You’re going to disagree at times in your marriage as parents. It’s inevitable. Even without children, disagreements are inevitable.
“Living as closely to another person as we do in marriage, we can’t help but rub each other the wrong way. We each have prickly egos. They clash against each other until gradually, bit by bit, they are worn smooth. (Ellyn Sanna with J. Lee Steward, from the book, “Romance in Real Life”)
Hopefully our egos “are worn smooth” so we handle conflict in healthier ways. At least that should be our goal. It’s the “iron sharpening iron” concept the Bible talks about.
So, you will disagree in marriage —it’s a given! But add children into the mix, and the equation multiplies. I heard it said:
“Consider the math of marriage. One sinner plus another sinner equals two sinners. Double trouble under one roof. Add a couple “sinnerlings,” and we’re talking quadruple trouble under that same single roof. (From the book, Fit to be Tied, by Bill and Lynne Hybels.)
We need to realize that the “math” of the whole marriage relationship, when children are added, “turns up the heat.” It makes the perfect environment —the perfect storm, which all comes together to cause disagreements. And those disagreements can get ugly at times.
Here’s some advice from Ellyn Sanna and J. Lee Steward give, which might help you.
“Although marital conflict is normal and even healthy, it also can be hurtful and destructive.
“When we give in to our anger, most of us tend to wield it like a weapon against our husbands. We go for the throat, trying to do as much damage as we can. When we do, our conflicts are not constructive, but just the opposite.
“Anger is a little like a spade, those sharp digging devices. A spade can be used as a deadly weapon. But it can also be used to turn the earth for a new garden. Inevitably, we will be at odds with our [spouse] from time to time. But we do not need to attack them with our anger. Instead, used properly, anger can be the tool that opens the soil of our marriage so fresh life can grow.”
If you find you need more “tools” to help you “turn down the heat”, we have a lot of “Communication Tools” provided in that topic on this web site.
Also, Deb Walters, of Theromanticvineyard.com and Lisa Graf, of Mom Blog wrote a couple of articles on this topic (and more beside, which I encourage you to check out).
To do so, please click into the following web site links (and then come back and share with us something you learned. That way we all can benefit from your lesson learned):
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down” (Proverbs 14:1).
“He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise” (Proverbs 11:29).
Cindy Wright, of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
More from Marriage Missions
Filed under: Childrens Effect on Marriage