The following is a true testimony written by Nancy Anderson edited from the excellent book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome
Despite all she had done, her husband graciously agreed to do so. When she called her parents and gave them a tearful confession of what had happened, her parents affirmed their love for both of them and expressed interest in helping them rebuild their marital relationship.
After traveling a long distance to their home this is what Nancy wrote:
We arrived at my parents’ home late in the evening. After a lot of hugs and a few tears, we went into their family room. After the usual small talk, my Dad spoke the unspoken. “What’s your plan?”
My husband, Ron, leaned forward and said, “Plan? Plan for what?”
“You two are going to have to figure out why your marriage fell apart, how to fix it, and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Ron replied, “Well, I don’t know if we need to do all that. I don’t even want to talk about what she did. It’s too painful. Nancy’s back home now — we’ll just move on from here.”
Dad continued, “It doesn’t work that way. If you rebuild a house on a cracked foundation, it might be all right for a while; might even feel solid and stable. But when the storms come, the crack will split the house. And the Bible tells us that a house divided won’t stand. If you don’t repair the foundation of your marriage, it won’t survive. The memory of Nancy’s betrayal and the guilt you’ll force her to carry will be unbearable—for both of you. I don’t think you’ll be able to move on until you, Ron, make one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.”
“What decision is that?”
“Has Nancy told you she’s sorry for what she’s done?”
“Yes, she has apologized to me several times.”
“Did she ask you to forgive her?”
“No, not in those exact words.”
Asking for Forgiveness
Dad turned to me and continued, “When you tell someone you’re sorry, it’s very different from asking for their forgiveness. Your ‘sorry-ness’ is your decision. But when you ask someone to forgive you, that’s their decision. It’s difficult because it gives all the power to the other person.”
“That’s a scary thought,” I said, without meaning to say it aloud.
Then he spoke to Ron, who looked confused and apprehensive. “When you forgive someone, you make a choice to banish the offense from your mind and your heart. Jesus said that after He forgives us, our sins are as far away as the East is from the West. In other words, they are pardoned. Not because we’re not guilty, but because we are. Our pardon is undeserved — it’s a gift to us from God.”
He continued, “If you decide to forgive Nancy, you can never use her sin against her. God will give you the strength to start a new life together. If you choose not to forgive, if you want to hold on to the pain, or punish her, and keep her wound open, that will be your choice. But if you choose that, I don’t think you’ll stay married. You have biblical grounds to divorce her, but you don’t have to. It is your decision. I want you both to pray about what I’ve said, and make your decision. We will continue this conversation in the morning.”
Met Again
After a long and restless night, we met again. The three of them were sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for me. I felt like the adulterous woman wearing the Scarlet Letter on the way to her hanging. If Ron would not forgive me, the noose would tighten around my neck and the floor would seem to drop away. I was completely at his mercy.
Avoiding eye contact, I sat directly across from Ron. I asked my dad, “How do we do this? I want to ask Ron to forgive me, but what do I say?”
“If you’ve decided to ask Ron’s forgiveness, tell him what you want to be forgiven for, and then simply ask him the question. Ron will decide whether to forgive you or not. You ask; he answers. It’s the simplest thing you two will ever do — and the hardest.”
Ron had his head down so I couldn’t read his eyes. I thought, “What if I ask Ron for mercy and he denies me? What am I going to do if he starts to lecture me or list off all my sins?”
Asking
I looked over at my sweet, wounded husband and saw the wide-eyed face of a frightened twelve-year-old boy. I spoke quickly so that I wouldn’t lose the safety of the moment. “Ron, I’ve betrayed you mentally, spiritually, and physically. I’ve lied to you and deceived you. I have no defense, no excuses. I’ve sinned against God and against you. Can you — will you please forgive me?”
He leaned forward, never letting go of my eyes. The little boy was gone as my strong and confidant husband took my hands in his and said, “Nancy, we’ve both done and said terrible things to each other. Our marriage was a mess — and a lot of it was my fault. But I take a stand today to change all that. You have betrayed me, but I choose to forgive you.”
We both began to cry and our tears mixed with divine love that flowed through the room. Our hearts were knit together—as one. We began again with a new, solid marriage foundation.
Sought Advice
After we made the decision to reconcile and reform our marriage, we immediately sought advice from many different sources. We went to a Christian marriage counselor, who helped us learn to communicate more effectively. We also read several books about “starting over” and attended some marriage retreats and workshops.
One of the most important things we did was join a wonderful church and faithfully attend worship services and adult Sunday school classes. We received solid biblical teaching from a godly pastor, and we acted on his instruction.
The transformation was a slow process. We’d developed many destructive habits, and some of them took years to die. We decided to stay together and act lovingly toward each other, and eventually our feelings caught up with our actions. We learned that married love is not a feeling. It is a decision — and we decided to love each other.
Since our reconciliation in 1980, we’ve completely rebuilt our marriage. We had to destroy the old foundation—selfishness—and rebuild upon the rock—Jesus. We used a perfect blueprint—the Bible—and now our home stands firm.
Also, we also created a new landscape for our marriage, planting hedges around it for protection. What are hedges? Hedges are boundaries. In Mark 12:1 Jesus said, “A man planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it.” First, the man planted a vineyard. Think of your marriage as a vineyard. You “planted” it the day you said, I do.
Next:
The man in the parable placed a hedge around his vineyard. Why? Several reasons: to protect it from intrusion by animals and thieves; to keep his vines inside his vineyard; and to separate his territory from his neighbor’s.
A hedge makes the statement, “Private Property, No Trespassing.” The symbolic hedges around our marriages serve the same purposes. As married couples, our goal, as co-owners of our vineyard, is to keep the good things in —and the bad things out.
I also refuse to entertain the stray thoughts anymore. Instead, I replaced them with images of the new life that Ron and I were building. I also discovered that encouraging others with our story of restoration gave a purpose to our pain. This summer, we will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary and I’m thrilled to tell you that our marriage is strong, loving, and healed.
Adapted from the book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome
Author Nancy Anderson and her husband, Ron, conduct couples’ retreats and marriage seminars to help others to predict, prevent or pardon infidelity. You can read more from Nancy at NancyCAnderson.com.
Filed under: Surviving Infidelity
(USA) Please tell me how to forgive and forget my brother in law’s adulteries. My sister is willing to forgive but we do not trust my brother in law’s repentance. We have a large family and we all have a big doubt about him. My husband was more deeply hurt because so many Christian men have fallen into adulteries or divorce and gay life. These men are pastors and priests or elders in church. I myself know that I need to forgive my brother in law but I worry my sister will get hurt again.
How can I be sure that I forgave him? I know that I need to forgive him. I myself, was forgiven by God.
(USA) You may indeed have a deep struggle with forgiveness because the hurt is so great. I believe forgiveness is essential for love to flow and a healthy life. You really don’t want to go around feeling like the victim all the time or that the pain was so bad that you hold on to it as if in someway it will ever make sense or the past be changed. IT WON’T!!! DANG IT, IT WON’T!!!
So the way I am working through my greatest pain ever right now is remembering that all sins required the blood of Christ to be forgiven. I need forgiveness. So do those who have hurt me. Revenge belongs to God and he does not want me to carry that. My shoulders are not that big but his are. My God will wipe away all my tears and He will restore all that was lost. He has never betrayed me. He has always loved me. His love flows through me as I love and forgive others.
That even feels better when I am conscious of the tenderness I now show my wife who at some point hated me. It all happened so fast. But she was holding things for years she NEVER shared. I love her and it feels so good to be good to her. I can’t imagine why I wasn’t always like this.
Just to clarify on the masterbation and pornography I wrote about. I never liked that more than her. For me, I felt awful but I think at times was mad or blamed her for not meeting my needs. SCREAM!!!!!!! It was NEVER her fault. My usage was very low at a few times a year. Mostly I think I am dealing with a codependent problem.
Be careful how much you want to judge or give up or are mad. I believe the devil takes advantage of our strong emotions and we end up making catastrophic mistakes. The grass is always greener. That’s why we do stuff that hurts us. We leave the safety and good things we are blessed with. We call good things a curse. We rage against the unmet expectations.
(KENYA) I greet you all in the name of our Lord and our Savior Jesus Christ. Mine is a heart breaking story. I realized late last year that I have been suffering from sexual addition that I trace back to my teens. I took a step in faith to stop this act because I love my Lord Jesus Christ very much. I know I hurt my Lord and my God badly. I begged for forgiveness and deliverance.
The Lord did not let me down. I stopped watching porn, seeing prostitutes and greatly reduced sexual activity. I say reduced because I have fallen a few times and keep praying that my Lord will deliver me fully.
On my side, my marriage is on the verge of falling apart because I realized my wife was not faithful and my fear is that she can never be faithful. We separated though she wants the marriage to continue. During this period of separation I took it upon myself to take the Word of God to one of a prostitutes I was involved with and I can see a ray of light that she can change and change others. Suddenly God has restored my marriage.
Pray for me to change others in this sin, especially the prostitutes because no one loves them. But I believe God loves them very much. He only hates the sin I have committed with them and they commit with others. Pray for me in my difficult mission to preach the word of God to them since no one else dares to preach to them. They know me and listen to me and they do respect me because I am a medic and am a well person, by God’s grace.
Kindly put me in your prayers because at times I feel it is a mission impossible, but inside me, I feel this is GOD’S mission. Even if I help only one to change to know the Lord Jesus Christ I will be very satisfied. May the peace of Lord be with you. ARAN
(USA) My husband cheated on me in 2008 but I didn’t find out about it until 2009. By then he had been with her for a year. It was difficult in the beginning and it took a while for me to get over the hurt; it still bothers me though.
Now we are faced with another problem. Because of his infidelity, he was giving this person our money and got himself into a bad way financially which has affected our household. I forgave him for cheating on me but he seems to be in a place that he can’t get out of even though he knows what he needs to do. He’s unmotivated to do anything. He lies constantly to the point where I don’t believe anything he says anymore. I have told him over and over again that he needs to give his life back to Christ and he’ll see how things will change for him and for us. I don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes I think that this is God’s way of telling me it’s time to let him go and move on with my life.
(UK) Help me pleassssse, I am dying!!!!!!! I don’t know where to start but I am counting on Our Lord Jesus Christ to save me and help me. I am married to a very beautiful wife. Our 2nd wedding anniversary is next week. We are both Christians and I believe in God so much that I always try to obey His Word.
One of our married church members came and asked me to accommodate him for a time so that he could save money as our church is sending him on a missions trip to another country. I glady offered this guy a room in my house, fed him, gave him everything he needed to be comfortable and I did not charge him a penny.
Since I got married to my wife, we have been having great difficulties in our marriage. Sometimes we can go on not talking for 2 weeks. All this while I thought this trouble-making guy was a brother to me, not knowing he was digging a hole to sleep in with my wife. I am so sad. His plans came to light and he had sex with my wife. I found out just last week after he left and my wife gave me all the details about the affair. I am so much in pain, I can’t do anything in my life. I am being tormented everyday about the thoughts of this and I don’t know what to do. This demon guy is now with his wife in the mission field in other country.
I feel like I failed God as I saw all this in a dream but I did not take any action to toss this guy from my house. Now the harm has been done. My wife has been begging me to forgive her and give her a second chance but I don’t really know what to do. I feel so much pain in my heart and the betrayal is too much for me. Please help me, what should I do? Is this a test from God?
Please help me…I am dying in pain.
(AUSTRALIA) My husband has been unfaithful many times. We have been married for 5 years. We do not have children. He won’t admit to his affairs or even apologize. I have proof; there is no doubt that he cheated or he’s still cheating. He does not treat me right but he says he still wants to be married. Whenever I ask him about the affairs he becames angry and he won’t talk about it. Please help.
(NIGERIA) I found myself committing adultery and I don’t like it. Please help with some advice and prayers for this dirty act.
(USA) I am currently in the same situation as some of you. My husband and I separated last year, 2011. Well, he left after a discussion of the website everone seems to have these days. I became a friend on a website with a long back in the day friend… he found out got mad and didnt talk to me. I tried talking to him no response. He left after a week. He said he was going crazy thinkng if I was cheating and stuff. He left to go to his sisters home, and stayed there. He said he was looking for a place for us as we had lived with my mother.
Long story short, he asked for a divorce. I filed. Sad thing is, he got served on his birthday. Two or three days before the 30 day period of accepting and returning the divorce papers, he texted me and said he didn’t want a divorce, that he wanted me and my daughter back and he missed his little family. I was willing to to go back with him. But while we were separated and he asked for the divorce. I went on with my life.
I met someone and ended up pregnant –something me and my husband longed for. I told my husband. I needed to get it off of my chest and if he was willing to forgive me, I needed to let him know. Well he is hurt, and he is heart broken.
Long story short, we texted about it. He had questions; I answered. He said that he said to himself that he will never forgive me. But being a Christian man, he knows that God forgives. So he forgave me but won’t get back with me. I love him and I want him back. He returned the divorce papers and we are now in the process of a divorce.
We finally met like the 3rd day of all this and talked face to face. We both got emotional, cried and I told him that I love him. I cared for him, the father of my child. We continued to cry and hugged one another tightly. I said to him, I know my baby has no fault. But I really wished he was yours. He said, I know the baby has no fault. He doesn’t even know what’s going on.
Its been a week now, since all of this. I have been texting him saying so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really am sorry. He has said, please, it hurts, or we must go on with our lives. I love my husband. I want him back in my life. The thing is he won’t take me back. He said things have changed, you didn’t wait till we were divorced and that hurts. But he now realizes he did wrong by leaving in the first place. What can I do to get my husband to accept me and my baby in his life?
(GERMANY) Happy, I thank God for your testimony which speaks exactly and directly to my situation. I have been in a loving relationship for the past 9 years… both my husband and I are born-again Christians and very commited in the work of God. Whereas my husband in very famous due to his ministry… I am the softer version but very gifted in counselling.
To cut the long story short… that very thing I have been vocal about… befell me!!! I am crying and in a mess internally because my family, church and friends would not believe I could commit adultery…. I was married a virgin and my husband really trusts me. I have repented and prayed to God for forgiveness but I feel so ashamed. Everyone looks up to us for counsel. I feel scared of the reaction of my husband and I haven’t told him because of fear of losing him and our children. God help me!!!
Please write me and tell me what to do!!! I have stopped the relationship and I am beliving God to uphold me totally but my betrayal to him is killing me. If the church and friends got to know… he will be a shattered man because I am very beautiful… and he is so proud of me in every way. I love my family and God and I want to find full restoration. I believe God sent me to this website. >Happy, please pray for me… Write to me …I feel like I have found a sister in you. Thank you for your testimony and please write to me. God Bless
(USA) You have to tell him. Scripture is clear, we live in the light, not darkness. We try to hide our sin in the darkness, but the deeds of darkness will be exposed by the light.
Bad news does not get better with time. Your husband, while he doesn’t know what has happened to his marriage, probably senses that something is wrong. As long as your betrayal is still secret, he is still being betrayed.
Confess and begin the healing of your family. You still may lose him. But you will know that you are no longer abusing him with the betrayal. He cannot begin to heal from your betrayal until he knows the truth of what has happened to his marriage.
It’s not telling him that would cause you to lose him. It’s the betrayal itself. Telling him is the only way to end the betrayal and have any chance at an honest, intimate marriage.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have committed adultery with a colleague who is 10 years younger than me. My husband found out about it and I told him everything. He was very hurt. We have two boys. I apologized to my husband but he wouldn’t listen to that. We’ve been married for 12 years. We’ve been living separately for 4 months now, and I was forced to resign from my job.
I’m not working now and I’m staying with my sister with my little boy. He has served me with divorce papers and I signed them. I can’t contest the divorce because I don’t have money for the lawyers. He told me that I’ll never win the case. We have not gone to court yet. He says we can remarry again but he says that depends on me. He says he has forgiven me but he needs a guarantee that I will never cheat on him. I have been assuring him but he says that he is waiting for God to speak to him. I’m still waiting.
(NIGERIA) The Spirit of love is Spirit of forgiveness.
(NIGERIA) I also just got married and was dating this guy who also is married. I started having bad dreams, feeling like I was going to die. My husband didn’t know I was dating this guy. But almost a year with the married man, I had to stop. I have been praying to God for forgiveness and I know he has forgiven me. When you married, and sleep with someone else, it results to all bad things, curses and all.
My prayer is for God to have mercy on my life and my unborn babies. I don’t have any yet. My advice to all, it is to stop. Try, pray and God will answer. Read Ezekiel 18:21-25 in the Bible. Part of it says “Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked says the Lord God, and not rather that he should turn from his way and live?”
(NIGERIA) My case is different. After 4 years of feeling lonely and abandoned by my husband, I had an affair with a man that was also married. He was more of a confident. But I pay very hard because my husband found out and refused to forgive me and sent me away with my 2 kids. I want him back. I fasted, prayed, and I am still praying. I love him so much. I can’t even forgive myself for the fact that I hurt him. I don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry but why do adulterers always decide that they love their partners soooo much AFTER they’ve had an affair??? Somebody just please explain to me? Why couldn’t they decide this before it even got to an affair. So now you expect your husband/wife to forgive you because you’ve all of a sudden realised that you still love them … where was your GREAT love when you slept with the other person… did you even consider how you would have felt if your spouse did this to you???
(NIGERIA) I have been married for 32 years and my husband has been a serial adulterer all these years. Three weeks ago I discovered he was into a new affair and suddenly I find I am too tired to stay married to him. Please note that each time I find out, he cries and begs for forgiveness. I do not know if he cries because he’s been caught because he starts a new affair soon after. He has graduated from married women to teenagers. I am distraught.
He has a kind heart and loves to help people and our church. By the way he’s had affairs with at least three teenage girls in the same church. Please pray for us and advise me what to do now. I don’t want to make a mistake even though the Scripture approves divorce by reason of adultery. Please help me. This is a distress call. I thank God for sites like yours offering advice to distressed souls. Please for the avoidance of doubt, my husband tells the whole world I am the best thing that has happened to him.
Ngozi, I’m so sorry for the painful time you’re going through in your marriage and all that your husband’s unfaithfulness has brought upon you. My heart breaks with yours over the pain that’s been inflicted upon you. As for what you can do and should do, truly, I can’t tell you. That is something between you and God. But I can tell you a few insights I see, which may help you in your decision-making, as God leads you. I’m praying for wisdom in what I write and wisdom for you in what you perceive that God is telling you.
As sorry as I am to say this, I believe your husband appears to be a serial adulterer and I’m sorry to say that I’m not thinking he will stop. His pattern has shown this to be a way of life for him. He’s right when he says that you are the “best thing that has happened to him.” He sees your trusting and forgiving spirit and counts on it –despite the unfairness of what that does to you. I have little doubt that he cares about you and is momentarily sorry for his actions. But he is sick in his addiction. It’s like an addict of any kind, he is addicted to the pursuit of women –just as a drug addict or alcoholic is addicted to their means of obtaining a “high” of some sort.
With his addiction, he has become a type of predator, when it comes to seeking out those he can conquer sexually. He sees the ones that are vulnerable to his advances and goes for them –flirting, being sweet and charming. It comes “natural” to him. Horribly, he has turned to teenagers, as of late. Despite his “kind heart” and how he “loves to help people” and your “church” he needs to be stopped. He is systematically preying on them, as he is seeking out those he can have sex with. I’m sure he doesn’t see himself as an addict and I’m sure he doesn’t think that he is a predator, but what else can you call it?
You need to talk to your pastor. Women are being seduced by a man they think is noble because of his charming and “kind” ways. Unfortunately, many women and teenagers will carry regrets later in life as they are having sex with someone who isn’t THEIR husband. He is causing them to sin, even though they are consenting to the affairs. Plus, one of these days he will pick up a disease of some kind and will pass it on to one woman and then another and another and another. And of course, if you have sex with him, you are vulnerable to whatever STI’s or STD’s he contracts. This could be an eventual death sentence for you because AIDS is no respecter of those who are monogamous with someone who isn’t. If you have sex with someone who is exposed to disease, you will eventually get it too. It’s amazing that he has gone this long without catching something.
As I said before, I can’t tell you what to do, Ngozi. All I can tell you is what I see and that if I were in your place, I believe I would be extremely tired too. I couldn’t keep opening my heart and my body up to someone who would betray me and put my life in jeopardy and tear apart my heart and trust over and over and over again. I don’t believe God would ask that of me. But I don’t know what God is telling you. Pray about what I am writing and see what you think God is telling you. But please talk to the pastor of whatever church your husband is “helping” so he can stop the systematic seduction that is going on –despite the appearance of “love” and “kindness” that your husband appears to give. I hope the pastor will do something. Some won’t. But many would.
(NIGERIA) Dear Cindy, thank you very much for coming to my rescue. Firstly it is a huge comfort that you prayerfully gave me a response. Secondly, your advice was full of wisdom especially when you said that you will not tell me what to do but that God will do so for me. Thank you once more. Please, please intercede on our behalf also even as I pray our compassionate God to work in our lives from within, then out.
It is certainly not easy for a woman to walk away from a marriage that she has invested 32 years of her life, time, love, service, loyalty and all the resources that go into a marriage that is planned to be successful. Our youngest child is 28 and I am 57. My husband is 65. I really hoped for an early retirement and companionship since he is a business traveller and mostly away from home. God bless you. Ngozi
(NIGERIA) With my previous statement, the guy wants us to be good friends. Is that right? Can I still be friends with him, as we have both promised each other nothing sexual can ever happen? Or should we just go our separate ways and not contact each other anymore. Please advise me.
Ehl, You have made promises to your spouses before your God –him with his wife and you with your husband. Those are the promises you should honor. You and this man have slept together previously. You have already broken promises. No matter what you think your could promise each other, it is not right to keep that bond going in any way, shape or form. Please go your separate ways and never, ever contact each other again.
This may make you and him sad for a time, but honorable and faithful to your spouses. If you were ever to be “friends” it would have been before both of you married other people. Now that you are married, you need to put your energy into building your married lives with your spouse’s, not friendships with those you had an affair with. You are playing with fire if you allow any type of “friendship” to go on with this man. Honor God. Honor your husband. Honor your commitment to your God and to your husband. Flee from this temptation. It will lead to no good.
(NIGERIA) Ok… thanks Cindy. I don’t want to play with fire. I want to honor God.
(GERMANY) Breaking the cycle. While in the military years ago, I had an affair with a married woman. Doesn’t help that when I got out of the service that we are both living nearby. Shortly thereafter, I met a wonderful woman fresh off a divorce with two kids. We move to Germany soon after marrying and had a son to complete our blended family.
About this time for at least the past several years, I have been caught on the cusp of having an affair. I want it to stop, I want to stop being selfish and hurting my wife and children. I’m truly scared that I’ve used up my chances. Please pray that I will find a way to stop this self-destructing behavior and that my wife will forgive me.
(NIGERIA) I am a married woman from a French country married to a Nigerian man. He brought me to Nigeria where we got married and have 2 kids. But it was not easy for him to settle with me, because he wanted to marry somebody from his place. But after prayers and fasting he could not settle with any lady there, then come looking for me.
First it was good, then he started having affairs, and each time I catch him, he will stop then go back after a while. We sleep in separate rooms, according to him, because our children are still young and he wants me to care for them. I usually beg him to share the same room but to no avail. He goes out alone and spends time outside than with me. Even when I beg him to take me out, he does not.
I got so lonely and tired of spending 30 days and 24 hours alone most of the time, as he does not allow me to have friends or to continue with my education, I started looking for friends in those sms media. I met this guy at the airport from a short vacation with my kids. We exchanged numbers and became friends. After 1 month we were so close and shared our experiences with our unhappy marriages, so we had an affair. It was more emotional than just sex. He was a confident but my husband found out.
I stopped the affair and want my husband back. I asked for forgiveness and promised never to try it again, but he does not want to listen. He asked me to move to the UK and everything will go back. But after 3 months, he said he cannot continue with the marriage. I am an orphan and he is all I’ve got. I asked for forgiveness and even to his sisters, but he still refused. I am so confused. I love him so much and my children an I have no one else except him. I have asked GOD for forgiveness, fasted and have been praying for 1 year now.
He has a girlfriend now and told me that he is considering marrying her next year. I am broken. I don’t know if I should go back in December to see him. I really dont know what to do. He is a very proud man and stubborn. Please help me. I love him, he is all I’ve got. He sent me a sms a week ago telling me that I can’t eat my cake and have it. Things don’t work that way; the early I move on the better for me. Help me.
(NIGERIA) Laeticia, I really do feel your pain right now. First of all, you need to pray hard and cry to God to forgive you. After that, start praying hard for your husband and keep praying for God to restore your home/ marriage. Do not find comfort anywhere except the word of God. That’s the only thing that can bring your marriage back. Keep speaking the word of God into your life, your husband’s life and your marriage.
My story is a testimony. I wrote here few months back and Cindy told me not to contact the guy again and never to be friends with the guy I had an affair with. I promised and stopped. But something happened about a month later, while I was restoring my marriage, loving my husband, enjoying the sweet romance I have been missing. The wife of the guy I was dating found my husband’s contact details, told him everything. “Oh God I was broken.” I started to cry, beg and all. We separated for a while, he was asked for a divorce and I refused. I would beg, cry. So I started dwelling on the word of the Lord. I started fasting and praying, crying to God at odd times, 1 am, 3 am in the morning, weeping.
I tell you God answers prayers. He’s a merciful God. A random day, my husband sent me a text that he wants me to return back to him and he wants all that to be in the past, that he loves me so much and that he does not want anyone to come between us. I went home to my husband. Today we are stronger than ever.
Trust in God, surrender all to all. All.. That includes youself, husband, marriage and kids. Don’t let your anger come in the way. Forgive him, forgive youself.
(NIGERIA) I am so blessed to have discovered this site. May God bless everyone who have contributed to this discussion. It means, I am not alone in this at all. I have been married for 11 years and my hubby is a serial cheat. Initially, when he is caught, he would beg for my forgiveness, cry and buy me gifts to pacify me promising not to do it again but before u know it, he does it again. He has even dated a married woman with grown kids, teeenagers, old ladies and all manner of women. He has infected me with STDs severely and shouts at me to go treat myself. I have a daughter and have not been able to have another but he blames me for that too without considering his philandering lifestyle.
I got tired of his lies, cheating and pride because recently, he told me that I should do my worst when I discovered a text a young girl sent to him that she was pregnant again and he knows what to do. This is so painful because I have always felt he was having an affair with this girl but he has always denied it and even swore on his dead mother’s grave but it was all a lie. Right now, I am separated from him and his family is calling me names stating that I am the cause of his infidelity that I don’t know how to keep a man. They said I pushed him into having affairs and it hurt so bad that he has suddenly become the victim after putting me through emotional hell for years. They are also sending me SMS calling me names that I am asking for too much because I am financially comfortable in my home. They said I should turn a blind eye to his affairs because he takes good care of me and my daughter.
I wonder what happened to our marital vows to be faithful to each other and they all claim to be Christians. I am so angry, bitter and pained by all of this because my hubby has refused to acknowlege his wrong doings. He’s even bragging about the woman having a child for him. Can you imagine?
I am with my mom now and she keeps telling me to go back home and continue praying for my hubby’s soul –that I must have a broken home because she is also separated from my dad when he married a younger woman after 20 years of marriage with her. She says if I divorce my hubby no man will marry my sisters because they will say it runs in the family but I don’t care. I need my sanity before I commit murder because I feel nothing for my hubby except hate and need to inflict pain on him. I just want to pay him back for all the pains he has caused me.
I have tried praying for him but each time I remember his unremorseful attitude, I get so mad again. What do I do? I want my daughter to have a home with both parents because she’s affected by all this. She’s with me and keeps asking when we are going home and for her dad. But I deserve to be loved, cared for and respected above all. I just don’t know how to go about this. My friends are all saying I should go home before another woman takes my place and honestly I don’t care, but they are just calling me names for being stubborn. Am I wrong? I need honest opinions please. Thanks.
(NIGERIA) Katty, I don’t expect you to be happy with all that your husband has/is doing. But 1st, find it in your heart to forgive him again. The Bible says we should forgive, if we offend God a million times, he forgives us a million times. He doesn’t count. That is the first thing to do. Try and concentrate on the word of God. Start praying for your home, and your husband. Tell God to turn the heart of your husband so he can turn from his ways. Pray and fast. Just tell God everything, and ask him to take control. But 1st you need to forgive him again. I know it’s hard but you need to. I pray God will restore all back to you. Amen