Coping if Spouse Had Intense Feelings for Affair Partner

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How do you cope with the fact that your spouse had intense feelings for an affair partner? The trust you had for your spouse is shattered when you think that they could have cast your feelings off to the side in such a horrible manner. How do you get past your shattered feelings?

This article, written in a question and answer format, is not intended for those “who have recently discovered their spouse’s extramarital affair. But rather it is written for those who have been on a healing journey for a significant period of time, who desire to stay married, and whose spouses have done their part in taking responsibility for their affair and doing the work necessary to heal the marriage.”

Need to Take Steps Towards Healing

Sometimes we try to skip necessary steps in healing such devastation. Please know that it almost always takes years to heal from this type of betrayal. There are exceptions to most anything, although it would be rare if this would be one of them. Even if all the “conditions” are right, this is so. Please do all you can to allow yourself the time and make the effort to heal as you should.

With this in mind, for those that are ready, you can find the following article on the web site for the Beyond Affairs Network. This network, directed by Anne and Brian Bercht, helps those who are dealing with affair issues. It is directed by Anne and Brian Bercht. Please click onto the link provided below so you are able to read this article:

How Do You Cope if Your Spouse
Had Intense Feelings for Their Affair Partner

— ALSO —

Here is an article written by Joe Beam that gives insights into the type of love that affair partners start with. I believe you will find it to be especially relevant to this entire issue. He also explains why it isn’t a love that is sustainable at the same level and how it can go very wrong, eventually. I encourage you to read:


And then lastly, here is another article, written by Anne and Brian, that you may find helpful to read and prayerfully consider:

What Happens if the Cheating Spouse Loves the other Woman or Man?

We pray this helps in some way. May God give you insight, discernment, and healing.

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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Filed under: Surviving Infidelity

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76 responses to “Coping if Spouse Had Intense Feelings for Affair Partner

  1. Be honest to yourself and your spouse as you move forward in forgiveness. I believe God will make you grow stronger, have a new found Love for your spouse. A Love will be shown through your words and actions. Praise God for woemen and children and good will amongst men. Protect your marriage. Be blessed!!!

  2. I had a dream my wife was actually having a sexual affair and immediately it woke me up and I called her, as luck would have it, I called her right in the middle of exactly what my dream told me, it was 4.5 years later and a drug Addiction battle of my own, when the truth started coming out, two months after of more trickle truth and lies literally every day. Finally tonight Dec. 30, 2017 I explained I wanted to here all the truth, the way she thought she felt the reasons for the choices, because I love my wife and family dearly and want to start off 2018 right.

    I have had tremendous sadness, depression, and every other emotion I never knew I had; soon I started hearing the truth in late July. Lost my business, home, license, all due to my choices for feeling so personally attacked by these actions of her. I also have found out so much that my wife has endured from childhood until I met her, that makes me feel even sadder for her.

    I am asking for prayer for us both and our family to be able to overcome this all to see that problems in our relationship, attend from a lot or both of our childhoods and past, and to work to be a stronger family and better people to have a stronger marriage as we both deserve, I want to forgive get as I want the same from her for my faults in the marriage. Also the weird thing about the dream is I described the whole dream and in the end she couldn’t. Thanks happy New year’s

  3. My wife knows I cheated and sent nude pics. All her friends know. Now I am impotent from beta blockers.

  4. Hi, I m not feeling very good. My husband had an affair and caught with messages. But still he is doing business together with her. Am very scared that is everything alright between them as they work together from morning 9 am until early morning 3 am every day. Am really worried if he is still in close relation with her or not. Could someone help me please? Thanks