Holding Hands and Kissing Your Spouse

Holding Hands Kissing Spouse - AdobeStock_62532078This past week has been our annual birthday week. Cindy’s birthday was last week, and this week Steve had his. As a result, we can say without hesitation that we did (and continue to do) a whole lot of holding hands and kissing! After all, we’re married. God gives us permission and His blessing to do so! And we love it! It’s a great way to celebrate.

Concerning this matter, here’s something you may not have thought about before. “For loving married couples, kisses are conversations. Their lips speak in a different way, but they speak just the same.” (The Pure Bed) You can call it the Kissing Spouse Communication Language. Kisses ARE a type of conversation.

In our married lives, sometimes it’s important to speak with words; and other times it’s good to speak without them. This is especially true when you’re kissing, because it can get pretty messy. But even so, they speak a language all of their own.

And so does hand holding. Steve and I have loved holding hands throughout the many, many years of our marriage. Thankfully, we never lost that art of communication. We do it with intentionality. It’s something we wish all married couples would continue to do with each other, no matter how many years they are married. It’s such a simple way of expressing that you care. And yet it can make a real impact upon those who participate.

And what’s funny, is that there is even a simple “art” to holding hands —one we didn’t even realize, but once we came across the following list, we realized there is. Some we knew, and some we didn’t. See if you’ve heard of them (and maybe even used them):

Top Ten Holding Hand Techniques:

hand holding Strengthened bridge Pixabay couple-570871_19201. The Passive Hand Hold

2. The Intertwined Fingers Hand Hold

3. The One-Finger Hand Hold

4. The Massaging Hand Hold

5. The Two-Hand Hold

6. The Palm Caress Hand Hold

7. The Kissing Hand Hold (This is one I enjoy A LOT! I will often gently give Steve’s hand a kiss while holding it, sometimes pressing it against my cheek afterward, to let him know that I not only enjoy holding his hand, but I feel an extra surge of love for him at that moment. Needless to say, my husband likes this one too.)

8. The Gentle Pinching Hand Hold

9. The Warm-Up Hand Hold

More, Concerning Holding Hands and Kissing:

Here’s one we hadn’t heard before, but we definitely want to try it. We use other types of hand signals to communicate when we want to privately send a message to each other when we’re with others. But the following is another great option. It’s called:

10. The Morse-Code Hand Hold

To have a little fun, and to learn more about these hand holding techniques, please read Tom Walter’s blog for The Romantic Vineyard titled, “Do You Wanna? It’s a fun read!

Even More Kissing

And then, for another fun read (going back to the subject of kissing) there is another article we recommend you read. It’s on the Hotholyhumorous.com web site. Here’s a sample that describes for us many different types of kisses. Within the blog they write:

“Now there are types of kisses — from the quick peck to the soft exploring kiss to the open-mouthed twisting of tongues. They all have their place. Jeanne Bourgeois said: ‘A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point.’ How true! The type of kiss can say a lot about what is going on between the two of you, and —like grammar —there is room for all kinds of punctuation.

“Here are a few kissing types (we’re just going to give you the name of the kisses (for more, we encourage you to read their blog):


• Butterfly Kiss.
• Peck.
• Face Kiss.
• Soft Lip Kiss.
• French Kiss.
• Licking Kiss.
• Nibbling Kiss.

Their expanded explanation of kissing, from simple kisses to ones that punctuate your love for your spouse in passionate ways, can be found at:


And then, going into a little more detail, they give you:


We recently read somewhere that one spouse said to the other, “Kissing is a language of love, so how about a conversation?” We love it!

Here’s another one: “Do you have a pencil? Because I want to erase your past and write our future with kisses.”

Isn’t that romantic? And then here’s one more: “If a kiss is the language of love, then we have a lot to talk about.” And husbands and wives do and should. They should never lose the art of carrying on that type of conversation!

Tips and Scriptures on Kissing Spouse

And then here’s a tip, which has helped us to connect emotionally. It’s something we heard David and Claudia Arp talk about in one of their marriage seminars. They encourage couples to “PRACTICE THE TEN-SECOND KISS” rule.

“In the morning, before saying goodbye, and in the evening, when saying hello, kiss for ten-seconds.” It sure starts the day in a good way. It also starts the evening at home in a positive way too. What a GREAT way to connect! Plus, it’s fun! And the best part is that it’s biblical!

Greet one another with a kiss of love.(1 Peter 5:14)

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!(Song of Songs 1:2)

Kiss me again and again, your love is sweeter than wine(Song of Solomon 1:2)

May you have fun holding hands and kissing your spouse this week and from this day forward!

Cindy and Steve Wright


To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

7 Essentials - Marriage book


If you are not a subscriber to the Marriage Insights (emailed out weekly)
and you would like to receive them directly, click onto the following:


Print Post

Filed under: Marriage Insights Romantic Ideas

Join the Discussion

Please observe the following guidelines:

  • Try to be as positive as possible when you make a comment.
  • If there is name-calling, or profane language, it will be deleted.
  • The same goes with hurtful comments targeted at belittling others; we won't post them.
  • Recommendations for people to divorce will be edited out–that's a decision between them and God, not us.
  • If you have a criticism, please make it constructive.
  • Be mindful that this is an international ministry where cultural differences need to be considered.
  • Please honor the fact this is a Christ-centered web site.

We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content.


2 responses to “Holding Hands and Kissing Your Spouse

  1. How do I convince my mate that holding hands, kissing, and all physical intimacy is actually wholesome and healthy instead of “not needed and a distraction to other more important things during the day”? (plenty of time for digital interfaces and talking with friends though)

    I am lucky to get a 1/2 second buss-kiss to my cheek most times and that is rarely more than 4 or 5 times a day … and half of those are at MY request or I would not even get that much! Much less any deeper forms of intimacy.

    1. Sounds like a Sheldon experience from the t.v. series “The Big Bang Theory.” To him displays of affection would be described as something that is “not needed and a distraction to other more important things during the day.” But is that realistic and humanlike or does it reduce affection down to robotic types of mechanics?

      Did your mate do any of these things earlier in your relationship when you were both falling in love? Isn’t that part of the whole combination of what was happening that caused you to be attracted to each other? Why would it be any less important at this point in your relationship? For the rest of your lives together you are to continue growing your love relationship. Love is not a stagnant condition. It needs to be fed and prioritized in its importance or it can die. Look at the divorce rates.

      I’m not sure how you can convince your mate of the importance of being affectionate with one another. I would certainly pray and keep praying and do all I can to try to make all of that as fun and casual and appealing as possible. God can continually show you how to do this with a romantically challenged spouse. Steve and I make it a continual fun experience, as well as a romantic one. And as a result, our love keeps growing (even after 52 years of marriage).

      And as a bonus, others notice the affection we have for each other. Just this last Sunday a younger couple came up to us and told us that we are an inspiration for them in their marriage. (We’ve had this happen countless times in our marriage.) We had no idea this was happening. We never act affectionate towards one another as show. It just comes natural; it’s a way of life for us. And as a result, it inspires others grow in their marital love relationships, as well. And what a fun thing to have happen.

      Billy, don’t give up in trying to grow your love relationship with each other. As the Bible says, “Don’t grow weary of doing good, for in due time we will reap a harvest.” It’s worth the effort you put into it. Darlene Schacht said something quite true, “Long-lasting love doesn’t happen by accident. We don’t find ourselves holding hands after 25 years with the one that we love by pure chance. Love is deliberate; it’s intentional, it’s purposeful, and in the end it’s worth every minute (and every effort) that we invest.” And the Bible said something even truer, “Be imitators of God, and live a life of love…” I hope and pray you will both work on this, and enjoy the journey more and more as your years together continue.