Pornography hijacks the brain. That seems like a strange statement, but it’s true! That’s what we’re seeing in our ministry, and medical evidence is now proving it to be true. The excitement of pictures and living “images,” plus having sex with one’s hand, is being exchanged for making love with one’s wife. Pornography is hijacking the brain of these husbands.
Continually, comments are being left on this web site where wives are crying out that their husbands are rejecting them sexually. It is being discovered that these same husbands are spending time on the Internet, “privately” fulfilling themselves sexually. (Of course, we know thatGod sees it all.) They are viewing pictures of naked women, and many are watching live strip shows. They satisfy themselves sexually, while their wives are left wanting and sometimes waiting in the bedroom.
Wives Left Wanting
I’m not talking about men who are rejected by their wives sexually. These are husbands, who have wives who want to make love to them. But instead they go into another room and satisfy themselves sexually through images of other women. Some even exchange naked pictures with other women. Somehow they justify that there’s nothing wrong with this. Sometimes I want to scream in frustration, as I learn of this!
It’s SO sad and frustrating when you see a problem and you know the solution to a problem. The ones participating in this sin, need to STOP IT. (A humorous way of approaching this problem is found in the You Tube video, Simple Advice We Sometimes Need.)
In reality, though, this issue is anything but funny and easy. That’s why it’s spreading like an insidious virus of darkness. It is hijacking what is decent and good. Those who are tempted to do wrong, need to FLEE, as the Bible tells us in 2 Timothy 2:22. It IS possible. Others have done it. But it also is very difficult, which Mark Gungor talks about in the following YouTube video.
Can the Damage Done by Porn Be Reversed?
I’m not going to go into this issue too much further. That’s because we have a lot of information posted on this web site that can help you better than I can. Paul Byerly’s article, “Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder” is one of them. Please read it. He gives you a lot of good food for thought.
And then we have additional articles posted in the Pornography and Cybersex topic of this web site. Make sure you read through the quotes, testimonies, AND the Featured Recommended Resources and Web site Links, as well. There is a lot of help you can receive, if you take advantage of and apply the advice being offered.
But I want to leave you with a few quotes, hoping they will inspire you to dig deeper into the Quotes part of the Cybersex topic and the links and articles, for the help you may need. Plus, I will close by giving you a link to a web site that will bring in the scientific backing to all that is written here.
The following are a few things you may not have realized:
• “Viewing sexual stimulation re-calibrates your sexual set point.
“Once your mind forms a picture or has a new sexual experience, this becomes the norm. To get another thrill you need something even more exciting. This is how porn use can destroy your interest and attraction for your mate. Repeated pornography use numbs normal sexual drives and deadens your desire for a real person/partner.
“In addition, bizarre as it may seem, the more shame you feel about your guilty pleasures —the more you resent your partner! We don’t like people who remind us of our bad behavior. When you violate the lines of your own commitment and values you actually end up looking for faults in your partner to alleviate your guilt. ‘Well, if he/she were more (fill in the blank) I wouldn’t be doing this.’ And the guiltier you feel the more vulnerable you become to the escape of a sexual high.
“Millions of people are currently caught in the excitement cycle of porn use or an affair, either online or face to face. And if you think it will stop where it is, research proves you very, very wrong. Relationships which begin in cyberspace eventually meet face to face in some way, shape or form.” (Pat Love, from Yourtango.com article, “Is MySpace YourSpace?)
• Pornography is a parasite.
“That is because it steals your emotions, your focus, your time, and your energy away from your spouse. I mean, it’s really demonic, if you want to get down to it. Pornography is trying to meet a legitimate need in an illegitimate way. When you go down that path, you are not fulfilling each other as God intends for husband and wife and vice-versa. Plus, it starts to degrade your marriage. (Alex Kendrick, co-writer of movie, “Fireproof”)
• Pornography is dangerous.
It rewires the brain to believe that what is sexy is anonymous sex, rather than the relationship. It makes sex physical, rather than about emotional intimacy. Soon it loses the ability to cause emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy loses the ability to cause any sexual feelings. …It has been found that men who use internet pornography actually lose their sexual desire for their wives. (Sheila Wray Gregoire, from the Growthtrac.com article, “Talking About Sex”)
• A man who fills his mind with sexual images and thoughts commonly falls into a trap.
Pornography can become a drug that men use to find quick relief from their daily frustrations. The temptation to lust after erotic pictures of models seems easier than taking the time to build a real relationship with a woman. (Rob Eagar, from the Growthtrac.com article, “Fooled by Fantasy”)
• Pornography grossly distorts a man’s view of the way normal women approach sex and sexuality.
Counselors consistently report that when men indulge such a distorted view of women and their sexuality, they become dissatisfied with their own wives and sex lives. They tend to evaluate potential spouses based chiefly on physical attractiveness. Or they bring impossible expectations for sex into marriage. All of the above lead to sin and heartbreak. (Beth Spraul from the Capitolhillbaptist.org article “You’ve Got Lies”)
• There are three things you need to know about pornography.
(1) It’s addictive. Family counselor Gail Hoone said, “Pornography is more addictive than drugs, and thanks to the First Amendment, it’s getting bigger every day.” (2) It’s selfish. It trains you to see people as playthings to be played with, and all for one purpose —self-gratification. Intimacy, responsibility, and commitment are not even in the picture (or frame). (3) It’s shaming. Unlike the lepers in the Bible, pornography doesn’t ring a bell and cry, “Unclean! Unclean!”
Yet when you fall under its control, you find yourself responding to it in ways that leave you feeling cheapened and unclean. But there’s good news. Every leper who came to Jesus was cleansed; and through His blood you can be cleansed too! Furthermore, you can be empowered by His Spirit to cast down every imagination, and take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). (From the devotional, Word for You Today)
The Bible Tells Us:
• “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
I hope all of this helps in some way. PLEASE get the help you need. The links to the web sites we recommend in the Pornography and Cybersex topic can even help wives, who need advice in what THEY can do.
Here is one of the sites though, that is secular, but it gives some of the scientific backing that it would be good for you to know:
May God bless you in your efforts to fight against this hijacking.
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ —to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
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Filed under: Pornography and Cybersex