rules I am trying my best to keep it as clean as I can.

    I live in a camper with him in marriage. He did buy me things I wanted and needed. My question is if I go, are these things mine if he gave to me? What should I do? We have kids school age. I am an Alabama (US) lady who just feels like nothing I do is right any more. I beg and cry for God’s mercy.

  7. I don’t know where to start. My husband is very, very emotionally and physically abusive. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so helpless and worthless sometimes I don’t even want to live anymore. He calls me horrible names and in front of the children and tells the 2 small kids we have together that I don’t love and care about them. And that I’m a horrible mother and person. He controls all the money, has the bank account with his name on it only, I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to. I can’t hang out with anyone or do anything. I’m a stay at home mom and I started going to counseling once a week and now he wants me to stop going because he wonders if I have a crush on the counselor. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for 4. It hurts me so much to know how much he hates and dispises me. I’m scared to ever say anything to him about how much I’m hurting because he gets so angry and mean. Please pray for me and our relationship and our kids.

  8. My husband did not like something that I wore and he questioned me about it asking what do I have going on the reason I’m dressing in all those kind of outfits and I responded by saying “what outfits? I don’t have anything going on.” Then he responding cursing at me saying you wearing all that see through stuff (not the word he used) so I asked him why was he cursing and he said because he was angry that his wife is “showing off” her body dressing like a cheap (garden utensil) and that it was okay I could go naked if I wanted to because it’s in me to dress like that.

    All I could think of was a long sleeve lace blouse that I wore 3 days prior to that, with a tank top under it that showed nothing but my arms and some shorts that I wore to one of my family gatherings, which I have never worn because I am so self conscious about my body and my legs so I made sure they came to my knees so I just knew he wasn’t talking about those because he is always telling me that there is nothing wrong with my body. I asked him why wouldn’t he just answer me and tell me what outfits he was talking about instead of being verbally abusive because he was hurting my feelings with the words he was using? And he responded with “you are not retarded.” What do I say to him? How can I make him see how he is really tearing me apart inside?

  9. In an abusive marriage? Try praying daily for your husband. Be patient (in a safe place if needed), It may take years but God can work in your spouses life. Stay close to Him in the process. Find your value through Him. You are a precious and unique human being loved by a King! Grab God’s Word and fill yourself with it. Keep it in your heart…it is your weapon.

  10. My thing is I tend to say hurtful things and make her feel like she can’t do anything right. I’m trying to understand why I say and do this stuff. I love her so much. All I’m doing is pushing her away. She tells me now that she can’t love someone that does this. Can anyone give me a little bit advice.

    1. Dan, more than likely you “learned” this behavior in your childhood; it’s probably what you grew up hearing in your own home in how your parents talked to each other. This problem may be rooted in anger. It’s good you have come to the place where you realize this is not acceptable behavior. And it sounds like your wife may be open to giving you a chance to change your behavior and to be the kind of husband God wants you to be for her. I suggest that you go back into our web site and start reading articles in “Communication Tools” section. Begin with “How To Deal With Anger” and see if there are others that seem to fit your need. After that go into the “For Married Men” section so you can start reading on the things our wives need from us.

      You need to become a student of your wife. Listen to her heart (what and how she expresses her needs to you) and start to apply yourself to meeting her emotional, spiritual and physical needs.

      Dan, it takes a big man to admit his faults and to ask for help. I’m glad you reached out to us. Now, to change your behavior and your marriage won’t be easy; it’s going to require a firm commitment from you and some hard work in unlearning one behavior and learning a new godly approach to being a husband. But I can promise you this – if you follow through you won’t regret it.

      I also hope you’ve taken this to God to ask His forgiveness for any hurts you’ve caused your wife and that you have asked your wife for forgiveness. If you need some help in understanding more about this you can call Focus On The Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY and ask to speak with one of their counselors. The first session is free.

      I hope this gets you started, Dan. Blessings!

  11. I believe I am being emotionally abused by my wife and her young daughter. They team up on me with constant joking, telling me they are just kidding, eye rolls, attitudes, sarcasm, gas lighting from her daughter to be told I can’t prove it from both of them when I bring it up. There is no intimacy unless she initiates. I am being belittled in front of family and sometimes those at church with an attitude from both. I feel like I can’t say anything just to avoid a fight. When I tell her how I feel she throws my sins up in my face and says stop being a baby and complainer. (These are just a few issues; there are a lot more concerns and things that have gone on.) I have also brought these concerns up to our church leadership several times to be told that’s what I agreed to being married, and what I need to change, or man up and deal with it.

  12. My husband belittles me in front of family and he called me a slaggy “b” as a joke. We were making a sandwich, he won’t let me go away by myself, he threatens to kill himself if I leave, shoves other women in my face and makes me feel old with such comments. I want to go back to being by myself.

  13. I’m concerned with the advice to “allow a person to vent”. As a person living with its effects, verbal abuse is very damaging and a person experiencing it should leave and allow a cooling off, for the benefit of their emotional well being. One would never advise a person who is physically abused to endure it to demonstrate that the abuser cannot evoke a reaction, nor should someone who is experiencing any abuse.

  14. I honestly don’t know what to do about my marriage.

    We are both born-again Christians (I’m young in my faith, my husband introduced me to our church), but I feel truly misused and tricked by my husband. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that a previous girlfriend left him because he was verbally and physically abusive, and that it was all his fault and that he drank too much. Coming from a “normal” family without any addictions myself, I had no idea what “drinking too much” meant or how destructive it could be.

    A week before our wedding he went all out: drank himself to a stupor and swore at me and shoved me in front of lots of strangers. We weren’t home, and he told me to F off and leave him there, along with a lot of other names. I couldn’t and wouldn’t; I didn’t have a drivers license on me and he had the car keys. When I eventually got him out of the bar (it was his birthday and his self-proclaimed bachelor’s party), he shoved me some more, and locked me out of the car in the pouring rain for almost an hour while he dozed off.

    I was so so so stupid, and so stunned. I still married him. I thought it was a mistake, I thought he’d never do it again… He’d repented and promised and apologised.

    Our honeymoon was terrible…I was accused of wasting our money, forcing him to go horse riding on second rate horses; he insisted on having all my bank cards (I refused and it caused at least 2 days worth of abusive fighting) and he was unbelievably aggressive in the bedroom and didn’t believe he’d hurt me.

    Shortly after our honeymoon he got unbelievably drunk and disorderly again, this time in front of our neighbours and then also accused me of flirting with one of the neighbours and called me names. I thought I would die of shame. I did my best to excuse him and tidied up. I was so sure I would leave, but I didn’t know where to go.

    I cannot repeat the things that have been said, nor do I want to remember them. The last “episode” was two years ago at my dad’s birthday. I have never been more humiliated or ashamed. Since our wedding day I’ve struggled to help him with depression and burn-out, several changes in employment and alcohol- and then cigar-addiction. During the height of both the alcohol- and cigar-addiction he would become verbally abusive and loving by turn, threatening to sleep with my best friend because I became so disgusted by him I had to force myself to be intimate and got no pleasure out of any encounter with him.

    Now here we are, married only a short 3.5 years and he is verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative. I am ready to leave. I cannot handle having to explain what I’ve done with my time all day as I “only work half-day” and “should’ve done” this, that and the other thing. I actually work a 3/4 day, which is very full, do all the shopping, all the cleaning, have to go to the gym as I’ve gained 25kgs during our marriage, and he begrudges the little time I spend on myself (I enjoy crochet as it calms me and I can crochet while he watches a movie, which is his version of spending quality time together – I am almost never allowed out of his sight).

    I am constantly reminded that I should wax my upper lip at the most inappropriate times, that I have pale skin and can’t go into the sun (as if that was my choice of punishment on him), that I should eat more healthily, that I should make more effort with my appearance, and how “hot” so-and-so’s wife or girlfriend is.

    I know where he get’s this all from. His father is exactly the same, and he has been abusive towards his wife for 45years. And she has just taken it saying she should be “long-suffering and submissive” but she has developed depression and has terrible short-term memory loss as a result of years of abuse. Like my husband, his father never stops complaining about how nasty other people are to him, how stressful HIS work is, and how little his wife does and how she “knows nothing”. I’ve actually heard him tell their grandchildren that “no, don’t listen to Granny, she doesn’t know anything”… I was appalled.

    I am never encouraged to do anything with one of my (Christian and female) friends, and have lost pretty much all the other friends and acquaintances I’ve ever had. Anything that my family invites us to is dismissed without thought, but anything that’s important to his mother is enforced. This is usually because he “pays all the bills, and makes all the money, and he’s not spending money on petrol for THAT or THEM”.

    Once I was told that I’d have to start paying him my half of the rent and electricity and water as he pays for it (part of his salary is a company house with water and electricity included). I was also forced to sell my car back to my father, and buy my husbands car from him so that he could buy a new vehicle for himself, but because he walks to work and the car I had to buy from him was in dire need of tires and a service I was allowed to drive his new car, with weekly inspections, making me wash the vehicle alone every week, and pay for the full first service and extra’s (for which I had to save for 6 months).

    We don’t have children, nor do I want to continue in a relationship with my husband when all the warning signs are there that he’ll be just as horrid and abusive as his father was to him, and we’ll end up with children just as damaged as my husband and his siblings.

    I know it’s not biblical, and I know that God hates divorce, and I know I should be all kinds of things that I’m not (I never said I’m perfect; I fight back, but have also tried to be submissive for a few months… nothing has changed), but I’m tired of feeling alone, unsafe, untrustworthy, dumb, like I’m not good enough, like everything is my fault and like I’m married to a man who claims to love Jesus and fear God, and who talks the talk, but when we’re home, he is a verbally, emotionally and financially abusive and racist person who goes against everything I believe and know God loves.

    I just can’t do this anymore.

    1. Hi South Africa, No words for your text….. only, that you need to make some necessary decisions for yourself. I am also a believing Christian, and I understand what the Bible says about divorce. I also feel, that, in the case of verbal, physical and / or emotional abuse, that a person’s personal safety needs to be considered. Thank GOD you don’t have children!!!!

      Perhaps consider the following: Most Christians know what Jesus said, (Matthew 19 and Mark 10: So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What God has joined together, let no man separate.” My question to you would be, “How do you know that God joined you together? Your husbands’s own words just before your wedding speak volumes: “He told me in the beginning of our relationship that a previous girlfriend left him because he was verbally and physically abusive, and that it was all his fault and that he drank too much.”

      Was God providing you with red flags here?

      Our daughter (also believing) was in a similar situation to yours for 8 years; She had all the red flags too! We still don’t know all the things that happened to her. As a father, I struggled a long time with this. She stayed… and stayed… and put herself many times in a life threatening position. Finally, when her first daughter was born, her viewpoint changed. She finally left- that was three and a half years ago. She now has two children, and a husband who just recently asked the Lord into his heart. God is working behind the scenes (most of the time that seems to be how He works) and miracles are happening… but we need to sit up and take notice. We need to open our hearts and perceive God at work and BELIEVE for the seemingly impossible.

      You sound like a very intelligent and loyal young woman and a faithful wife. I would seek out the counsel of Christians you know and trust…. and pray for wisdom (James 1) and believe God that He will provide that wisdom. Be open to answers you may not expect at first. Do you believe that God guides His children who earnestly and prayerfully seek His input to these difficult issues?

      I was engaged to be married before getting married to my present (and only) wife. You do know what God says about keeping your promises. He raised red flags for me at that time… and I had to make the decision to go ahead with my heartfelt promise, or break my engagement. I elected to break my engagement, going through questions similar to those you are expressing now. Even now, almost 40 years later, I believe God guided me through those rough waters and that I did the right thing.

      It is never too late. Take hold of your life and make the most of it…Hope to hear from you here again…WP *(Work in Progress)

    2. Hi south Africa, Please please, please take the time and read, Why Does He Do That? by Dr Lundy Bancroft. It’s a great insight into what is happening and why.

      I, myself, could not understand why I was dealing with this in my marriage and after reading this I got such clarity and insight into what was happening and why. I’m still fighting the good fight for my marriage, and I can deal better with the abuse because of this book. I hope you will take the time to read it.