Here are a few thoughts to prayerfully consider AFTER watching The Phone Call with Brandon and Stephanie:
We can see that this phone call skit demonstrates something John Lavendar wrote:
“There are two hindrances to good communication in marriage that must be overcome: the bad habit of lazy listening and hasty speaking.”
We saw examples of both of those “hindrances” happening in this reenactment. It’s a good example for us to note. Just because we want to speak to our spouse, it doesn’t mean that it’s the best time to do so.
Also sometimes, when we can, it’s also good to stop and just listen. Obviously, that can’t always happen. But when we can do it, it can be a love gift that we give to our spouse. Initially, it may be a gift that you may not want to give. However, you could eventually find that you will be blessed as well. Lets face it:
“There’s going to come a time that your spouse is going to begin telling you something that you’re not particularly interested in hearing. Even if you don’t think what your mate is saying is that important, you should still listen intently because he or she is important. Give your mate your attention, and you’ll find that the trust, intimacy, and conversation between the two of you will begin increasing.” (Kevin B. Bullard)
That is so true. We’ve had this happen in our own marriage relationship. Sometimes we don’t feel like listening. But when we do, we are often blessed because we did.
However, the flip side of this is important to take turns talking with your spouse. Wait your turn… we learned this as children—at least we should have. Show your spouse that what he or she says is important to you.
Learning From This Phone Call Demonstration
On the issue of talking and listening:
“It’s important to learn your spouse’s communication style and needs. Is your spouse a person that needs ‘consistent’ feedback while they’re talking? Or is your spouse one that wants to complete their thoughts without interruption? Remember: Listening is important in communication. Without someone listening, there’s little to no connecting happening! Proverbs 18:13: ‘To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.’” (Pamela King)
A lot of the time, but not always:
“For men, it’s important to understand that women want to be listened to. Men don’t need to solve or fix everything; listening itself is an exceptional gift. For women, it’s important to understand that men need time for themselves. By giving him space to pull away and not taking it personally, you allow him to reconnect with his desire for you and his commitment to the relationship.” (MarsVenus Coaching, Life Coach)
But all-in-all, we need to remember when we talk to our spouse, timing is everything. Again, just because you want to talk, it doesn’t mean that it’s the best time to talk. Be sensitive to your spouse. If he or she is irritated, rushed, hungry, angry, tired, or such give him or her a bit of space IF THAT IS WHAT THEY REALLY NEED. Ask him or her what he or she needs from you—to talk or to just sit quietly.
On the other hand, if your spouse continually avoids conversation, then approach him or her at a nonvolatile time to talk about that issue. Tell your spouse that you don’t just want to be roommates. You miss conversing in casual ways, as well as talking about important matters. He or she needs to know that. And then see if you can come to an agreement about times you can converse with each other.
But then when you do, make sure you talk AND listen AND give positive feedback.
Filed under: Marriage Videos