Having Opposite Sex Friends – Michael and Wanda

Print Post

Filed under: Marriage Videos

Join the Discussion

Please observe the following guidelines:

  • Try to be as positive as possible when you make a comment.
  • If there is name-calling, or profane language, it will be deleted.
  • The same goes with hurtful comments targeted at belittling others; we won't post them.
  • Recommendations for people to divorce will be edited out–that's a decision between them and God, not us.
  • If you have a criticism, please make it constructive.
  • Be mindful that this is an international ministry where cultural differences need to be considered.
  • Please honor the fact this is a Christ-centered web site.

We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content.


10 responses to “Having Opposite Sex Friends – Michael and Wanda

  1. My hubby has a lot of female friends. Each time I ask about them he doesn’t talk about it and he would tell me I cannot stop him from talking to his friends.

    1. Hi, my 40 yo boyfriend has a female friend he says is just a friend. He liked her as a kid but she commented I’d like if he took better care of himself. He was skinny and she never clarified what she meant but she may have meant hygiene. His family was poor and very dirty. So they never dated but grew up together. She got married a few years ago and he went. She had a kid and asked him to be it’s godfather. He said yes. I told him I don’t think it’s a good idea because she’s another woman. He didn’t know her brother was also a godfather until he got to the church. He didn’t even know if he was baptized so the mother had no idea. I had to ask his mother who said he was at the hospital when he was born because he was having a hard time breathing.

      After about a year of frustration I messaged her my opinion of not privately messaging my boyfriend. I didn’t know about her the first few months. When I saw their texts it was like a boyfriend girlfriend relationship without the sex. Marriage is off the table because of his relationship with her. She also sent him a picture of her face smiling with her kid smiling. Almost like she was the wife and mother to my boyfriend. Very weird I think. He had told me he loves her, like a friend.

      I told him there’s no way I’m spending every year dealing with my man being invested in another woman’s kids life. He said he may be godfather to her next kid if she asks.

      My old counselor said he’s wrong and lying to himself. A man should get rid of any woman his wife doesn’t feel good about. He’s also had two calls with her that he didn’t allow me to hear. He regularly talks on his truck phone or speaker phone with me there. He’s never hidden any other calls.

      Her husband said he’s not surprised they text a lot because she grew up with him. I think her husband is lying to himself.

      I can’t tell who loves who or why they never dated and married?

      Maybe he’s just the nice guy who always loved her, still loves her, will always love her and do anything for her and her kid and she’s just the bad woman to use him for her own attention and benefit?

      I do wonder if she regrets not dating him because he’s much better than her husband. I think at 43 she was desperate to just get married.

      My only hope is that he changes his mind, sees the truth and cuts the cord with her. I know with God he would but not sure he will.

  2. This is an interesting one for me. I know for a fact I lost a lot of female friends when I got married. My wife puts that down to, “It’s because they “wanted” you in the first place”. I hold a different opinion. I think they genuinely were my friends… not interested in anything beyond that. I believe most could not possibly understand how they could fit into my new found situation, hence it made sense to “scale down” the friendship. Some just thought it would be the right thing to do, to respect my wife, they thought.

    I didn’t force anybody to hang around. Having said that, I kept one (or maybe she kept me). She wasn’t sure of what was going to happen at first, because she was sensitive to what my wife would think but I quickly sorted that out. My wife knew she existed and she had a chance to meet her a couple of times, including at our wedding). Prior to my getting married, I had known her for nearly ten years, had worked with her for 3 of those ten years, buried each others parents, kept each other going in difficult times, hung out together… movies, visited each others families (her Mum considered me a son).

    Even up today, she calls, despite the fact we live 4 hours flight away-apart). The point I want to make is on the point that, if you have a female friend, you can’t talk on the phone or have lunch. It’s a delicate balance, but I beg to differ. Me and my friend live in different countries now, but we talk once in a while via phone. We text more often. On the rare occasion I fly back home, I see her. We do lunch or what ever. My wife knows about all these movements. I have never been one to “password” phones so I am sure if she wanted to look into the conversation I have with her, she would see nothing amiss.

    It’s just that, when I got married, I didn’t see the need to “throw away” 10 years of friendship because I had gotten married. She is not married yet but I hope who ever she marries will get that too. Obviously if who ever she marries is not comfortable with my being there, I would be forced to back off, but I would consider that unfair. Our relationship has always been platonic.

    Having said all that, I do share some of the complications that may arise from male female friendship and I am of the belief that when a so called friendship, is headed for trouble, those involved can tell. The signs are always there. The key is to kill it before the both of you get too comfortable. If the two of you happen to work together, avoid being just the two of you. Use boardrooms for meetings, restaurants etc. The more public the place the better. I personally have found the more you talk about your wife in such a context, the more it kills what ever funny “vibe” might be there.

    1. Nice. Yeah the conversations between my bf and his female friend is all about her. It’s annoying. My bf shouldn’t be giving her attention like that. It’s like a bf gf.

  3. My other half has female friends just like I have male friends & they know all about me & him. There was an issue where a co-worker of his called on a Sunday night, then at another inappropriate time for no apparent reason; it was not work-related because I heard her on the other end say “HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” that came to a halt.

    There are no secrets between us & if anyone tries to disrespect my relationship when they’re just a friend, I have to let them know their role & it’s nothing to remove them from my life. My man comes before any male friend regardless of how long I have known them because just like females, there are just as many male-haters out there. I have also came across females who I befriended that he knew then when they say me & him together they tried to start problems with him, saying I said things that were nothing but lies; I ignored 1 of them & she stopped speaking to me as well and blocked me on facebook (lol).

    My man has a good female friend that is like family & I have no problem with her & she has never given me any reason to think she would disrespect me. There are some males/females you can’t maintain any association with like exes because some will overstep their boundaries. So I’m ok with having friends of the opposite sex as long as they are respectable.

    1. My bf does seem to have chosen his 30 year female friend over me. I think he’s lying to himself about their too close relationship. It’s basically a bf gf without sex.

      I’ve always put my bf before male friends. People know that’s right. I think mine is going to just go to his death bed pretending private messaging this woman is okay.

  4. I’m old school. We need to go back to the beginning. Back in the days of Jesus men and women knew their place, apart from holding women down per say. First I want to say that men and women cannot be best friends. When you become married your wife or husband is your best friend. That’s why there are so many divorces. People should know the enemy can work thru women and men.

    You’re a man; have male friends. Now if that is so hard there is a problem if women have to have male friends. To be honest, there’s something in her husband she doesn’t trust. Like a man will smell a woman’s perfume or compliment her or the other way around. But your husband or wife didn’t say that or it didn’t have the same affect on you as them saying it. A husband and wife need to have rules for this and they need to stay strong because you’re in a covenant and the devil is prowling just waiting for problems to occur so you can run to your friend and he or she will understand. It’s not good. Have couple friends that know their place and single friends of the same sex. Older women teach the younger women and older men teach the younger men. Opposite sexes attract, no matter what.

    1. My husband has a female friend that he refuses to give up. At first there were some things that I saw in her that made me feel uncomfortable about their relationship but when we were having marital issues he told me that she gave him positive advice, which made me let my guard down. But recently they have been spending a lot of time with each other on the phone and last weekend when I was away for the weekend they spent close to 8 hours together hanging out, shopping, dinner. My husband says that it is completely normal and I am making a big deal out of nothing? Please help.

      1. You should remain & stand by what you have said the “bride” of the church or of Jesus so to speak is that you should be his best friend. There are certain boundaries you do not cross & this is one of those
        situations. If he needs to “see” her there should be nothing to hide & you should be included in that relationship.

    2. I totally agree. A marriage covenant is sacred and the husband should always come to his wife, Our heavenly father gave her to him as both a gift and a blessing, the Bible even says he named her the man’s helpmate in the holy covenant of marriage. If the husband chooses any other relationship over his own marriage and forsake those vows he is not only sinning against his wife, but against himself bc she is his helper and against the Most High for he has made a promise to love, and honor her and let no one or nothing come between this blood oath covenant. The spouse who chooses others over his wife or her husband has much to be accountable for.