“I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.”
If you’ve heard those words you probably just had a very painful flashback. For that, we’re deeply sorry. Those are words you never want to hear, and rightly so.
Ten years ago Cindy and I rarely, if ever, heard this said. Today it’s like a plague. We see this phrase many, many times every week as people leave comments on our web site. In fact, what prompted me to write about this was what one person said as she left her comment on the web site. It was written under the article, “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You.” She said, “These words are like a death sentence.”
Stopped to Think
I never thought of it that way. However, when I stopped to think about those words, to the one who is on the receiving end, it carries as much pain as if someone screams, “You’re dead to me!” How can you say those words to someone if you truly DO “love” them —whether you’re “IN love” with them or not?
Here’s what I visualize when I see this sentence. It’s tragic enough when it comes from a spouse in ANY marriage, but what is especially tragic is that on our web site the vast majority of people who write about this are Christians. They say they are “followers of Christ.” Can you imagine Jesus saying this? Almost every time I see this I say to myself, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” And I imagine God weeping over what is happening to His people.
What I don’t think we realize is that this death sentence comes from the pit of hell. And every time it’s spoken we imagine the enemy of our faith dancing with glee because of their victory.
We Didn’t Feel Love
Honestly, there have been times in our marriage where Cindy and I didn’t “feel” love for each other. In fact, there were times we could barely stand being in the same room with one another. But, how we THANK GOD we stopped giving into those feelings and worked to SHOW love, so that eventually the feelings of true love had a chance to take root, and grow stronger than ever.
We all mess up and say and do hurtful things to each other we wish we could take back. If you’re in a place right now where you don’t think you can hang on one more day because of the pain —PLEASE, we beg of you don’t let the words, “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you” ever come out of your mouth. Instead, say something like:
“I’m not loving you like I should —like I know God wants me to. I’m hurt and I don’t know what to do; but I am committed to you and this marriage and with God’s help we will find a way to restore our love. We need to get on our knees and seek His help because I won’t let the enemy get the victory by us splitting up.”
Pray Then Glean
To find ways and help to repair and restore a broken relationship, please pray first. Ask God for a special dose of wisdom. And then glean through the following articles. Use what you feel God would have you. You can also look through the various topics we make available to see what else God can show you:
If there’s ONE marriage that is saved from this Insight then Cindy and I will “dance with glee.” We will be praising God, along with the angels –knowing God will be “well pleased!”
We pray for you and for every marriage relationship God allows us to touch. We are asking God to “fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:9-10)
Steve and Cindy Wright
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